“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
— Mae West
Twenty years ago, I was lucky enough to witness the humble, elegant, peaceful passing of my 89-year-old grandfather. As I sat quietly in his hospice room alongside my grandma and other family members, his nurse smiled softly and said, “I can see he lived well. People his age often pass just the way they lived.”
And as I drove home that evening a couple questions kept cycling through my mind…
“Am I living well?”
“What do I want to be able to smile about on the inside when I’m on my deathbed?”
These questions are tough, especially the second one. At the time, I desperately struggled to envision myself on my deathbed — just thinking about it stressed me out. So I simply avoided the question and the soul searching it demanded of me. I distracted myself for a few more years until I found myself back in a hospice room with my 90-year-old grandma (who was the most amazing human being I’ve ever met, by the way).
On the final day of her life, I sat with my grandma for the entire day, in silence, in laughter, in tears, and in awe of a woman who was still smiling and sharing stories despite incredible weakness and exhaustion. Her mind was amazingly strong even just a few short hours before her death. So I gave her my undivided attention — I soaked up her wisdom one last time.
And I was all ears until she asked me a version of that question I had avoided a few years earlier. “Do you know why I’m smiling right now?” she asked me.
“Because you lived well,” I said.
She smiled even wider, and then she spent the next hour speaking softly and passionately about her life and the reasons for her present happiness. It was without a doubt one of the most enlightening and unforgettable hours of my life. Immediately afterward, she took a nap — one of her final naps — and I wrote a journal entry about everything she spoke of.
Although I’ve shared many of her insights and quotes with blog subscribers and coaching clients in the past, today is the anniversary of my grandma’s passing, so I’d like to honor her once more. To do so, I’m going to share an expanded version of the notes from that specific journal entry I wrote in her hospice room just over a decade ago. It’s her wisdom with my twist. I’ve done my best to convey what she told me in five inspiring points — the five reasons my grandma smiled genuinely on her deathbed:
1. My grandma never talked herself out of doing her thing.
One of my grandma’s favorite quotes was by Walt Disney: “Around here, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious — and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”
It inspired my grandma for decades, and it still inspires me every day to write and create — to move on to my next piece of work, even when I catch myself judging my last piece of work as “not good enough.”
For example, it’s been nearly 18 years now that I’ve been publishing new articles every week on Marc & Angel Hack Life. Sometimes the ideas and words come easier than others, and there have been plenty of times when I’ve felt like my work was sub-par.
“I thought this was a great article. Why aren’t people reading and sharing it?” Or I’ll feel like I fumbled through an article only to watch it receive thousands of shares on social media. Regardless of which outcome I’m dealing with, my grandma’s wisdom always reminds me of one key point: As human beings, we are often terrible judges of our own work. We are just too self-critical to see the truth most of the time.
And not only that, it’s not our job to judge our own work. It’s not our job to compare it to everyone else’s work, or to how we thought others would perceive it. There’s no use in doing that.
Instead, it’s our job to create. Our job is to share what we have right now in this moment. Our job is to come as we are and give it our best shot, every single day. That’s how my grandma lived her life. She was a true artist in that way.
Realize that there are people in nearly every career field who make each day a work of art simply by the way they have mastered their craft. Yes, almost everyone is an artist in some way. And every artist will have the tendency to judge their own work. The important thing is to not let your self-judgment talk you out of doing your thing and sharing your creative and unique gifts with the world.
Just like Walt said, the key is to “keep moving forward.”
2. My grandma vividly remembered persevering through life’s many challenges.
Sadly, most people give up on their life stories far too early. They come out of school or college wanting to change the world, wanting to build an enterprise, wanting to make lots of money, wanting to start a family and live happily ever after. But they get into the middle of it all and discover it’s way harder than they anticipated. They encounter many setbacks, and they can’t see anything over the distant horizon anymore. So they wonder if their efforts are moving them forward. None of the trees behind them are getting smaller and none of the ones ahead are getting larger, at least not fast enough. So they take it out on their family and friends, or themselves, and they go aimlessly looking for an easier path that doesn’t fulfill them.
Don’t be one of these people.
My grandma had a Winston Churchill quote hanging in her home office that said, “Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”
And she strongly believed that good things don’t come easy. “True strength consists of what you do on the third, fourth and fifth tries,” she told me. Take this to heart!
Never give up on your journey. Never stop trying. Never sell out or sell yourself short. Life is tough, but you are tougher. Your journey isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s supposed to be worth it. To never struggle is to never grow. It doesn’t matter what’s happened or what you’ve done; what matters is what you choose to do from here. Accept the circumstances, learn from them, and take another step forward.
3. My grandma spent much of her life focused on the present, appreciating the little things.
“Remember, you don’t know what the future will bring. So your best bet for living is to make the best and most positive use of the present,” my grandma said.
The universe is always talking to us — sending us little messages, causing coincidences and serendipitous events, reminding us to stop, to look around, and to believe in something special, something more.
But this special something isn’t somewhere else. It’s right where you are.
Sometimes you have to stop searching, and just BE. You aren’t missing anything anywhere else. You’re only missing the goodness in front of you.
Let me assure you, you could run around trying to do everything, and travel around the world, and always stay connected, and work and party all night long without sleep, but you could never do it all. You will always be missing something, and thus it will always seem like something amazing might be happening elsewhere. Focusing on this is obviously futile.
Hustle, work hard, and seek adventure, but do it with your eyes wide open and focused on your present step.
You have everything right now. The best in life isn’t somewhere else — it’s right where you are at this moment. Notice it, and make it memorable.
4. My grandma had the peace of mind that comes with letting go.
This point is a perfect successor to the previous one. Letting go isn’t about having the ability to forget the past, it’s about having the wisdom to embrace the present.
Truth be told, the more you talk about it, debate it, rethink it, rehash it, cross-analyze it, get paranoid about it, track it, respond to it, contend with it, complain about it, immortalize it, cry over it, kick it, insult it, gossip about it, pray over it, put it down or dissect its motives… it continues to fester and rot in your mind.
It’s time to accept that it’s over! It’s dead! It’s gone. It’s done. It’s time to bury it because it’s stinking up your life, and no one wants to be near your rotted corpse of bad memories, or your decaying attitude. Be the funeral director of your past life and bury that thing once and for all!
“Every difficult life situation can be an excuse for hopelessness or an opportunity for growth, depending on what you choose to do with it right now,” my grandma told me. “We have to let go of the ideas, outcomes, and expectations that aren’t serving us.”
Take pause when you must. Realize that holding on is being brave, but letting go and moving forward is often what makes us stronger and happier in the end. Give yourself this gift so you can grow and smile again, and again. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Happiness and Adversity chapters of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
5. My grandma was well-read and incredibly generous with her knowledge.
My grandma’s personal heroes were educated visionaries and dreamers — those beautiful people among us who invest in themselves and then use what they’ve learned to make the world a better place than when they found it, whether in tiny ways or enormous ones. Some succeed, some fail, most have mixed results, but it’s the effort itself that’s heroic, as she saw it. Win or lose, my grandma admired those who intelligently fight for the greater good. And I couldn’t agree more with her sentiment.
Don’t stop learning. Don’t stop investing in yourself. Study. Read. Devour books. Engage with people, including those who think differently. Ask questions. Listen closely. And don’t just grow in knowledge. Be a person who gives back. Use what you’re learning to make a difference.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “The purpose of life is not to simply be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”
Closing Thoughts: A Benediction
I want to leave you with a paraphrased version of a poem by Bessie Anderson Stanley that my grandma used to have hanging on the side of her refrigerator when I was growing up. I think it perfectly embodies the overall message of this post, and the overall reason my grandma was smiling:
“She has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much;
Who has enjoyed the trust of good women, the respect of good men, and the love of children;
Who has filled her niche and accomplished her task;
Who has never lacked appreciation of life’s beauty or failed to express it;
Who has left the world better than she found it,
Whether an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul;
Who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best she had;
Whose life was an inspiration;
Whose memory a benediction.”
Now, it’s your turn…
Angel and I would love to hear from YOU. Your feedback is important to us.
Please leave us a comment below and let us know:
Which point mentioned above resonates with you the most today?
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Donna McCarthy says
Thank you for sharing. This was a truly inspiring read. I am going to be a grandmother for the first time soon I hope that I will be like that. I love reading your articles. I still somewhat live in the past. I need to live for today, I will get there.
Thank you again.
Sandra Clements says
My key go to that popped out reflects a stage of life I am in, the one about ruminating and rehashing. Analyticals have their place to offer in the world, but are often hypercritical of their own. This will be copied and placed on the side of my refrigerator. More points resonated, especially more positive ones. Thank you for all of the work to compose and share this with strangers, yet fellow humans desiring to live the fullest of lives
James Ongati says
All the points resonate very well with me. However number one and two is most inspirational; Not talking oneself into despair and sticking with it regardless of challenges. It gives me strength to plow on as Churchill’s quote ‘stumbling from failure without loosing the enthusiasm ‘. What a gem! Keep it up for us Marc n Angel!
Deborah says
Thank you for this memory of your grandmother. I have recently lost my mother who was 97. I was her sole caregiver for the last 8 years although I have 3 siblings who were unavailable to help. Mom was blind and still lived in her own home and lived out of town. I traveled by bus and ferry to deliver home made meals, groceries, vitamins… everything. Sometimes couldn’t stay long enough as I had to return home to work etc. Often I had to take her to appointments with my husband’s help. Tiring exhausting, wonderful, sad, happy, so many moments cherished and done without thought of myself. Selfless. Recently I find anger in myself that I was sometimes not as patient as I could have been with mom. It was rare but it bothers me. And I asked her on her last day for her forgiveness for that. She said she loved me and there was nothing to forgive. She knew, and knew the sacrifices I had made. Now I need to live in the present and forgive myself. As it no longer serves me. Thank you for the help in realization.
Scott Gerhardt says
I would have loved to have known your grandmother. You are very fortunate, as I am sure you are aware. I loved what you wrote about her. My grandfather was not well-educated and did not express himself very eloquently but always smiled, never complained, worked hard, and always made me feel important and worthy. I’m 77 now and he’s been gone for almost 50 years, and I still cherish his memory.
Joanne Bartek says
I needed to read this today it gave me reassurances and point #5 nailed it for me. I’ve been following you two for years and although I haven’t taken the time to read every email, the universe has a way of pushing me to read the ones that help me and on this day it has. I shared it with my daughter who is 27 and taking on a new a wonderful challenge, and I know this article will help her to think positive.
Much Love n Respect
Dynamons says
Awesome Post !! Thank you Marc and Angel. These are priceless reminders. You have no idea how much impact your work has made a difference to my life and those I try to guide. I have bought your books and received your weekly dose of wisdom in my email inbox. Rest assured your work is changing lives, at least mine. I depend on your routine emails to navigate this crazy world and continue walking the journey of life with meaning and sound advice. Thank you and ever appreciative and grateful I found both of you. And a big thanks to your late grandma too. Blessings.
Martha says
I was so encouraged by this article! Your grandmother was such a wise and beautiful woman. Through you I’m now benefiting from someone I never met!
At 63 years of age, I’m taking a drastic turn in my life. I had the choice of feeling sorry for myself and being the victim or moving forward with intention and expectation of the second half of my life being my best!
Moving forward with creative intention has now become my number one focus in life.
Thank you for sharing this treasure article. I have gleaned much to keep as encouragement and clarity of life!
Melissa Boswell says
Marc! I wish I could buy you and ice cream cone right now and we could sit down and toast to your grandma!
I felt the richness and depth of all of who she was, as I read this beautiful article. She had some incredible pearls of wisdom, didn’t she.
I think what affects me the most (I could feel myself cheering inside) was when I got to point #5…the need to keep learning from heroic and wise people. That has pulled me through many a dark time. I truly loved all the quotes you used in this writing. I shall copy them in my journal. Heck I should paint them on my wall. By the way, I have a framed portrait of Ralph Waldo Emerson above my fireplace. That’s how much I admire him. Thanks for your beautiful work. I am deeply moved. Thank you.
Linda Farr says
Boy, do I identify with your grandmother! I am almost 58 yrs. old, but grew up with all ages and stages of life. I gained or heard and caught much wisdom, but was unable to apply it or so I thought until now, right in this time of my life. What sharing and passing on can achieve amazes me.
It results in a benefit to all oftentimes. And, thankfully, though knocked around a bit, I am still standing strong benefitting from others as well as now knowing that others are benefiting from me. That is an absolutely beautiful realization at this juncture in my life.
Thank you so much for recapturing her words and encapsulating them so well and further expressing this experience in such clarity for others reading and continuing like myself.
Again, many thanks.
Linda
Jennifer says
Your grandma was a true gem! Number 1 and 2 resonated most with me today. I’m a creative who’s starting on a new career path and my journey has proven to be so rewarding and overwhelming all at the same time. Your posts (especially this one) is what fuels the engine to keep on keepin’ on. Thank you!
Lara says
All of her points are ones that I will put into action. I have lost a little bit of my way/my thing. I am aware of the benefit of letting go though the imagery of the rotting and decaying past is really hitting home as I have let go of the people who were not good for me though I not the pain they caused. I love Walt and “keep moving forward” and Meet the Robinsons is one of my favorite Disney films. I am trying some new things and revamping a few old ones. I hope that I can start smiling more now and keep it there when it is time to move on.
Carl says
Thank you for this article. I’m 32 years old and I only seen my grandma 1 time out of the year( they live out of the country) so I never really got to have a strong connection with my grandparents. But I’ve always been the type to listen to my elders when they offer advice. I’m going through a break up at the moment, and your articles have helped me on the days when I feel lost and hopeless. Thank you.
Bob says
I don’t respond to a lot but today was inspiring and touching. I just lost my wife in January and have been coping without her by thinking of the good times we had together. It is now my turn to step up and continue my journey. My wife was a loving and caring person. While I will never be able to fill her shoes I have realized life is short on this earth but than eternity forever. Life doesn’t promise us tomorrow so be kind to someone today.
Barbara Greatfull Grandmother says
As an 83 year old woman, I loved the inspiration of your grandmother. Being blessed with 5 grand children and 2 great, my hope is to leave a small imprint on their hearts. Married to my precious husband 63 years, life has been beyond our measure. God blessed us with family that have seen the value of family life. Sunday Supper they wouldn’t miss, and now that my husband and I are aging that has become more precious. I never feel they are bound to the tradition, they cherish it and we are the greatfull recipients of their love and attention.
Diane says
Dear Marc and Angel,
That article was very inspiring, thank you for sharing. The very beginning brought tears to my eyes. It really hit home at this point in my life and also reminded me of when my beloved Mom passed.
Life is particularly difficult for me right now and I am always looking for motivation to keep going and find something positive in a negative situation. This article brought light and love to the day.
Thank you.
Christina says
Fabulous article that had be smiling and taking notes throughout. I have read your articles and books which always connect with me like a dear friend that truly cares. I resonated with all of the importance of each point and truly think there is a book there of the need to put this expert advice into people’s minds again. They remind me of my darling mother who had such intelligence and expertise from a hard but enjoyable life and one of her quotes to us four children when we thought we couldn’t do something “ well you will never be younger to learn”. Thank you both for all your inspiration- I didn’t really think you needed our comments but now I for one know it’s importance to you too.
You’re the best!
Minnie Ann says
So very beautiful, and as always , so inspiring.
Thank you so much !!
Diane Leonard says
I loved reading your article. I do live my life with the same thoughts and feelings as your grandmother — staying focused and in the NOW is so important — we read about it, but do we really do it every day? Staying positive and focused are so essential and we all need to be reminded of it as a daily habit. OHHHHH. How to live in pure joy and love!!!!
Elizabeth Scott says
Reading your article unlocked memories of friends and family who have passed over the rainbow bridge. It reminded me of the past, of happy times and negative feelings and the importance of letting go and where necessary forgiving self and others. After all we are but human and some of the worst experiences I have had have been times when I have grown the most. There are no coincidences and life unfolds in extraordinary ways. Your grandma was one of those extraordinary people who have made a difference by living well. Thank you.
Mari Gordon-Rayborn says
Marc,
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your grandmother with us in this article. Life has been extremely challenging and I had ventured far from being myself and doing my best thing. I would have loved to have met your grandmother and would love to meet you and Angel. I have always been different – from my very first memories. My great – grandmother was my best friend. I was fortunate enough when she was 91 to have that last few hours with her when she told me her stories (again) and shared her wisdom. I am very much like your grandmother ( of at least I was ). This article reminded me that it is okay to be different. Okay to be here, happy, to share your life and what you have learned, okay to look forward with hope, with what you have learned and look forward to learning more. The 23rd anniversary of my son, Randy Gordon’s death is on March 5. He was 17, a senior in high school and in the delayed entry program with the Navy Intelligence. And the best son a mother could ever want. I have always blamed myself for not protecting him . And as a result -allowed my life to be my punishment. I see now that is what I was doing – not letting go. I am inspired by the wisdom you have shared from your grandmother. I am so grateful. I thought I had been grateful for each day I had been given, until today. I am going to live my best life and honor my son and to truly be grateful for each day. I am truly grateful for each sunrise and every sunset. I am looking forward to reading more from Ralph Waldo Emerson and more from you and Angel.
I am truly grateful for having each article from Marc and Angel Hack Life. Thank you for helping me free myself and to be able to look forward again. About time – I am 57 and have the second part of my life to live and to live well.
My love to you and Angel (and to your wonderful grandmother) ,
Mari
W says
Thanks for sharing this. At least in my country, today is grandmother’s day. It’s the first one I spend without my maternal one. She actually raised me and I think she saved my soul truly. I still suffer to this day even if I get conscious more and more that she’s not here anymore. As it was not enough to suffer from her loss, I discovered in that time that I had a chronical disease. I wish her or my sister were still here. She was the one who helped me through my first grief actually, and the one for her is so painful. Like I wish I had her. I know things will get better and smoother. Some days like today it just feels so much. Best to you all. Take care of you and your loved ones.
mick jensen says
Your column shows us that we can learn and take inspiration from others, but then need to be brave enough to turn words and advice into action.
With age comes wisdom and also less time in our lives to do the things we want or need to do. The key is not to procrastinate for too long and to follow your heart along the path unknown.
Scott Doetsch says
Excellent read and thanks again!