“May you actually live every day of your life.”
— Jonathan Swift
I recently received an email from a young “Think Better, Live Better 2020” digital ticket attendee named Kaarina that nearly brought me to tears. And after exchanging a few heartfelt replies back and forth with her, she graciously gave me permission to share the opening lines of her initial email:
“I’m dying of cancer (Lymphoma) at age 21. I was sent home from the hospital for my final weeks over 32 weeks ago. But now I’m back at the hospital being treated again, because my doctors believe there is renewed hope.”
Right now it seems a miracle is taking place in Kaarina’s life. I pray this miracle continues to transpire. And I’m also grateful for the reminder Kaarina has given me. Our lives are fleeting, and the best day to fight for the right to live is today — by taking small, positive steps forward on a purposeful path.
Truth be told, everything you want to do takes daily practice. Whether it means learning to dance by practicing dancing or learning to live by practicing living, the principles are the same. In each case, it’s about dedicating yourself to a precise set of daily acts, both mental and physical, that drive a sense of achievement, meaning, and satisfaction of the inner spirit. You become, in some way, an athlete of Life itself. Because you practice, over and over again, in the face of all obstacles, and you grow stronger and more capable with each action you take.
“Notes to Self” for Making Today Count
As Mae West so profoundly said, “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” Remind yourself to not take today for granted. Remind yourself to live well — to make this day count! How? There are so many little things you can do that are unique to your specific life situation, but here are some general guiding principles — or “Notes to Self” — that I discussed with Kaarina in our recent email exchange. I’m hoping this short list gives you something positive to work on…
1. Keep your mind open to new possibilities and experiences.
As they say, a ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for. Accepting some level of risk in life is important. You cannot be both close-minded and moving forward. You have to open up to the unknown. You have to keep an open mind.
Close-minded people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it’s the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Cynicism is a self-imposed blindness — a rejection of the world that occurs when we are afraid it will hurt us or let us down. Cynics always resist life’s possibilities. Do the opposite today.
Remind yourself that life leads us on many journeys we would never go on if it were up to us. And oftentimes what we never wanted or expected turns out to be what we need. So, don’t be afraid. Have faith. Find the lessons today. Trust the journey, even when you do not understand it, yet.
2. Put your whole heart and soul into this day.
Learn to believe in your heart that you’re meant to live each moment full of passion and purpose — that each and every moment is worthy in its own way. Consider this excerpt from our New York Times bestselling book, Getting Back to Happy: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Reality, and Turn Your Trials into Triumphs:
Passion is not something you find in life; it’s something you do. When you want to find the passion and inner strength needed to change your situation, you have to force yourself to step forward.
Many of us are still hopelessly trying to “find our passion” — something we believe will ultimately lead us closer to happiness, success, or the life situation we ultimately want. And we say “hopelessly” primarily because passion can’t really be found. When we say we’re trying to find our passion, it implies that our passion is somehow hiding behind a tree or under a rock somewhere. But that’s far from the truth. The truth is, our passion comes from doing things right. If you’re waiting to somehow “find your passion” somewhere outside yourself, so you finally have a reason to put your whole heart and soul into your life and the changes you need to make, you’ll likely be waiting around for an eternity.
On the other hand, if you’re tired of waiting, and you’d rather live more passionately starting today and experience small positive changes, it’s time to proactively inject passion into the very next thing you do. Think about it:
- When was the last time you sat down and had a conversation with someone nearby, with zero distractions and 100 percent focus?
- When was the last time you exercised and put every bit of effort you could muster into it?
- When was the last time you truly tried — truly tried — to do your very best?
Like most of us, you’re likely putting a halfhearted effort into most of the things you do on a daily basis. Because you’re still waiting. You’re still waiting to “find” something to be passionate about — some magical reason to step into the life you want to create for yourself. But you need to do the exact opposite!
3. Love, respect, and care for yourself.
Remind yourself that you don’t need anyone else to complete you. There’s far more to life than finding someone who will want you, or getting upset over someone who won’t. There’s a lot of important time to be spent discovering yourself without begging someone to fall in love with you along the way, and this journey doesn’t need to be empty or painful. YOU need to fill yourself up with love, respect, and care — self-love, self-respect, and self-care — every single day.
Self-respect will help you prioritize yourself. Self-care will help you take care of your entire life. And self–love will help you attract more things worth loving and investing in. Everything you want out starts inside. Every trying situation contains an opportunity for deeper self-reflection and learning. Every irritant, heartbreak, frustration, disappointment, fearful moment and sadness is a teacher. Remember, nothing is as bad as it seems. And you are strong!
So, go on a small adventure today, explore your curiosities, wander around the city and see new sights, sit in coffee shops and read, write on bathroom stalls, leave notes in library books, dress up for yourself, give to others who can’t pay you back, smile and have fun. Do all things with love, but don’t romanticize life like you can’t survive without someone giving it to you every second. You can. And once you give it to yourself, you will feel healed, and you will ultimately open yourself up to the possibility of truly healthy relationships with others, too. (Marc and I discuss this in detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
4. Give yourself another chance today, and another.
Sometimes you have to die a little on the inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself again. Call it growth. Call it finding yourself. Call it whatever you want. The key is to live moment to moment when times are tough, and push forward, until moments become minutes… minutes become hours… hours become days… days become weeks… weeks turn to months… time again has meaning, and life itself becomes a reason to smile. The process is almost like learning to walk or speak for the very first time. It isn’t easy, but in the process we grow and we find ourselves, stronger, wiser, and possessing talents we didn’t know we had. When we refuse to give up on ourselves, the toughest of times can lead us to the best.
Remember that when everything is broken, it’s easy to find plenty of little things you can fix. When nothing seems to be going right, even the most fundamental positive effort can make a significant difference. Times of great adversity are also times of great opportunity. When there are problems in every direction, there is also great value waiting to be created.
When everything is going well, it’s easy to get lulled into a routine of complacency. It’s easy to forget how incredibly capable and resourceful you can be. Resolve to persevere by making tiny fixes today. It’s these little tweaks that take you from where you are to where you want to be in the long run, one day at a time.
The floor is yours…
Please leave a comment below and let us know:
Which reminder above resonated the most?
Anything else to share?
Marc and I would love to hear from YOU. 🙂
Also, we recently released our NEW podcast, THINK BETTER, LIVE BETTER (yes, it shares the title of our annual live event). You can listen to the first 20 episodes on your favorite podcast player right now (M&A on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Google Podcasts).
Perla milner says
#4 … Growing and learning can be painful but It can also bring much satisfaction like helping others. Thanking you both always for making a difference to so many of us?
Zontaezza says
I need strength to be able to take care of myself n my children I’m still struggling with my boyfriends death I can’t seem to move forward as if I had died with him. I need help moving forward and knowing we will see each other again. Without this I don’t feel like I have no purpose in anything. Please help me in any kind of way
Shannon Loughery says
Zontaezza, I am so sorry for your loss. I want to encourage you that you WILL feel joy again. I have experienced the death of both my parents, three grandparents, 4 miscarries babies, 2 beloved dogs, a sister in law. I also
have experienced the death of having more children through infertility, the death of a church we started as well
As the loss of three very beloved friends. AND I can say I am happier today than any other time in my life. It is slow. It is heartbreaking. Some days feel like you just can’t bear this pain any more. But you can. It gets a tiny bit better everyday. Each night I lay in bed and thank God for every single thing I can think of from running water to 10 toes to my kids being alive and well. I promise you. It does get easier. And as I like to say, “Our misery becomes our ministry”. I work as an investment advisor and currently know about 25 widow-ers. I do not want to know the pain of death, but I do intimately. I now can give comfort, hope and joy to others going through that brutal
Pain. Please know each day you will shine a tiny bit more than you did the day before. There will come healing. And then there will come opportunities for you to
Help others walk through their pain. Much love, thoughts and prayers to you. Shannon
Rachel says
Dear Zontaezza
I am so sorry to hear your pain. Life is so hard at times but you must take one day at a time. Just get through today tomorrow will come and the next day. Try to look after yourself as well as you can and perhaps try journaling as a way to help with your grief. A really excellent book I read when I was grieving was Grief works by Julia Samuel it really helped me and has lots of practical advice too. I wish you well and hope for peacefulness and relief for you.
Roz says
Dear Zontaessa,
I’m so sorry for your loss and for how you are feeling
Please be patient and gentle with yourself as you adjust to what’s happened. Grief is normal, but it’s not easy and you can’t rush it.
Try to get some rest and take good care of yourself as best you can.
Can you call upon friends, family or even a counselor for some help with this?
Bless you on this journey dear one. I have travelled it too. You will get there. I’m sending you and your children lots of love.
Roxy says
Losing someone you really love is very painful. You really need to go through the grieving process and it is not easy. But always remember that everything happens for a reason. You lose someone that you love but you still have your family especially your children that are waiting for you to be with them again. Pray that our Almighty will give you strength, wisdom and courage to face your everyday life. Your boyfriend will be sad seeing you suffering right now. The best thing that you can do is to show him that even if he is not with you physically, you are still living your life with purpose. You can do it. Life is beautiful 🙂
Cynthia says
My heart goes out to you. Hang in there and take good care of yourself and it will get better. You have strength and resilience in you and you will get in touch with it for the help you need. Journal, take walks, eat healthy meals, cry when you need to, cherish your memories, be grateful for any small blessing like your children’s smile or sunshine. You will be OK eventually, dear one.
Mike Brenneman says
So true and so powerful. Absolutely was encouraged by it all. The ones I really needed were, practice, put your whole heart and soul into this day and giver yourself another chance today. Each and every one of them is a life changer!
Michele Turley says
I so love these – you have helped me through great times and those that were very tricky.
So much wisdom and compassion each and every time.
Thank you
John Els says
This is a fantastic message… one of the best articles I’ve read in a while. Thanks for taking the time to research and write it. I’m a fan!
John Els says
I should’ve added this earlier… Kaarina, as someone whose wife was diagnosed with cancer late last year, I have some sense of what you are going through. I wish you a fantastic outcome with your new treatment. Stay strong. Keep fighting the good fight.
BrewsterNZ says
As always this was such a brilliant thoughtful article. This gives me hope and great support “Remind yourself that you don’t need anyone else to complete you. There’s far more to life than finding someone who will want you, or getting upset over someone who won’t. There’s a lot of important time to be spent discovering yourself without begging someone to fall in love with you along the way, and this journey doesn’t need to be empty or painful”
Julian says
Wawoo thx Marc and Angel this is an excellent message to me lately my life was getting tensed up after my workmates gave me a hard time I understand now that every fearful moment and sadness is a Teacher and lessons can be drawn from these experiences .
Maggie says
Dear Zontaessa
I’m so sorry for your loss. I wish I could give you a cuddle and allow you to cry. I am sending you loving kindness. May you be well, may you be healthy, may you be safe from harm, may you be free from suffering, may you find peace and acceptance. ??
Judee says
4. Give yourself another chance today, and another.
Each day is a new chance to be a better you. Everything takes time. We seem to be in a rush rush rush mode all the time so there is never enough time to just be your best.
Start each day as a new start.
Dianne says
Zontaessa. You are not alone. I lost my husband 14 months ago and feel like I died too. I just put one foot in front of the other and go, but I am existing and not living. I have hope though. Hope of finding myself. Hope that the pain will stop. Hope that one day I will wake up and be my new normal. You have to have hope too. I do not have any children so I don’t know what that is like. But you do. While I am sure the children put a strain on you, you have automatic hope right there in them. Just pray, concentrate on your children’s well-being and get out and do something for yourself. Get someone to care for the children and get out. You have helped me. I never imagined I would be reaching out to someone in their pain because of how great mine is. But look at me. You are going to be better than fine. You are going to live your BEST life in the days,weeks and months ahead. Have faith and believe it too!
Maria says
I too am so sorry for your loss. Cherish and keep your boyfriend’s memory alive with your children by sharing stories of him with them. You may be surprised at what a comfort they can be.
Helen says
Dear Zontaessa (such a beautiful name]
Grief is a challenging time and as you go through it do what helps you (in healthy ways). Be your own best friend and manage yourself as best you can. Right down all the things you were thankful for about your boyfriend. Every morning and night right down 3 things you are grateful for. I’m sending you love and blessings xoxo??Helen
Hazel Ivy Baldo says
I’ve been your follower for years now and I really want to thank you for inspiring and motivating people like me who is going through tough times. I’ve been in a complicated relationship for 8 years with a woman who is married (for the sake of acquiring Japanese Visa only) w/ a child. I’m bisexual, by the way. She doesnt love her husband. I was once married as well with 2 kids but we’re
now in the process of having our marriage annulled and we got separated before I met the woman. Now the woman broke up with me and found someone else (who is a transgender girl). At first I thought she just fell out of love with me because we had an LDR. It was just recently that she told me that when we were still together she already hooked up with the transgirl. It really broke my world bec i have loved her so much as much as I loved my husband before. We are still communicating once in a while we were friends before we had a romantic relationship. Im finding it hard to move on and forget her that is why your articles really help me a lot. Im sorry for the long comment. I am just so grateful that we have guys like you who keep on motivating and inspiring people. Please keep up the great work and may God bless you always!
Maureen Rae says
Thank you for all that you do.
#4 really resonated with me. “Sometimes you have to die a little on the inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself again.”
Heena says
If angels were not there like you, it would have been difficult for us. Thank you so much for this amazing article.
Naveen Bommakanti says
#1 is the ultimate one. I really loved the whole concept. The truth is we have to breathe at anyhow. I hope I will get the inspiration to breathe effortlessly to love and be loved. 🙂 Thanks for this article. It opened new doors to my thinking. God bless you.
Joanne Reed says
#2 Passion; can’t agree more. Doesn’t matter what it is, doing anything half-heartedly robs it of all the fun and gets worse results.
“It is a fact often observed, that men have written good verses under the inspiration of passion, who cannot write well under other circumstances.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
Kiran L: says
So true. Today matters.