If it entertains you now but will actually hurt you someday, it’s a distraction. Don’t settle. Don’t exchange what you need in the long run for what you kinda want at the moment. Study your habits. Determine where your time goes. Delete the toxic distractions.
Taking small steps can make a big difference, especially in tough times, but there’s no getting around the fact that taking these steps is often incredibly uncomfortable. That’s why so many people often don’t do it—at least not initially. But we have to catch ourselves, and remind ourselves that just because it isn’t easy doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it. The key is to remember that it’s okay to feel uncomfortable, because that’s where human growth and healing begins.
In order to get something in life, we often have to give something up. In order to change our situation for the better, we have to take some action that’s not necessarily going to be easy or fun. Life is the opposite of perfection. It can be beautiful, of course, but it’s obviously quite messy and chaotic at times. Too often we shy away from taking the next step because we’re afraid it might not be worth the discomfort. It’s scary and uncomfortable to upset the status quo, even when it’s in service of something better.
It all comes down to a single question: what is worth suffering for right now? Is the change you’re wanting to implement—finding a new job, reinventing yourself or your business, ending a relationship, or something else—truly going to help you move toward the life you want to lead in the weeks and months ahead? If so, then it’s a sign that it’s time to step forward, and it’s probably worth enduring some extra pain and discomfort to get there. You can also rephrase the question to help you think through it: How important is moving forward to you? And what are you willing to sacrifice, in the short term and long term, in order to be happier in the long term?
By questioning your situation like this, you’ll realize that there are great reasons to step out of your comfort zone and to suffer. Changes of this magnitude do not come easily for any of us—especially as we collectively deal with the realities of COVID-19—and we understand that. But once you start to have an honest conversation with yourself about what you want to change in your life going forward, you’ll find it easier to direct your full energy toward overcoming your present obstacles. When you’re focused on all the good that will come from making the change you desire, the sacrifices you’ll have to make to achieve that change simply won’t seem as big a deal.
In any case, adapting to change, and getting unstuck from an unhappy or unhealthy present situation, is fundamentally about becoming comfortable with discomfort. It’s about choosing to embrace that discomfort, not because you want to make your life overly complicated or difficult, but because there are some things that are worth suffering for. It’s about suffering a little bit more in the moment, in order to suffer a lot less in the long run. It’s about giving certain things up right now to get more of what you truly want in life in the weeks and months ahead!
No doubt, if you want those six-pack abs again, you also have to want the hard workouts and the healthy meals. If you want the successful business again, you also have to want the long days, the stressful business deals and decisions, and the possibility of failing five times to learn what you need to know to succeed in the post COVID-19 market. If you want to reinvent your life and adapt well to a “new normal” starting now, you simply have to give up certain ideals, comforts, routines, and so on, to get what you ultimately want.
And remember that giving things up isn’t just about making small, immediate sacrifices. It’s also about gradually gaining the resources you need to do something significant going forward. When you give something up, you automatically create an opening in your life for something else. By saying no to everything that’s not aligned with your priorities, or the present reality, you make room for what is. In other words, if you want to achieve a significant outcome in your life in the weeks and months ahead, you have to give up the things that conflict with it starting today. You have to sacrifice something that you value less than whatever you ultimately want to achieve.
What You Might Need to Give Up in Order to Move Forward
Eleven years ago, when our mutual best friend Josh died, as difficult as the news of his death was to swallow, Angel and I intellectually knew nothing would bring him back. But it still felt emotionally easiest to get lost in our grief and mull over the idea of never losing him—far easier than actually confronting what his loss meant to us. So that’s precisely what we did for a while—we fantasized about not losing him, and bringing him back—until we suffered a collective bout of moderate depression. Thankfully, in the middle of our unhealthy mourning, we caught ourselves—something needed to be done to change our outlook on the tragedy of losing him. We reached out to Cami, Josh’s widow, a person we might have easily chosen to distance ourselves from in order to shut out the pain of loss. Truthfully, we didn’t know the right things to say or do, so we simply decided to show up and listen. We realized that this might be uncomfortable for us, but it was nothing in comparison to what she was going through.
So one evening, Cami, her sister, Tina, and the two of us sat around a table together. As dusk began to settle, we started speaking openly about Josh. None of us anticipated how the conversation would go. Tears were shed as we sat there, the dark falling around us, but it was our way of stepping into our loss and accepting it.
When we made the decision to have that conversation about Josh, we knew what might be at stake. Confronting our loss wasn’t easy, but that moment came out of the intentional decision not to run away from thinking about Josh. What did we give up by engaging in Cami’s friendship? We gave up what was easy—fantasizing, and trying to deny his death altogether—and stepped into a place where we felt unsure. But that’s where change is built: in the uneasiness and discomfort. And out of that, we built a great relationship with somebody who mattered more than anything in the world to Josh. And Cami now works with us as an executive assistant for our business (the foundation of which is www.marcandangel.com).
Changing your situation is about not sidestepping the issue or avoiding the elephant in the room. It’s about moving into uncertainty with openness and honesty, and realizing that this choice might bring with it anxiety, discomfort, and even pain. It’s about being willing to accept what comes, about being vulnerable. By being open to this kind of honesty and vulnerability, you also open yourself to a sense of renewed freedom, peace, and emotional richness that otherwise may never have entered your life.
You have the power to change your situation for the better, no matter what. But again, before you can do that, you may have to give up some of the stories, ideas, ideals, and assumptions you’ve been clinging to about yourself and your current situation. Remind yourself that giving up doesn’t always mean you’re weak or wrong. Today, it simply means you’re strong enough and smart enough to let go and move forward with your life.
How to Start Making Progress Today
Right now, many of us are still hopelessly trying to find our passion and joy again—an idea we believe will ultimately lead us closer to renewed happiness and success. And I say “hopelessly” primarily because we are putting the cart ahead of the horse. When we say we’re trying to “find our passion and joy,” it implies that we’ve lost our passion and joy and now they’re somehow hiding behind a tree or under a rock somewhere. But that’s far from the truth. The truth is, our passion and joy come from habitually stepping out of our comfort zones and doing things right on a daily basis.
If you’re waiting to somehow “find your passion and joy” somewhere outside yourself today, so you finally have a reason to put your whole heart and soul into life again, you’ll likely be waiting around for an eternity.
On the other hand, if you’re tired of waiting, and you’d rather live more passionately and joyously starting today, it’s a clear sign that it’s time to proactively inject passion into the very next thing you do.
Think about it…
- When was the last time you sat down, or picked up the phone, and had a conversation with someone you love, with zero distractions and 100% focus?
- When was the last time you exercised, and literally put every bit of effort you could muster into it?
- When was the last time you truly tried—I mean TRULY tried—to do your very best with the workload in front of you?
Like most of us, you’re likely putting a half-hearted and half-minded effort into most of the things you do on a daily basis. Because you’re still waiting…
You’re still waiting to “find” something to be passionate and joyous about in these “new normal” times.
What you need to do is the exact opposite!
When I was a kid, my grandmother used to tell me, “Stop looking for the next opportunity. The one you have in front of you is your opportunity.” She also said, “Too often we spend too much time attempting to perfect something before we ever even do it. Instead of waiting for perfection, just do your best with what you’ve got right now, and improve it along the way.”
Interestingly, recent psychological research indirectly reinforces my grandmother’s sentiments. For decades psychologists thought that our minds could alter our physical state, but not the other way around. Nowadays, however, it is widely documented that our bodies—for example, our momentary facial expressions and posture—can directly affect our mental and emotional state. So while it’s true that we change from the inside out, we also change from the outside in. And you can leverage this reality in your favor right now…
If you want more passion and joy in your life right now, do something about it right now.
Put your heart and soul into something!
Not into “the next opportunity,” but the small opportunity right in front of you.
Not into tomorrow’s work, but today’s work.
Not into tomorrow’s workout, but today’s workout.
Not into tomorrow’s relationships, but today’s relationships.
I’m certain you have plenty in your life right now that’s worth living for. You have people and lots of little circumstances you’re taking for granted. You have an endless reservoir of untapped potential within you, just waiting.
Stop waiting!
Do the uncomfortable things.
Suffer a little to gain momentum again.
There is no next opportunity, only the one you have at this moment.
Give up the toxic distractions and ideals, focus on what matters most, and put your heart and soul into the opportunity directly in front of you today! Make doing so a habit and see where it leads. (Note: Angel and I build tiny, life-changing habits like this with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of the Getting Back to Happy Course.)
Leave us a comment before you go…
Did this short essay resonate with you?
Which part resonated the most?
Leave a comment below and share your thoughts with us.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Paul Ian says
Really insightful as always!
Thank you very much for sharing.
Love and best wishes,
Paul Ian.
Marc Chernoff says
Thanks Paul.
Victoria Williams says
This helps me to see a way to get over the death of my brother to this damn COVID 19. I just cannot sit and worry about him not coming back, send me a message or uplifting word again. Encouragement is good for the soul.
Thank you always on point.
Victoria
Shreya Rastogi says
Dear Angel and Mark, your newsletter truly resonated with me.. as if it spoke and convinced many questions of my mind.. I truly got embraced.
We all forget our reasons to do something in our life even of its our purpose and the most demanded dream of our soul just because of some delusional beliefs/ideas.. it becomes hard for us to take some serious descions for our life just because we lack the strength.. but your newsletter really tried to fill my holes.. am grateful to your organization.. no matter how much time I take to get my strength back.. but your newsletter would always help me to gain my courage..
Very soulfully return,wanna read it more and more..
With lots of wishes
Shreya Rastogi
Vinny Auriemma says
Excellent message
To do the things we want to do,
We have to first do the uncomfortable things!
Marc Chernoff says
You got it, Vinny!
Ann C says
It felt like you were somewhere watching me binge on chocolate & watching the scale dial creep higher & higher. I had thought that during this time I was going to lose weight and be so pleased with myself! Two months in and that is just the opposite of what happened. But I had a healthy breakfast and I’m going to start one day at a time making better decisions. Thank you.
Marc Chernoff says
Today is just the beginning, Ann. 🙂 Well done on the healthy breakfast.
Holly S says
I love this. Thank you
Laurie Rothberg says
I wrote something and can’t find it now.
Please don’t post it for others to read if it went through.
Marc Chernoff says
Laurie, I don’t see any other comment from ya. So you’re safe. Whatever you wrote didn’t go through.
Heidi says
Leaving a 15 year relationship is going to be one of the hardest things I have done. I need to out and just do it. I cant pass up this opportunity to move into my own place. I wont have to worry about whether he is coming home and or cheating. It was be uncomfortable and scary but I have to do it in order to get on with my life.
Marc Chernoff says
Heidi, Angel and I are sending you our love as you make this transition. Stay strong.
Oliver says
So funny enough, I subscribed to these newsletters quite a while ago but never really read any of the articles in all honesty. So I wake up this morning, see what’s in my email and notice this one. I say might as well, and read it. And without getting into all the emotional events and depression days, let me just say this was exactly what I needed to hear as cliché as that sounds. I know it’s still going to be difficult to push myself in the direction I want, but I think reading this was a step in the right direction.
J says
I just loved this!!!!! Thank-you so much. I will read it again. It has come just at the right time, as our much loved adult son moves out of home to thousands of kms away, with no way of travel to see him during the isolation and lockdown of this ‘pandemic’, and as financial issues seem to dominate life. Great inspiration!
Marc Chernoff says
You are welcome, J. Glad this essay resonates with you.
Kendal Lewis says
Good morning God bless you both for this. This is so timely for my life right now you don’t even know. I always enjoy reading what you’ve been bless to post. I do use some for the things i’ve read from you’ll in teaching moments with other. I just wnat to say i thank God for the both of you, am learning alot from the wisdom the both of you share thanks again.
Brenda says
Nine month ago my husband John died, with no children and no immediate family I knew that for the first time in my life I was alone. I had spent 60 happy years married and could see no future. Then came the Coronavirus and I was in solitary isolation because of my age and a heart condition. Recently I “celebrated “ my 90th birthday .
Today I looked at my tiny neglected garden and realised that this might be my step forward, I just know I must take it or there won’t be a future for me will there?
Thank you for your wisdom.
Karen says
I’m so sorry for your loss Brenda. What a perfect time to start to tend your little garden. I have chronic health issues and just seeing my flowers start to bloom encourages me and brings me joy. God knows exactly what we need. Saying a prayer for you now Brenda that as you start this small step working in your little garden that God will bless you and touch your heart. ?
Karen says
Oops…didn’t mean to end that with a question mark!
Victoria Darling says
Brenda, I offer my condolences and prayers if I may. Being married for 60 years, wow! John must have been a fine catch. How blessed to have found one another. Living alone for the first time in your life is huge. Be gentle with yourself.
Vicki says
If you can try at 90, I can try at 65. Thank you.
Bonnie Staughton says
I have a whole “list” of things I want to do but just can’t seem to “push” myself. After reading your blog today, I know that these things aren’t going to just jump in my lap. I have to work to get them done. Then, when they are done, I will be so proud of myself. I’ve done this before but can’t seem to keep the momentum going. I’m definitely going to try harder and be pleased with myself. Thank you.
Aman says
Hi Marc,
You have Mental Acumen on the topic.
I could resonate to a lot of things you mentioned in this Blog.
I Know and I completely as you said, ” Its NOT GOING be EASY, but Its GOING to be WORTH IT.”
Its like austerity….
Have a Wonderful Day!
Mohamad ABDULLAH says
I am from Malaysia and have been looking forward to reading your message when it arrive and like this one it came when it is like God have given me the message as it was only yesterday that I was whacking myself as to why I am not motivated to do what I have to do. I am 76 years old and still runs my insurance agency just to keep myself occupied. My back hurts now as I just started to work from home. I know all these are excuses. I need to do what is uncomfortable and hope things would look better in the future.
JANET ULYATE says
So true! Just got to get on with it.
Mainpal Singh says
Just got what I am searching for so many months.
I am so much blessed that can’t be said in words.
Tankyou so much
Keep moving
Emmanuel Worthwhile says
Wow, this is very awesome, motivation is the key to starting a new plan in life.