We are all in this together, so always be kinder than necessary. What goes around comes around. No one has ever made themselves strong by showing how small someone else is. Everyone you meet is learning something, is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something. Know this. And be extra kind today.
In other words, don’t just preach online.
Actually do the difficult things, too.
Be compassionate in whatever way you can.
Be a beacon of hope to people you pass on the street.
Embody what you preach.
Many of the kindest gestures you’ll ever make, and the most important things you’ll ever do, won’t come easy and will never be seen publicly.
Do them anyway…
1. Start being a source of sincere support.
The closest thing to being cared for is to care for others. Again, we are all in this together and we should treat each other as such. The very demons that torment each of us, torment others all over the world. It is our challenges and troubles that connect us at the deepest level.
If you think about the people who have had the greatest positive effect on your life—the ones who truly made a difference—you will likely realize that they aren’t the ones that tried to give you all the answers or solve all your problems. They’re the ones who sat silently with you when you needed a moment to think, who lent you a shoulder when you needed to cry, and who tolerated not having all the answers, but stood beside you anyway. Be this person for those around you every chance you get.
2. Start going out of your way to show respect.
Life’s greatest privilege is to become who you truly are. You have to dare to be yourself, one hundred percent, however anxious or odd that self may prove to be. The people who support you in doing so are extraordinary. Appreciate these people and their kindness, and pay it forward when you’re able.
Never bully someone into silence. Never victimize others for being different. Accept no one’s close-minded definition of another person. Let people define themselves. You have the ability to show people how awesome they are, just the way they are. So act on this ability without hesitation; and don’t forget to show yourself the same courtesy.
Ultimately, how far you go in life depends on your willingness to be helpful to the young, respectful to the aged, tender with the hurt, supportive of the striving, and patient with those who are weaker or stronger than the majority.
3. Start leading with the truth.
Trust is the bedrock of all healthy communication, and when trust is broken it takes a long time and commitment on the part of both parties involved to repair it and heal. The key thing to remember here is that secrets can be just as deceitful as openly telling a lie.
All too often, Angel and I will hear a course student or a Think Better, Live Better attendee say something like, “I didn’t tell him but I didn’t lie about it, either.” This statement is a contradiction, as omissions are lies. If you’re covering up your tracks or withholding the truth in any way, it’s only a matter of time before the truth comes out and trust in the relationship completely breaks down. So speak the truth openly and kindly, always.
4. Start communicating clearly, without needless drama.
Frequent name-calling, threats, eye-rolling, belittling, mockery, hostile teasing, etc. In whatever form, gestures like these are poisonous to a relationship because they convey hate. And it’s virtually impossible to resolve an interpersonal dispute of any kind when the other person is constantly receiving the message that you hate them.
Also, keep in mind that if someone makes a mistake and you choose to forgive them, your actions must reinforce your words. In other words, let bygones be bygones. Don’t use their past wrongdoings to justify your present righteousness. When you constantly use someone’s past wrongdoings to make yourself seem “better” than them (“I’m better than you because, unlike you, I didn’t do XYZ in the past.”), it’s a lose-lose situation.
Replace your negative thoughts with positive communication! Because the truth is, if you’re throwing hateful gestures at a person instead of communicating with them, there’s a good chance they don’t even know why you’re being so mean.
And remember, the single greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. When we hear only what we want to hear, we’re not really listening. We must listen to what we don’t want to hear too. Because that’s how we grow stronger, together.
5. Start tuning in, especially when you feel like tuning out.
In other words, no more silent treatments of any kind!
Tuning out, ignoring, disengaging, refusing to acknowledge, etc. All variations of the silent treatment don’t just remove the other person from the argument you’re having with them, it ends up removing them, emotionally, from the relationship you have with them, and the understanding you hope to reach.
When you’re ignoring someone, you’re really teaching them to live without you—to ignore you right back. If that’s what you want, be clear about it. And if not, tune back in!
6. Start giving people your undivided attention while you’re with them.
You don’t have to tell people that you care, just show them. In your relationships and interactions with others, nothing you can give is more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention. Being with someone, listening without a clock and without anticipation of results is the ultimate compliment. It is indeed the most valued gesture you can make to another human being.
When we pay attention to each other we breathe new life into each other. With frequent attention and affection our relationships flourish, and we as individuals grow wiser and stronger. We help heal each other’s wounds and support each other’s growth. So give someone the gift of YOU—your time, undivided attention and kindness.
7. Start giving more recognition and praise (in public).
Give genuine praise whenever possible. Doing so can be difficult, yet it’s a mighty act of service. Start noticing what you like about others and speak up. Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are is extremely rewarding. It’s an investment in them that doesn’t cost you a thing, and the returns can be astounding. Not only will they feel empowered, but also what goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you too.
Finally, be sure to follow this rule: “Praise in public, penalize in private.” Never publicly ridicule someone when you have the option not to. If you don’t understand someone, ask questions. If you don’t agree with them, respectfully tell them. But don’t judge them behind their back to everyone else.
Now, it’s your turn…
Remembering all of the aforementioned—and living accordingly—of course, is sometimes much easier said than done. But please commit yourself to practicing. Commit yourself to doing the difficult things.
Above all, don’t stop learning. Don’t stop investing in yourself. Study. Read. Watch. Engage deeply with people, including those who think differently. Ask questions. Listen closely. And don’t just grow in knowledge. Be a person who gives back. Use what you’re learning to make a difference.
The bottom line is that this day will never come again…
Be a blessing.
Be a friend.
Encourage someone.
Take time to care.
Let your words heal, and not wound.
You have the power to improve someone else’s day, perhaps even their whole life, simply by giving them your sincere presence, compassion and kindness today.
Do it!
…
And please leave us a comment before you go…
Did this short post resonate with you?
Which point resonated the most?
Leave a reply below and share your thoughts with us.
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Paula says
Yes, this resonates with me… And have been doing all. I show up, offer a hand, lend support, be there to care. With all closed and the snails pace of opening, I walk 5-6 early mornings per week. EVERYONE I see, joggers, bikers, walkers, dog walkers I give a hearty “good morning” or “have a nice day”. People I see often, they are replying back, giving a wave and a HI!… Being present showing up sending love their way.
Judy says
That sounds lovely. I’m not actually replying to you but I have tried 3 times over several months to post a comment & after typing it all out I’m told it”s a duplicate & it won’t post! It is NOT. Won’t post & I don’t know why that”s happening. Marc & Angel have great posts but something major is wrong with their comments. I hope this shows up & would like to know if this is happening to others!
LEAH says
Such clear, precise ways in which we can be of sincere , positive service to others ! Being sincere and positive are two key elements!
Thank you for all of your wonderful teachings. This Pandemic has awakened lots of folks, and we have zero’d in on what is IMPORTANT in life. PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS ARE IMPORTANT . I believe GOD wants us to love one another , as much as he wants us to love HIM !!
Rhea says
I totally agree with you! Let us all stay safe and grateful for the relationships that we have now and everyone staying safe. -Rhea (Philippines)
jayashree sanghani says
yes this resonates with me i have started a gratitude jar so who ever comes to my house including the helpers write one good thing and put it the jar
flai says
wow this is very inspiring, and I’m really touched by all those tips, I’m from Namibia and I will make sure to share this amongst our youth
Cheryl Croker says
I agree with you wholeheartedly.. What great advice as always ..
And I thank you.. And look forward to your next newsletter..
Cheryl Croker..
Alexandra Beuchert says
There’s so much awesomeness in this post, thank you both! Point 2 resonated the most…
flai says
wow this are amazing tips ,and it really enlightened me,I’m from Namibia, this are great tips to share with my fellow youth.
Wayne E Beachy says
I am
talking to a homeless man who is a sexual offender and most of his needs can not be met because of being a sexual offender and a former inmate. Society today will not accept them and brand them as a criminal until they die. They have served their time and want a fresh start in life but we don’t respect them enough to help them be successful
Julia says
Brilliant, timely blog post.
I need that reminder to be kind and non judgmental, I think we all do. There is too much anger shown especially in the online world, we must keep trying to embrace the positive not take the sometime easier road of negative emotions and reactions.
Thank you.
Cain D Czopek says
This is awesome! Thank you so much for all of your words! I am a filmmaker in the San Francisco Bay Area, and if you would ever need some videos done please contact me. Here is my website: cainczopek.com and my email: [email protected]. Thanks!
Andy says
I’ve been receiving Your emails for over a year. This year has been difficult due to my recent transplant, and a couple of bumps during recovery. I was widowed just after my 40th birthday (due to substance abuse). I have since found someone I love and admire. He has helped my healing and we are moving in together just after my 47th birthday in July. We’ve been dating for years. We also are creating a co-habitation agreement for a couple of years. I cannot thank-you enough for sharing your steps to good communication and soul-work for a healthy relationship for ourselves and others. It shone a light so brightly for me today as I am struggling with grief and anxiety I never imagined possible in this process. Thank-you!
Shivani says
I am really looking forward to read of your articles.It always urges me to love my life when i finish reading any of you article.It feels like ‘I exist and i matter to people’.
Keep doing this you guys are a great of motivation. And also i am an english learner and your articles are helping me alot.
Debra Silon says
This was an extremely powerful writing. Point well taken. What hit home was being truthful, understanding others for who they are. It’s true! you can’t change someone, you should accept them for who they are., etc. Again, this iS one of the most powerful posts I have read. I intend to print this out.
Thank you!
Dimitria Letsos says
Thank you for this wonderful article. I am just now getting out of a marriage that was so painful for me because I was with a narcissist who always blamed me for everything when I tried to tell him how I felt emotionally or spiritually. It has been quite a journey to put my life together but I want to thank you for this article because it showed me the areas where I spoke my truth which is so vital to who I was in my journey and this marriage. Now I’m working to piece myself together and find my wholeness one more time.
Lyndi says
Thank you for these positive reminders! I loved them, especially numbers 1 and 6. We lost our daughter on the Winter Solstice in 2019. One of Molly’s best qualities was being non-judgemental. I am working to be more like her in that way.
Cathy Ross says
I am deeply sorry for your loss. By practicing her non judgmental behavior, she lives on in you. Blessings and peace to you and your family.
casie armstrong says
Such a beautiful and helpful piece of advice… needed this and will share with those who need today also ?? Xx
Rebecca says
this post has actually changed my perspective of doing things and treating people, i’ve stopped belittling the ones that wronged me but instead i accept them for their mistakes because we are human we make mistakes and need to be forgiven and accepted.
Melissa says
I really enjoy your posts and I am generally emotionally healthy. However, one of my friends recently did something that made me question her character, and I don’t know how to respond. She put down her healthy older cat because she was moving in with her fiancé, although I told her I would take the cat.I have several pets already and take good care of them, and she knows that. I don’t understand how she could do something so cruel; the cat was not sick. She knows that I am sad about this, and it appears she doesn’t want to talk to me know. I don’t know how to clear the air, or even if I want to clear the air, considering her values about an animal’s life don’t coincide with mine. Any suggestions?
Mrs Lynn Beggs says
Marc very well written and easy to relate to, I found the bit on silent treatment very true to myself as that is what I tend to do with my husband when he upsets me and I have realized it isn’t helpful, I will start to put this good advice into practice and see what happens, I think good communication is crucial in any relationship and being open and honest with each other and engaging with each other instead of zoning out which my husband does a lot when he is on his phone instead of paying attention to me which makes me feel ignored and not needed. Lynn Beggs
Therese says
This is excellent advice. Another I would add is to have a grateful heart. Teaching yourself to awake each morning and start the day thinking about something or someone in your life for which or whom you are grateful–and doing the same thing before you sleep–can be a game-changer. No matter how bad our current situation might be, someone out there has it harder. When we choose to focus on what is going well for ourselves, we can also feel empathy for those who need our friendship or guidance or support. It’s circular and it works.
Leiann Lynn Rose Spontaneo says
As for #2, I have personally been bullied into silence quite often. As for #6, I always like to give people the gift of time, attention and kindness. As for #7, I like to praise whenever possible. I love what you wrote! Be a blessing, be a friend, encourage, care and let my words heal not wound.
Thank you so much for this message. You are a blessing.
Judy Connelly says
Thanks, this was very timely for me. I’m choosing to apply these principles to my marriage. We are in a rough spot right now. I have a feeling a reminder in these “basics” will help.
Gayle says
Simple but so true. Thanks for sharing your valuable knowledge. xxx
Turyamureeba says
No.5 really touched me. ’cause I’ve been doing it quite for days to one of my friend. I really need to tune in. Thanks!
Aileen Rañises says
This is awesome post, ive been reading your post everytime i
have broken hearted and on times of difficulties to decide,it’s help a lot to move on not to hate them,so i very thankful to change my attitude,i must change my wrong doing to tell them how bad they are and condem them,now i must accept who really they are.now i finally find the right guy who really accept my past and love me now we’re getting married and we doing business together with God grace and blessings?.thank you so much marc and angel…from phillippines
Claudette Dixon says
I have been blessed by your inspirational writings and they have resonated in me. I have been doing all but sometimes I need a little encouragement or should I say reinforcements.
It’s not an easy task but the work must be done.
Blessings
Janet Hartsell says
I enjoy all your articles but the point that resonated in this post was that I need to give my undivided attention to the people I am with. My 4 year old grandson brought this to my attention last week. I was watching him play in his backyard kiddy pool and was browsing my phone at the same time. He asked me if I could put my phone down and “be with him.” Sometimes I spend days at home with my daughter but I’m busy and forget to really appreciate my time with her. I need to step back and “be with” the ones I love, completely and intentionally.
Judy says
I have a friend who lives on the other side of the world but we met at the age of 12 in school (we are 76 now). She visited recently-last trip to US. I saw how she had changed-she lost her daughter-only child & family. She’s had a really rough life & has been very strong. I always told her she’s my hero, that I don t think I could have done what she did. We d speak on the phone-good conversation but she started to criticize & find negativity in EVERYTHING I would post on MY Facebook wall. I could say it was a beautiful day & she’d as much as ask why I was complaining. After I told her that she perceived things that weren’t there she continued, was bullying & nasty.-mean. She would say it was only her OPINION. When she was here she said she was a very unique person, didn’t want anyone to feel like they had to walk on eggs around her. Well-she must have realized that’s how some people felt or she wouldn’t have said that. I only spoke to her w/praise & kindness-did NOT get that back. She even accused me of things that never happened! After one last time, I sent her a message telling her that I had feelings also, that I felt she was angry & using me as a target because I’ve been soft. That I’d always been her friend & didn’t know why she turned on me. I haven’t heard from her since , I wanted to call her, get closure on this. I don’t really care to keep in touch-I believe she’s become mentally ill-she even said how much she’s changed even physically (since her daughter’s death). I feel sorry for her but don’t need someone who is a real aggravation in my life. I wouldn’t feel this way if we hadn’t known each other so long, I also hate being accused of things I never did! This hangs over my head. She also, on occasion, had me commented negatively on something I’ve said on a mutual FB friend’s page! Like a black cloud in my life now.
Nancy Schwoebel says
I think it’s important to be kind to yourself after you’ve tried the strategy of being kind to another (and may not have gotten a positive reaction.)
This introspection allows you to deepen self respect.
Your thoughts made me realize how important it is to self evaluate and give yourself credit in difficult situations. Sometimes it’s necessary to leave the situation and free yourself from stress, which undoubtedly is unhealthy. Unfortunately it doesn’t always turn out great, but as stated above, I believe self respect deepens and leaves no regrets.
Sheryl Morris says
We are vacationing with family this summer. My daughters are complete opposites, so I’m going to print the bottom line at the end of your post & put it on the refrigerator. I think it will remind us how much we love each other even though we’re different!!
Thanks for all your great advice!!
Stevo says
Everything well said, and many new things to remember, what I have to remember the most is not to go silent when it gets tough.
Nawiirah Mutyaba says
The whole post has been mind blowing. Thank you Marc and Angel for the good work. This has sunk in deeply”You have the power to improve someone else’s day, perhaps even their whole life, simply by giving them your sincere presence, compassion and kindness today.”
Thank you always
Judy says
I keep getting the message that I’ve already posted my comment! Not so! Something’s wrong!
Judy says
That sounds lovely. I’m not actually replying to you but I have tried 3 times over several months to post a comment & after typing it all out I’m told it”s a duplicate & it won’t post! It is NOT. Won’t post & I don’t know why that”s happening. Marc & Angel have great posts but something major is wrong with their comments. I hope this shows up & would like to know if this is happening to others!
Abdul Kareem Sani Hassan says
Really resonates with me. I find myself transfixed in my own ideals mentally and not being able to replicate it in real life. But I hope these baby steps learnt would one day God willing grow into more confident strides to make both myself and others close to me better human beings.
Molly says
What a lovely post! This resonated with me very deeply. I love the idea of starting with working on our own kindness and compassion and living it in our daily interpersonal interactions. Thank you so much!
Savarkar Pandey says
I liked the point number 1, 6 and 7. I think these things are most important that you should start doing for others.
Ashwini Jaisim says
Yes this resonates with me. A reminder to give. In our constant struggle to just stay in balance and maintain some equilibrium it’s easy to forget we need to give of ourselves to. If only because we take of others…? Anyway, this is a great way to do that! Thanks!
Katrien Degraeve says
Hi Marc,
Thank you -again- for being so inspiring. It was just what I needed to read today. We all ‘know’ what to do but often don’t actually do it or we kind of do things half heartedly.
Thanks to your article I am again full in the saddle and will be more conscious of how I react when people are not kind to me.
Thank you and have a very nice day!
Stacey L. says
I have become a little “preachy” in my anti-racism in the last few weeks online. I am horrified at the ignorance and passive racism of some of my closest friends and family. This was a good reminder to be more gentle online, but also to be honest. I was shaped by my parents and family and those beliefs I inherited do need to change.
I have also become “judgy” about people not wearing masks or wearing masks as chin guards or neck warmers. As a person with a compromised immune system, I am worried when I got out and people aren’t wearing masks. I am sad that mask wearing has become a political thing.
Catherine Kantono says
Before i joined Marc and Angel’s motivation journey, I was a broken woman. I was struggling with a lot of bitterness over broken relationships in my life. I couldn’t get over my past, being a single mother at 21 years of age, watching my brother helplessness amidst a drug abuse and Alcohol addiction, and my parents’ no hope marriage. Today, i must tell you a lot has changed. You have helped me fight low self-esteem, mental instability, and gained confidence through You articles. I can’t stop thanking You. You are truly what I needed when I was at my Worst. Thank You Marc, and Angel.
Dvora Flieg says
I understand how difficult that must be. It is good to be non- judgemental but it doesn’t mean you have to have people in your life that behave irrationally. You offered to take her cat after she chose not only to abandon the cat which she had a responsibility to take care of but had so little regard for that cat that she chose to dispose of him /her like a piece of trash. I think you know the answer here. I don’t even know her and being an animal lover , the thought of someone doing that when there were many other options makes me feel sick. Would she dispose of her own child as well if the child was an inconvenience to her significant other?
Dvora
kiril says
I agree and think these things are some of the most important that you should start doing for others.
erline says
Thanks for the great advice. It had been inspiring to read this article.
Lisa says
As I was reading, I thought about myself and how I show up for people around me. I definitely have some areas on which more work is needed, but I also recognize that more often than not, I do show care and compassion, while building others up. Happy to have thought leaders like you guys sharing with us so we DO keep learning and growing!