In the midst of particularly hard days when I feel that I can’t endure, I remind myself that my track record for getting through hard days is 100% so far.
On my birthday many moons ago, when Google and I were both a lot younger, I Googled “how to change your life when you’re burning out” to see what would come up. I had been feeling hopelessly trapped in a cycle of busyness—like I was racing around in circles every day without any meaningful progress. And it was time to find a better roadmap because I was literally getting depressed with the same old grind.
Granted, I was working 60+ hours a week, struggling with a failing business, and coping with the recent deaths of two loved ones. The stress and pace of life just seemed to keep me busy from sunrise to midnight every day without much time for self-reflection or mindfulness, and deep down I knew the head-spinning, circular path I was on wasn’t sustainable.
As I scrolled through Google’s search results I was fascinated by the overwhelming quantity of books, articles and quotes all designed to motivate a person to take positive action and make positive changes. Messages of “Let Go and Move On” or “Be Present” were plentiful! However, nothing truly clicked with me. I was looking for guidance that was a bit more specific—guidance like “Walk seven blocks down Main Street and turn right onto Sunshine Drive. Your ‘better’ path begins there.”
Finding Space to Self-Reflect
I continued to read and look for a new set of directions I could follow, and then it hit me. My losses and personal turmoil had me running and hiding from my problems. I was doing an incredible job being incredibly busy, but I had never stopped to sort out my thoughts and figure out exactly why I was doing what I was doing. My need to provide for my family and ease the pain endured from failure and loss fueled my mindlessness. I was using these circumstances as excuses for not sorting out my priorities, and thus I got stuck in a cycle of futile busyness that was burning me out.
I recognized that in order to truly move my life forward, I first had to step on the brakes. I had to give myself the time and space to sort things out.
When I did pause, I began to think of the summer after my high school graduation. My thoughts time-traveled back to those days when I felt like possibilities awaited me in every imaginable direction. I had been accepted to a great university, I was young and ambitious, and I was ready to conquer my dreams. But remembering this didn’t make me feel better. In fact, over a decade later, trying to look at the world through this youthful lens for more than a few minutes only made me feel more restless.
The Good Advice I Needed
Maybe it’s the life lessons I was forced to learn the hard way, or the toll of pain and failure, but I had to admit to myself right then and there that the youthful world of possibility felt a whole lot scarier and riskier this time around. I wanted to be passionate and productive again, but I didn’t know how, until my wise mom gave me some good advice. She told me that she could still see the positive, passionate young man inside of me, but that I needed to do some soul searching to reconnect myself to him.
As I attempted to follow my mom’s advice, I remembered that I used to have two quotes written on post-it notes hanging on my bedroom wall when I was a kid:
- “Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in your journey.”
- “Don’t be scared to walk alone down the path less traveled, and don’t be scared to love every minute of it.”
So, I wrote the two quotes down again just as I remembered them, and posted them up on the wall over my nightstand. I woke up to these quotes every morning for several years thereafter, and they helped keep me centered.
I also took tiny steps, day in and day out, until I knew I was finally moving down the right path again. For anybody else who feels burnt out and without a real sense of how to take the next step forward, I offer the following ideas. They are simple, actionable lessons that kept me moving forward when I decided it was time for a change. Perhaps they will help you, too…
1. Let visual reminders keep you focused and on track.
You can post meaningful quotes on your bedroom wall, or find a coffee a mug that has a motivational message on it (mine says “Every Day is an Opportunity”). But you can also take it a step further than that too…
Few good things come easy, and when the going gets tough we often take the easy way out even though the easy way takes us the wrong way.
To combat this, I create tangible reminders that pull me back from the brink of my weak impulses. For example, I have my laptop’s desktop background set to a photo of my family, both because I love looking at them and because, when work gets really rough, these photos remind me of the people I am ultimately working for.
And I’m not the only one who’s successfully using this strategy…
A friend of mine who has paid off almost $100K of debt in the past five years has a copy of his credit card balance taped to his computer monitor; it serves as a constant reminder of the debt he still wants to pay off. Another friend keeps a photo of herself when she was 90 pounds heavier on her refrigerator as a reminder of the person she never wants to be again.
Think of moments when you are most likely to give in to impulses that ultimately burn you out and take you farther away from what matters most to you. Then use visual reminders to interrupt the impulses and rebuild the momentum and inner passion that keeps you on the right track.
Your ultimate goal is living a life uncluttered by most of the impulsive distractions people fill their lives with, leaving you with space for what truly matters. A life that isn’t constant busyness, rushing and resistance, but instead mindful contemplation, creation and connection with people and endeavors that truly matter.
2. Stop waiting for that elusive spark of passion.
Even with a healthy set of visual reminders and good focus, the grind will sometimes burn you out…
Your body may eventually grow weary, you may lie awake some nights listening to your past regrets, you may miss your only love, you may see the world around you overcome by negativity, or know your respect has been trampled on by unfriendly faces. Life happens! And there’s no doubt that it gets hard at times.
That said, there is one action for daily healing and “breaking through” that works every time: BEING passionate with the small task in front of you. That’s the only positive effort that a battered mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or doubt, and never dream of regretting.
And you don’t have to wait either. You don’t have to search around or “find passion” somewhere outside yourself. You can simply bring passion into the very next thing you do today. You can put your whole heart and soul into it! Again though, that’s easier said than done. Consider these questions I presented in a blog post a few months back:
- When was the last time you sat down, or picked up the phone, and had a conversation with someone you love, with zero distractions and 100% focus?
- When was the last time you exercised, and literally put every bit of effort you could muster into it?
- When was the last time you truly tried—I mean TRULY tried—to do your very best?
Be honest with yourself right now. If you’re still waiting to “find” something to be passionate about, what you need to do is the exact opposite!
Put your heart and soul into the small task at hand!
I’m certain you have plenty in your life right now that’s worth living for. You have people and lots of small circumstances you’re taking for granted. You have an endless reservoir of untapped potential within you, just waiting.
Stop waiting!
There is no next opportunity, only the one you have at this moment.
Put your heart and soul (and gratitude) into what you’ve got right in front of you!
3. Give things you can’t control a little more space.
“If you want to control your animals, give them a larger pasture.” That’s a quote Angel and I heard at a meditation retreat recently in a group discussion focused on the power of changing your attitude about the things you can’t change or don’t need to change.
I see “the animals” and their “larger pasture” as a form of letting go and allowing things to be the way they are—instead of trying to tightly control something, you’re loosening up, giving it more space, a larger pasture. The animals will be happier—they will roam around and do what they naturally do. And yet your needs will be met too—you will have more space to be at peace with the way the animals are.
This same philosophy holds true for many aspects of life—stepping back and allowing certain things to happen means these things will take care of themselves, and your needs will also be met. You will have less stress (and less to do), and more time and energy to work on the things that truly matter—the things you actually can control—like your priorities, your self-care, and your attitude about everything.
Ultimately, as you move forward, you want to keep in mind that one of the greatest secrets to peace and happiness is letting most situations be what they are instead of what you think they should be, and then making the best of them.
(Note: the three points above are part of a skill set Angel and I hone with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of the Getting Back to Happy Course.)
Leave us a comment before you go…
Did this post resonate with you today?
Which specific part or point resonated the most?
Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts with us.
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Maria says
I really like the idea of giving the ‘animals’ in my life some more space. I’m certainly guilty of trying to control too much at all times, and it burns me out. Thank you for this insightful post.
Namcy says
Great read of things To try today. Thank you.
Fran says
This did resonate with me, almost like it was put in front of me, so I would look at where I am at. The “animals” reminds me of the present situation in Portland the authorities gave them a bigger pasture and the situation calmed down. Thank you so much for this!
jennifer says
Hi, I like #2 & quite agree that passion is the key element & you have rightly put it….”put your heart & soul into”…
Thank you for your insightful email and posts.
jennifer
KR says
Thank you for the insight. Let go and give space, may be they are better that way….. I badly needed this reminder. I need to stop being impulsive in trying to control things having my complexes & fears in the subconscious.
Sapna Debnath says
Hi
I loved the point number 3 you mentioned about giving the animal more space and it will behave the way it is supposed to be. This line has really haken me , I have been holding on to things tightly and there by loosing my peace. Thank you a ton
casie+armstrong says
Fantastic read thank you, post it’s going on the wall today ??
Angelike says
BEING PASSIONATE ABOUT THE SMALL TASK IN FRONT OF YOU! Thank you so much for this quote! I am going to print it out and put it in
a frame in my Accounting office. I read your emails every day and get truly inspired. My heart thanks you and Angel for your presence in this world!
Raymond E O'Neill says
As usual, On Point!
Your email newsletters and posts are the only ones I archive and refer back to from time to time. Please keep doing what you do best.
Sil Ata says
Thank you very much for the great advice! Your article is very wise and teaches very important views about life. I have been through a lot and I actually follow the rules that you are talking about and I am finally happy and relaxed. This way my life and feelings are balanced, I have reached the level of inside peace.
betovn says
Very valid points and a true wakeup call to approaching my day and my family. I do struggle with finding a new path at this point in my life due to the effects of having lost my livelihood to the unexpected onslaught of Covid. It left me scrambling to feed my family and clouded my thoughts. I will persevere, but must say it severly inhibits my ability to realize and pursue my passions, whatever they may be. I’ve yet to figure that out.
Cheers and keep the newsletters coming. They’re most uplifting.
Larissa Wild says
I love this whole blog post, especially the part about the larger pasture. I tend to micro-focus on little details that aren’t a big deal, then get overwhelmed and resentful by how much time they take up. I have been trying to move my focus instead to things that matter, but instead this perspective of ‘a larger pasture’ feels more freeing and less ‘work’. It feels more freeing than trying to take my intensity to something else, that I will burn out out instead;)
Carol B says
Thank-you so much for this reading.. I related to it all.. I have a lot of this information in my mind bank, but there’s 68 years of stuff in there so being reminded that there is hope and it’s up to me to live each moment with gratitude in my heart and belief that I can achieve peace inside just by following this reading… TQ so much!!
Indoo says
Truly amazing article. Just what I needed to hear today!!! Thank you!!!
Jeanne says
I love all your inspiration and words. A dear friend of mine close friend just lost her little 3yr old Son David to a pool drowning. Horrible accident on Vacation in Florida and the mother is not able to speak to anyone as she is so depressed What can we do?
Sharon S. says
So sorry for your friend’s loss of her little boy – a parent’s worse nightmare. I found an article that might give you some ideas on what you can do at such a sad time like this. Hope it is helpful. https://www.funeralwise.com/grief/child/
Alice says
Jeanne sometimes when the pain is so big you cannot speak to someone else about it, what you need is is a silent hand and caring eyes that feel your pain but don’t limit or judge. Those caring eyes bring you back, the silent hand gives you strength to stay. I am so sorry for your friends loss and I wish you all the strength and quiet help you are able to give.
Marc Chernoff says
Jeanne,
Thank you for the kindness. We are praying for your friend and her family. Here is an article we wrote that may shed some helpful perspective: 5 Things to Remember When Someone You Love Loses Someone They Love
Rosie says
Thank you so much for your kind words of wisdom that have as always a sprinkle of magic in them. Because your advice works. Like magic. Your words tilt my perspective – point my thoughts in a different fresher way. For me what I found inspirational in today’s words was the notion of letting the situation be – don’t try to control it or change it. I was on the brink of telling on my Co workers for being lazy and too gossipy. I’ll take your advice – get some ear plugs – get on with my work and leave them to their karma. Thank you!
Michael says
Thanks so much for this inspiring words. Each time I read your write – ups , there’s this great feeling that I could be whatever I want to and a renewed mind full of possibilities.
Jennifer says
Loved this article and received it in perfect timing for how I am feeling. I have been seeking inspiration and something to ignite my passion for months now to make certain changes in my daily life. What resonated most with was the part about ‘stop waiting’ – essentially cease searching for something to spark the passion and instead put it into the small tasks ahead of you, essentially one step at a time and it will build within you.
Delta says
Thank you just what I needed to hear today, just when i was trying to give up!
Much appreciated.
Jenny Kim says
Your messages resonate with me almost all the time. When I was depressed at the end of my fertility journey 3 years ago. I came across you and got significant amount of release and comfort. I purchased your happiness book. I’m now on the same path way as you. I’m growing as I teach others.
Thank you for your brilliant insights and inspiration.
Dhan Paul Aguilar says
Thank you very much Marc and Angel. This post really helped me a lot. I am back on track now! I’m from Philippines! Please keep writing and posting helpful advices of life. Thanks though!
Bev Kelly says
This was just what I needed to read this morning. I always enjoy your writing. Positive things to read, is exactly what this world needs at this time. I am going to write your two notes down for myself. l love those. Thank you for putting such beauty out to us all.
Fatho says
Thank you very much for your articles. I am far away from your country. I always look forward to receiving them. They are of so much help! I enjoyed reading your articles daily! I start to following your blog for improving my English skill! Now I hit two birds with one stone!
p says
I just need this type of posts in my life. Thank you for your kind words.
Unbekannte nummer says
Great article. He gave me another kick! I am going back to my hobby! Thanks for your words!
Holly says
Marc and Angel, thank you for sharing such high quality content. You are helping to change minds and hearts everywhere. Growth can feel scary but, oh my, how it’s worth it!
I love how you mentioned ‘letting go,’ and allowing the ‘animals’ to roam free. It’s true. We do wear ourselves out trying to make something happen the way we expect it to. Sometimes, it does. Often, it doesn’t, but winds up surprising us with far better.
Keep up the inspiration. Praying you and your loved ones are well. ??