As 2020 winds down, I know many of us are yearning for a very small and selective range of life experiences—the happy holidays, the normal times, the settings and experiences that make us feel comfortable. And yet, the full range of our present reality is quite different. This year continues to give us an extensive array of experiences that evoke feelings ranging from sadness to struggle to pride to anger to love to loneliness… to happiness to hope and more. These feelings are all part of being a living, breathing human being, regardless of the season of our lives.
So, we can revolt against the unfairness of life—the unfairness of having to deal with pain, having to cope with uncertainty, having to feel lonely and uneasy and upset. Or we can embrace every experience life gives us, including all our highs and lows—all the blissful moments and painful ones and everything in between. Life is not just happy and comfortable 24/7. It’s well-rounded, it’s full-featured, and it’s real.
Embracing the full range of life’s experiences this holiday season means embracing every moment with our full presence, being open and vulnerable to reality, being gentle with ourselves when moments are tougher than we expected, and practicing sincere gratitude no matter what happens.
It means accepting life as it is, and accepting ourselves as we are.
It means not expecting the best to happen every step of the way, but instead accepting what happens with each step, and making the very best of it.
This isn’t easy of course, but it’s worth working on, together.
Making Progress into 2021
Yes, the New Year is rapidly approaching.
Let’s make a pact to enter it with a more open, accepting and resilient collective mindset.
How?
By committing the right ideas and intentions to memory.
Over the past decade Angel and I have written various “notes to self” like the ones I’ve listed below (all of which are now excerpts from our books), and then we’ve read and re-read them until they became ingrained in our minds. These memorized “notes to self” help us stay on track, by empowering us to make the best and most effective use of the ever-changing reality in front of us.
We’ve passed these notes on to our course students and live seminar attendees over the years, and many of them have thanked us for doing so. I hope YOU find value in them today, too. And I challenge you to memorize at least a couple of them before the New Year. (Note: For the sake of not being tediously redundant, I only wrote “Note to Self” as a precursor on the first note below.)
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
Cheers to a New Beginning
Although none of the aforementioned “notes to self” immediately force you to do anything different, they represent a timely shift in perspective, and perspective is where peace and happiness begins. From there, you can change your posture from one of tension and resistance to one of acceptance and opportunity.
Ultimately, the goal isn’t to get rid of all your negative thoughts, feelings or life situations as you journey into 2021. The goal is to change your response to them.
The days, weeks and months ahead—both before and after the New Year—will be filled with incredible highs and stressful lows, for all of us. But in any case, we can train our minds to make the best of the present moment as it unfolds. Just take it one “note” at a time, and please know that if you’re struggling with any of this, you are not alone. Many of us are right there with you, working hard to feel better, think more clearly, and keep our lives on track. This is precisely why Angel and I wrote our books and built our course. These invaluable resources are filled with proven guidance on how to do just that. And believe it or not, Angel and I review a lot of our own material on a regular basis too, just to center our minds on these proven principles.
We sincerely hope you will join us as we prepare to begin anew in 2021. 🙂
Now, it’s your turn…
Before you go, let us know:
- Which “note to self” above resonates with you the most right now and why?
Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Rachel says
Hi Marc & Angel,
I love how the general premise of many of these notes to self pertain to self-care. Because self-care is something I used to struggle with desperately. I actually found your work about 2 years ago when I was stuck in a bout of depression. Between stressful career responsibilities, and difficult personal obligations, my tank was utterly dry. I was stretching myself too thin…I was giving all of myself to the projects and people I care about and leaving zero time to nurture my own inner wellness. After reading your blog and emails, I signed up for your back to happiness course and started coaching with you. The daily rituals we designed and implemented for dealing with my self-neglect and balancing my time so that I’m now nurturing both myself AND others, has been an true life-saver.
Although it’s been months since I checked in here and left a public comment, I do often read your newest emails when they arrive in my inbox. The email that took me to this blog post was so good, I just wanted to jump in and leave you a long overdue “Thank you!”
Marc Chernoff says
Hi Rachel,
Thank you for checking in with us here. As you know, Angel and I truly admire your progress and growth over the past few months. Looking forward to even more great things ahead. 🙂
Karen says
Love and copied #5 ! I can only control how I react to a situation. Letting go of thinking I can control what is happening around me! Thank you!???
William Moore says
i COPIED ALL OF THESE INTO MY COMPUTER FILE CALLED ‘INSPIRATIONAL SAYINGS’ i STARTED THIS FILE SEVERAL YRARS AGO AND CONSTANYLY ADD TO IT. SOME OF THE SUGGESTIONS I’VE ADDED WERE SPOT ON TO MY SITUAION AT THE RIME AND THESE ALBEIT A BIT WORDY HAVE BEEN ADDED TO THE FILE FOR FUTURE THOUGHT AND REFLECTION
Nadia says
Such solid wisdom to reinforce the positive opportunities at this moment, as we prepare for the year ahead! I sincerely appreciate each note, but the first one made me take pause. I do have enough right now, and I am enough. Yet so often I forget it. Thank you.
Your emails, your newest book, and your live conferences have made actually 2020 one of my most self-reflective and healthy years believe it or not. What you two share continuously moves me in the right direction. Also, I just bought a digital pass to your most recent live event in San Diego event for my husband and me to watch. We are loving it so far. Watching one hour per night. Cheers!
Marc Chernoff says
Thank you for the positive feedback, Nadia. Looking forward to hearing more feedback about the 2020 event. And note that we’re also trying to decide what to do about our 2021 event. We are pushing it back due to the COVID virus, but we’re not sure of the exact date yet. Waiting for clarity about vaccinations, etc. so everyone feels safe. 🙂
Thomas Owens says
Marc&Angel,
I agree with what Rachel said above, but I also deeply resonate with the way you opened this article, by challenging us to accept every life situation now and in the year ahead. Too often I find myself side-stepping situations, relationships, and realities in my life that aren’t perfect and ideal. I resist the truth far more then I likely realize, and quite frankly I think many others I know do the same thing. We avoid the truth rather than opening ourselves to the possibility of making the very best of it.
Anyhow, I’ve been a long-time reader of your work, and my wife and I sit down together every week and use your essays, emails and excerpts from your book to reflect on our lives. This piece here has allowed us do just that today as we press forward into the holiday season. Thank you, yet again. 🙂
Marc Chernoff says
You are welcome. Thanks for the extra kind feedback, Thomas.
Sona Tank says
I have been reading your thoughts for the past 7+ years when I hit a rough patch. Your words have helped me through the loss of both of my parents and a few other griefs as well. This current post is exactly what I needed to hear again. God bless you and your family and community.
Marc Chernoff says
Thank you for sticking with us all these years, Sona. 🙂 Prayers for you and your loved ones.
Susan says
Hello Marc and Angel
Pretty much ALL of them resonate with me right now. I’m in sick a state of anxiety and tension…I dont know myself anymore. Thank you for your wisdom.
Lei Lani says
Susan – the fact that you are here, on this page, reading this, means you taking a step towards something more beautiful, more stress-free, more human. Please find yourself again. The world needs you and your story. (because you are the only one who can write your story).
Gái Nguyn says
Thank you for your beautiful work. It’s really beautiful, artistic… like a poem.
Nancy Haboush says
What you do now matters more than what happened yesterday. I love this! Thank you so much!
Ginger says
Thanks for thoughtful reminders!
Gonna re-read them every morning until Jan 1!
Bonita Snodgrass says
I am a Grandmom We have raised her 2 kids since birth. raising 3 Grandchildren with my 78 year old husband of 37 years. Today my youngest daughter will be sentenced to prison. We have raised her 2 kids since birth.
The third Grandchild came home at 15 because she was being bullied to the point she was considering self harm. Her parents are video game addicts who have not made a paycheck stretch in 18 years. So their 3 children often do with out as they lovingly live their self absorbed lives.
This is supposed to be our retirement years. Our nest egg was designed for the 2 of us and has depleted until my husband is still working a 40 hour week. Dances, school supplies, events, clothes , medical and dental are all as much a part of the well rounded childhood as food and a roof over their heads.
We are both exhausted. The endless teaching, supervising, and driving them to and from their part time jobs is never ending. Yet we do it.
why you might be asking? Because we grew up knowing and believing the way in which you care for family is a huge part of who you are. Along with our love and concern for the kids, our honor and self respect spur us on.
So #1 sums up our days in a nutshell. Our girls were intelligent, responsible, loved and well thought of until they were 18 and 20. At this point they began making choices. They chose the people who would have influence on who they would become. They chose the easy, self serving life they live. It is the path they walk as if they had no other options. I can not walk that path for them. I can no longer parent them. They must live the consequences of the choices they make.
Our response is a simple understanding that we did do enough when they were children. That we have to let go of the pain and disappointment. It must be the acceptance that we chose to step in for the Grands. We could have left them to the system or ignored the pain they have had thrust upon them. That would have allowed us the retirements we saved and planned for. The ease and comfort that we believe we deserved.
By living #1 we can find calm and peace. We are able to live with the challenges and the emotional roller coaster of parenting yet another family. We choose each other with love and respect. We can not choose the paths the Grands will walk, we can only chose the opportunities we give them. The encouragement, lessons, rules and consequences they need and deserve.
We can know we are doing our best. And that has to be enough for the day to day living in the now. Putting away regrets and stopping the anxiety of things that haven’t happened yet and we can not control.
Living in the Now does not mean we don’t feel, it just means we can , as you said, choose our responses. I will worry and be depressed all day, as I wait for the news of my daughter’s sentencing. This is OK. It’s natural and correct for the emotions that swirl about in my mind and soul. And I can self validate with out trying to justify them. Living in the Now, gives me the strength to continue the life I chose.
And paraphrasing your lesson offered.
I am enough, I do enough , I have enough. I am where I am supposed to be and doing what I was meant to do. Relaxing and letting go is the direction of my Journey.
I have been a fan of yours for nearly a decade. Even though I can’t afford your books and seminars, your emails have resonated deeply, helping to direct my thoughts, and coaxing me to understand what drives me. For this I am grateful.
Phyliss says
Wow…. you lifted me with your words and Have given me the encouragement I have sought For a very long time …I want to thank you and bless you
Pascale says
Dear Bonita, I am deeply touched by your story and you loving dedication to your grandchildren. Indeed we can not choose or change what our family members do with their lives, but a great soul will know what the right thing is, in your case, to be there for the children. Blessing to you and your husband, and all of your family.
C says
Bless you for what you do. This is your purpose and you are doing it well. You are raising three grandkids and you will be rewarded for it. This is why you are here.
Cathy Ross says
Bless you and your husband for stepping in when your grandchildren needed you most. I hope that the new year brings you all love, light and peace.
Marjorie says
Thank you for the email that I received today that led me to this new post. =)
I love this one:
Forgive yourself
for the bad decisions,
for the times you lacked
understanding,
for the choices that hurt
others and yourself.
Forgive yourself,
for being young and reckless.
These experiences are
vital lessons.
And what matters most right now
is your willingness
to grow from them.
Truly, its #7 that resonates now because for me I really have to remind myself that forgiveness of oneself also to others has a positive effect on physical health. Health is wealth. It is important to love yourself first then to others. Forgiveness is important whether you are catholic or any religion. It ain’t easy sometimes but the result is a much better from the past.
Kaci Cheeseman says
Number 3 is spot on with what I needed today. More often than not, less is more. Thank you!
Jeanette Burton says
All of them resonate with me right now. I have loss my husband. I am widow, no children, no family. I am discovering that self care is what I need to do for me. Also taking care of that inner child that lives within me. Thank you so much.
Marc Chernoff says
Thank you for the kindness, Jeanette. We are thinking of you. The loss of a loved one is truly a heart-breaking, life-changing experience. And yet, priceless inner growth does come from it, gradually. Please stay strong.
JustJay says
Thank you for your always inspiring emails and blog posts.
Thomas left a comment too and said, “We avoid the truth rather than opening ourselves to the possibility of making the very best of it.” So beautifully put and so true!
Shauna Brown says
Number 8 has the most meaning because of the phrase life doesn’t get easier, you just get stronger. I never thought of it that way before.
Tope says
Wow. This is my first time posting a comment, I just couldn’t hold back. These are priceless words and a fantastic way to start prepping for the new year. I can identify with some of these points already and it’s so comforting to know that am simply growing and refusing to let circumstances dictate how I feel. Now I know am not crazy. Am going to write these down and read them as often as I can to keep things in the proper perspective. You guys are awesome. You’re God’s gift to humanity, no flattery her; It’s a fact. These words are so transforming. Thank you!
AJ says
I like all of the notes to self, each has a line that hits a chord hard with me. Everything gets a bit uncomfortable when it’s time to change and the difference between just existing and living especially. I am tired of just existing and being uncomfortable, even in my own skin. My goal for 2021 is to work hard on me through your course and coaching. Thank you for such words of wisdom!
Nadine says
Each has a line or two that hits very hard. Everything gets harder when it’s time to change and doing the hard things will make a difference between existing and living? Everything seems hard to get through right now and I am tired of just existing… My goal for the new year is to get past this by working on me – with your program. Thank you for all the words of wisdom!
Brenda says
No 8 resonated with me, perhaps because I am 88 years old and after a lifetime of stressful times, heart breaks and loss I am still here still breathing and still loving!
Thank you for constantly being there with words of encouragement and wisdom.
Bless you both.
Kay says
No. 3 really speaks to me!
Too often we find ourselves wanting more from life instead of simplifying it.
We want to have more money, branded goods, travel around the world, etc.
We’re just making life a whole lot more complicated than it should be and it’s doing more harm than good.
Thank you for this awesome post!
SBO says
No. 11
You need to do hard things to be happy in life. Because the hard things ultimately build you up and change your life.
Actually in 2021 I wish to do Masters Degree in GIS. It is very difficult for me at the moment based on covid and financial difficulties I am still facing. But I am positive, I believe I have potential to succeed. So hard as it may seem, I am up for the challenge.
Irago Marcel says
from japan. i still awake at this time thinking alot if things i worried and i prayed that everything will change but thank you for this site to help me to encourage and understand.
thank you for this site when i feel down and discourage i turn this site and read. and help me to cope and enlighten me. God bless and more power.
Kelly says
Number one! I think we should all have an “enough button” to reset daily or moment by moment. I believe if we focus on “enough” it will provide for everyone: time, comfort, food, shelter, security, and adventure defining enough for yourself shifts the world and encompasses everyone and simplifies life. Self compassion embraces and affirms personal power removing judgement and our need for approval because we are all enough, we have enough, and there is enough to share for everyone. There is great freedom in personally defining what is enough new opportunities and potential. I need to remember I am and have enough.
Ken Maynard says
Hi,
Number 5 is my nemesis. I think I get better each day but there is still much work to do. Thank you so much for all 12!
Feliz says
Marc and Angel,
Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom with the world through your books and emails.
I enjoyed every note so much that I have decided to print them and frame them to serve as reminders down the road.
Truth be told, they all resonated with me but my current favorite one is # 9. I especially love the last sentence “What you do now matters more than what happened yesterday.” As one that had previously spent a great deal of time looking back, trying to make sense of the past.and knowing firsthand how time just slips by , this wholeheartedly resonated with me. What I have learned is that we cannot begin to move forward without looking ahead. I lost precious time looking back through that muddy lense, so this note is one that I will have close by.
Please continue to spread your wisdom to the world as you are making a difference!! Thank you.
Kari says
I think my favorite thing to remember is, “I have enough, I am enough, I do enough.” That’s a reminder that will help me feel good in so many situations. I’m totally painting that and putting it up on my wall!
Shreya patil says
Hello Marc and Angel,
Thanks for sharing these wonderful notes with us. Its something that we need to tell ourselves constantly but is quite really possible. Like some of those are but I kinda need your help.(if possible). The part where you said that you need to forget about your mistakes and past and only then will you be able to think about present and future or you will see everything through that dirty lens…I guess I’m still seeing through that dirty lens…alll foggy and I think all that has had an impact on myself…I just don’t know how to do that…how do I clean that lens? And can I ever get that burden off me and be able to be happy again and trust people?
Its not that I’m not happy or something but it’s just that all the things that have happened till now have had quite some impact on me…and I have changed… I always step carefully…or maybe stay a few steps away always …not that cheerful and full of life anymore…can I get back ever?
With love,
Shreya(20)
Nancy says
Number 8 for me, but it’s getting difficult to impress myself. Hopefully it will get better. Thanks for the article.
Jess cortese says
Thank you both for you helping me along into moving with your wisdom and inspiring words that help me to keep aware of my journey along my older years. God bless you
Wendy says
Number 7 really rang true for me I spend too much time in my head going over all the bad decisions I have made in my life and the collateral damage that was left behind and how I have such a hard time forgiving myself for being young and reckless and inconsiderate of others etc., but this gives me something to strive for in 2021. This past year has been nuts! But I will work on forgiving myself as my New Year’s Resolution, thank you Marc and Angel I feeling in the festive mood already, maybe this Christmas isn’t a total write off.
Trude says
Number 2 and 5. I don’t have to be provoked. I can chose to let it fly over my head and ignore. Thanks for the reminder. Needed
Karen Clifford says
Like many others it’s been a very depressing year. In October I felt like I hit rock bottom with all of my emotions. I read in our church bulletin about sending letters to assisted living/nursing homes to cheer them up. I started out slowly but now I have four residences that are asking for letters. I realized that I can get outside but many in these residences have terrible isolation and loneliness this year. It’s gratifying to know that I can touch someone’s life through a simple act of sharing poems or words of encouragement. I don’t have time to feel sorry for myself and also now have energy to take long walks to reflect about my next letter! Thank you for reminding me I have the choice to do something positive or reflect constantly on the negative!
MaryAnn Russum says
I love the idea of writing to people in nursing homes. I can’t imagine how hard that would be on those in the nursing homes and their family members. I’m going to look into that! Thanks for sharing
MaryAnn Russum says
Lots of ‘aha’ moments reading your ‘notes’ – but the last one particularly resonates with me about being 100% ready. I need to print ALL of those out and put them up on my inspiration wall in my office. I have LOTS of notes in my workspace to remind me about gratitude, centering, letting go, etc… One note I particularly love right now is ‘Never stop chasing things that seem beyond your reach’. I don’t know who said but it so resonates with me. Another one is ‘Accept what is, let go of what was & have faith in the journey.’ ~ It’s been a rough year for sure for so many people and financially, it’s been rough for me. But ultimately, I know that I have SO many things to be thankful for, my health being one of them for sure. I loved the comment above about writing letters to those in nursing homes. I’m going to look into that. I think the very best thing we can do right now is to be present for others. Even if it is just in a letter, over the phone or virtually. In-person connection is what we are all lacking right now so maybe we just need to discover how to do it in a different way. With all the craziness this year has brought us I’m very hopeful there are some positive takeaways. Maybe some of us will appreciate each other more and speak that out loud and show it in our actions. Maybe we’ll be more empathetic. We can collectively choose that and I hope more people do. Without it we are lost.
RICK Cragg says
Thank you Marc and Angel for your heartfelt words that truly resonated with me. These are great words to live by and to create the life that brings the most happiness. Your books have greatly inspired me and continue to bring the best out in me in these challenging times.
Florence says
Hi Marc & Angel,
First of all, thank you for your beautiful words. It indeed helped me a lot in such a hard and unstable time.
You have done a really great job pointing out that we’ve been approaching the solution in the wrong way; instead of expecting less or no negativity, we should change the way we respond to it. That really hit me hard.
Thank you for your kindness. I wish you good health and peace.
Jen says
Hi, Marc and Angel!
I’ve been following your posts for years, and today is extraordinarily challenging to be honest. I was crying reading all the 12 Note to Self. What you write went straight to my core. I love the 12th note in particular. Happiness is now.
More power and love to you both!
Love,
Jen
Luke Zitterkopf says
The words about needing to do hard things in life to be happy. Part of what makes certain kinds of work feel challenging is not knowing what the results will be.
I write a blog and sometimes I wonder how many readers are encouraged by my writing. I feel that I have failed when I do not improve the lives of the readers.
Not knowing how well, or not well, we have been encouraging people is a tough job. We have to do our job because we love it and we are compelled to touch the lives of readers everwhere.
When I feel depressed or doubtful it helps to remind myself that the hard work is worth it. At the very least I try to remember that if only one person’s life was improved from something I wrote, it was all worth it.
Thanks for another great reminder Marc and Angel. Your writing has kept me strong to do the hard work.
Ellen says
They all resonate as I read them through tears. In the data recovery process of computer files, many duplicates of photos were created and I’m having to go through and determine which are low resolution to delete duplicates. Which is causing me to basically review my life in pictures. Especially the last very turbulent and somewhat detrimental 10 years. So many great memories but also so many I miss and wish I’d never left behind, and some traumatic I wish I never experienced at all. Your message is timely and I will keep reading these notes to remind myself there is a way forward. Thank you for your encouragement and kindness.
Richard says
Note 12 resonates deeply.
I have procrastated my whole life waiting for happiness to come to me. It really huts a lot to have to change after so many years, but I cannot continue to live my life waiting for something to happen, I owe it to myself to change!
Palesa Kaota says
I have learned so much that time waits for no man. Do your best to your ability, forget about what is ideal because you will never please anyone even if you strive for perfection
LAMIN KHAN says
Hello MARC & ANGEL ,
I don’t got much to say. All I have to say is a big thank you for your thoughts. It is just 5 months since I started reading from you but its has changed my life so much that i wasn’t imagining. Your thoughts are definitely inspiring.
Thank so much!
James Hared says
I love how your quotes feels for the gaping core of our personal groanings and fill it with hope and reassurance. Your quotes revitalizes me, like rain does shrunken leaves. Thank you so much, Marc Angel
Luke Zitterkopf says
This aryicle helps me stay focused on appreciation. I can have a complete and full life NOW. I do not have to wait for Friday. Or next year. Or some other place and time. I will LIVE now and be fulfilled.
Thank you Marc and Angel!