(NEW BOOK ALERT: This post is a direct excerpt from the Self-Love & Self-Worth section of our forthcoming book, “1000 Little Habits of Happy, Successful Relationships“.)
Be OK with walking away. Rejection teaches you how to reject what’s not right for you.
As you look back on your life, you will realize that many of the times you thought you were being rejected by someone or from something you wanted, you were in fact being redirected to someone or something you needed.
Seeing this when you’re in the midst of feeling rejected, however, is quite tough. I know because I’ve been there.
As soon as someone critiques, criticizes, and pushes you away – as soon as you are rejected—you find yourself thinking, “Well, that proves once again that I’m not worthy.” What you need to realize is, the other person or situation is not worthy of you and your particular journey.
Rejection is necessary medicine; it teaches you how to reject relationships and opportunities that aren’t going to work, so that you can find the right ones that will. It doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough; it just means someone else failed to notice what you have to offer. Which means you now have more time to improve yourself and explore your options.
Will you be bitter for a moment? Absolutely. Hurt? Of course—you’re human. There isn’t a soul on this planet that doesn’t feel a small fraction of their heart break at the realization of rejection. For a short time afterward, you will ask yourself every question you can think of:
- What did I do wrong?
- Why didn’t they care about me?
- How come?
But then you have to let your emotions fuel you in a positive way! This is the important part. Let your feelings of rejection drive you, feed you, and inspire one heck of a powerful opening to the next chapter of your story.
Honestly, if you constantly feel like someone is not treating you with respect, check your price tag. Perhaps you’ve subconsciously marked yourself down. Because it’s you who tells others what you’re worth by showing them what you’re willing to accept for your time and attention. So get off the clearance rack. And I mean right NOW! If you don’t value and respect yourself, wholeheartedly, no one else will either.
I know it’s hard to accept, but think about it…
All too often we let the rejections of our past dictate every move we make thereafter. We literally do not know ourselves to be any better than what some intolerant person or shallow circumstance once told us was true.
It’s time to realize this and squash the subconscious idea that you don’t deserve any better. It’s time to remind yourself that…
- The person you liked, loved or respected in the past, who treated you like dirt again and again, has nothing intellectually or spiritually to offer you in the present moment, but headaches and heartache.
- One of the most rewarding and important moments in life is when you finally find the courage to let go of what you can’t change, like someone else’s behavior or decisions.
- Life and God both have greater plans for you that don’t involve crying at night or believing that you’re broken.
- The harsh truth is, sometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you have ever been to stand up taller and emotionally stronger than you ever were before.
- It’s not the end of the world—it’s never the end of the world – and yet rejection can make the loss of someone or something you weren’t even that crazy about feel gut-wrenching and world-ending.
- Sometimes people don’t notice the things we do for them until we stop doing them. And sometimes the more chances you give, the more respect you lose. Enough is enough. Never let a person get comfortable with disrespecting you. You deserve better. You deserve to be with someone who makes you smile, someone who doesn’t take you for granted, someone who won’t leave you hanging.
- Some chapters in our lives have to close without closure. There’s no point in losing yourself by trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken.
- Take a deep breath. Inner peace begins the moment you decide not to let another person or event control your emotions.
- You really can’t take things other people say about you too personally. What they think and say is a reflection of them, not of you.
- Those with the strength to succeed in the long run are the ones who build themselves up with the bricks others have thrown at them.
- Let your scars remind you that the damage someone has inflicted on you has left you stronger, smarter, and more resilient.
- When you lose someone or something, don’t think of it as a loss, but as a gift that lightens your load so that you can better travel the path meant for you.
- You will never miss out on what is meant for you, even if it has to come to you in a roundabout way. Stay focused. Be positive.
- Rejections and naysayers aren’t that important in the grand scheme of things; so don’t let them conquer your mind. Step forward! Seriously, most of us do not understand how much potential we have – we limit our aspirations to the level someone else told us was possible.
- Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are. Don’t be one of them. Ultimately, you are who you are when nobody’s watching. Know this! And dare to be yourself, however awkward, different or odd that self may prove to be to someone else.
- Comparing yourself with others, or other people’s perceptions, only undermines your worth, your education, and your own inner wisdom. No one can handle your present situation better than you.
- The more we fill our lives with genuine passion and purpose, the less time and energy we waste looking for approval from everyone else.
- You can use your struggles, frustrations, and rejections to motivate you rather than annoy you. You are in control of the way you look at life.
- Sometimes transitions in life mean something even better is coming your way, so embrace them and don’t be afraid to let go.
- Right now is a new beginning. The possibilities ahead are endless. Be strong enough to let go, wise enough to move forward, diligent enough to work hard, and patient enough to wait for what you deserve.
Afterthoughts
All details aside, you don’t need anyone’s constant affection or approval in order to be good enough in this world. When someone rejects or abandons or judges you, it isn’t actually about you. It’s about them and their own insecurities, limitations, and needs. So you don’t have to internalize any of it! Your worth isn’t contingent on other people’s acceptance of you. You’re allowed to be yourself. You’re allowed to voice your thoughts and feelings. You’re allowed to assert your needs. You’re allowed to hold on to the truth that who you are is more than enough. And you’re allowed to let go of anyone in your life who endlessly makes you feel otherwise.
Continue Reading 1,000 Little Habits
If you appreciated the excerpt above from “1,000 Little Habits of Happy, Successful Relationships“, I guarantee you will appreciate the rest of the book…
Sometimes we need to be reminded to actually practice the little habits that allow us to better understand and nurture the right bonds, or let go of the wrong ones. We need to be reminded to be selective in our battles, too. Oftentimes peace and love in our lives and relationships are both better than being right. We simply don’t need to attend every argument we’re invited to, especially when our sense of self-worth is on the line.
And that’s why Marc and I are publishing “1,000 Little Habits of Happy, Successful Relationships”—to be that daily reminder for anyone who’s struggling to change their relationship situation for the better. It’s an inspiring touchstone filled with our best advice on overcoming relationship setbacks, letting go of anger and toxicity, fostering intimacy and trust, expressing our needs, showing gratitude, and more. Pre-order “1,000 Little Habits” now and read it with a partner, with a friend, or solo.
Your turn…
We’d love to hear from YOU. 🙂 In what ways have you struggled with rejection? How have you coped? Please leave a comment below and share your insights with us.
Photo by: M. Klasan
Ann says
Your new book just got ordered! Now, did you just take a peek into my life situation? Because this post is exactly what I am going through right now. I loved someone with so much depth and gave all of myself to him and even though he said he loved me too, his actions and words did not always match. Where there was divine love, now lies toxicity.
I pray it will return someday but in the meantime, I need to step back. Disallow myself to be treated this way. Give myself a lot of love (oh, how do I do this?)
Angel Chernoff says
Thank you for supporting our work, Ann. We wish you the best in your journey forward, beyond that toxic relationship.
Christiana Eleojo Onoja says
I trusted my husband to help me get out of a loan situation but he blatantly refused and judged me instead,,my heart broke in shreds,I had to seek help from else where,I am so grateful for your post,it has inspired me to keep moving despite the rejection and disappointment even though I was extremely hurt .
Christiana Eleojo Onoja says
I trusted my husband to help me get out of a loan situation but he blatantly refused and judged me instead,,my heart broke in shreds,I had to seek help from else where,I am so grateful for your post,it has inspired me to keep moving despite the rejection and disappointment even though I was extremely hurt .
J.J. says
Marc, I’ve mentioned this before, but your guidance on fearing rejection and dealing with it has been a real life-saver for me. A couple lines from your 1,000 things book that have become my mantra are:
“One of the greatest freedoms is truly not caring what everyone else thinks of you. As long as you are worried about what others think of you, you are owned by them. Only when you require no approval from outside yourself, can you own yourself.”
Admittedly, I still fear what others think of me from time to time, but I have memorized your words and I think about them every single time I catch my mind traveling in the wrong direction. This practice has been helping me keep these fears at bay. Thank you for that.
Ps. Just ordered the new 1,000 Habits book!
Angel Chernoff says
Thanks for quoting 1000 Little Things, JJ. And for supporting our work. We appreciate YOU.
Liz says
This is REALLY helpful to me. I hope I remember to revisit this when I am feeling rejected. I say “feeling rejected” because that is what it is most of the time. Very rarely, and usually when applying for a job, am I outright rejected. It is usually my reaction to someone’s words, actions, facial expressions etc. I have even been told on numerous occasions that I reject others and that is certainly not my intention. It just goes to show that assumptions are damaging.
Thanks again! These reminders are wonderful. And congrats on the new book release. Ordering on Audible.
Angel Chernoff says
Great perspective, Liz. And I think you’ll love the audiobook version. We recorded it ourselves — Marc and I are the narrators. 🙂
Catty says
This is so relevant to my current life situation. I love your blog and read it regularly. However, this post spoke to me not only for myself but for so many people I know who have either been hurt by rejection or who worry endless about it. And you just inspired me to take the step to buy your book..not one copy but two so I can share your wise words and practical tips with my daughter. Thank you so much for what you do. It changes my life for the better.
Angel Chernoff says
Thank you for the extra kindness and willingness to share our work with your daughter.
Sam says
Hey Marc,
I wonder if you were right beside me and watching the whole story which is happening in my life. Its no more fear of rejection but rejection. Every now and then i try to do something good, happens the opposite. I wish i could talk to you personally online just you and me as i really have no one to talk with… Its a request
Thanks
Rose Costas says
Thanks Marc for another awesome post. Too often we internalize rejection and believe that there is something wrong with us when in fact when people reject us they are actually telling us that they are not worthy of us and not the other way around. And, consider your new book bought. Pre-ordering now.
Pascale says
Thank you for this timely article! I have been heart-broken for weeks now after being rejected by a man who is toxic for me. He sends mixed messages about being together and this kills me. I can see that he is not what I truly need for a relationship, but the hurt is incredible – I did not understand how this could have such an impact on my being.
This quote from point 5 seems to address this: “rejection can make the loss of someone or something you weren’t even that crazy about feel gut-wrenching and world-ending”. That’s exactly it : It’s the rejection in itself which hurts.
Because I do not love myself enough, the little I did get from him (and am still hoping to get) keeps me hanging in there, clinging to illusion. I will re-read this post often – it just needs to sink in that I cannot find what I really need on the outside. Running through life begging:Love me, love…” will not get me to a place of happiness… the only place is inside.
Thank you again for all the support you give us!
Donna says
Jack Canfield, in the Success Principles, says that rejection isn’t personal. That’s hard for most of us to believe. So your line, “the other person or situation is NOT worthy of YOU and your particular journey” makes the counter argument very well.
#3 is most important for me.
Another great article. Thanks.
Kay Kardian says
I just broke off a relationship after a year of seeing someone who was seeing other women. At this time in my life (my senior years) I wanted to find someone to replace the hurt after my husband’s death. A year after his death I missed the companionship of having someone to care for me physically and emotionally. It worked for a while then when I found out he was seeing other women, I accepted that. After all I was not looking for a permanent relationship just someone who cared. After a year he was seeing me less and less and only during the week (because his other women usually had jobs or whatever and he would see them on the weekends and me as a backup during the week. He was a very sexual man he told me he enjoyed having sex with different women but he only actually had four women whom he loved I was one of the four. He had a non sexual relationship with another person (that is what he told me) I have doubts. When I would call him it was the machine that I always got, if I texted him it was hours or day later that he would answer which I knew what was going on. When I would approach him with this he would tell me it was my imagination and for me to look into the mirror, because he made me feel that I was the one who was keeping him away from me. He would not discuss it with me. I did not really care if he was seeing other women it was the fact that he used me at his convenience. It finally came to a head and I told him I did not want to see him anymore. I did a bad thing cause I wanted him to be hurt like me, I felt he took my heart into his hands and crushed it with no regard to my feelings. I contacted the woman he said he had not had sex with in years but she did take care of all his business and when he would call me I would see her name on my tv identifying the person who was calling, when I approached him about it he explained that he was on her family plan and I accepted that too. He told me she was like his wife but only in business. Anyway I contacted this person and she did not know who I was I told her to ask him. She sent me a message back telling me she did and that was that so I told her if she believes him then I wish her the best. That was that. I am still hurting mostly about my pride and how I let this man get so far into my heart. I feel it is a learning experience. I knew he needed to get out of my life.
lucia antonelli says
This is BRILLIANT! It holds the wisdom necessary to be wholly ones self and to live in the here and now. I especially relate and need #6! Actually, all of them are necessary to take to heart. Rejection is difficult, as we are all wounded in some way, and spend our whole lives seeking the unconditional love we should have gotten as children. It now must come from within, as the past is no longer, except to serve as a guide for the present. Thank you for this divine clarity! xoxox
Looking forward to 1000 Little Habits too.
Molly says
Wow! You have described exactly how I have been treated for the past 20 months, and I blamed myself. I did put myself on the markdown rack and I gave too many chances.
I am now picking up the pieces, I have a long road ahead.
This has being so inspirational for me, I have printed it to re-read and remind myself always…
Thank you.
Maria says
Thank you so very much for this beautiful piece of motivation, it couldn’t have been better for me because I lost the will to live after I was brutally rejected by the person whom I loved so much and sadly centered my life around him. I’m slowly building up my confidence and sense of self-worth again. And as you sorta know already, your coaching, teachings and books have been a significant part of my recovery.
Jo says
It’s most odd, I receive your new posts and emails when I need them the most. A nice and reassuring present to see in my email box when I’m feeling rejected and down.
Ann Marie says
Thanks for this post! Right now I’m going through so much that sometimes i don’t know where to start. I lost my 2 year relationship with a man that promise eternal love but when I called him for help during a miscarriage of my twins, he didn’t care. I lost my Job, my health, my savings all at the same time. I always thought I was strong but right now all roads seem closed. I dream of having my life back but each time I’m close to achieving that something happens and back to square one . I’m really exhausted and still there’s so much I have to do but I don’t know how to keep on going. I wake up every day as a habit but there’s no passion no joy. I really need a word from someone. It seems like I was at war and lost everything.
Angel Chernoff says
My heart goes out to you. Please please please just do your best to live one day at a time. No matter what’s happening, anyone can efficiently fight the battles of just one day. It’s only when you add the battles of those two abysmal eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that life gets overwhelmingly complicated. Realize that it’s not the experience of today that holds you back and drives you crazy, but the regret and resentment about something that happened yesterday or the fear and dread of what tomorrow might bring. It’s necessary, therefore, to let yourself live just one day at a time – just today – just right here, right now.
You are stronger than you know. Marc and I are thinking of you.
R.R says
This article really came at the right time and I am glad. Loving someone with all sincerity and being an option in their life really hurts. You try with all your heart to save the relationship in spite of knowing you are losing respect, but instead you get accused of stuff that you never imagined – it is unbearable. Being accused that you loved someone with particular motives in mind shattered me. I was going through hard times and was constantly wondering what mistake did I do? But I now realize that IT WAS NOT WORTH IT. And I deserve more than being an option in someone’s life. Thanks Marc. Your post just helped me get better and reassure myself that I deserve someone better. Someone who values my love and appreciates it and respects me for what I am and does not take me for granted.
KHAt says
Wow, you’re email could not be more timely. I recently lost my job and was reeling from the rejection. Over the past weekend, I had a revelation. My issues with rejection are due to my bio-father’s rejection before I was even born. I have now decided to focus on the father who adopted me rather than the sperm donor. The freedom is amazing and almost instantaneous!
Please keep writing, you are a gift to all of us.
Annie S says
Your blog could not have come to me at a better time, this is what I needed today. I have spent years fearing rejection, only to be consistently rejected by my husband for over a decade. I made the decision to end the marriage recently and your blog today re-enforced my commitment to myself, to respect myself and know I am worth better. I am off to buy your books…. thank you, both, so very much.
Ashley says
“Rejection is God’s protection” is something I was told in the rooms of both AA and a local mindfulness club, and this article details that idea perfectly!
Amanda says
This was a great read! I have been in a toxic relationship for the past few years, we were once married and tried working things out after our divorce. Needless to say, each chance I gave him, I felt as if I had no more value to him. Everyone around tells me I deserve so much more, I of course know I do too. This article was right on the ball. Every emotion I’ve ever felt during the relationship was mentioned.
Thank you so much. It gives me comfort and the resilience that I needed.
Dana says
After 20 years of being treated like I don’t matter. I found out he was cheating on me. I told him I wanted a divorce. He changed completely for the better. He’s been everything I ever wanted in a husband for the past month. The problem is, I had 20 years of rejection and abandonment to fall out of love with him. Now, I want out of the marriage and I feel guilty because he’s finally doing everything right. He’s trying to convince me that he’s a changed man and not to leave him. I don’t believe this new attitude is permanent.
Rn says
After 20 years, I think you know in your heart that the current “good behavior” is a sham. He feels his control of the situation slipping away, so he will say and do anything to make his world “right” again. Meanwhile, behind your back, he will continue his cheating ways while lying to you with a straight face. He is using your guilty feelings to manipulate you. I have been there.
hayley says
In response to Dana, you probably won’t see this because this post is a couple months old but i am in the same predictament. I’ve been with my boyfriend of 6 years and the first i’d say 3 roughly, were very tough because after 3 months of dating i was cheated on, with an ex, then we took a break and during that break i was apparently cheated on again, with a different ex. But i tried so hard to make things work. It’s like when you’re cheated on you wonder what you’re doing wrong but it’s never us it’s always the other person and i think we fail to remember that when going through these things. I tried so hard everyday, through the first 1-3 years were back and forth of shadiness. I’d find text messages, social media messages, phone calls were being made, and i still wanted it to work because i was so in love. I had been with him since 16. Now that i am almost 23, and he’s been doing everything right, for almost 2 years, i am just so exhausted with all that I HAD to go through with trying to make it work and now that he is doing everything right, little things make me mad, not picking up after himself, repeating myself, i don’t ever feel interested in our conversations, it’s hard to keep a conversation, and now i wonder everyday if this is something i still want to pursue, i mainly don’t feel that i’m growing as a person. I always feel trapped down. I feel like there’s so much more of me that i can be but i feel stuck a lot. Stuck with my thoughts all day, stuck with what should i do, afraid of hurting his feelings, i am completely in the same spot as you and it is very tough. I hope you figure out what works best for your interest and that it isn’t so difficult on you to do the right thing. Best of luck
Robert says
In response to Dana and Hayley – I too have been in a relationship – marriage of 13 years – where my wife would flirt with others right in front of me – she cheated on me several times – and each time i would have empathy and compassion for her tough upbringing and her self loathing that i wanted to HEAL and i would forgive and get back to normalcy. PROBLEM with all of us here in this forum is that WE are the ones who accepted being treated badly. WE are the ones who have been in DENIAL about our own codependency. WE are the ones who sacrifice our self worth so that we avoid being alone or the guilt of abandoning someone we love/care for. WE are the ones that accept scraps for a glimpse of validation/love. WE are not VICTIMS – we are active participants in this deeply psychological game of self worth. SEPARATION from the abuser is absolutely necesary. WE NEED TO GET HELP. JOURNAL everyday. Bring GOD into your life to fill the EMPTINESS inside you.
Ly says
I also believe this Robert. Thank you for commenting on the thread. 🙂
William Moore says
Old and true timeless adage ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’. Who needs the pain, the not knowing what’s going on and the worst, the lies, and most often with a straight face.
Lady A says
I will save this article and refer back to it often! I am about to take a trip to a place where relatives, friends, and an old love have hurt and rejected me. I have such anxiety about this that I have canceled and rebooked the trip 3 times and now haven’t seen them since before covid. But I’m not the avoidance type. The trip is mostly about memories and fun. It’s a college homecoming that happens to be in an area where most of my family resides, and I love my alma mater, but not them so much. I have positioned myself to not have to see these old friends, or the ex, while still getting the most out of the events. As for the relatives, I need them to see how I have been able to renew and fly despite their mistreatment. What will help the most is that I’m not responsible for how any of them are going to “show up”, only for my honesty and authentic self, which I have discovered to be quite powerful and empowering. I need to reclaim the place that I love and make it mine again. I hope his helps someone.
Barbara says
I have struggled with rejection all of my life. I was told I wasn’t wanted at birth, there was incest in my home, was emotionally abused in two marriages, and physically in one, made to walk on other side of street and mall by husband and mother so they would not have to be with me, new husbands’ family rejected me (in Holland) for ten years (now accept me), blah, blah, blah. I survive because I am a therapist and know understanding of their behavior at times, but it still digs deep. the latest is my dughter hasnot’ been closdre for years; She calls when she needs something, and I stay ‘nice’ but don’t give in to her hinting for money, etc. She has kept her children from me, including the 14 yr. old whom I’ve seen 3 times. I was told of her birth when she was 2 days old, but an mail. We live two hours from each other. She comes to town to visit her stepmother, but ignores me. She is nice when she does call, to tell me of her newest illness, etc, but nothing else. I asked her in December to write what I have done to her for this estrangement, and she said she would…so far nothing.
I survive by loving myself , have a very loving compassionate husband, and volunteer when able to by visiting those worse off. Perspective for me is seeing the good in my life not the bad.
Thanks for your emails. You lift me up.
Barbara
Sorrowful says
Barbara Meuleman, I am in tears while I am reading your comment. My heart goes for you. You are a strong person. I remember how bad I was treating my mom the time we had a grudge and it pains me in the heart to remember how ungrateful I am as a son. Now that my mother is gone, I am in deep remorse. In her entire life, I only cared for her when she was struggling for her life in the hospital. I wish I could see you in person and hug you tightly because I really miss my mother and you remind me of her. She was a very caring person and she could overlook my mischief. God bless every mother like you and I believe you will soon be rewarded by our Lord Jesus Christ when he comes.
Stay strong.
Amy says
I feel your pain. Am going through similar with my daughter and 2 grandchildren. Your post gives me strength. I feel like I’m the only mother going through this
Danielle says
Marc and Angel –
Your blog came into my life when I had hit the lowest bottom I’ve known. It’s been with me through my steady journey up from the bottom, and it amazes me daily how insanely dead-on your posts are for me. It makes me feel so less alone in this world. So thank you, truly.
I read this post today – and it could not have been better timing. My husband left me and our four young kids after nine years together – he is running away from his internal struggles (anxiety, insecurities, etc.) and trying to use me as a scapegoat which, in the short term, is easier for him than dealing with things head on. He moved out suddenly one day and 11 days later served me with divorce papers. Out of nowhere. I have asked myself all those questions above – what have I done wrong, why doesn’t he love me, why is this happening, but really, this is not about me. This is about him.
I have really been struggling with my anger towards him though. That’s my biggest hurdle. I’ve had to just take a few steps back and remind myself of a few things: 1. this is NOT about me, I am a great person in a bad situation. 2. He actually did me a favor and ended a relationship that was draining more from me than I was getting in return. 3. Better now than another 9 years later.
I have also taken this as an opportunity to really get to know who is there for me – who is really my true support system. It’s amazing how many people drop off this list when the crap really hits the fan.
Anyway, thank you again for your wisdom. It keeps me sane. 🙂
Elaine says
I love this article, though I wish something could have made my recent 2-year recovery from a break-up (after just 8-month relationship!) a lot easier than it was. I see the wisdom in the words, and hope people reading them and needing them right now will see the wisdom at some point even if it’s tough to handle at the moment. There’s just one bit that troubles (or at least confuses) me, it’s in the 4th paragraph where you say “Which means you now have more time to improve yourself”. To me that at least vaguely suggests that there’s something to fix (which we can all believe far too easily post-breakup). You spend the rest of the article convincing the reader to believe in themselves, so this jars just slightly with me. I’ve done various dating courses and seminars, and the key to everything is self-acceptance and self-love. Only from a sense (and display!) of wholeness and belief in self can we attract the one who is a true match for our core being.
I know you guys were not implying anything negative at all – perhaps it’s just a slight issue of wording! I love all your stuff and treasure every word you write 🙂
Angel Chernoff says
Good perspective. And you are correct. We are not implying that it’s your fault, but instead to look at an unfortunate rejection as a opportunity to move forward with your life and grow stronger.
Mini says
Rejection is the most severe ache of all. I liked your 20 point reminder but would respectfully differ on # 1. Often times, we do not like to be dealt with the truth. When a ‘loved one’ is truthful or upfront with us in their apathy, misaligned affection or disinterest, we need to ‘wake up’ and pay attention. They are truthfully expressing what they feel, perceive and think, but we may be in denial and hope for a miracle that will ‘make them come back to us’.
If we truly loved them, respect that honesty and walk away. I am sure it may have been good while it lasted (truly). We don’t walk away because we think that the other person does not deserve us, or we are better in some moral way, but because our love resonance in not aligned.
Truth is always liberating..painful initially, but liberating and wholesome in the long run. I recall this from Startrek, “You cannot snatch someone from your fantasy, put them in real life and expect them to respond”.
Stay loved and blessed!
Juddles says
I cried for 2 weeks straight after the ending of a relationship that was on/off for 2 yrs. Once again his actions didnt match his words….he promised me the world and gave me heartache and lies & cheated. To which i found out after the fact we seperated. I find it hard day to day to understand how a person can treat someone like that? I think about the destruction that he caused and while im still picking up the peices of my broken home with my children, hes just soundley getting on with his life and new woman. I understand its not my fault and it speaks a thousand words of what kind of person he is to his core. But it still hurts. Somedays im angry somedays im hurt and somedays i find myself not thinking about him as much. I guess after a while you learn to deal with it, get over it and move on…..but it sure is so hard to do when you thought everything was real. I cant wait for the day i wake up and feel joy and happiness in my life again and never think about him. This makes me understand things that i didnt understand….after the hurt goes and i heal, i know there will be a lesson in all of this and hindsight will be a wonderful thing.
C says
God I need more of these posts. My husband of 24 years is moving out this week (we have 3 kids). I’ve been in treatment for depression for nearly 7 weeks and he’s never once given me a hug or encouragement through this period. He claims he’s taken enough of my emotional abuse and needs distance to rebuild patience and compassion for me. Unfortunately, he’s said (in the past) that I push him away and that what he needs is space. I used to believe this, and feel betrayed by his latest actions, but it’s dawning on me that I’m the one who’s getting abused by his withholding affection and emotional support. If I had cancer would it be different? I can’t let his lack of commitment determine my happiness. I’m 47 and have many good years to go. I’m devastated by his constant rejection, but am learning that it’s a direct reflection on his own feelings toward himself.
Jamall says
Thank you for this article. I had been feeling rejection from my children’s mother as she has a new man in her life who lives with her and is around my children.
Oh the pain of things and the thoughts of hurt that I have had, the jealousy the rage, the anger the frustration. It really has been very hurtful.
But I know that God is getting me over the hurt and rejection and this article really helps. I just want every heartache gone. I don’t want to feel anymore of this pain. This emotional pain.
But I know that God is my healer and that he is in charge and things will only continue to work in my favor.
So I am happy, excited, I’m glad that God has chosen me. He is all that matters and he loves me. I’m very happy for my kids om and her boyfriend. I wish them well. As for me. The best is yet to come. I already see the benefits of my healing. I already see and feel good things in my life. I already feel the joy of loving myself and the perseverance of getting over a toxic relationship.
I already feel my resiliency. I already see and feel how strong my heart and emotions are. So I thank my children’s mother for my rejection. I thank het boyfriend too because this chapter that has ended between me and them has caused me to develop a stronger love for God and that loves automatically translates to a stronger love for myself and for the woman and other people that God is placing in my life, one day at a time.
Thank you Jesus for Jesus. Thanks for this post.
Katharine says
I got engaged to a man that I’d been dating for about 8 months (several years ago). I know it seems quick, but I’d had two prior relationships that had dragged on for years and gone nowhere. And this just felt like ‘the one’. We moved in together a few months later and I was very excited to plan our wedding and start our lives together. Long story short: He avoided planning a wedding for over 2 years while insisting that he loved me & everything was ok. When I finally threw together a wedding (without his help) over 2 yrs after engagement, he ‘postponed’ it 5 days beforehand. I had the dress, flowers, venue, everything. It was to be a small wedding, but still, it was a giant blow. As many times in our past, I mentioned us breaking up. And like every other time, he went out of his way to convince me that he deeply loved me and didn’t want to lose me and well, lied and made excuses (I would later learn).
I don’t know how he convinced me to stay w/ him. I guess I wanted to believe in us THAT badly, and I’d never been engaged before and I still felt shell shocked from the ‘postponement’. (which would later quietly start being referred to as a ‘cancellation’)..I don’t know how he convinced me to move across the country w/ him for a job he was offered. Well, actually I so: He lied. I would [much] later find out that he lied to be about a lot of major things. He cheated on me several times, but I found out the bulk of who he really was after I’d moved a million miles away with him. I tried to forgive, forget, move on..but the lies, the cheating, the psychological abuse & manipulation, the ENDLESS rejection and comments eluding to how everything was all my fault..( like I was getting what I deserved)… eventually broken me in half.
8 years after meeting him, I’m finally making plans to leave. But I feel like a hollowed out shell of the person I used to be. I feel so broken, numb and yet overflowing with pain. I have to start my life all over again with less than I had when I met him. And I’m not so young anymore. I feel COMPLETELY betrayed, used, manipulated, unloved and discarded. I truly wonder what person I will be when I go “home”. I feel half dead. I feel I’ll never seriously date or trust someone again. It may sound melodramatic but this relationship has come close to destroying my life, my identity, any trace of self confidence I once had, my hope and belief that good things will and can happen. I am now almost too old to have children too. I feel humiliated, ugly, and stupid for believing in something that was so completely wrong. This man never really wanted to marry me. He just never wanted to let me go. He was ‘on the fence’ for 8 years. What does that day about me?
How am I coping? I’m hanging on by a thread. I cry, a lot. I feel more disappointed than I ever thought possible. I stay up all night, unable to sleep/rest, thinking about my life which is now a pathetic train wreck. I worry about all the struggles I’m about to face, while he sits comfortably in “our” home, acting unemotional and not being inconvenienced at all. (He made sure to focus on his own success while emotionally / physically abandoning me for Years). He has great life. I look around me now and realize that I have almost nothing. I know it’s partly my fault. Clearly, I can’t trust my instincts when it comes to men/relationships and love. I hung on to long. Believed in him/us too much, too long. .. And I guess even though I DON’T cheat and I DON’T lie, everyone else on Earth does. I’m just a gullible sucker I guess.
Anne says
Katharine, I am so sorry! At this point you are still reeling from it all but I assure you it will get better. Be thankful that you didn’t marry him or have children with him because it would be so much more difficult to separate.
I am in the process of divorcing my husband of 44 years. It took me that long to finally realize that he wasn’t worthy and that all the emotional and verbal abuse I suffered was meant to control me. Men like my husband and your ex are narcissists who only care about themselves and have no inner core of strength. They use people as they see fit and discard them when they’re ready. If you dare to leave then you are just let go because they know they can find another loving person to fool.
Hang in there, and good luck.
Jean Austen says
This article came to me at the right time. I was badly battered with words by someone who used to say he loves me. For all I’ve given was care, love and attention. I’ve stayed long enough. Thinking he only does that when he is hurting inside. But somehow, it lead me thinking that it’s not fair to me that he is hurting me as well. I wanted to stay and be there for him….but not anymore. I deserve to be treated better. All the harsh words really got into me for a year. But today…even is enough. I decided to leave and block him out of my life. I am a good, kind, loving, warm and happy person. And I still want to be that person.
kd says
These words are a balm for my soul. At 48, I am (in two months) marrying for the second time. I have spent my adult life trying to understand the conditional “love” my parents had for me, and all the game playing and favouritism in our family of 3 children. My sister (the middle) has cut off all ties from everyone years ago. My brother (oldest-golden boy) makes nice and keeps the peace, but ultimately never makes an effort in our relationship. I spent a good portion of my life feeling unworthy, and have jumped through so many hoops to get them to see me; to love me, too. I have done much work on understanding how this is about THEM–not a reflection of my worth. A couple years have passed. Some therapy, a stint at the Hoffman Process (pretty helpful), making small changes, and lots of reading. I have, after all these years, found inner peace and self-love. After all that, it seems they are even more bent on making me a pariah–not responding to the wedding invitations, not talking to me in over a year (I have called numerous times and gotten silence)…the list is long. Yesterday, after sending a friendly request for RSVP to mother and brother, I received “No”s from both. No good wishes. Nothing. Just no. This is nothing new, I’m sad to say.. It’s been a hard, but ultimately strengthening journey. All the moments of celebration in my life (winning awards, scholarships, uni graduation at top of my class, my first wedding, the birth of three children, career honours, etc) were devoid of their faces in the crowd. They were ‘busy’. …….At that moment of reading the NO on the screen, I felt that a switch had turned off inside me. I went to bed very sad, but ultimately at peace with knowing I had always chosen the path of love, and that I am not to blame. This understanding was a huge deal for me. In the end, I saw that these people are not ABLE to reciprocate love; they have none for themselves. Perhaps they were never shown it. Not sure if that applies to my bro (who I suspect borders on being narcissistic), but nonetheless, I am treated the same by him. THIS morning, I awoke with a new attitude, which included surrounding myself only with those who love me, celebrating life through helping others, and gratitude. It includes reading something positive and helpful every day. So, here I am, on your site. Older, wiser and more understanding of others, ready to start a new life with a man who sees all of me and adores it all. And so DO I! Marc and ANgel, so many of these points helped me today. Hands together, head bowed..thank you.
Marble says
Totally agree, really excellent words.
Nancy says
It took me a long time to realize that the shame I carried with me all my life (I am 57) was due to my parents rejection. Recognizing that simple fact has been life altering for me. New rejections can trigger those old feelings and I have to remind myself that it was their problem – not mine. Excellent article on rejection- thank you.
Captain Kirk says
Marc and Angel…
Your articles are moving – and healing – many hearts. Perhaps, the reason why our community enjoys your articles so much, is because they speak to all of us – and our imperfect human condition.
Marc…
Motivating reminder, we need to “check our price tag”….
PRICE CHECK!!!
$ Every life is priceless and every human being has value…a unique and honorable value.
I also appreciate the bridge from REJECTION_____to RE-DIRECTION. This is powerful and compelling transition that we should practice.
And an inspirational reminder and personal declaration for EACH ONE of us:
“I have a unique SONG to sing and an enthralling STORY to tell. I must sing that SONG and tell that STORY in ways to enrich the lives of those around me.”
Discover your VALUE and your VOICE!
Alie says
This post could not have appeared at a better time for me. I was just rejected last Friday from the fifth job I had applied for, after two interviews with the company. I was told in so many words that I was just who they were looking for, yet I didn’t get the job. I felt led on and being one of several of instances, it has made me spiral into a dark, suicidal place. A very small part of the back of my brain knows that I am being rejected to be shown something better but hearing that right now just makes me laugh with derision. I feel like I’ve tried my best, many times, and it just will never be good enough. I also feel like I’m clinging to a cliff and losing my grip, looking over my shoulder and considering the fall.
I do have brief moments where I can turn the thought around to a positive light, but they are very brief. I know I’ll get through it and try again when I see another job I’d be qualified for, and I have a couple close friends in whom I can confide, which honestly has kept me sane and moving forward, albeit slowly. But the dark part of my mind says, “you’re just going to fail again and you’ll never be acceptable.”
Your posts do provide a sigh of relief for me and another perception to store in the back of my mind, so thank you for being so open and down to earth.
Sarah says
Dear Alie, sorry to hear you are being played around and the effect it has had on you, please don’t give up your power, you know that you would do a great job but these people don’t really know you, deep breath, hold on in there and keep on applying, it will happen, just may take longer than hoped. I just had the same outcome this morning, I’d had two interviews, offered the job, subject to references, then an email this morning ‘unfortunately, our team did not select you for further consideration’. I’ve asked for feedback as it doesn’t tally up. My references were excellent but I suspect my most recent manager has given an incorrect/unfair reference but I’m trying to be non blaming until I have more info. It is a kick each time it happens and you start to question things, this is natural trying make sense of it, I am now in a place where I realise they are trying their best to get the right person and perhaps I had a lucky escape if I don’t get selected. I too have become a professional interviewee with lots of stories, I wonder if they are enthusiastic for a couple of applicants to have a back up, did you seek feedback? If not, do, it may help with future applications and again to make sense of it. All the best with your search, at some point you will look back and say I’m glad that happened it was leading me here, not always easy to see when you are in the middle of it, basically the more you play the game, the more you learn and the more chances you will eventually win, all the best and keep reaching out to your good friends when you need them x
Sarah says
Hi Alie, an update on my last message and why it is good to ask for feedback, it turns out all of my references were fine, including the one from my most recent old manager, so worrying for nothing! The reason for retracting the job offer was that the manager who interviewed me apparently had second thoughts that I would be a good fit to how he works? Annoying that it took two interviews and offering the job to then come to that decision. Maybe a lucky escape for me? but I said it was unprofessional and poor that they sent me an email, obviously didn’t want to answer awkward questions. So the search continues! Again all the best to you!
Suzanne says
Loved #7. I ended a relationship (or rather it was ended for me) a few months ago and I’m obsessed with figuring it all out, going back and apologizing when I’m not sure I even have anything to apologize for, making peace with someone who simply doesn’t care about me anymore. Let it stay broken! What great advice. Endings can’t always be wrapped up neatly with a little bow. Time to just let go. Take the lessons I’ve learned and be on my way. Thanks for this posting.
Kate says
Rejection is thing I have been struggling with the most this really helped me to understand what I’ve been feeling. I’ve been struggling with ending a relationship that I’ve known to be negative, dealing with health probelms, and endless job rejections over almost a year and a half. The relationship is the one that causes the most pain, letting someone in to your life only to be rejected is a pain that we can’t comprehend. In all those feelings of love I know that I’ve been going back and reliving the rejection, but I. Know that even if this person says that they are willing to try again, that past actions will just lead me to mistrust and resent this person. And yet I’ve still been hanging onto this last thing and trying to fix the relationships and my feelings and hoping for a miracle. It’s hardest still when there is no closure, no last words and no replys. I’ve just been reminding myself of all the calls he didn’t answer, and all the times he said he would be there and wasn’t. It’s given me a little bit of closure in knowing I’m not alone in these feelings.
Gemini81 says
I really appreciated this. More than words can describe. I’m in my 30s, and all of my very close friends are married. It’s I date but continuously get nowhere. When I take a hard look at myself, I know my quirks, strengths, and potential. My friends.are all awesome and I love them but I sometimes feel like I missed a memo…like as a woman there’s this secret move or gesture or personality that I don’t know about, that keeps a man around. And when I talk to men or hear about what men want, I often think they’re looking for unicorns. All I know how to be is myself and I hope and pray for someone smart enough to see that what’s in front of them is dope, special, and unique. But I’ve failed..even when I try to be someone else. Ive been told that I get nowhere because I operate according to the way the world should be rather than how the world really is. As a woman I’m supposed to be doing magic tricks to give men an illusion of who I am. I do my best to present my best self but it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. So ive secretly given up and decided to focus my career. Ive.told myself God has bigger plans for me. Not having someone to love and love me is unsettling. Rejection is indeed hurtful. But my biggest fear is to live my life being a fake. I’d rather grow old and alone but know myself than to grow old with someone else and not recognize the beauty God created.
Anyways, thank you for this article. It’s given me a little encouragement.
marlene J. King says
Thank you Marc and Angel for all your inspiration and all the years I’ve read and listened to you online. I also have one of your books.
Artchic6 says
A few months ago, I lost a job of 10 years that i was very good at. I dealt with a lot of toxicity in my job with people who acted like my friend but ultimately were out for themselves. It would have been hard for me to imagine when I started this job that in my 40’s I would have to deal with being bullied! I was ultimately rejected for doing my job well and to add insult to injury the very toxic new CMO of the company (who apparently didn’t like me) let me know I was being let go at 9 am on a Monday and also on the very day of my 10th anniversary. Lovely. NOT! I could not believe my ears but couldn’t change what was already in motion.
I had indeed settled for a job that I didn’t care for because the money was good but now realize that I had seriously marked myself down. They did everything they could to try and take away my happiness and they took my talents as a designer for granted. 4.5 months later, I still get pissed off about it and I know I dwell way too much on what happened. This week for some reason has been particularly hard. I’ve cried a few times about it, mostly because of money concerns but the rejection still hurts.
I know I’ve taken too many negative situations and comments to heart when I shouldn’t. I’ve let others who were ultimately threatened by me make me feel like I’m less than them.
Ultimately, I know, deep inside, that my load is much lighter by not working in that toxic environment any more. And I am SO thankful because my new ‘boss’ would have been the one who was ultimately the biggest bully of all of them and also a complete moron who the CMO thought was the golden boy. She’s finding out now, apparently, that she was wrong.
I’ve met with former co-workers who do care about me and they are still baffled by why I was let go. Most people with half a brain at my work felt that way.
I so appreciate the words in this article and I plan to read it often and share it with others. In fact I already have. In the wise words of Al Franken “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me!!!” And that is VERY true. I have such a great support system and want to be thankful instead of regretting an ending to a situation that was never right for me in the first place. I’m hopeful for my future and know that I AM good enough to have a great job with people who appreciate me.
Karen X says
Wow! For weeks, I blamed myself. I cried myself to sleep. I beat myself up. I told myself I wasn’t good enough, that I stupid and gullible. I just couldn’t make sense of it all.
I had met a wonderful man but I was so against it at first because we came from different backgrounds, we each had crazy work schedules and he was a lot younger. 13 years to be exact. He wooed, pursued and convinced me that he was serious and it became very intense pretty quickly. Divorced for 6 years after a 14 year marriage, I was ready and in love again. We began looking for apartments to move into together. Travel plans were made and paid for. One of us always made the effort to make time for the other. Then, from literally one day to the next, I never heard from him again. He ignored all my attempts trying to reach him. Weeks later, the excuse I got was- Work stress. And that was that. I didn’t even deserve an explanation. To him, I was worthless, unimportant and he chose to ignore me in the hope that I’d just disappear.
I have read this article over and over again and I will do so until I finally believe and realise that I was too good for him. It was nothing I did. It wasn’t about me. It was ALL HIM!
I am a hardworking and I believe, an intelligent 47 year old and I never thought I could feel as low as I did. You have made me realise that I do deserve better and that I am capable of so much more. I have read many of your articles since this one and I thank you for giving women like me hope, support and encouragement.
Carol says
This post is so true and empowering. I found all this out many years ago on my journey to recovery and finding my true self. I was a people pleaser who would do everything to please and help other people….who would rarely do the same for me.(#6) Their actions and words would hurt, frustrate and cause me resentment… which in turn started to make me want to treat them like they treated me… That was a big wake up call. I did not want them so badly that I would sink to their level… so I lovingly let go of them. I was terrible at confrontation and getting my true feelings out face to face without being manipulated and made to feel that something was wrong with me. So in several of these friendships I prayed for the courage to Lovingly let got and expressed my feelings in a letter (which was a much easier way for me to completely reveal my true feelings). I didn’t go into anything that they did … only how I felt and what I needed and deserved. I held no expectations about what would happen or how they would react. I Let Go of it all… with Love…and did what was best for me(#2). I have never regretted these decisions….they made me stronger and more loving and respecting of myself…and showed me how much I was really worth! I stopped letting people(even my own husband and children) take advantage of me and allowing them to treat me less than what I was really worth. I’d much rather have a few friends who really care about me… than a whole lot of them that only use and hurt me. Changing my attitude made people accept me as I am and me love myself as I am.
For all who are on this journey… Love yourself first and do not accept unacceptable behavior just to have certain people in your life…. they are not worthy of you. Have faith that things will work out for the best… and patience to wait for them to happen. Everything in life happens for a reason….even if we don’t know what it is at the time.
For your own self respect, make all these changes with as much love and forgiveness as you can…not for them … but for yourself. It will make You a much better and happier person….whom you can be proud of.
Marc and Angel, Thank you again for lighting the way for so many people.
Angel Chernoff says
Thank you for sharing a slice of your self-love journey with us. Truly beautiful, Carol!
ZM says
Carol I am in tears by your response. “Love yourself first and do not accept unacceptable behavior just to have certain people in your life…. they are not worthy of you.” Thank you for this.
Sarah says
Will your new book be available via the Amazon U.K. website?
Angel Chernoff says
Yes it is. I just checked for you. Here is the direct Amazon UK link: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Little-Habits-Happy-Successful-Relationships/dp/059332773X/
Corkie says
This resonates with me in so many ways. I have no issues with my husband .. But he has issues with me putting up with so much from who I think is a friend. I am always there for her , through the death of her daughter to medical problems etc. I always listen to any situation shes going through. She rarely asks about me and rarely listens when I reach out.
And then… she draws me in like I am important to her and things are good. The bottom line her is when she has nothing better to do …. she comes around. Then , no contact other than to here what she is doing with others. Really??? I’d rather not know. Then my feelings are hurt and I go through the rejection thing all over again.
When I’m in the “group “ they all seem excited to see me and are super friendly… then nothing. I reach out and get no “let’s get together”.
It’s exhausting. My husband wishes I would see the writing on the wall… he’s probably right. :(.
Glen says
It is a fine line to let ourselves be vulnerable and trusting in any relationship rather than be guarded. Looking back several years, I see I was pulled into a couple of situations that turned out not to be authentic. At times my intuition told me things were off balance but the bait pulled me in. In retrospect, I still punish myself for not following my intuition. I feel stupid. If I forget about it, my nightmares will call up my negative emotions recreating my vulnerability.
I knew better. Now, I try following a mantra,
“Don’t waste good energy following bad energy.”
I have been following you Marc and Angel since you began. You never fail to help us look at ourselves in a more positive and healthy way….especially in moving forward. For all that you give, I am grateful.
William Moore says
Where has this wonderful advice been all these years? I am sure thousands, no millions of others feel the same way. This advice is spot on for me as over the years I ‘ve dealt with negative and toxic people questioning my abilities and worth leading to self doubts on my abilities and if i might say it succinctly ‘POOR SELF ESTEEM’.
I won’t go into the details but reading this article brought flashbacks of years of negative experiences I’ve had in the past that cost me more than all the money in the world could buy. This has caused me to be a loner for many years, just staying by myself after getting tired of trying to meet quality people despite putting myself out there and getting rejected and put down constantly .One of my New Years resolutions was to meet new quality men and hopefully a partner. Recently i began talking with a guy at church, I told him ” you’ve got an awesome personality”. his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. We spoke briefly and i got to thinking this guy’s dynamite so i got bold ( something I’m relatively new at) and asked to exchange phone numbers. I saw him the next Sunday at church. I asked how his week went: and would you be open to a drink or cup of coffee when this pandemic’s over.? He said definitely. Long story short: this guy is awesome, nice looking, smart, funny, goal oriented among many other things. have some things in common and we’re neighbors, live about a block from each other. Oh , one more thing, we’re both gay men
William Moore says
One more thing marc & Angel Please keep up this awesome column and your lifetime advice that more often than not is spot on and relevant to so many of us just trying to live our lives the beast way we can.
gwendolyn l hicks says
HI,
So many of your posts have helped me. I believe that this one came at the right time. I ended a relationship that I thought was going to be wonderful. I was abused as a child so i have always had self esteem and mental health issues. IN the beginning he treated me like gold but then he changed. He was busy etc. He said that it had nothing to do with how he felt about me. I knew that i could not let this continue. even though I know I made the right decision, it is painful. I told myself all of the things that you said. I truly believed that it was something I had done. I was always taught as a child that I was unlovable, so I just assumed that was true. This has made it extremely hard for me to move on. I just feel that everything will bring me pain. I feel that I should give up on trying to find love. You have given me some new things to consider. Maybe in time I will heal. Thank you for your good reads always.
Angel Chernoff says
Marc and I are sending you extra love today. Please don’t give up on love. As Mother Teresa so profoundly said, “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” It’s just a matter of redirecting your love into yourself, first.
christine says
As always your words come with beautiful timing to my inbox. Thank you.
Gina says
Hello, I rarely comment but have been a reader of your blog since stumbling on it in 2012 while recovering from a horrible car accident that left me isolated, depressed and feeling impossibly small and weak. I’ve made a lot of changes in my life over the past decade, but rejection remains the biggest trigger for me. This post reminds me of the truest thing I’ve learned, that people can only accept me to the extent they’ve accepted themselves. If we don’t deal with our own pain and triggers, we’ll never be able to embrace someone else’s. I have learned these lessons the hard way. I am lucky to be in a healthy relationship with a supportive partner after decades of boyfriends who could only offer inconsistent emotional support and acceptance at best. Unfortunately, I still deal with a toxic parent who consistently disrespects who I am and all I hold dear, in almost every way described in this post. He compares himself to other people and feels inferior, so he insults me, my career, my passions, my art, and my loved ones (my partner, my mom, my grandparents – endless) so that I’ll feel inferior, too. The pandemic has only worsened matters, as he is unable to be still in a peaceful and content matter. All his extra time for reflection is used in a toxic, “the world’s against me” way and I become his punching bag.
I’m still praying for God to guide me in this situation. You can’t break up with a family member the way you can break up w a partner, but I value myself and know I cannot be a doormat – for anyone. I try to set boundaries, but it only works until the next time he is feeling small and weak. Regardless of what happens, this post reminded me so succinctly of who I am and how that can’t be broken by anyone. Thank you so much!
Angel Chernoff says
Thank you for sharing a piece of your story with us, Gina. And thank you for trusting us to be on the journey with you over the past 9 years or so. I think your stance is correct, too—you must maintain healthy boundaries from toxic family members. Fill your own bucket so that you have the fuel you need to occasionally face their unreasonable behavior.
Chelsey Ferguson says
Honestly you can cut family out of your life – my mom is a very negative and critical person of me and while I still love her I don’t communicate with her much or see her (we live in different states). It’s sad in a way, but I’m happier for it – and she doesn’t change. So it is what it is.
ZM says
I have changed so much to have this one person in my life who has rejected me. She’s loved by SO MANY people and gives endlessly and has a heart of gold. It’s impossible not to fall in love with her and want her as your best friend. I’ve been blaming myself for my shortcomings because how can every person who comes across this person just love her to death (as I did), yet I brought something out of her to cut me out of her life. I have been ruminating for almost two months now non-stop. Ive spent much of this time depressed as well. I’ve come up empty handed. My saving grace is my amazing husband and all my close friends who remind me if I were terrible I wouldn’t have these wonderful people in my life who are there at a moments notice. I wish this person could see her immature conduct and at least respect me enough to inform me what this horrendous act that I did to merit being cut out of her life.
Chelsey Ferguson says
I freaking love you guys! Such solid advice and it helps guide my mind so much. Love that you write about God too!! I never comment, but I’ve been reading your blog for years. Thank you for your hard work 🙂