The goal is to grow so strong on the inside that nothing on the outside can affect your inner wellness without your conscious permission.
How you cope with unexpected stress and frustration can easily be the difference between living a good life and living an unhealthy one. If you choose unhealthy coping mechanisms like avoidance or denial, for example, you can quickly turn a tough situation into a tragic one. And sadly, this is a common mistake many people make.
When you find yourself facing a disheartening reality, your first reaction might be to deny the situation, or to avoid dealing with it altogether. But by doing so you’re inadvertently holding on even tighter to the pain that you wish to let go of — you’re, in effect, sealing it up inside you.
Let’s imagine someone close to you has grown ill, and supporting this person through his or her illness is incredibly painful. You might not want to deal with the pain, so you cope by avoiding it, by finding ways to numb yourself with alcohol and unhealthy eating. And consequently, you grow physically ill too while the pain continues to fester inside you.
Obviously, that’s not good.
If you notice yourself doing something similar, it’s time to pause, admit to yourself that you’re coping by avoiding, and then shift your focus to a healthier coping mechanism, like using the quotes listed later in this post (several of which are excerpts from our books) to help you open your mind.
When you face struggles with an attitude of openness — open to the painful feelings and emotions you have — you find out that it’s not comfortable, but you can still be fine and you can still step forward. Openness means you don’t instantly decide that you know this is only going to be a horrible experience — it means you admit that you don’t really know what the next step will be like, and you’d like to understand the whole truth of the matter. It’s a learning stance, instead of one that assumes the worst.
Reminder: Our 6th annual Think Better, Live Better conference is taking place this coming weekend in Orlando. If you can’t attend in person, get yourself a full recording of the 2022 live event HERE.
The General Benefits of Healthy Coping
Coping certainly isn’t an easy practice, and I’m not suggesting that it is. What I am suggesting is that it’s worth your while. With practice, healthy coping allows you to find better ways of managing life’s continuous stream of unexpected and uncontrollable circumstances. For example…
- A task is harder than you expected it to be — Instead of running from a daunting and overwhelming task, you can accept it and see what it’s like to feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed, and still take action anyway. Writing a book, for example, is daunting and overwhelming, but you can still write one even with those feelings rolling through you (just like Angel and I did with our bestselling books).
- An interaction with someone you love angers or frustrates you — Instead of lashing out at a loved one when you’re upset with them, you can sit quietly with your difficult feelings and just be open to what it’s like to feel them. And then, once you’ve had a moment to breathe, you can see what it’s like to deal compassionately with someone you love who you’re also upset with. To try to understand them instead of just judging them at their worst.
- Unhealthy cravings overwhelm you out of nowhere — You may be inclined to indulge in unhealthy cravings like alcohol and sweets for comfort when you’re feeling stressed out. But you can sit with these feelings and be open to them instead, and then gradually build positive daily rituals for coping in healthier ways—taking walks, meditating, talking with someone about your feelings, journaling, reviewing the relevant quotes from our book provided in this post, etc. (Angel and I build life-changing, positive daily rituals with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of Getting Back to Happy Course.)
- You are forced to deal with a loved one’s death — When someone you love passes away, the grief and sense of loss can seem overwhelming. And at that point, it’s incredibly easy to give in to unhealthy, “quick-fix” ways of alleviating the pain. But you have to force yourself to do the opposite—to give yourself compassion, to sit with the powerfully difficult thoughts and feelings you have, and to open your mind to what lies ahead. Gradually it becomes evident that death isn’t just an ending, but also a beginning. Because while you have lost someone special, this ending, like all losses, is a moment of reinvention. Although sad, their passing forces you to reinvent your life, and in this reinvention is an opportunity to experience beauty in new, unseen ways and places.
And of course, we’ve merely just scratched the surface of an endless pool of possibilities for healthy coping. The key thing to understand is that by learning to cope in healthier ways, you will find that you can better handle anything life throws your way, and come out stronger, and oftentimes even happier, than you were before.
In the end, the world is as you are inside. What you think, you see, and you ultimately become. So gather and choose your thoughts wisely…
Think how you want to live today.
Use these quotes to guide your mind…
Quotes for Healthy Coping
In moments of unexpected stress and frustration, an uplifting reminder can make all the difference in your mindset. And that’s exactly why I’m sharing the quotes below with you today. Together they collectively serve as a healthy coping mechanism for life’s inevitable disappointments. And understanding how to cope in a healthy way, as we’ve discussed, is an invaluable skill.
Truth be told, Angel and I personally reference these quotes on a regular basis to bring perspective, shift our mindset, and cope with the unexpected troubles we can’t control. And although this practice is indeed a personal one, it’s also been vetted by its extensive use in hundreds of successful one-on-one (and two-on-one) coaching sessions that Angel and I have administered with our course students and coaching clients over the years. Perhaps they will help you too.
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Please share this post with others who you think will benefit from it, and also share your thoughts with us in the comments section below. If you’re up to it, we’d love it if you shared an additional quote or personal saying that has helped you cope with the things you can’t control.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Headline photo by: Roman Kraft
Jason Kolee says
Such a great highlight of daily reminders, M&A! I just saved several of these pics to my phone so I can reference them as affirmations when I need a quick shift in perspective. Also, your 1,000 Little Things book is a daily source for guidance to me.
And now I’ll add one of my longtime favorites from one of Angel’s past email newsletter emails…
“Paradise is not a place – it’s a state of mind. Whenever the grass looks greener on the other side… Stop staring, stop comparing, stop complaining, and start watering the grass you’re standing on.”
So incredibly important to remember as I continue to work on being mindful and putting my best foot forward. And many of the quotes in this blog post help reinforce this too.
Thank you for another solid resource!
Bethany says
Like Jason mentioned above, I too have several go-to daily quotes and affirmations that I’ve gradually written down or snap-shotted from your marcandangel.com emails and your books over the years. So thanks for all the inspiration.
One quote from your book that I reference and repeat to myself the most is this one:
“Too many people say they want a new life, but then they take the new one they get every minute for granted. Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t hold on to what’s no longer there. Don’t wait until your life is almost over to realize how priceless the present moment is. The good life is here – it begins right now, when you stop wanting a different one.”
therese F. says
Marc, I couldn’t agree more with your opening thoughts on the importance and power of healthy coping mechanisms. And I think these quotes from your book are one good tool for the job. Also, through your course’s one-on-one coaching, I learned the importance and power of self-inquiry from you and Angel too…the practice of questioning our thoughts and beliefs, and bringing greater awareness to how our inaccurate thoughts and beliefs bring incredible amounts of unnecessary stress. This too has helped me cope and ultimately move my life forward following a prolonged period of moderate depression. Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks.
Oh, and if I had to share just one other quote with the world, it’d be the serenity prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Kathy Dannel Vitcak says
Like most of us, I skim thru the plethora of newsletters that pop into my inbox. I am so grateful I stopped, clicked and actually read each and every quote. Thank you, today I am feeling much more purposeful and present. Thanks, ya’ll!
Kathy
marlene says
I am amazed at your collective insight and well-researched value in everything you offer your readers. At 80, each day is one of learning. Thank you.
Erik says
Thanks Marc and Angel for this post. I have not been getting any rest lately many restless nights, however I’m learning every day to let go and start over.
Elizabeth says
Same here, racing mind, not happy with how things are. Going to turn that self sabotaging thinking around. Instead of being angry taking steps to get to where I want things to be, appreciating that I am here and well enough tho handle the wat is that I want to change.
Janice Strong says
You have put together a magnificent collection of positive, life affirming reminders and quotes. I have bookmarked them. Thank you for this gift.
Christie says
Hi – Just found your website via your 1000 little things book and already feeling a shift from the reading. I always thought being a good person would somehow magically keep bad people away (like they’d be repulsed by positivity or something). Of course, that never worked and I’d get crushed. I started to suspect my belief, but seeing you articulate different perspectives in different ways really hits home. Many thanks for the continued guidance.
Rahman says
Thank you very much for these valuable tips and reminders you send me via email each week. What you aggregate and share gives me much strength and confidence to the days ahead in the midst of my problems worries and frustrations..
Mel says
As always deep wisdom contained as a kernal within each of these quotes. Each one could be the basis for deep reflection to see its truth and to think about how to start to apply it in my own life.
I really really needed to read many of these quotes today and they all resonated with me and I love that they are a call to action – no one can change me but myself – thanks for the inspiration and some tools to start and keep going with the process.
Crisly Zerrudo says
Coping is easier said than done. Letting go of the people we care and love is not easy to do. My question, do we really have to let them go in order to move on? Many people told me yes, you have to let go in order to move on. My answer is NO. 10 months ago I lost my daughter. After 11 years of waiting and slowly believing that I can’t conceive anymore, she came un-expectedly and gaved me and my husband so much joy that we can’t even explain. Then, 3 weeks before the due date, She was taken from us, un-expectedly. Where no experts can tell us what was really the reason. It took my life, and I was in denial. I couldn’t accept that she was gone. I tried to let her go and moved on as what others told me, but it made me un loving, always mad, and made the feeling of grievance worse. Til I realized that something so beautiful and perfect cannot be acquired easily. I would never let her go, instead I will forever keep her in my heart and use my love for her to fuel me to create my own happiness. I will use my grief to try to help others cope up their own.
Marc and Angel, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for all your beautiful contents. It helped me every day. You inspired me to do more, and you motivate me to inspire and empower others to do more too.
KWASI says
Yes nothing is permanent. Truly, all shall surely come to pass.
Such a harsh yet necessary reminder.
Thanks for sharing. Been following your work for over 10 years now.
Trishla says
I loved this article, just what I needed today. I have been reading your articles and emails for over 6 months now and trust me this is all I want to read these days. It is actually helping me out to come out of mild depression and anxiety.
Yvonne says
Love all of these! Such great reminders. I’ve saved several of them so that I can share with others and remind myself. Thank you.
Gail says
These reminders and quotes are wonderful and so true to live by….I love watercolours and I am currently doing a daily art journal. I will use these reminders in my art in the days ahead. Simple and so beautiful are these quotes. I want to pass them on.
Leanne Calderwood says
Lots of incredible motivation here – thank you Marc and Angel for your continued inspiration.