“If only…” These two words paired together create one of the saddest phrases in the English language.
Here are ten choices that ultimately lead to that phrase of regret, and how to elude them on the average day:
- Wearing a mask to impress others. – If the face you always show the world is a mask, someday there will be nothing beneath it. Because when you spend too much time concentrating on everyone else’s perception of you, or who everyone else wants you to be, you eventually forget who you really are. So don’t fear the judgments of others; you know in your heart who you are and what’s true to you. You don’t have to be perfect to impress and inspire people. Let them be impressed and inspired by how you deal with your imperfections.
- Letting someone else create your dreams for you. – The greatest challenge in life is discovering who you are; the second greatest is being happy with what you find. A big part of this is your decision to stay true to your own goals and dreams. Do you have people who disagree with you? Good. It means you’re standing your ground and walking your own path. Sometimes you’ll do things considered crazy by others, but when you catch yourself excitedly losing track of time, that’s when you’ll know you’re doing the right thing. (Read The 4-Hour Workweek.)
- Keeping negative company. – Don’t let someone who has a bad attitude give it to you. Don’t let them get to you. They can’t philosophically pull the trigger if you don’t hand them the ammo. When you remember that keeping the constant company of negative people is a choice, instead of an obligation, you free yourself to keep the company of compassion instead of anger, generosity instead of greed, and patience instead of anxiety.
- Being selfish and egotistical. – A life filled with loving deeds and good character is the best tombstone. Those who you inspired and shared your love with will remember how you made them feel long after your time has expired. So carve your name on hearts, not stone. What you have done for yourself alone dies with you; what you have done for others and the world remains.
- Avoiding change and growth. – If you want to know your past look into your present conditions. If you want to know your future look into your present actions. You must let go of the old to make way for the new; the old way is gone, never to come back. If you acknowledge this right now and take steps to address it, you will position yourself for lasting success. (Read The Power of Habit.)
- Giving up when the going gets tough. – There are no failures, just results. Even if things don’t unfold the way you had expected, don’t be disheartened or give up. Learn what you can and move on. The one who continues to advance one step at a time will win in the end. Because the battle is always won far away and long before the final victory. It’s a process that occurs with small steps, decisions, and actions that gradually build upon each other and eventually lead to that glorious moment of triumph.
- Trying to micromanage every little thing. – Life should be touched, not strangled. Sometimes you’ve got to relax and let life happen without incessant worry and micromanagement. Learn to let go a little before you squeeze too tight. Take a deep breath. When the dust settles and you can once again see the forest for the trees, take the next step forward. You don’t have to know exactly where you’re going to be headed somewhere great. Everything in life is in perfect order whether you understand it yet or not. It just takes some time to connect all the dots.
- Settling for less than you deserve. – Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve. Sometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you have ever been to stand up taller than you ever were before. Sometimes your eyes need to be washed by your tears so you can see the possibilities in front of you with a clearer vision again. Don’t settle.
- Endlessly waiting until tomorrow. – The trouble is, you always think you have more time than you do. But one day you will wake up and there won’t be any more time to work on the things you’ve always wanted to do. And at that point you either will have achieved the goals you set for yourself, or you will have a list of excuses for why you haven’t. (Read The Last Lecture.)
- Being lazy and wishy-washy. – The world doesn’t owe you anything, you owe the world something. So stop daydreaming and start DOING. As they say, develop a backbone not a wishbone. Take full responsibility for your life – take control your next step. You are important and you are needed. It’s too late to sit around and wait for somebody to do something someday. Someday is now; the somebody the world needs is YOU.
Photo by: J.T. Noriega
Kev says
Solid advice from you two as usual. This post reminds me of this quote from Kurt Vonnegut that my father had hanging on his office bulletin board for many years during my childhood:
“Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, “It might have been.”
Gina Carr says
Spot on! I just turned 70 last week and I can tell you from experience, the cruelest words in the world are “if only.” You’ve got to live and take the chances that feel right. Time is short. Great reminders here!
Kylie Ofiu says
Heck yes! I made some huge changes involving these ideas last year such as leaving a relationship, distancing myself from negative people and reflecting on what I really want, my goals and things. I feel so much better for it and my life has taken on a much better direction and the people and opportunities that have come into it are amazing.
I knew years ago I needed to make these changes, but didn’t. I don’t want to feel like that again, where I knew, but didn’t take action.
Hope says
This post is spot on. I believe the greatest failure in life is not giving things a go because you are too scared of the unknown. As Helen Keller said “Life is a daring adventure or nothing”.
Trevor says
“You don’t have to know exactly where you’re going to be headed somewhere great.”
This cuts right to the heart of the matter, but so many of us never take a moment to conisder the point.
We think we need to have a solid plan, with each little step mapped out miles ahead.
But what happens when you take your first misstep?
It’s fine to have a plan, but sometimes we have to let go a little bit and just go with the flow. Things won’t always turn out as expected . . .
Sometimes they’ll turn out even better.
Cheers!
Honey says
After coming out the other side of treatment for cancer, I am not who I was before the diagnosis. My landscape has changed. I am so much stronger in so many ways, but I am also very vulnerable and scared. I am adjusting slowly to the new me, but I feel that people are judging me, because I am not the same person I used to be. I worry that they expect me to be back to my old self now that treatment is over, but recovery is a long slow process and my old self will not be returning. Your 10 choices hit home with me and I will continue slowly down my new path, letting go of my old life and embracing the new life ahead of me. 🙂
Saloni says
” You don’t have to know exactly where you’re going to be headed somewhere great. Everything in life is in perfect order whether you understand it yet or not. It just takes some time to connect all the dots.”
I really needed to hear that. Thank you so much for this post!
Janet Komanchuk says
Number One – Wearing a Mask to Impress Others, really hits home. How many of us are people pleasers? I certainly tried to be. Instead of being myself and showing the world who I really am I hoarded my true thoughts and feelings, just as I hoarded my possessions.
No wonder I became gravely ill with fibromyalgia. No one knew who I really was and, at times, neither did I. Life is too short to hide. It’s time to live and enjoy who you are. True friends will appreciate you and love you for who you really are rather than the false face you have masked yourself in. If they prefer that, no doubt they are hiding who they are too.
Jo (The Blond) says
Wonderful! This post actually got me out of bed. I planned to go out today to take some photos, but woke up feeling so tired and thought ‘what’s the point of doing anything today?’ Well, life is short, isn’t it, so I might as well live it 🙂 Thanks!
Catherine says
I tend to wait until tomorrow…always working today and waiting until tomorrow to enjoy life. Realizing one day that you are 40 and haven’t lived for yourself yet doesn’t feel good. Thanks for the reminders to get going today.
Jessamine says
Number 1, 2… with number 4… Sometimes people say that I am being selfish when actually I’m very tired of living another person’s dreams.
Tarik says
Dear Angel and Marc,
Thank you for this great post! Actually it reminds me of Mark Twain’s powerful quote: “20 years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do, rather by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Your blog is a blessing!!
Melinda Balmaceda says
I don’t know how you guys do this, but your words always make me find myself in every posts I read. It’s a big help.. Thanks a lot.:)
David says
Excellent! Reminded me of 2 quotes
Hannibal: “We will either find a way or make a way”
Chinese Proverb: ” The longest journey begins with a single step”
Sharon Gombos says
I totally agree with all of the above!!! Life is too short; therefore live it. And the past is our past, the future hopefully something to look forward to and the present is a gift from GOD!!!!!