Too often people overestimate the significance of one big defining moment and underestimate the value of making good decisions and small steps of progress on a daily basis.
You’re probably familiar with what’s known as the Serenity Prayer. It goes like this:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
There’s an important lesson here — one that’s very often glossed over…
When a chaotic reality is swirling around us, we often try to relieve our anxiety by exerting our will over external things we cannot control.
It helps us stave off one of the most dreaded feelings: complete powerlessness.
With that in mind, I have good news and bad news.
The bad news is that generally speaking, almost everything is outside your control. What other people do, whether it will rain tomorrow, whether or not your efforts will be appreciated — all of these outcomes depend on factors that aren’t YOU.
But that’s also the good news.
The friction and frustration created by trying to change things you cannot change is the crucible where a ton of unhappiness is born. Accepting that most things are outside your influence gives you explicit permission to let them unfold as they may.
Stoic philosopher Epictetus put it this way:
“Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our actions.”
Overcoming the “three big un’s” that so many of us struggle with daily — unhappiness, unconvinced things will ever change, unsure what to do next — begins with understanding what you can control and what you cannot.
The mental shift here is not easy. Most of us have spent a lifetime worrying about things that we can’t control. Society practically encourages this. For most, it’s a bona fide habit — one that should be replaced with a healthy understanding of how much we can actually change. Again though, it’s hard to get your mind wrapped around all this when you’re constantly hearing…
“Why don’t you just get over it?” or “Just let it go.”
We’ve all heard some flavor of this advice before. And it passes the sniff test, to a certain extent.
I mean, “time heals all wounds,” right? Well, yes… sort of. But wounds heal differently depending on how they’re treated.
Left alone, a gash in your skin will leave a large scar and be vulnerable to injury again in the future. This is why we get stitches — it helps the wound heal in a way that limits the chance of re-injury down the road.
Emotional wounds work the same way. Given enough time, most emotional pain will diminish — that’s true. But…
Just “Getting Over It” Leaves Scars
In the emotional sense, scars equal baggage — baggage we carry with us into every aspect of our lives. These scars grow and accumulate until one day you wake up suffering from one or more of the “three un’s” (unhappiness, unconvinced things will ever change, unsure what to do next).
So, don’t get over it. Go through it, one step at a time.
Honestly, I understand the desire to “get over” difficult experiences or situations rather than facing them. Revisiting painful memories or facing our present demons is really, really hard. And we as human beings are hard-wired to not cause ourselves pain.
However, as our parents taught us, ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away.
And in addition to the scars, to ignore or downplay a wound puts you at risk for infection, emotionally as well as physically.
Unresolved issues in your life take up residence in your mind and influence your decisions, your relationships, and your attitudes. They rob you of your happiness and potential.
Of course, doing the hard yet necessary things to resolve your issues and heal your wounds can feel impossible. This is how Marc and I felt a decade ago when we were knocked down and stuck in a rut after simultaneously losing two loved ones — including my dear brother — to self-harm and illness. It was nearly impossible to move anywhere significant when we didn’t feel we had the strength to push forward.
So if you’re feeling this way now — like it’s impossible to make significant progress today — you aren’t wrong for feeling what you feel. In many cases, you’re right: significant progress comes gradually with time and consistency. It’s all about taking one tiny positive step at a time, and staying the course.
Consider the following section, which is an excerpt from our guided journal, “The Good Morning Journal”:
The Power of Tiny Changes
Think about the fact that it only takes a one degree change in temperature to convert water to vapor, or ice to water. It’s such a tiny change — just one step in a different direction — and yet the results are dramatic. A tiny change can make all the difference in the world.
Now, consider another example where a tiny change is compounded by time and distance. Perhaps you’re trying to travel somewhere specific, but you’re off course by just one tiny degree in the wrong direction…
- After one mile, you would be off course by over 92 feet.
- If you were trying to travel from San Francisco to Washington, D.C., you would land near Baltimore, Maryland, over 42 miles away from your desired destination.
- Traveling around the world from Washington, D.C. back to Washington D.C., you’d miss by 435 miles and end up landing near Boston instead.
- In a spaceship traveling to the moon, a one-degree error would have you missing the moon by over 4,100 miles.
You get the idea — over time and distance, a mere one-degree change in course makes a significant difference…
This same philosophy holds true in various aspects of our lives. The tiniest and most fundamental things we do each day — positive and negative alike — can make all the difference. They either bring us closer or farther away from where we ultimately want to be. And yet, we mostly ignore this reality. We default to behaving as if our daily actions won’t ever be significant enough. Or, again, we try to exert control over the bigger things we have no control over.
Think about it…
- How many people uphold unhealthy and unproductive habits?
- How many people wait around and procrastinate on the next positive step?
- How many people live every day of their lives moving one degree away from where they ultimately want to be?
Don’t be one of them anymore!
Truth be told, everyone travels 24 hours a day, whether they’re moving in the right direction or not.
How much richer would your life be if you committed yourself to making just one degree of effort toward improving something about your situation each day?
And even though it will surely be harder than doing nothing, it doesn’t even have to be anything that hard. You just need to muster up the courage to break free from the status quo and take one small, fundamental step forward today, and then do it again tomorrow.
Pick something tiny and productive to improve upon, and then make it a daily habit.
Doing so will make all the difference in the world — it could literally change your life — just a few short weeks down the road.
Now, it’s your turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to focus on those fundamental yet life-changing steps today. So give yourself some credit right now for how far you’ve come in recent times, and then take the next step forward!
But before you go, please leave Marc and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Mercury says
That example of a small degree in change of course, and how it can make such a tremendous difference is truly powerful….and motivating.
Diane says
Very helpful article. It gives me motivation to continue on with positive ideas, habits and goals to improve the quality of my days. Thank you.
Mili says
Excellent suggestion. Starting small always leads to bigger things.
Jedidah says
A powerful piece with huge lessons.
Ellen G. says
Thank you for your words of wisdom. This kinda reminds me of the true story about Play Doh. It was originally used to remove soot from wallpaper. When that was no longer needed the company was in dire straits. The founder’s sister-in-law, a teacher, commented that kids like to play with it and suggested he color it and and market it as a toy. As we know it was a huge success. We are all just one small adjustment from making our life work.
MaryAnn says
Boy can I relate to this.
You often hear about making that first step, or one step at a time… that one degree of change is very relavant right now.
I work for myself as a graphic artist and have really struggled in the past year and a half. I lost a big client last March who provided a steady monthly income, lost a contract job recently due to budget cuts and have had multiple other great opportunities fall through the cracks for various reasons that I had no control over. Through all this I feel like I’ve taken 3 steps forward and 8 steps back. It’s been very frustrating as freelancer and business owner and has caused a lot of financial strain.
You are SO correct in saying that making that 1% change can be just the thing that will change your course. I know I fret a LOT about work and money. I know I fret a LOT about what to do next and all that does it just keeps me stuck where I am. Thanks for the encouragement to just make those baby steps to keep life moving forward. I’m sure in some ways I do that but honestly, I need all the encouragement I can get these days!! Thank you!
Cathy says
Hi stay positive, things happen for a reason, it may mean that you will find better times ahead and be free for better clients. With the Internet it makes it so much easier to look and search for other clients. Spend your time emailing or contacting other work from new clients. Put your work out there on Instagram. There is always work available, you just have to search and search till you find it. As a
Graphic Artist there is a demand and work out there for that type of job. Good Luck.
Norma says
I don’t know you but know how your situation feels.
My husband and I had business and got hit with no after another..
eg…global economic downturn…..raised interest rates…staff issues..
family problems….i wish we had is website to read at the time..
but in any case…we came through it by sheer determination and lots of prayer… we so hope that your life will turn around and be good for you again.
Carol Greenberger says
I may need a freelance graphic designer… where are you located?
Kim says
I enjoyed the analogy of the one degree off, the one step in the wrong direction and that, in truth, we all have 24 hours and our actions, even the slightest change can land us closer to where we would like to be. I struggle daily with mood swings and try so hard just to slip up and end up calling quits on my day. Maybe just rethinking in the manner which you spoke of I can still find some progress in my days after all. I plan on purchasing your morning journal. I do enjoy all the articles I have read from you two. Each day, each step in a set direction that is a more fulfilling life. Thanks!
Barb Whitney says
Oh my, just like the “1000+ Things Happy Successful People Do” book, this was just what I needed to read today. And just like the book, every morning your emails seem to just open to what I need at that moment. Thank you so much for the email linking to this post today. I have been struggling a little lately and know that I can make small one degree changes and this reminded me of that.
Thanks
Barb
Vicki says
Marc and Angel,
I love all your inspirational articles. Every bit of advice is so doable. The one small step at a time or small changes etc, are such common sense advice especially when I feel overwhelmed and don’t know where to start. I simply say ” I will just do a task for 10 minutes and then stop if I want to.” But of course I never do and a job gets done.
My one small step this week is to restrict recreational reading and TV to 2 hours a day.
Monty says
THANK YOU, Angel! You’ve added another great Credo to my daily recitations: “Significant progress comes gradually with time and consistency. It’s all about taking one tiny positive step at a time, and staying the course.”
I relate to MaryAnn, one of the commenters above. I cherish my livelihood as a music services provider and instructor, but I LONG to also finally bring to reality a self-publishing endeavor for growing musicians. Tight schedule, tight pocket & tight expectations make it feel daunting, but you & Marc have helped me to see that conscious choice of faith and small, fundamental steps can TURN THAT AROUND! Thanks again!
Sue says
Thank you – another well timed notification from your Good Self!
I am familiar with this prayer and look at it now with a new perspective – concentrating on those things I can change and which will be for the better – for me –
Keep up your good work – thank you for being there
Joyce says
Thank you, I find your article up lifting. It helps me rethink some of my behaviors.
Sue says
Your point is true. But you should be careful about statements like this because many people do not have parents who believed this, let alone taught it to us. “However, as our parents taught us, ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away.”
Mary Andersen says
Love this: “Moving forward requires getting out of your own way. Rather than hanging on to bitterness, hostility, etc. it is important to move on away from the situation. Remember the situation and avoid repeating it. Still, doing the next right thing, however small, matters.”
Poobalan says
Small is Always beautiful
Waterlover says
I’m a senior citizen and 4 months ago I decided to completely change my life and move to a different city; to close my past and start a new life. Needless to say this is been a daunting task. An endless stream of disconnected events been overwhelming. Although all of Marc and Angel’s articles have been bountiful, this one really fit, especially today. There are so many loose ends that I have to tie up and I’m overwhelmed. This advice was exactly what I needed today… Just get a certain amount of small things done every day and they will amount to the big picture. Thank you so much! Please continue to post and publish for us in the trenches.
Lin says
Someone who, at first, was a casual work acquaintance, put me on to Marc and Angel and now is a friend for life. I am forever indebted to her and to you for great advice for achieving a happier life and beginning to understand that letting go of what I can’t control is one of the keys.
Edna Cheps says
Your articles are so inspiring and life changing.
“The tiniest and most fundamental things we do each day can make all the difference as they bring us closer or further away from where we ultimately want to be”
It has jolted me to action. No more procrastination on doing the things I have always desired and know very well could change my life!
G. Yunker says
thank you for all the wise words of wisdom. I read everyone of your blog postings and am continually amazed at the wisdom in each one and the practical applications suggested. Again, thank you!
Barb says
I absolutely love the one degree of change analogy. It made me look at things differently and I needed that turn around. I appreciate all your advice and insight. Keep it coming!
Hezrone says
The article was great
Scott Siwicki says
An excellent topic today, thank you.
After my illness I met people with similar issues in therapy.
I came to know some that gave up.
But met one man who said get moving.
I started walking; many days have been a struggle. But it has helped me in so many positive ways.
I still have work to do in other areas of my life.
Many even more difficult.
But yes a small degree of change moving forward. Makes a world of difference.