“Do not ruin today with mourning tomorrow.”
— Catherynne M. Valente
Ever feel a little overwhelmed? Or really overwhelmed?
This quick read is for YOU…
Once upon a time there was a man who had been lost in the desert for three whole days without water. Just as he was about to collapse, he saw what appeared to be a lake a few hundred yards in front of him. “Could it be? Or is it just a mirage?” he thought to himself.
With the last bit of strength he could muster, he staggered toward the lake and quickly learned that his prayers had been answered: it was no mirage — it was indeed a large spring-fed lake full of fresh water — more fresh water than he could ever drink in his lifetime. Yet while he was practically dying of thirst, he couldn’t bring himself to drink the water. He simply stood by the water’s edge and stared down at it.
There was a passerby riding on a camel from a nearby desert town who was watching the man’s bizarre behavior. She got off her camel, walked up to the thirsty man and asked, “Why don’t you have a drink, sir?”
He looked up at the woman with an exhausted, distraught expression on his face and tears welling up in his eyes. “I think I’m dying of thirst,” he said, “But there is way too much water here in this lake to drink. No matter what I do, I can’t possibly finish it all.”
The passerby smiled softly, bent down, scooped some water up with her hands, lifted it to the man’s mouth and said, “Sir, your opportunity right now, and as you move forward throughout the rest of your life, is to understand that you don’t have to drink the whole lake to quench your thirst. You can simply take one sip — just one small sip… and then another if you choose. Focus only on the mouthful in front of you, and most of your anxiety, fear, and overwhelm about the rest will gradually fade.”
. . .
If that story resonates at all right now, it may be time for a few wake-up calls:
1. In life, we can’t take more than one sip at a time.
Challenge yourself today to focus solely on the sip (task, step, etc.) you’re actually taking. Honestly, that’s all life is — small, positive actions that you take moment by moment. Then one day when you look back it all adds up to something worthwhile — something that’s often far different, and better, than what you had imagined when you started.
And if you’re having trouble sorting out where to start, remember that writing things down helps. Everything usually seems far more overwhelming in our heads. So get out of your head by writing everything down in tiny tasks (that can be tackled gradually). The smaller the better too. Writing the list can even be one of the tasks (see, you already checked the first thing off). Then you can do the next tiny thing and check it off, and the next. Doing so builds a gradual sense of achievement and a degree of control over your world, which reduces the overwhelm, or at least enables you to cope as you move forward… one “sip” at a time.
2. We all do lots of things that don’t need to be done.
Our lives get incredibly complicated, not overnight, but gradually. And the complications creep up on us…
Today I order a few things on Amazon, tomorrow someone gives me a birthday present, then I get excited and I enroll in a free giveaway at church and I win, so then I decide I need a new six-foot cabinet to store my growing pile of stuff. One item at a time, the clutter builds up in my space, because I keep adding new things without purging the old.
And the cycle continues in all walks of life too…
Today I say yes to a Facebook party invitation, tomorrow I say yes when a neighbor asks me to help him move some furniture, then I get asked to a quick lunch meeting, then I decide to volunteer at my son’s youth group. One yes at a time, and soon my life is so busy and complicated, and I don’t know where I went wrong.
And because I’m feeling stressed, I distract myself…
I read a couple articles on Google News, then I flip over to social media, then my email, and then I check my phone and watch a cute video of my niece that my sister texted… and soon another day is gone, and I didn’t get anything done, and my life gets sucked away one little “sip” at a time, and I feel overwhelmed with what’s left undone.
How do we protect against this vicious cycle?
We have to take a step back on a regular basis and reevaluate what we’re actually doing and why.
Instead of thinking, “Oh my gosh there’s too much to do!”… let’s ask, “Should I actually be doing all of this?”
The bottom line is that people never get more done by blindly working more hours on everything that comes up. Instead they get more done when they follow careful plans that measure and track key priorities and milestones. So if you want to be more successful and less stressed, don’t ask how to make something quicker and more efficient until you’ve first asked, “Do I need to do this at all?” Simply being able to do something well does not make it the right thing to do. And if you think about it, it’s actually kind of ironic that we complain we have so little time, and then we prioritize like time is infinite. So do your best to focus on what’s truly important, and not much else. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Success chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
3. It’s necessary to say “NO” to some really good things.
We all have opportunities and obligations, but a healthy and productive routine can only be found in the long run by properly managing your yeses. And yes, sometimes you have to say “no” to really good opportunities and obligations. You can’t always be agreeable — that’s how people take advantage of you. And that’s how you end up taking advantage of yourself too. You have to set clear boundaries!
You might have to say no to certain favors, work projects, community associations, church activities, volunteer groups… coaching your kid’s sports teams, or some other seemingly worthwhile activity. I know what you’re thinking: it seems unfair to say no when these are very worthwhile things to do — it pains you to say no! But you must, because the alternative is that you’re going to do a half-baked, poor job at each one, be stressed out, feel like you’re stuck in an endless cycle of busyness, and eventually you’ll reach a breaking point.
Truth be told, the main thing that keeps so many of us stuck in a debilitating cycle of overwhelm is the fantasy in our minds that we can be everything to everyone, everywhere at once, and a hero on all fronts. But again, that’s not reality. The reality is you’re not Superman or Wonder Woman — you’re human and you have limits. So you have to let go of that idea of doing everything, pleasing everyone, and being everywhere.
In the end, you’re either going to do a few things well, or everything poorly. That’s the truth.
Now, it’s YOUR turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to embrace the difference between being committed to the right things and being overcommitted to everything. It’s your turn to leave space on your calendar, to keep your life ordered and your schedule under-booked, and to create a foundation with a soft place to land, a wide margin of error, and room to think and breathe for the rest of the year.
But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which point above resonated the most? How has overwhelm affected you recently?
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Patrik says
This is exactly what I needed to heat or read. I say so many yeses ending up feeling busy and stressed in the process. One sip at a time. Recently I finally said a “No” to a seemingly viable hustle opportunity, but I am glad I did because my financial situation would not be much better and it demanded quite a lot of free/ family time. Take care
Olivia L. Ventura says
Hi, this article came at the right time. I just finished my TV Mass. Prior to that, I was feeling so low, asked myself if it was a bad sign because I had a freak accident which gave me a fracture on my left ankle. Given that I am o.l.d., this will take longer to heal. I do not read everything I get in my inbox but I sure am glad that I did today. Thank you, it lifted up my spirits absolutely!
Lisa says
I have followed your emails for years now, starting with how to divorce a toxic spouse, sell my business and my home and leave my life of 30 years behind to start over. That was 8 years ago and now today I am struggling with stress from being too busy, traveling too much and helping out too often and it’s causing actual health problems. It’s obvious that your emails and advice are always spot on and appropriate for the time and place that I’m living in!
Thank you for this very valuable message!
Maryanne G says
I have been at that breaking point and wonder why I never saw or read anything similar to your essays!! I guess I was too busy!! I am now learning at my ripe age to focus on small steps and set my priorities. Thank you. I appreciate your calm and nugget-size bits of advice!
Gabe says
This is what exactly I was meditating on this morning. As a young man with lots of interest and energy, I often have many things on my plate.
As such, I usually get sick. However, as I was pondering on all those stuff this Morning, getting overwhelmed is inevitable with having many things to handle at a stretch.
So then, I should rather focus on what matters at hand instead of being encumbered with many tasks.
Thanks so much for this lovely piece.
It so much resonates with me.
Mary says
We(my 6 siblings and I) were unintentionally ‘taught’ to procrastinate. This has been one of the overwhelming speed bumps in my life.
After receiving these emails as to how to improve,I’ve been incorporating these revelations.
My life has improved so much, I had no idea how my unconscious mind was sabotaging my life.
I am working on not living in the past, how to realize that I control my future.
I feel empowered, freed from the choking past that has sabotigised my future.
Thank you for your wisdom- it has changed my life over the past several months.
Hilary says
My plate is waaay too full, and it is indeed time to take a few things off of it today. I’m starting by turning in my resignation at a local volunteer group I’ve been working with for over five years. I love being able to give back, but it’s time to give a little back to myself too — at least for awhile. Thanks for this much needed kick in the shorts. Your emails and posts always move me in the right direction. Also, still enjoying watching my videos from your conference this past year — excellent!
Amy Terese says
This post was for ME today. Earlier, I was lying in bed feeling overwhelmed (much like the thirsty man in your story) by all that awaited me once I got up! I am in the midst of re-decorating/ updating my home, a self-initiated project that utterly delighted me at the onset. But instead of completing one room at a time, EVERY room is now in a state of incompleteness and near chaos. At this point, I don’t even know where to begin each day. As I lay there this morning, I prayed for peace of mind, direction, motivation and the strength to get all that I can do today, DONE…but without frustration, time pressure or overwhelm. I later came across your article and was reassured that God had indeed heard and was answering my prayer! Thank you so much! God bless and much love to you both!
Dina Canedo says
Thank you for your emails. Several times a week I wake up looking forward to reading your emails, it truly makes my day, it makes me happy and encourages me, just to know that I’m not alone in this, that I’m not the only one. Thank you Marc and Angel, may God bless you.
Rika Mitchell says
Thank you for this much needed read. “Overwhelm” was exactly what I felt when I was brushing my teeth this morning. Going forward, I will make a list of things to do daily to tackle only the important things I need to do every day. It’s not that I am a “yes” woman to others; I am a “yes” woman to myself because I invite all kinds of attractive things into my life and then all of a sudden I’m surrounded by a bunch of internet articles, books, advises, free classes/webinars etc. and I feel obligated to immerse myself in them. But reality is that I can only do one thing at a time. Education and learning is important but this, too, should be limited.
Amanda says
Great read today, M&A. Great story, and I totally agree that when we fill all our time with activities (which may or may not be meaningful) we are just spinning our wheels and taking up time that could be used more intentionally. This has been one of my biggest issues, and it’s something your email newsletters and course lessons have helped me with over the past 6 months. And I’m really feeling the progress in my day to day now. So…thank you.
Vineet says
I have struggled and continue to struggle with feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes when things are rather fine, I keep on thinking about things that I am supposed to do, or things I did not do as I should have. Thoughts just keep on going in a loop.
I have begun practicing meditation which has been a life saver.
Now I am able to catch my thoughts when they begin to go deep down the dark abyss of negativity and self loathing.
As always, your post is like a ray of sunshine for so many people out there. Thanks for your sincere efforts.