“Do not ruin today with mourning tomorrow.”
— Catherynne M. Valente
Ever feel a little overwhelmed? Or really overwhelmed?
This quick read is for YOU…
Once upon a time there was a man who had been lost in the desert for three whole days without water. Just as he was about to collapse, he saw what appeared to be a lake a few hundred yards in front of him. “Could it be? Or is it just a mirage?” he thought to himself.
With the last bit of strength he could muster, he staggered toward the lake and quickly learned that his prayers had been answered: it was no mirage — it was indeed a large spring-fed lake full of fresh water — more fresh water than he could ever drink in his lifetime. Yet while he was practically dying of thirst, he couldn’t bring himself to drink the water. He simply stood by the water’s edge and stared down at it.
There was a passerby riding on a camel from a nearby desert town who was watching the man’s bizarre behavior. She got off her camel, walked up to the thirsty man and asked, “Why don’t you have a drink, sir?”
He looked up at the woman with an exhausted, distraught expression on his face and tears welling up in his eyes. “I think I’m dying of thirst,” he said, “But there is way too much water here in this lake to drink. No matter what I do, I can’t possibly finish it all.”
The passerby smiled softly, bent down, scooped some water up with her hands, lifted it to the man’s mouth and said, “Sir, your opportunity right now, and as you move forward throughout the rest of your life, is to understand that you don’t have to drink the whole lake to quench your thirst. You can simply take one sip — just one small sip… and then another if you choose. Focus only on the mouthful in front of you, and most of your anxiety, fear, and overwhelm about the rest will gradually fade.”
. . .
If that story resonates at all right now, it may be time for a few wake-up calls:
1. In life, we can’t take more than one sip at a time.
Challenge yourself today to focus solely on the sip (task, step, etc.) you’re actually taking. Honestly, that’s all life is — small, positive actions that you take moment by moment. Then one day when you look back it all adds up to something worthwhile — something that’s often far different, and better, than what you had imagined when you started.
And if you’re having trouble sorting out where to start, remember that writing things down helps. Everything usually seems far more overwhelming in our heads. So get out of your head by writing everything down in tiny tasks (that can be tackled gradually). The smaller the better too. Writing the list can even be one of the tasks (see, you already checked the first thing off). Then you can do the next tiny thing and check it off, and the next. Doing so builds a gradual sense of achievement and a degree of control over your world, which reduces the overwhelm, or at least enables you to cope as you move forward… one “sip” at a time.
2. We all do lots of things that don’t need to be done.
Our lives get incredibly complicated, not overnight, but gradually. And the complications creep up on us…
Today I order a few things on Amazon, tomorrow someone gives me a birthday present, then I get excited and I enroll in a free giveaway at church and I win, so then I decide I need a new six-foot cabinet to store my growing pile of stuff. One item at a time, the clutter builds up in my space, because I keep adding new things without purging the old.
And the cycle continues in all walks of life too…
Today I say yes to a Facebook party invitation, tomorrow I say yes when a neighbor asks me to help him move some furniture, then I get asked to a quick lunch meeting, then I decide to volunteer at my son’s youth group. One yes at a time, and soon my life is so busy and complicated, and I don’t know where I went wrong.
And because I’m feeling stressed, I distract myself…
I read a couple articles on Google News, then I flip over to social media, then my email, and then I check my phone and watch a cute video of my niece that my sister texted… and soon another day is gone, and I didn’t get anything done, and my life gets sucked away one little “sip” at a time, and I feel overwhelmed with what’s left undone.
How do we protect against this vicious cycle?
We have to take a step back on a regular basis and reevaluate what we’re actually doing and why.
Instead of thinking, “Oh my gosh there’s too much to do!”… let’s ask, “Should I actually be doing all of this?”
The bottom line is that people never get more done by blindly working more hours on everything that comes up. Instead they get more done when they follow careful plans that measure and track key priorities and milestones. So if you want to be more successful and less stressed, don’t ask how to make something quicker and more efficient until you’ve first asked, “Do I need to do this at all?” Simply being able to do something well does not make it the right thing to do. And if you think about it, it’s actually kind of ironic that we complain we have so little time, and then we prioritize like time is infinite. So do your best to focus on what’s truly important, and not much else. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Success chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
3. It’s necessary to say “NO” to some really good things.
We all have opportunities and obligations, but a healthy and productive routine can only be found in the long run by properly managing your yeses. And yes, sometimes you have to say “no” to really good opportunities and obligations. You can’t always be agreeable — that’s how people take advantage of you. And that’s how you end up taking advantage of yourself too. You have to set clear boundaries!
You might have to say no to certain favors, work projects, community associations, church activities, volunteer groups… coaching your kid’s sports teams, or some other seemingly worthwhile activity. I know what you’re thinking: it seems unfair to say no when these are very worthwhile things to do — it pains you to say no! But you must, because the alternative is that you’re going to do a half-baked, poor job at each one, be stressed out, feel like you’re stuck in an endless cycle of busyness, and eventually you’ll reach a breaking point.
Truth be told, the main thing that keeps so many of us stuck in a debilitating cycle of overwhelm is the fantasy in our minds that we can be everything to everyone, everywhere at once, and a hero on all fronts. But again, that’s not reality. The reality is you’re not Superman or Wonder Woman — you’re human and you have limits. So you have to let go of that idea of doing everything, pleasing everyone, and being everywhere.
In the end, you’re either going to do a few things well, or everything poorly. That’s the truth.
Now, it’s YOUR turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to embrace the difference between being committed to the right things and being overcommitted to everything. It’s your turn to leave space on your calendar, to keep your life ordered and your schedule under-booked, and to create a foundation with a soft place to land, a wide margin of error, and room to think and breathe for the rest of the year.
But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which point above resonated the most? How has overwhelm affected you recently?
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Patrik says
This is exactly what I needed to heat or read. I say so many yeses ending up feeling busy and stressed in the process. One sip at a time. Recently I finally said a “No” to a seemingly viable hustle opportunity, but I am glad I did because my financial situation would not be much better and it demanded quite a lot of free/ family time. Take care
James Fraley says
These words resonates so loudly to me. It describes me spot on. I can blame that willingness to be the “yes” man and feel as described. I blame it on my having a good heart and my profession—“here, I’m a nurse, let ME help you and most times end up feeling overwhelmed and not knowing or realizing I only need a sip at a time. Thank you for helping me get a fresh look on life.
Olivia L. Ventura says
Hi, this article came at the right time. I just finished my TV Mass. Prior to that, I was feeling so low, asked myself if it was a bad sign because I had a freak accident which gave me a fracture on my left ankle. Given that I am o.l.d., this will take longer to heal. I do not read everything I get in my inbox but I sure am glad that I did today. Thank you, it lifted up my spirits absolutely!
Lisa says
I have followed your emails for years now, starting with how to divorce a toxic spouse, sell my business and my home and leave my life of 30 years behind to start over. That was 8 years ago and now today I am struggling with stress from being too busy, traveling too much and helping out too often and it’s causing actual health problems. It’s obvious that your emails and advice are always spot on and appropriate for the time and place that I’m living in!
Thank you for this very valuable message!
Maryanne G says
I have been at that breaking point and wonder why I never saw or read anything similar to your essays!! I guess I was too busy!! I am now learning at my ripe age to focus on small steps and set my priorities. Thank you. I appreciate your calm and nugget-size bits of advice!
Gabe says
This is what exactly I was meditating on this morning. As a young man with lots of interest and energy, I often have many things on my plate.
As such, I usually get sick. However, as I was pondering on all those stuff this Morning, getting overwhelmed is inevitable with having many things to handle at a stretch.
So then, I should rather focus on what matters at hand instead of being encumbered with many tasks.
Thanks so much for this lovely piece.
It so much resonates with me.
Heather Dattel says
I had one of those kind of overwhelming days and I didn’t have a chance to read this with as much focus as I would have liked
I’m going to come back and read this later I really enjoy almost all the things that you guys put out and lately I haven’t been able to say no to many things so this was a really good one and I will read it better tomorrow I hope thank you
Mary says
We(my 6 siblings and I) were unintentionally ‘taught’ to procrastinate. This has been one of the overwhelming speed bumps in my life.
After receiving these emails as to how to improve,I’ve been incorporating these revelations.
My life has improved so much, I had no idea how my unconscious mind was sabotaging my life.
I am working on not living in the past, how to realize that I control my future.
I feel empowered, freed from the choking past that has sabotigised my future.
Thank you for your wisdom- it has changed my life over the past several months.
Hilary says
My plate is waaay too full, and it is indeed time to take a few things off of it today. I’m starting by turning in my resignation at a local volunteer group I’ve been working with for over five years. I love being able to give back, but it’s time to give a little back to myself too — at least for awhile. Thanks for this much needed kick in the shorts. Your emails and posts always move me in the right direction. Also, still enjoying watching my videos from your conference this past year — excellent!
Amy Terese says
This post was for ME today. Earlier, I was lying in bed feeling overwhelmed (much like the thirsty man in your story) by all that awaited me once I got up! I am in the midst of re-decorating/ updating my home, a self-initiated project that utterly delighted me at the onset. But instead of completing one room at a time, EVERY room is now in a state of incompleteness and near chaos. At this point, I don’t even know where to begin each day. As I lay there this morning, I prayed for peace of mind, direction, motivation and the strength to get all that I can do today, DONE…but without frustration, time pressure or overwhelm. I later came across your article and was reassured that God had indeed heard and was answering my prayer! Thank you so much! God bless and much love to you both!
Jean Smith says
Oh my gosh, Any Terese, your story is MY story too! I’m redoing my house all at once and now I’ve found myself in a complete state of being STUCK. Like I seriously cannot move for being overwhelmed with this utter mess I’ve created. Yesterday I sat myself down and said enough. Get it together, one area at a time and wow, for the first time in weeks, I actually feel like it’s coming together. I try to read Mark and Angels daily kick in the backside, but lately I’ve been “too busy”. Today I DID read this and I can’t thank them enough. Even better, I can’t thank YOU enough for your letter! You inadvertently gave me some hope and positive thoughts just by realizing I’m not alone! Big smiles and a lighter heart today!!
Mary Andersen says
I work from lists, tasks broken down into smaller, two hour, lengths. It gives me some order.
Dina Canedo says
Thank you for your emails. Several times a week I wake up looking forward to reading your emails, it truly makes my day, it makes me happy and encourages me, just to know that I’m not alone in this, that I’m not the only one. Thank you Marc and Angel, may God bless you.
Rika Mitchell says
Thank you for this much needed read. “Overwhelm” was exactly what I felt when I was brushing my teeth this morning. Going forward, I will make a list of things to do daily to tackle only the important things I need to do every day. It’s not that I am a “yes” woman to others; I am a “yes” woman to myself because I invite all kinds of attractive things into my life and then all of a sudden I’m surrounded by a bunch of internet articles, books, advises, free classes/webinars etc. and I feel obligated to immerse myself in them. But reality is that I can only do one thing at a time. Education and learning is important but this, too, should be limited.
Amanda says
Great read today, M&A. Great story, and I totally agree that when we fill all our time with activities (which may or may not be meaningful) we are just spinning our wheels and taking up time that could be used more intentionally. This has been one of my biggest issues, and it’s something your email newsletters and course lessons have helped me with over the past 6 months. And I’m really feeling the progress in my day to day now. So…thank you.
Vineet says
I have struggled and continue to struggle with feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes when things are rather fine, I keep on thinking about things that I am supposed to do, or things I did not do as I should have. Thoughts just keep on going in a loop.
I have begun practicing meditation which has been a life saver.
Now I am able to catch my thoughts when they begin to go deep down the dark abyss of negativity and self loathing.
As always, your post is like a ray of sunshine for so many people out there. Thanks for your sincere efforts.
Deborah says
This message came at a good time for me to reflect on. I am currently in a rehabilitation centre recovering from my dog running into me. My recovery will be three to six months. I have always felt I couldn’t let any down or disappointment them. Now I have a lot of time to evaluate what changes I need to make in the future after recovery. During my time of recovery family and friends will have to manage for themselves. Changes will be made so I can have more time to enjoy my retirement.
Rosalyn Spurlin says
That’s awesome!
Joan Hedrick says
Oh Marc and Angel, you have unrivaled wisdom. Thank you for the gift of sharing. Yes, I too woke up at 8 am with my seriously ill brother on my mind. I must help him! But I ended up annoying him instead. An early call, a couple texts, until I got something back that assured me he was alive. Don’t think that helped him.
Jay says
I’ve had a life crash a few months ago. I lost everything, family job and I’m in the process of possibly even losing my life in the free world. I’m not sure what to expect in the upcoming days or months much less the year(s). I now had been focusing on what had been my wrong moves through my past and how I got here, I had nailed it after much time alone now in this process. It’s exactly what this story is about. I told people/my loved ones, I focused so much on being all that I could for everyone else and figured as long as I was doing as much and being all I could to contribute that I would ultimately be ok because I was doing things out of selflessness. Well now I got here. I’m not ok and I don’t know what to expect and I’m dying little by little with worry of the future for my life which now I’m trying to be here for myself for once, my little girl who I hope to see again one day, and my career which I was just about to really flourish in, now I have to focus on still making it happen since I was at the door, and it is good for me in the long run. I feel like I have little motivation due to all the things which could happen to me but the hardest part I’m having trouble with is trying to just focus on the here and now and actually just show up for me. I know I have to buy it’s the hardest challenge of my life thus far. I know it somehow should benefit all in the future for the best case scenario or the worst for me either way. But I will remember this story as it was the exact description of what I have just been through. The small steps are the hardest. I had my brother tell me, now that I want things to rush is understandable to get this over with but it’s the slow and steady blade which pierces the armor. I really needed this today. I have had a bad habit of reading and looking up things in my scenario online since all this, my therapist told me today my homework is to not read anything this week, man that was something I had a hard gulp in my throat accepting. I know I just read this article but I also know like she said, the things I was reading is a sort of self-harm and I know the difference but couldn’t help myself. I thank you for this confirming and healthy read. I will keep this in mind as I struggle to stay on the slow but steady path forward when I start to worry about past and future.
Mary Andersen says
Just keep doing the next right thing you decide to do. If your therapist offers advice in what to do, follow it without second guessing. Going through a divorce, my therapist discussed and helped me list a goal or two for each week. Amazing results–don’t wait for motivation, willpower or for the planets to be aligned. You will get there.
Eleanor Wilson says
This exactly what I needed today. I’ve been trying to get it all done with an aching back and swollen feet. Tomorrow is another day.
Melinda says
I really look forward to your emails, they always help me refocus & prioritize without feeling overwhelmed! What a Godsend you both are! Thank you!
Cynthia Nalavany says
Thank you for your post on being overwhelmed. I will start Journaling and leave my calendar open.
Richard says
Yep, this is what I needed to read/hear today as well!
I do way to many awesome things and yet many of my awesome projects don’t get finished or seen through to the end.
I’m moving house over the next few weeks having a massive clear out getting rid of almost everything (lots of stuff I accumulated in share houses that wasn’t even mine- good metaphor!), only keeping what I love and what serves me. I will practice saying “no” and find ways to complete the things that need to manifest… or let them go!
Thank you for you’re continual wisdom & inspiration!
Richard (Australia)
Kristy says
I’ve been reading your articles lately and while they all have resonated with me, I finally felt I should comment and just let you guys know that your insight, content, and thoughts on life are wise and have been a great guidance for me, when lately I’ve been feeling stuck it’s like your message was meant to reach me! Thank you so much! ? ?
Olaitan Kazeem IBRAHIM says
This is a wonderful piece in this over-whelming environment. The points clearly resonate with me in all aspects. Thank you so much for the clear way of bringing the damage I have been doing to myself to my awareness. I hope that it is not late to reverse the trend.
Pam Cornett says
This is just what I need at this time. I am totally overwhelmed by paperwork. Yesterday I did go through some on my desk. Not all of it, just a little bite or sip and I will tackle some more today.
I really appreciate your emails.,they help me put things in perspective. Thank you.
Mary Andersen says
Oh, gee, #2 resonates. Seems like I go from one shiny thing to the next when I have too much to accomplish in the time I have. I end up with even more to do, which is a vicious cycle. Lists help, sometimes. Thanks for the article.
Lawrence Culleton says
Once again you’re hitting the nail on the head!! During these busy holiday times it so easy to become overwhelmed no matter what ur age. Keeping a list, making time for yourself and doing the things you enjoy doing for you and other people even a smile is so important…” Humor is like a rubber sword, you can make a point with out drawing blood” MH.
Scott Siwicki says
Everyone should read this; very good post.
I wish I followed it or saw it a few years back. Prior to burning out; and suffering a serious health issue.
So if it is not too late for others, read these points and follow them.
Very sound advice.