The most important decision you will ever make is what to do with the time given to you.
I recently received a thank you email from a reader named Hope. She said our work helped motivate her through an arduous recovery process following a serious car accident last year. Although her entire story is both heartbreaking and inspiring, this one line made me pause and think:
“The happiest moment of my life is still that split-second a year ago when, as I laid crushed under a 2000 pound car, I realized my husband and 9-year-old boy were out of the vehicle and absolutely OK.”
Dire moments like this force us to acknowledge what’s truly important to us. In Hope’s case it was her husband and son. And in the remainder of her email she talks about how her family spends significantly more time together now, sharing daily stories, telling little jokes, and appreciating each other’s company. “The accident made us realize how much time and joy we had been wasting every day on things that weren’t even important, which prevented us from spending quality time with each other,” she said.
It’s hard to think about a story like Hope’s and not ask yourself: What do I need to stop wasting my time and joy on today?
Here are some things to consider that I’ve been examining in my own life:
1. Distractions that pull you away from moments with important people.
Pay attention to the little things today, because when you really miss someone you miss the little things the most, like just laughing together. Go for long walks. Indulge in great conversations. Count your mutual blessings. Let go for a little while and just be together.
2. Compulsive busyness.
Schedule time every day to not be busy. Have dedicated downtime — clear points in the day to reflect, rest, and recharge. Don’t fool yourself; you’re not so busy that you can’t afford a few minutes of sanity every day. Over the past decade, Marc and I have gradually learned to pay more attention to the beauty and practicality of living a simpler life. A life uncluttered by most of the default busyness people fill their lives with, leaving us with space for what’s truly meaningful. A life that isn’t constant rushing, worrying and stress, but instead contemplation, creation, and connection with the people and projects that matter most to us.
3. Thinking negatively about your abilities.
Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing. Every great success requires some type of worthy struggle to get there. And don’t wish away all your days waiting for better ones ahead. Just appreciate where you are. You’ve come a long way, and you’re still learning and growing. Be thankful for the lessons. Take them and make the best of things right now.
4. The needless drama around you.
A big part of maturity is learning to gracefully walk away from situations that threaten your peace of mind, self-respect, values, morals, or self-worth. Practice letting go gradually. Remind yourself that you don’t need to attend every argument you’re invited to. Give yourself the space to value your time, genuine relationships, and peace of mind, above all in the weeks ahead. Because little else will matter more in the long run.
5. The desire for everything you don’t have.
No, you won’t always get exactly what you want, but also remember that there are lots of people who will never have what you have right now. Some of the things you take for granted someone else is praying for. Happiness never comes to those who don’t appreciate what they already have. So remind yourself: You did not go to sleep hungry last night. You had a choice of what to wear today. You have access to clean drinking water. You have access to the internet. You can read. The secret to being grateful is no secret. You choose to be grateful, for the little things.
6. Comparing yourself to everyone else.
Social comparison is a notorious thief of daily joy and progress. You could literally spend a lifetime worrying about what others have, but it wouldn’t get you anything worth having. Do your best to keep your comparison tendencies in check.
7. Obsessing over who you were or what you had in the past.
You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or a week ago. You’re always evolving and growing. Experiences don’t stop… that’s life, and it’s a privilege!
8. Worrying about old mistakes.
It’s OK if you mess up in life — that’s how you get wiser. Give yourself a break. Great things take time, and you’re getting there. Let your mistakes be your motivation, not your excuses. Decide right now that yesterday’s little mistakes and frustrations won’t get in your way today.
9. Worrying about what everyone thinks of you.
Don’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of you; they do things because of them. You honestly can’t change how people treat you or what they say about you. All you can do is change how you react and who you choose to be around. And remember that one of the most freeing things we learn in life is that we don’t have to like everyone, everyone doesn’t have to like us, and that’s perfectly OK. Because no matter how you live, someone will be disappointed. So just live your truth and be sure YOU aren’t the one who is disappointed in the end.
10. Self-deception.
Your life will improve only when you take small chances. And the first and most difficult chance you can take every day is to be honest with yourself.
11. Routines that don’t feel rewarding.
Life is to be enjoyed, not endured. When you truly believe in what you’re doing, it shows and it pays in the long run. Success in life is for those who put their heart and soul into their daily efforts. And as you struggle, remember, it’s far better to be exhausted from little bits of effort and learning, than it is to be tired of doing absolutely nothing.
12. Everyone else’s definition of success and happiness.
You simply can’t base your idea of success and happiness on other people’s opinions and expectations. And likewise, don’t judge someone else just because they do it differently than you. The world is changed by your example, not by your opinions and judgments.
13. People who keep trying to manipulate you.
In many cases, what you allow is what will continue. Give as much as you can, but don’t allow yourself to be continuously used. Listen to others closely, but don’t lose your own voice in the process. Set some boundaries when you must! (Note: Marc and I discuss this in detail in the Boundaries & Expectations chapter of “1,000 Little Habits of Happy, Successful Relationships”.)
14. Doubting and second-guessing yourself.
Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can, and that sometimes it takes an overwhelming series of little breakdowns to have an undeniable breakthrough. When in doubt just take the next small step. Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Truly, there’s a time and place for everything, and every step is necessary. Just do your best right now, and don’t force what’s not yet supposed to fit into your life. It will happen, when it’s time.
15. Thinking the perfect time will come.
Some people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness. Don’t be one of them! You can’t always wait for the perfect moment. Sometimes you must dare to do it because life is too short to wonder what could have been, again and again.
16. Avoidance and temporary fixes.
You can’t change what you refuse to fully confront. You can’t find peace or progress by avoiding things. Deal with problems directly before they deal with your long-term happiness and potential. Build sustainable habits that move your life forward, one day at a time.
17. Resentment.
Kindness is not to be mistaken for weakness, nor forgiveness for acceptance. It’s about knowing that resentment is not on the path to long-term happiness.
18. Hateful thoughts and gestures.
Set an example. Treat everyone with kindness and respect, even those who are rude to you — not because they are nice, but because you are. And do it for yourself too! What goes around comes around. No one has ever made themselves strong by showing how small someone else is.
19. Close-minded judgments.
The mind is like a parachute; it doesn’t work when it’s closed. So build friendships with people who aren’t your age. Spend time around those whose first language is different than your own. Get to know someone who doesn’t come from the same social class. Listen. Be humble and teachable. This is how you learn. This is how you see the world.
20. Trying to control the uncontrollable.
You can’t calm the storm. What you can do is calm yourself, and the storm will eventually pass. The most powerful and practical changes happen when you decide to take control of what you do have power over, instead of craving control over what you don’t.
Now it’s your turn!
Yes, it’s your turn to treat your limited time today with care. It’s your turn to make room for more joy. Because there’s a big difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion at the end of the day…
But before you go, please leave Marc and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this post. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
JJ says
We work 50 yrs of our life, retire at 67, average age expectancy of 78.
So you get another 11 yrs if you’re lucky.
Don’t get caught in this trap; I’m 70 now and doing my best to live for today at least a little more than for tomorrow!
Love all your posts. Thanks for the reminders.
Charles says
Hi Marc and Angel,
I read this article and many of the points hit home. I was a late bloomer in life who suffered from abuse and as a result had low self-esteem. I committed myself to a rehab after my father passed many years ago because he never apologized for what he done to me. It took over 40yrs of my life to learn and accept the lessons listed in this article The good news is I learned to like and love the person I see in the mirror. I no longer beat myself up the mistakes I made in life and I know longer compare myself to other people. I no longer suffer from the issues and I have forgiven how my father treated me. I smile everyday and I have purpose in my life. I’m blessed to have a wonderful mother that never gave up on me and an aunt that God sent to me as a guardian angel. I hope my message can help other people. If I can remove the Adam’s family cloud from life so can many of you.
AMRA says
You are so blessed Charles and quite a great inspiration–I loved reading through your transformation journey just now.
Taya says
When I first read the title of this post, I kinda thought it would be about time management techniques (i.e. time blocking, scheduling etc.) but I was actually pleasantly surprised to see that it wasn’t about that. The story at the beginning really gave meaning to the points below as I had it at the back of my mind while I was reading it. I think one tip I would suggest is to not schedule everything in your life, take time out to sit back and watch events as they go by. I really enjoyed reading this post, and it has inspired me to write something similar on my socials. Thank you!
Ann says
This is so relevant to me & my family right now; our mom is terminal right now and in her late 70’s and I am trying to learn to live in the moment. I have to travel 1500 miles to see her–so the moments I do get to spend with her are precious, beyond measure.
Thank you for this reminder; I hope it helps others too.
Felix Ayodele says
I think I enjoyed every bit of this piece. I know that a man “learns from his cradle to his grave”. Angel, I have learnt something new today, and have been reminded of a few things I forgot. You and Marc are doing a great job. I’ve gotten a lot out of your writing in the past few years. Thank you.
Farro says
I especially needed to hear number 7 today – filling every waking moment with activity. I’ve done number 7 a lot this past year or so! Time to create some downtime for myself.
I continue to love the insight I get from your writing. You have a way with words that I don’t find anywhere else. Besides your blog, I am also enjoying your audiobooks these days during my commutes… I put one of them on for 10-15 minutes and it always gives me something interesting to think about. Thanks for that.
Gina says
Great article Angel & Marc – I am guilty of many of these and especially in the past few months seem to have lost my focus (and energy) I once had – great reminders to keep being positive and treating people with respect (even if that respect is not reciprocated sometimes) – to love only today & forgive and appreciate yourself and keep going on your own path.
Really enjoy the essays and articles – so helpful!
Lorna says
Towards the end of of my 40’s I felt a bit stuck in my efforts to achieve my goals for the year and realized that most of my time and effort had been focused on “prevention” – trying to prevent various negative outcomes. So I’ve been focusing on switching my perspective to more of a growth mindset… getting better results, feeling more stoked and enjoying all those exquisite little moments each day brings when I’m present enough to notice them. Great post Angel, thanks for the reminders.
Larry Aldrich says
Amazing how we waste precious time…..(we all are working on a time clock of how long we will be here on earth) trying to make things perfect in an imperfect world. Loved this post and its simple but important reminders.
tommi says
such a simple list
we know what to do, how to be, yet…
chance favors the prepared mind (louis pasteur)
when it comes at just the right moment, when i’m ready to hear it, not necessarily out of desperation or fatigue or hopelessness, but because i’m ready to look once again at how i choose to be, then it’s a buoy
reminding me where the channel is… even though i’ve sailed these waters thousands of times
thank you
G says
It’s almost embarrassing how many times I need these same little reminders. But I do. And I’m grateful that you continue to provide them. Live now. It shouldn’t be so hard. But I have to confess the difficulty in always being motivated to follow my intuition AND to let go. When in some cases, my intuition is screaming “don’t let go.”
Life is a battle and a balance I guess. Thanks.
Lea P says
Thank you! I haven’t been keeping up with your articles, and wow, am I glad I caught this one. I am 75, dealing with issues that have me down, and I DON’T like this feeling! You two are amazing, Thank you!
Eileen W. says
I always read your emails and vow to take action to figure out my path in life and make it more rewarding but never follow through. However today’s email finally got my full attention.
I am in between jobs trying to decide whether or not to retire and don’t know what I want to do. Your email came at the right time. It made me think about what i need to stop doing and make a decision of what I can do.
Thank you!
Renee says
As always, I pick up one or two reminders that pertain to my current situation. Thank you for distilling such important reminders into easy-to-read bits.
There is a typo you may want to correct. Number 11 uses “there” where the correct word is “their.” It’s the first I’ve seen in pages of your excellent writing!
Richard Kina says
I have believed in what you are saying for years and still strongly agree with them. Sometimes you just have to believe in yourself. If you think it’s hard, you’re not trying.
Keep up the good work.
David says
1st time commenting. You hit me with a couple of these things. One thing I git is people that somehow.manipuate you and your time. You are taught to be nice but , we have to draw the line and let go of the users. Become ourselves, be at peace within . Make friends that don’t cause you drama and expect everything out of you.
Thanks for this
David says
Wow. A wealth of good thoughts, most of which apply somewhat. I like the quote; just live your truth, and be sure you won’t be disappointed in the end. Also the world is changed by your example, not by your opinions. Interesting about second-guessing. It’s almost like doubting, and taking the next small step of faith allows a positive breakthrough. There’s also the quote; deal with the problems directly, before they deal with you. A wise saying. And finally, be open-minded, humble, teachable. That is definitely a good approach to any situation. You’re introducing positive control attitudes which is really nice and I certainly do appreciate. Hugs
john M Hardy says
As usual, another great article. The one that really is big for me is the one about not worrying what others think of you. You are not the other person. As long as you are only concerned about yourself at first , that is all that matters.
Jared says
This is only the second article I have read since becoming a part of your community, and I already find it to be very positive, helpful, and insightful. The time spent from your family to link with us all is much appreciated.
Kathrina says
Dearly enjoy reading your articles. So intelligent and a reminder that I need a different pov.
Your friend says
I am preparing for my second attempt at a major exam to be taken in a few minutes. I came across your article and it has helped calm my nerves. Thank you. I am learning to forgive myself and let other people’s expectations of me go.