The world is full of struggle. It is also full of overcoming.
Character and wisdom are both sculpted over time. These qualities come with loss, lessons, and triumphs. They come after doubts, second guesses, and exploring unknowns. If there was a definitive path to personal growth, everyone would be on it. Truth be told, the seeds of your success are often planted in your past failures, and some of your best stories will likely arise from overcoming your greatest struggles.
Marc and I learned all of that the hard way. Over the past fifteen years we have dealt with several significant hardships, including the sudden death of a sibling, the loss of a best friend to illness, betrayal from a business partner, an unexpected breadwinning employment layoff, and more. These experiences were brutal. Each of them knocked us down and kept us down for a while. But when our time of mourning was over after each tragedy, we pressed forward, stronger, and with a greater understanding and respect for life.
So my challenge to you today is this: Start looking at life’s hard truths and challenges as paths that ultimately lead to your growth. Easier said than done, of course, but here are some key points to consider:
1. The first few steps are rarely easy.
Momentum takes effort to build. There’s always some friction in the initial steps, which means the beginnings to good journeys are often hard. But it’s these hard steps that pave the way forward. So be strong and keep going — it will be worth it in the end. Truly, the greatest miracle of your success from this point forward will not be that you finished, it will be that you found the strength and courage to begin, day in and day out.
And remember, it’s not that those who are strong never get weak in the knees, or that they never hold their breath just before they embark, it’s that while their knees are shaking they still encourage themselves to inhale as they take the next step forward.
2. Progress in life comes slowly and gradually.
There are no shortcuts. Progress comes from the process. The secret to your success is found in your daily routine. So trust the journey you are on. And remind yourself that true purpose has no time limit. True purpose has no deadline. Don’t stress and overwhelm yourself. Just do what you can, consistently.
Truly, persistence is the single most common characteristic of high achievers in all walks of life. They simply refuse to give up on the things that matter most to them. They have learned that the longer you hang in there, the greater the chance that something will gradually happen in your favor.
3. You will always have less control than you desire.
The only thing you can absolutely control in life is how you react to things out of your control, and there’s a lot you can’t control. The better you adapt to this reality, the more powerful your highs will be, and the more quickly you’ll be able to bounce back from the lows. In other words, the most powerful changes happen in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over everything you don’t.
As your life unfolds, you will often realize that many of the times you thought you were being rejected from something good, you were in fact being redirected to something better. You simply don’t have to control everything to find growth, happiness, or success. You just need to do your best every day, let go, and let life happen the way it’s supposed to. Because oftentimes the outcomes you can’t change end up changing you and helping you grow. (Note: Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the Adversity chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
4. You can’t avoid risk without avoiding growth.
As Henry David Thoreau once said, “When it’s time to die, let us not discover that we have never lived.”
Living is a risk. Happiness is a risk. If you’re not a little uncertain sometimes, then you’re not doing it right. Don’t worry about mistakes and failures, worry about what you’re giving up when you don’t even try. Worry about the life you’re not living and the joy you’re forgoing, as you merely exist in the safety of your comfort zone 24/7. Give yourself permission to be one of the people who survived doing it wrong, who made mistakes, but recovered from them and grew stronger.
5. Your most common daily problems live in your head.
The mind is indeed your biggest battleground on a daily basis. It’s the place where the fiercest conflict resides. It’s where half the things you feared would happen, never actually happened. It’s where your expectations get the best of you. And it’s where you fall victim to your own train of thought time and time again. Truly, the primary cause of unhappiness and defeat on the average day is rarely the current situation, but instead your inner resistance to it. Inner growth on the other hand usually comes down to acceptance of the current situation, and then taking constructive action.
Human beings become quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do great things, right now, without needing anything more. When you gain trust in yourself and the present moment, you have discovered the first secret of growth and success. Because finding your way is not about going somewhere new every second; it’s about seeing familiar ground in new ways. Once you do, you will realize the only difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is how you use them. (Read “The Last Lecture”.)
6. Long-term happiness can’t be bought.
To paraphrase Dave Ramsey, too many people buy things they don’t need with money they don’t have to impress people they don’t know. Don’t be one of them. Fill your life with lots of experiences, not lots of things. Have incredible stories to tell, not incredible clutter in your closets.
Seriously, if you’d rather be surrounded by pristine objects of little significance rather than by loads of fulfilling memories, stay focused on acquiring tangible possessions. Otherwise, stop fixating on things you can touch and start caring about the things that touch you. Each of us has a unique fire in our heart for something that makes us feel alive. It’s your duty to find it and keep it lit. Promise yourself that you will stay true to your loves, your values, and your purpose through thick and thin. Let your heart and mind work as one. Do what it takes so that one day, many moons from now, you can look back at your life, take one last breath, and crack an honest smile.
7. Not everyone will support you.
If you take every insult or rude remark personally, you will be offended for the rest of your life. One of the most freeing things we learn in life is that we don’t have to agree with everyone, everyone doesn’t have to agree with us, and that it’s OK. As Bruce Lee once said, “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” Live by this quote. Don’t let the opinions of others make you forget.
Of course, it takes time to learn how to NOT judge yourself through someone else’s eyes, but once you do the world is yours to explore freely. We have all been placed on this earth to discover our own life, and we will never be happy or successful if we try to live someone else’s idea of it. So give up worrying too much about what others think of you. And remember that taking a step back to gracefully walk away from situations that threaten your peace of mind, values, morals, or self-worth, is almost always a healthy and necessary step forward.
8. You are better off without some people in your daily life.
It’s during the toughest times of your life that you’ll get to see the true colors of the people who say they care about you. Notice who sticks around and who doesn’t, and be grateful to those who leave you, for they have given you the room to grow in the space they abandoned, and the awareness to appreciate the people who loved you when you didn’t feel lovable.
Bottom line: Be okay with giving the gift of your absence to those who do not appreciate and respect your presence.
9. You can’t have joy in life without some pain.
Chuck Palahniuk once said, “The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. Some pain and sadness is necessary. Everything in life is two-sided. You can’t expect to feel pleasure without ever feeling pain, joy without ever feeling sorrow, confidence without ever feeling fearful, hope without ever feeling uncertain, etc. There is no such thing as a one-sided coin in life, with which you can buy a pain-free, trouble-free life.
Yes, life is a series of highs and lows — an adventure that requires you to take chances and actions that have the possibility of both success and failure, positive and negative outcomes, etc.
10. Life is always changing, day by day.
Growth can be painful, change can be painful, but in the end nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong. So be selective with your energy today. If you can fix a problem, fix it. If you can’t, accept it and change your thoughts about it. And whatever you do, don’t attempt to invest more energy than you have tripping over something behind you or something that only exists inside your head.
Of course, there will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong. You might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t. Sure the sun stops shining sometimes, and you may get a huge thunderstorm or two, but eventually the sun will come out to shine. Sometimes it’s just a matter of us staying as present and positive as possible in order to make it to see the sun break through the clouds again.
And remind yourself that the trick on the average day is to enjoy the little things. Don’t wish away all your days waiting for better ones ahead. Just do your best to appreciate where you are. You’ve come a long way, and you’re still learning and growing. Be thankful for the progress and lessons. Take them and make the best of things right now.
Now it’s your turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to make your growth a priority today — to give yourself a chance to fully embrace the reminders above. Because your growth won’t always be a priority to others, and it won’t just happen automatically. Practice taking better care of yourself, moving forward, giving yourself grace along the way, and becoming a more reliable part of your own support system.
But before you go, please leave Marc and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Chandra Melton says
I loved this because I’ve been holding on to the accident I was involved in recently. I know I’m still healing from my injuries but I’m just ready for it all to be in the past. And you said it perfect- thunderstorms will come but so will the sun. So I just need to focus on the fact that I survived and be thankful for my healing daily. Your words help a lot so thank you guys so much!
Alice sihlobo says
I feel challenged by this reading, each time I read your articles my heart becomes warm and I am encouraged.
Now, where do you find the time to find words that suits almost all of us? You are a blessing and let your cups overflow so that we drink continually
Kris Cook says
I’m glad I was given this article today in my feed. This article was a blessing. I went through a thunderstorm today like you said. I like the part about where it’s time to take care of yourself. My aunt told me that today. Then you confirmed. I need to work on myself. I’m going through a lot right now and I need to fix myself and heal. Your article really hit the spot today. It’s just what I needed. I appreciate your article and help. Thank you.
Scott says
Thank you for these points today. Through many struggles; I see those that have been there for me through these times. And many who I thought would be; and have not. Difficult to move past the hurt. Even knowing you can’t change others. Small steps forward daily; and not giving up. Looking back; I know I am moving forward. Perhaps not on the path that I thought I would be on.
Mary Ann says
I love you both for your refreshing insight on life.
This article came up in my email inbox just now and man, it just so hits home. I lost my job a few months ago because my position was being eliminated. This after being there 10 years and being told on the morning of my 10th anniversary. The job ended, life moved on then a few weeks ago, my job, same title and all, shows up on Indeed. The feeling of anger and frustration started all over again. It’s been sticking with me and hard to shake, especially finding out a co-worker had a lot to do with it, all the while acting supportive.
This line among so many helped me so much today:
‘The greatest miracle of your success in life will not be that you finished, it will be that you found the strength and courage to begin…’ – thanks for that. I needed really it!
May life be good to you as you continue this work. You touch so many peoples life with your words. I personally just wanted to express my appreciation.
M says
Betrayal takes time to overcome. I just want to say the shame/blame is on that bully, not you. Always, for me, bettet things have come to me and I am sure they will to you. Take time to reflect, consider a temp job until you are ready.
Sally says
I’m in a similar predicament – 4 months ago had to quit my job as it was causing me ill health. It had been gradually getting worse; lack of support from manager. I still have no job and running out of hope. As I live on my own, of course I am worrying constantly about losing my home, that I have built over the last 25 years.
I read The Power Of Now – I try and remember to focus on this rather than worry about what might be. Enjoy the moment, for it will never repeat itself.
I wish you well and also myself.
Glenda says
“Be okay with giving the gift of your absence to those who do not appreciate and respect your presence.”
Permission to walk away from what you thought was a good friendship, but in reality you know that the friendship has caused you a lot of anxiety with push-pull behaviour.
It’s hard being around someone with a broken radiator. And it’s also interesting to observe, how they step forward / are confused when you step back and put up boundaries.
I’m still a work in progress, but I am learning to give the gift of my absence, whilst still being friendly as we do need to spend time together
Wise words, as often we hear that we must hold onto friendships – thank you.
Dana says
I have pulled so many things from this little essay. Like I can’t even tell you How much it meant. I have struggled so much trying to move past a unilateral decision that has ruined a friendship and potential romantic relationship. It has been so tough Reckoning with the reality of that decision And the loss it Created has been devastating. I tried to figure it out And move forward, but I struggle daily with it. But I have clipped so many sentences out of this essay that I’m going to string together and give myself that daily affirmation of these very important things that I must keep in mind in order to move forward and be the person that I know that I am and I’ve always held out to be. I could never take back the egregious mistake that I made, but that I can and will figure out how to move forward.
Nirmala Vavilala says
Exactly same with me. I am among those who survived making a big mistake…slowly fighting back.
Elle says
What beautiful and comforting words! My life has been about difficult family ties, painful scapegoating, learning this late in life to finally let them go because they were never mine and never truly wanted me in the first place. Now i can fly, I have an amazing husband who stuck by me and my love for rescuing animals has saved me more than you would ever know. I’ve redefined my life and my boundaries.
Sad that I’ve had to go to nasty lengths sometimes to shake up the muck to let it leave me, but to hold on and know that I forgive them and I forgive myself is powerful and in my faith I am free.
Thank you once again for what you do!
Sherlynn McKenzie says
I’ve read your posts for few months now and they have thus far helped me through some difficult times. After 40 yrs of marriage, and at the age of 60, never thought I would be in a middle of a divorce. Losing my home and my lifestyle, etc. But, during this stressful time, its not over yet; my true friends have surfaced giving me support. I’ve found my independence, and true self that I had lost during those years of marriage. I’m working on trust again. It’s been difficult after being betrayed by the one person who I put my trust into for many years, the one I sacrificed things in my life for, the one who I gave children to, etc. I’m living my life now one day at a time. I am thankful that I am strong enough to avoid chemicals to burry the pain, frustration, missery; as I know those things are temporary and often times lead to more problems. My journey just started recently. I’m hopeful I will have the strength to get though this and rebuild my life so I am happy again to live the remaining years I have left.
T D Rowan says
My dearest Sherilyn, I feel both your pain and your courage in this letter of yours. I send you much love and great respect for the bravery you are displaying while on your current journey. Please know your strength shines through to light the way for me and no doubt many others. Thank you for being you and being there.
Daniel Porter says
Such simple, and yet profound insights and wisdom! This article showed up just when I needed it and I am so grateful for you guys. I am sorry to hear more about the hardships you’ve been through in the past, Marc and Angel. But I’m not surprised you have overcome them and used them for good.
Marie says
Beautifully well-wrought points that can only come with experience, thank you!
Kevin Eardley says
I still find your essays extremely helpful. I find it all to easy to be caught up in negative thought processes . Fear is indeed the mind killer. Our internalised thought processes harbour unhelpful illusions. But the mind is all we have………
Barbara says
So much to learn from this essay! The main point that resonates with me is #5, the main problems live in your head. 99% of my anxiety is due to the negative scenarios I alone have created in my head. I am reacting to those thoughts, not reality. How to keep from creating anxiety is my biggest challenge in life. I look at the past and think of the time wasted
on useless worry when I could have been happy! Thank you for addressing this common problem!
Yadhu says
I’ve been reading some essays and it’s actually life changing. Loving each one every day. Cheers to you and Marc
Richard Kina says
As I have said before, some how you know when I need support and you provide inspiration. Thank you. As Winston Churchill said: NEVER NEVER NEVER GIVE UP. The sun will come out tomorrow and I plan on being there.
Heike says
Thanks again. Such a wonderful read. I love the part “Notice who sticks around and who doesn’t, and be grateful to those who leave you, for they have given you the room to grow in the space they abandone”. No better advice ever heard. Thanks for giving me this opportunity to be part of your very special community. Loving it.????
David Cleroux says
An honest and direct approach to success. So much to learn and to put into practice. Some things I can relate to and I’m grateful to have experienced in life… also a great teacher. I very much like the quote “inner growth comes from acceptance of the current situation and then taking constructive action.” As I get older, which I now am, ha; I’m learning things that I should have put into practice long ago. I guess it’s never too late for progress. I value everything you send my way and endeavor to put as much as possible into action. Thank you. Hugs.
Andy says
Life has a way of leading you down the path, if you let it, to where you need to be, when you need to be there.
Pip Fox says
All you’ve said here is great, but many people don’t know their purpose or even what they value. Partly because they’ve never asked themselves, they are not in the habit of taking stock of themselves and their lives at regular intervals. Discomfort with things as they are is often dealt with by escaping into our favourite activities (just about any dopamine generating activity can be addictive, btw).
There’s nothing more powerful than taking a pencil and blank sheet of paper and writing down the question:what do I want? It kicks off a genuine journey on paper, if you keep the answers short and to the point. There are great books out there that help facilitate this process. Pen or pencil and paper, plus our own minds are very powerful tools that are often forgotten about. More powerful than any keyboard. You can’t move forward if you don’t have a clear idea of what’s important to you – this will help to show you who you are. Then you can take the small actions needed to bust out of whatever logjam you’re in. Best wishes, P Fox
Prof AK says
In this context of paths, journeys, redirections, growth from painful experiences etc… Is it really possible for something to be a ‘mistake’?
sahar says
Thank you for posting such facts… I am really grateful to be coming across them. With my recent decision to take off rose colored glasses in life, I am able to second you or learn from you guys in almost every point mentioned.
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