“You only live once, but if you do it right once is enough.”
— Mae West
Twenty years ago, I was lucky enough to witness the humble, elegant, peaceful passing of my 89-year-old grandfather. As I sat quietly in his hospice room alongside my grandma and other family members, his nurse smiled softly and said, “I can see he lived well. People his age often pass just the way they lived.”
And as I drove home that evening a couple questions kept cycling through my mind…
“Am I living well?”
“What do I want to be able to smile about on the inside when I’m close to the end?”
These questions are tough, especially the second one. At the time, I struggled to fully accept my own mortality — just thinking about it stressed me out. So I simply avoided the question and the soul-searching it demanded of me. I distracted myself for a few more years until I found myself back in a hospice room with my grandma on her 90th birthday (she was the most amazing human being I’ve ever met, by the way).
On what would become one of the last days of her life, I sat with my grandma for the entire day, in silence, in laughter, in tears, and in awe of a woman who was still smiling and sharing stories despite incredible weakness and exhaustion. Her mind was amazingly strong even just a short time before her death. So I gave her my undivided attention — I soaked up her wisdom one last time.
And I was all ears until she asked me a version of that question I had avoided a few years earlier. “Do you know why I’m happy right now?” she asked me.
“Because you’ve lived well,” I said.
She smiled even wider, and then she spent the next hour speaking softly and passionately about her life and the things she did along the way that opened doors to her present happiness. It was without a doubt one of the most enlightening and unforgettable hours of my life. Immediately afterward, she took a nap — one of her final naps — and I wrote a journal entry about everything told me.
Although I’ve shared many of her insights and quotes with readers and clients in the past, today is the anniversary of my grandma’s passing, so I’d like to honor her once more. To do so, I’m going to share an expanded version of the notes from that specific journal entry I wrote in her hospice room just over a decade ago. It’s her wisdom with my twist. I’ve done my best to convey what she told me in five inspiring points — the habits and ways of living that allowed my 90-year-old grandma to sustain genuine happiness all her life:
1. My grandma kept her negative self-judgment in check, and gave every day her best.
One of my grandma’s favorite quotes was by Walt Disney: “Around here, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious — and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”
It inspired my grandma for decades, and it still inspires me every day to write and create — to move on to my next piece of work, even when I catch myself judging my last piece of work as “not good enough.”
For example, it’s been almost 19 years now that Angel and I have been publishing new articles every week on Marc & Angel Hack Life. Sometimes the ideas and words come easier than others, and there have been plenty of times when I’ve felt like my writing and work was sub-par.
“I thought this was a great article. Why aren’t people reading and sharing it?” Or I’ll feel like I fumbled through an article only to watch it receive thousands of shares on social media. Regardless of which outcome I’m dealing with, my grandma’s wisdom always reminds me of one key point: As human beings, we are often terrible judges of our own work. We are just too self-critical to see the truth most of the time.
And not only that, it’s not our job to judge our own work. It’s not our job to compare it to everyone else’s work, or to how we thought others would perceive it. There’s no use in doing that.
Instead, it’s our job to create. Our job is to share what we have right now in this moment. Our job is to come as we are and give it our best shot, every single day. That’s how my grandma lived her life. She was a true artist in that way.
Realize that there are people in nearly every career field who make each day a work of art simply by the way they have mastered their craft. Yes, almost everyone is an artist in some way. And every artist will have the tendency to judge their own work. The important thing is to not let your self-judgment talk you out of doing your thing and sharing your creative and unique gifts with the world.
Just like Walt said, the key is to “keep moving forward.”
2. My grandma consistently did hard things.
Sadly, most people give up on their life stories far too early. They come out of school or college wanting to change the world, wanting to build an enterprise, wanting to make lots of money, wanting to start a family and live happily ever after. But they get into the middle of it all and discover it’s way harder than they anticipated. They encounter many setbacks, and they can’t see anything over the distant horizon anymore. So they wonder if their efforts are moving them forward. None of the trees behind them are getting smaller and none of the ones ahead are getting larger, at least not fast enough. So they take it out on their family and friends, or themselves, and they go aimlessly looking for an easier path that doesn’t fulfill them.
Don’t be one of these people.
My grandma had a Winston Churchill quote hanging in her home office that said, “Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”
And she strongly believed that good things don’t come easy. “True strength consists of what you do on the third, fourth and fifth tries,” she told me. Take this to heart!
Never give up on your journey. Never stop trying. Never sell out or sell yourself short. Life is tough, but you are tougher. Your journey isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s supposed to be worth it. To never struggle is to never grow. It doesn’t matter what’s happened or what you’ve done; what matters is what you choose to do from here. Accept the circumstances, learn from them, and take another step forward.
3. My grandma focused on the present, and appreciated the little things.
“Remember, you don’t know what the future will bring. So your best bet for living is to make the best and most positive use of the present,” my grandma said.
The universe is always talking to us — sending us little messages, causing coincidences and serendipitous events, reminding us to stop, to look around, and to believe in something special, something more.
But this special something isn’t somewhere else. It’s right where you are.
Sometimes you have to stop searching, and just BE. You aren’t missing anything anywhere else. You’re only missing the goodness in front of you.
Let me assure you, you could run around trying to do everything, and travel around the world, and always stay connected, and work and party all night long without sleep, but you could never do it all. You will always be missing something, and thus it will always seem like something amazing might be happening elsewhere. Focusing on this is obviously futile.
Hustle, work hard, and seek adventure, but do it with your eyes wide open and focused on your present step.
You have everything right now. The best in life isn’t somewhere else — it’s right where you are at this moment. Notice it, and make it memorable.
4. My grandma honed the peace of mind that comes with letting things go.
This point is a perfect successor to the previous one. Letting go isn’t about having the ability to forget the past, it’s about having the wisdom to embrace the present.
Truth be told, the more you talk about it, debate it, rethink it, rehash it, cross-analyze it, get paranoid about it, track it, respond to it, contend with it, complain about it, immortalize it, cry over it, kick it, insult it, gossip about it, pray over it, put it down or dissect its motives… it continues to fester and rot in your mind.
It’s time to accept that it’s over! It’s dead! It’s gone. It’s done. It’s time to bury it because it’s stinking up your life, and no one wants to be near your rotted corpse of bad memories, or your decaying attitude. Be the funeral director of your past life and bury that thing once and for all!
“Every difficult life situation can be an excuse for hopelessness or an opportunity for growth, depending on what you choose to do with it right now,” my grandma told me. “We have to let go of the ideas, outcomes, and expectations that aren’t serving us.”
Take pause when you must. Realize that holding on is being brave, but letting go and moving forward is often what makes us stronger and happier in the end. (Note: Angel and I discuss this practice in more detail in the Happiness and Adversity chapters of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
5. My grandma read a lot and was incredibly generous with her knowledge.
My grandma’s personal heroes were educated visionaries and dreamers — those beautiful people among us who invest in themselves and then use what they’ve learned to make the world a better place than when they found it, whether in tiny ways or enormous ones. Some succeed, some fail, most have mixed results, but it’s the effort itself that’s heroic, as she saw it. Win or lose, my grandma admired those who intelligently fight for the greater good. And I couldn’t agree more with her sentiment.
Don’t stop learning. Don’t stop investing in yourself. Study. Read. Devour books. Engage with people, including those who think differently. Ask questions. Listen closely. And don’t just grow in knowledge. Be a person who gives back. Use what you’re learning to make a difference.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “The purpose of life is not to simply be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”
Closing Thoughts: A Benediction
I want to leave you with a paraphrased version of a poem by Bessie Anderson Stanley that my grandma used to have hanging on the side of her refrigerator when I was growing up. I think it perfectly embodies the overall message of this essay, and the overall reason my grandma was genuinely happy for the majority of her life:
“She has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much;
Who has enjoyed the trust of good women, the respect of good men, and the love of children;
Who has filled her niche and accomplished her task;
Who has never lacked appreciation of life’s beauty or failed to express it;
Who has left the world better than she found it,
Whether an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul;
Who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best she had;
Whose life was an inspiration;
Whose memory a benediction.”
Now it’s your turn…
Angel and I would love to hear from YOU. Your feedback is important to us.
Please leave us a comment below and let us know:
Which point mentioned above resonates with you the most today?
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Martha says
I was so encouraged by this essay today! Your grandma was such a wise and beautiful woman. Through you I’m now benefiting from someone I never met.
At 55 years of age, I’m taking a drastic turn in my life. I had the choice of feeling sorry for myself and being the victim or moving forward with intention and expectation of the second half of my life being my best. Moving forward with creative intention has now become my number one focus in life lately. So thank you for sharing this treasure of an article. I have gleaned much to keep as encouragement and clarity of my thoughts.
Bennie says
Hi, love your story here. Thank u so much.
Scott Gerhardt says
I would have loved to have known your grandma. You are very fortunate, as I am sure you are aware. I loved what you wrote about her. My grandfather was not well-educated and did not express himself very eloquently but always smiled, never complained, worked hard, and always made me feel important and worthy. I’m 77 now and he’s been gone for almost 50 years, but I still cherish his memory and what I learned from him.
Josephine Gutierrez says
I feel the same way about my grandpa. He wasn’t well educated, but he was hard working, loved his family and was not a typical man for his age. He didn’t feel women had to act a certain way. He encouraged my mom after my parents divorce. She learned how to drive and when she felt she couldn’t do something, he say why not! He always had words of wisdom and encouragement. He was a blessing.
Barbara Grateful Grandmother says
As an 83 year old woman, I loved the inspiration of your grandmother. Being blessed with 5 grand children and 2 great, my hope is to leave a small imprint on their hearts. Married to my precious husband 63 years, life has been beyond our measure. God blessed us with family that have seen the value of family life. Sunday Supper they wouldn’t miss, and now that my husband and I are aging that has become more precious. I never feel they are bound to the tradition, they cherish it and we are the grateful recipients of their love and attention.
Bob says
I don’t respond to a lot but this read was inspiring and touching. I just lost my wife this past January and have been coping without her so far this year by thinking of the good times we had together. It is now my turn to step up and continue my journey. My wife was a loving and caring person. While I will never be able to fill her shoes I have realized life is short on this earth but than eternity forever. Life doesn’t promise us tomorrow so be kind to someone today.
Caroline says
Dear Bob
I really wish you well in your continued journey. I think it’s courageous to choose stepping up & I feel you honor your wife’s memory by doing so.
Sending you love.
Melissa Boswell says
Marc, I wish I could buy you an coffee right now and we could sit down and toast to your grandma! I felt the richness and depth of all of who she was, as I read this beautiful article. She had some incredible pearls of wisdom, didn’t she. And I think what affects me the most (I could feel myself cheering inside) was when I got to point number 5 – the need to keep learning from heroic and wise people. That has pulled me through many a dark time. I truly loved all the quotes you used in this writing. I shall copy them in my journal. Heck I should paint them on my wall. By the way, I have a framed portrait of Ralph Waldo Emerson above my fireplace. That’s how much I admire him. Thanks for your beautiful work. I am deeply moved. Thank you.
Linda Farr says
Boy, do I identify with your grandma! I am almost 58 yrs. old, but grew up with all ages and stages of life. I gained or heard and caught much wisdom, but was unable to apply it or so I thought until now, right in this time of my life. What sharing and passing on can achieve amazes me.
It results in a benefit to all oftentimes. And, thankfully, though knocked around a bit, I am still standing strong benefitting from others as well as now knowing that others are benefiting from me. That is an absolutely beautiful realization at this juncture in my life.
Thank you so much for recapturing her words and encapsulating them so well and further expressing this experience in such clarity for others reading and continuing like myself.
Again, many thanks.
-Linda
Jennifer says
Your grandma was a true gem! Number 1 and 2 resonated most with me today. I’m a creative who’s starting on a new career path and my journey has proven to be so rewarding and overwhelming all at the same time in the past few months. Your posts (especially this one) is what fuels the engine to keep on keepin’ on. Thank you!
Lara says
All of her points are ones that I will put into action. I have lost a little bit of my way and my thing. I am aware of the benefit of letting go though the imagery of the rotting and decaying past is really hitting home as I have let go of the people who were not good for me though I not the pain they caused. I love Walt and “keep moving forward” and Meet the Robinsons is one of my favorite Disney films. I am trying some new things and revamping a few old ones. I hope that I can start smiling more now and keep it there when it is time to move on.
Alex says
I’m a youngster of 61 but loved watching The Waltons and always remember the grandfathers laugh. Very different from my grandfather who was a looming foreboding prescence, as was my mother’s father.
I remember my great grandfather though – as a young boy visiting him in his final days. A laughing smiling warm man. We polished off a crate of coke bottles much to the nurse’s concern.
I have had to face up to some things – that I need to create my own happiness, peace – and recently, that my threshold for noise (the bass) and inability to control what neighbours say and do / and that humans are erratic and let one down .
Your words of inspiration and wisdom have been a steady lighthouse over the years – and especially this latest post, reminds me of a film I saw ‘Fried Green Tomatoes’
Love the mention of Winston Churchill ‘s quote and he obviously has his own struggles with ‘the black dog’
Thanks for both of your resilience and perseverance in putting out these weekly beacons of hope and rejuvenation . Yep, I sound like an oldie!
Carl says
Thank you for this article. I’m 32 years old and I usually only saw my grandmother one time out of the year (they lived out of the country) so I never really got to have a strong connection with my grandparents. But I’ve always been the type to listen to my elders when they offer advice. I’m going through a hard break up at the moment, and your articles have helped me on the days when I feel lost and hopeless. This one is no exception. Thank you.
Joanne Bartek says
I needed to read this today it gave me reassurances and point 5 nailed it for me. I’ve been following you two for years and although I haven’t taken the time to read every email, the universe has a way of pushing me to read the ones that help me and on this day it has. I shared it with my daughter who is 27 and taking on a new a wonderful challenge, and I know this article will help her to think positive.
Much Love n Respect
Lorrie says
Thank you for sharing your grandma! For those of us who never really knew our grandmothers or remember very little about them because they were not a part of our lives, it is heartwarming to hear about these beautiful pieces of love your grandmother shared. Just because I didn’t grow up with this type of special maternal figure doesn’t mean I can’t benefit going forward. Blessings to you for this gift of sharing.
Jennifer Miller says
Thank you for this article. I only knew my grandmothers, who lived through the Great Depression. Both grandfathers died long before I was born. My grandmothers were not the cookie baking comforting types whatsoever. Therefore, I am drawing strength from yours. What resonates with me is letting go, burying the past. I am that corpse. With your words, and a possibly new opportunity in life when I thought it impossible, im going to bury it and begin anew. Thank you. I’m not crying, I’m too hard-hearted. I’m not.
Ugwu Emmanuel Emeka says
I love this post! Thank you for posting.
Richard L. Kina says
A good article. We need to take the time to stop, look, and listen. There is so much good everywhere, like our elders, like the blue sky, the green grass and the fact that it is all at our finger tips. We need to let go of the past and of the anger/hard feelings that are holding us back. The sooner the better.
Debby O'Connor says
Just THANK YOU. I had a Grandma like that and she still inspires from beyond.
I appreciate your work even if I don’t post often.
David Cleroux says
“You have everything right now. The best in life isn’t somewhere else — it’s right where you are at this moment. Notice it, and make it memorable.” “Remember, you don’t know what the future will bring. So your best bet for living is to make the best and most positive use of the present.”
I’m very grateful for the present situation and I think I’ve leaned to be content in whatever situation that I’m in. I have a lot to be thankful for… and I am. I’m grateful for Family and friends and for what I work on each day… and who knows what tomorrow may bring. It’s an adventure. Thank you! Hugs.
Debra says
Thanks for sharing this wonderful story with us. As I grew older, I also learned to live in the present. Life is so much more enjoyable. May peace and love guide you in your journey.
Emily says
This reflection on your grandmother’s lifelong happiness feels deeply grounded and wise. I recently adapted a traditional blessing for a family birthday and it felt sincere. Simple gratitude rituals — even when sharing birthday wishes for mother in marathi — can remind us to celebrate the quiet joy of everyday life.