Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.
When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over. There’s a big difference between giving up and starting over in the right direction. And there are three little words that can release you from your past and guide you forward to a positive new beginning. These words are: “From now on…”
So, from now on…
1. Let the things you can’t control GO!
Most things are only a part of your life because you keep thinking about them. Realize this. Positive things will happen in your life when you emotionally distance yourself from the negative things. So stop holding on to what hurts, and make room for what feels right. Do not let what is out of your control interfere with all the things you can control.
2. Accept and embrace reality.
Life is simple on the average day. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. For everything you lose, you gain something else; and for everything you gain, you lose something else. You don’t have to like it, but it’s just easier if you do. So pay attention to your outlook on life. You can either regret or rejoice; it’s your choice.
3. Change your mind.
Change is like breath — it isn’t part of the process, it is the process. In reality the only thing we can count on is change. And the first step toward positive change is to change your outlook. Prepare for the positive. Prepare for progress and the “new.” Allow the unknown to take you to fresh and unforeseen areas in yourself. Growth is impossible without change. If you cannot change your mind, you cannot change anything in your life. Sometimes all you need to do is look at things from a different perspective.
4. Hold tight to the good things.
When life’s daily struggles knock you into a pit so deep you can’t see anything but darkness, don’t waste valuable energy trying to dig your way out. Because if you hastily dig in the dark, you’re likely to head in the wrong direction and only dig the pit deeper. Instead, use what energy you have to reach out and pull something good in with you. For goodness is bright; its radiance will show you which way is up, and illuminate the correct path that will take you there. (Note: Marc and I discuss strategies for living true to these words in the Adversity & Self-Love chapters of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
5. Rest and regroup.
Strength isn’t about bearing a cross of grief or shame. Strength is about choosing your path, living with the consequences, and learning the way on the way. Sometimes you do your best and end up with a mess. When this happens don’t be discouraged. You tried your best. That’s really all you can ever do. You have not failed — you just learned what not to do. So rest, regroup, and begin again with what you now know.
6. Take necessary chances.
Making a big life change or trying something new can be scary. But do you know what’s even scarier? Regret. So realize that most of your fears are much bigger in your mind than they are in reality. You’ll see this for yourself as soon as you face them, so don’t let them stop you. Live your life so that you rarely ever have to regret the chances you never took, the love you never let in, and the gifts you never gave out.
7. Keep climbing.
Every person who is at the top of the mountain did not fall there from the sky. Good things come to those who work for them. You gain confidence and grow stronger by every experience in which you truly push yourself to do something you didn’t think you could do. If you are standing in that place of in-between, unable or unwilling to go backwards, but too afraid to move forward, remember that you can’t enjoy the view in the long run without being willing to climb at least a few small steps every day.
8. Give yourself credit for the lessons learned.
Just because you have struggled does not mean you are incapable. Every success requires some kind of worthy struggle to get there. Give yourself credit for the lessons learned and how far you have come. You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or even a week ago. You’re always learning and growing from your experiences. So use your disappointments and frustrations to motivate you rather than annoy you. Remember, you are in control of the way you respond to life today.
9. Appreciate how every step is necessary.
Almost nothing is 100% wrong in life. We learn from nearly every step we take. Whatever you did earlier today was a necessary step to get to tomorrow. So be proud of yourself and notice your progress. Maybe you are not as good as you want to be, or as great as you one day will be; but thanks to all the lessons you’ve learned along the way, you are so much better than you used to be. (Note: “The Good Morning Journal: Powerful Prompts and Reflections to Start Every Day” is a great tool for this kind of daily self-reflection.)
Afterthoughts… on Tragic Endings
Let’s take a moment to address an obvious elephant in the room — the fact that the aforementioned points are infinitely easier said than done when tragedy strikes. For example, when someone you love passes away too soon, that’s undoubtedly one of the most difficult and heartbreaking endings to cope with. Although it takes a lot more time and work, the general principles for coping with this kind of tragic ending are applicable. Let’s visualize this together…
Imagine a person who gave meaning to your life is suddenly no longer in your life (at least not in the flesh), and you’re not the same person without them. You have to change who you are — you’re now a best friend who sits alone, a widow instead of a wife, a dad without a daughter, or a next-door neighbor to someone new. You want life to be the way it was, before death, but it never will be.
Marc and I have dealt with the loss of siblings and best friends to illness, so we know from experience that when you lose someone you can’t imagine living without, your heart breaks wide open. And the bad news is you never completely get over the loss — you will never forget them. However, in a backwards way, this is also the good news.
You see, death is an ending, which is a necessary part of living. And endings are necessary for beauty too — otherwise it’s impossible to appreciate someone or something, because they are unlimited. Limits illuminate beauty, and death is the definitive limit — a reminder that you need to be aware of this beautiful person or situation, and appreciate this beautiful thing called life. Death is also a beginning, because while you’ve lost someone special, this ending, like every loss, is a moment of reinvention. Although deeply sad, their passing forces you to reinvent your life, and in this reinvention is an opportunity to experience beauty in new, unseen ways and places. And finally, of course, death is an opportunity to celebrate a person’s life, to be grateful for the priceless beauty they showed you, and to begin again in their honor.
Now it’s your turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to make the best of what’s in front of you. So I hope you will have an inspired day today, that you will dream boldly and dangerously, that you will make some progress that didn’t exist before you took action, that you will love and be loved in return, and that you will find the strength to accept and grow from the troubles you can’t change. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and wisdom in this world), that you will, when you must, be wise with your decisions, and that you will always be extra kind to yourself and others.
And please leave Marc and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
(Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.)
Pammichica says
Thanks for writing with such a fresh perspective. Like many of us, life has been a struggle beyond what we have overcome in the past, many of us are at our breaking point.
The typical advice and positive outlook quotes seem so empty and trite in comparison to your articles, which are never condescending or over-simplified.
I share many posts on social media and have given your site’s link to so many people, as it is so extremely helpful. Please continue the great writing for all of us trying to regain our footing here on planet Earth.
Angela says
Wholeheartedly agree with you Pammychica.
Continue to share your writing with world. The uplifting messages and tidbits give me encouragement when I read them and reflect. I recently lost my father unexpectedly and I opened up one of your publications and was encouraged. I thank you.
Angela Squires says
I echo your thoughts and comments Pammichica, I too love Marc & Angels blogs, very wise supportive words. I took at 60 years old, am trying my best to keep putting one foot firmly Infront of the other to keep moving forward. I lost my dear Father then his brother my dear Uncle within 6 months of each other, I cared for them both for the last 4 years, then I lost my family home, as most of the family farm was left to my brother.
I have had to reinvent my life over the last 3 months, Iam slowly beginning to piece my life back together with the help of very supportive wonderful friends. My 2 grown sons have not been here for me to that extent, through past and recent events, they are again slowly beginning to support me, which is good! Thank you Marc &Angel for your support and great words they help me on a daily basis and means a lot to me. Please keep them going. Be kind to yourselves.
Patricia says
Thank you for this article. It has come at a very appropriate time in my life. I lost my husband a year ago unexpected to illness. We were married 47 years and together almost 52 years. I am at the stage of my life where it is now MY life instead of OUR life. We had no children and very little family. I am alone with the exception of some wonderful friends and several church families and I have the goodness of God. Reinventing my life is not easy. With that said, I am beginning to see a little bit of light to enable me to move forward. Your article has added to the brightness that will illuminate the path to my new life. Thank you.
Francia Kramer says
Hugs to you, Patricia.
Donna Smith says
Very similar situation for me. Married 51 years, together 1 year prior to marriage. He passed a year and a half ago. I’ve been looking outward now, trying to build this new life. Thanking God for friends, old and new. I move forward and then collapse for a bit. I think it’s expected. Remembering and moving forward are hard to reconcile somedays. But I do know it is easier than it was even 6 months ago.
ivelisse says
Wishing you peace as you travel this new path.
javajive says
I came across your books and blog writings a year ago or so, and they have really helped me with my journey.
My husband left me and his three kids, a few months after I gave birth to our third, because I wasn’t enough for him – I’m not his soul mate. He fell in love with a married woman with 2 younger kids.
I am in a much better place now than I was last year, but I still have a lot of anger and hurt that comes to the surface regularly. Reading your articles has really helped me process these feelings better, and confirm the choices I can make in my responses to this. I know I will be a better and stronger person for these challenges, and your writings give me valuable steps that I can take, and reminders of what I need to keep doing.
I cannot thank you enough.
Sally says
It will take time to come to terms with what has happened, but you will stop hurting one day.
Your children will be your main focus so be the best version of yourself, for their sakes. You will reap the rewards and they will thank you. They will make their own minds up about their father; try to remain very neutral with your opinions about him(I know that’s difficult, but believe me, it is much better than venting your anger and disappointment).
Kielei Berek says
Thank you so much for this essay. It was not only informative and well written, it was woven with kindness and understanding throughout. As a recent widow (roughly 2 months just so you know where I’m coming from), it’s absolutely refreshing to read this type of article on starting a new chapter in ones life, and having the article address that big, horrific elephant in the room. I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but this particular incarnation of rebuilding my life is far different, incredibly scarier and unbelievably sadder than I believe I ever imagined a piece of this thing called life could be. But I’m learning. And I’m trying. And I’m not trying. And I’m doing everything I know to move forward. And doing nothing at all. It all depends on the moment. And the guilt that comes with those moments of nothing can be suffocating. I’m learning it doesn’t have to be. And perspectives such as yours towards this particular life-altering event are more helpful in my daily (or not) quest for this new chapter I’m hearing about. So thank you, and I look forward to continued learning to help me navigate this rocky road no one ever chooses to take.
Patsy Bolton says
Dear Kielei,
That took courage writing what you did when you’re still in the throes of fresh grief.
Although not a widow, I fear how I’ll manage and not retreat from the world or enter into depression when I become one.
There’s a real chance my husband’s cancer could be terminal although hopefully with imminent treatment it may not be.
I’m trying to prepare myself in case such loss is going to happen fairly soon.
I know in so many ways as a counsellor myself what to do although hope my inclination to despair won’t stop my recovery.
Faye says
I lost someone special almost 10 years ago on this day and still grieve every year around this time, so your words today really resonated today. It’s important to read about acknowledging the more painful parts of life, as everyone has them. Thank you.
Julie (Julia) Armer says
Thank you. I am at a stage of my life where I am having to reinvent myself. Funny thing is I am digging into my life and finding that I’m not reinventing, but actually finding the me I have always been.
After 52 years of being us, I am now me. But that me knows how to do this. I’ve done things that were hard, that scared me, that were daring. I am picking up the threads of all those things that I did before and weaving them into reins to drive the rest of my life.
Lemuel Jackson says
When my mom died three years ago it was hard to know what’s next! Just had to dig in and had to be ok even when I was not ok. This post and your last one resonated. Thank you.
Joe Oside says
“Afterthoughts on tragic endings.” My wife died 6 months ago and I’m still in a lot of pain and I cry a lot at all we shared over many years, especially now as the holidays arrive. So many memories. Anyway, that paragraph was painful to read and i cried through most of it, but I also think it’s true and will help me gradually. It’ll take time to renew, but i think its important to cry for now. Thank you.
Carol Blankenship says
Angel, I’ve been following you and Marc since 2010 and you helped me learn and grow through some very difficult times. I have a small journal filled with M&A Nuggets, as I call them! And now, 15 years later, another life change at another time in life when those same truths that never change are necessary reminders. Thank you to both of you for your consistency, compassion and persistence in sharing these truths and guides to healthy and joyful living! Carol
Amandah says
Good list of reminders! Your emails and posts here never disappoint, M&A.
“Let the things you can’t control, GO” reminds me of the serenity prayer. I do my best to accept the things I can chance and let go of the things I can’t. I always pray for the wisdom to know the difference.
Julia Carey says
I have lost so many family members and friends over the years that I can’t come up with a total off the top of my head. I have great memories that make me smile or laugh so I feel close to them. I have made many new friends in churches I’ve gone to so I don’t feel alone. My faith has truly kept me positive. Thanks for this reminder. You two are a blessing to me.
David Cleroux says
“Do not let what is out of your control interfere with all the things you can control… Life is simple on the average day. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. For everything you lose, you gain something else; and for everything you gain, you lose something else. You can either regret or rejoice; it’s your choice.”
“You’re always learning and growing from your experiences. So use your disappointments and frustrations to motivate you rather than annoy you. Remember, you are in control of the way you respond to life today.”
9. “Appreciate how every step is necessary.
Whatever you did earlier today was a necessary step to get to tomorrow. Maybe you are not as good as you want to be, or as great as you one day will be; but thanks to all the lessons you’ve learned along the way, you are so much better than you used to be.”
This is another beautiful and inspiring essay. I simply chose a few lines of optimism to reflect on. Life is in a habit of getting us to this point of gratefulness. Thanks for the inspiration. Hugs.
Ria Greeff says
Thank you so much for posting your essays. It really helps me to navigate my way through life a little easier. I appreciate it very much.
David Santos says
Great article and reminder. When my ex left me and cheated on me, then stayed with that guy. It broke me to pieces, I was in a dark place for a long time. And then I realized I played a big part in her cheating. I didn’t do enough ! I don’t show up the way I could have, should have and wanted to. I allowed my mental health to get in the way and fear to stop me. I really truly Loved and Cared for her. But she betrayed me and there’s no going back. Cheating is never a mistake ! So I can’t forgive or forget what she did. It still hurts sometimes, after a year of agony. I just accept it wasn’t meant to be. But a part of me feels like it should have been. If only I showed up the way I wanted to . Why did I have to lose her and why didn’t I have enough time to get it right. Not a day goes by a part of me doesn’t miss her but also hate her. A part of me still holds on to what I wanted to to be and it should be. And I don’t know how to let that go. I’m trying so hard, but I see her sometimes in my mind and dream so vividly it feels real. If only she knew the pains she’s caused me. I don’t feel like that person, I feel like she took a piece of me. But I also know I learned and grown a lot. I see the error of my ways when I was with her. I was so blind and unaware. A part of me thanks her, because she woke me up ! She believed in me before I did. If only we had more time. I just didn’t know at the time unfortunately, and when you know better you do better. I been trying to move forward. But sometimes I see someone that looks like you and it hurts. Sometimes I feel sad and angry. The betrayal still hurts for some reason. I just hope I can get to a point where I no longer think of you or feel the pain of betrayal.
Scott Wade says
Angel and Marc
I’m a 59 year young (19 with 40 years of experience) Gentleman who is a recent member of your extended family. Thank you for the perspective you bring and for reviving the tried and true maxims my Grandmother would hold as true. I’m blessed.
“They’re called growing pains…. Because growth is never comfortable and change is guaranteed.”
Richard Kina says
I agree with everyone’s comments. Starting over is hard, but standing still is worse.
Again, great blog.
Takisha says
Thank you for writing such a beautiful essay. I was guided to your essay and it came right on time. This has truly inspired me to change how I view endings. Its transformation and necessary for your greatest good, which cultivates a new beginning for you. So, thank you again and keep inspiring others to grow and heal!
mehedi alam says
great column here, keep writing!
Loida says
I should have read this…specifically #4 around April this year…it was very dark, endless crying, not a typical me, myself as anyone who knows me.
Now recalling what happened before and reading this now…wow!
A best friend who sits alone…
Now I am okay, for sure the better version of myself from April this year.
Thanks always for sharing these words.