“Do not ruin today with mourning tomorrow.”
Ever feel a little overwhelmed? Or really overwhelmed?
This quick read is for YOU…
Once upon a time there was a man who had been lost in the desert for three whole days without water. Just as he was about to collapse, he saw what appeared to be a lake a few hundred yards in front of him. “Could it be? Or is it just a mirage?” he thought to himself.
With the last bit of strength he could muster, he staggered toward the lake and quickly learned that his prayers had been answered: it was no mirage — it was indeed a large spring-fed lake full of more fresh water than he could ever drink in his lifetime. Yet while he was practically dying of thirst, he couldn’t bring himself to drink the water. He simply stood by the water’s edge and stared down at it.
There was a passerby riding on a camel from a nearby desert town who was watching the man’s bizarre behavior. She got off her camel, walked up to the thirsty man and asked, “Why don’t you have a drink, sir?”
He looked up at the woman with an exhausted, distraught expression on his face and tears welling up in his eyes. “I think I’m dying of thirst,” he said, “But there is way too much water here in this lake to drink. No matter what I do, I can’t possibly finish it all.”
The passerby smiled softly, bent down, scooped some water up with her hands, lifted it to the man’s mouth and said, “Sir, your opportunity right now, and as you move forward throughout the rest of your life, is to understand that you don’t have to drink the whole lake to quench your thirst. You can simply take one sip — just one small sip… and then another if you choose. Focus only on the mouthful in front of you, and most of your anxiety, fear, and overwhelm about the rest will gradually fade.”
. . .
If that story resonates at all right now, it’s time for a few wake-up calls:
1. In life, we can’t take more than one sip at a time.
Challenge yourself today to focus solely on the sip (task, step, etc.) you’re actually taking. Honestly, that’s all life is — small, positive actions that you take moment by moment. Then one day when you look back it all adds up to something worthwhile — something that’s often far different, and better, than what you had imagined when you started.
And if you’re having trouble sorting out where to start, remember that writing things down helps. Everything usually seems far more overwhelming in our heads. So get out of your head by writing everything down in tiny tasks (that can be tackled gradually). The smaller the better too. Writing the list can even be one of the tasks (see, you already checked the first thing off). Then you can do the next tiny thing and check it off, and the next. Doing so builds a gradual sense of achievement and a degree of control over your world, which reduces the overwhelm, or at least enables you to cope as you move forward… one “sip” at a time.
2. We all do lots of things that don’t need to be done.
Our lives get incredibly complicated, not overnight, but gradually. And the complications creep up on us…
Today I order a few things on Amazon, tomorrow someone gives me a birthday present, then I get excited and I enroll in a free giveaway at church and I win, so then I decide I need a new six-foot cabinet to store my growing pile of stuff. One item at a time, the clutter builds up in my space, because I keep adding new things without purging the old.
And the cycle continues in all walks of life too…
Today I say yes to a Facebook party invitation, tomorrow I say yes when a neighbor asks me to help him move some furniture, then I get asked to a quick lunch meeting, then I decide to volunteer at my son’s youth group. One yes at a time, and soon my life is so busy and complicated I’m losing control and I don’t know where I went wrong.
And because I’m feeling stressed, I distract myself…
I read a couple articles on Apple News, then I flip over to Reddit, then my email, and then I check my phone and watch a cute video of my niece that my sister-in-law texted… and soon another day is gone, and I didn’t get anything done, and my life gets sucked away one small “sip” at a time, and I feel overwhelmed with what’s left undone.
How do we protect against this vicious cycle?
We have to take a step back on a regular basis and reevaluate what we’re actually doing and why.
Instead of thinking, “Oh my gosh there’s too much to do!”… let’s ask, “Should I actually be doing all of this?”
The bottom line is that people never get more done by blindly working more hours on everything that comes up. Instead they get more done when they follow careful plans that measure and track key priorities and milestones. So if you want to be more successful and less stressed, don’t ask how to make something quicker and more efficient until you’ve first asked, “Do I need to do this at all?” Simply being able to do something well does not make it the right thing to do. And if you think about it, it’s actually kind of ironic that we complain we have so little time, and then we prioritize like time is infinite. So do your best to focus on what’s truly important, and not much else. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Success chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
3. It’s necessary to say “NO” to some really good things.
We all have opportunities and obligations, but a healthy and productive routine can only be found in the long run by properly managing your yeses. And yes, sometimes you have to say “no” to really good opportunities and obligations. You can’t always be agreeable — that’s how people take advantage of you. And that’s how you end up taking advantage of yourself too. You have to set clear boundaries!
You might have to say no to certain favors, work projects, community associations, church activities, volunteer groups… coaching your kid’s sports teams, or some other seemingly worthwhile activity. I know what you’re thinking: it seems unfair to say no when these are very worthwhile things to do — it pains you to say no! But you must, because the alternative is that you’re going to do a poor job at each one, be stressed out, feel like you’re stuck in an endless cycle of busyness, and eventually you’ll reach a breaking point.
Truth be told, the main thing that keeps so many of us stuck in a debilitating cycle of overwhelm is the fantasy in our minds that we can be everything to everyone, everywhere at once, and a hero on all fronts. But again, that’s not reality. The reality is you’re not Superman or Wonder Woman — you’re human and you have limits. So you have to let go of that idea of doing everything, pleasing everyone, and being everywhere.
In the end, you’re either going to do a few things well or everything poorly.
Now it’s YOUR turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to embrace the difference between being committed to the right things and being overcommitted to everything. It’s your turn to leave space on your calendar, to keep your life ordered and your schedule under-booked, and to create a foundation with a soft place to land, a wide margin of error, and room to think and breathe.
But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which point above resonated the most? How has overwhelm affected you recently?
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Maryann says
I had been at that breaking point and I wonder why I never saw or read anything similar to your essays. Short and helpful. I guess I was too busy. I am now learning at my ripe age of 72 to focus on small steps and set my priorities. Thank you. I appreciate your calm and manageable bits of advice weekly.
Nancy says
I am also 72 and getting much better at letting go of too much stuff. The time I have to not be handling or cleaning or whatever is used to enjoy simple everyday moments.
Meera BAKSHI says
Hi Maryanne, it sounds like me writing what you have written. I am 74 and facing the similar emotions and just recently started being straight forward saying NO where the “earlier ME” would not have said so clearly! I feel better noticing my saying NO or clearly pointing out my view points are not objected at all! Well, I experience clearly that Learning new things has no age limit!
Masha says
I’ve struggled saying no to things and feeling the overwhelm. Sometimes I’m doing things that aren’t the first priority. The advice to step back, review, and ask if this is really what i should do is really spot on for me today. Thanks.
Nancy says
Works for me also.
Joel says
Great essay and concepts here today. I think it’s somewhat of a luxury trap for many of us. We agree to new obligations, begin new projects and direct our behaviour because we feel our lives will be bettered in an imaginary future payoff. But we rarely consider that the extra work spawns even greater responsibilities, locking us into our new level of living.
Frans says
I am 73 and still working too much, due to this very cycle you are talking about, I am normally at my office before 6am & leave at 5pm and overwhelmed by it all. I am doing exactly what you have said (have you been reading my daily diary). I am getting less and less done. Somehow I must find a way to sort out what to say NO to. Thank you for this wake-up call.
Kathy Raize says
The part about distracting yourself away from the overwhelm is so what I needed to read. That hit home with me and my current struggles weaning off of the distractions. Have been using the ‘one sip at a time’ approach at getting things done, but until I curb distractions I will keep struggling. You’re articles are always full of helpful insights for which I am grateful.
Carmen Mota says
As I get older I’ve come to realize that my wellbeing is a priority.
Three decades ago, I was running around like the energizer bunny and not getting anything done & ultimately felt my performance was poor. This was a reality check!!!
What works for me is staying grounded by breaking tasks down and prioritizing what is really important on that particular day or week.
Thank you for your voice of reason and inspiration. This struck a chord with me.
Hilary says
My plate is way too full, and it is indeed time to take a few things off of it today. I’m starting by turning in my resignation at a local volunteer group I’ve been working with since the day I retired from work over five years. I love being able to give back, but it’s time to give a little back to myself too — at least for awhile. Thanks for this much needed kick in the shorts. M&A, your emails and posts always move me in the right direction. Also, still enjoying watching my video recordings from your conference from these past years — excellent!
Dee says
Hi Marc and Angel thank you so much for the above sure do appreciate hearing from you. I believe that I’m in a position where I have to take one sip at a time. So your post is very appropriate for me. Just to make sure that I absorb that sip and I understand and I communicate that understanding to those in my surrounding. I can’t get everything done that I want to do, so I have to focus on the priorities one sip at a time. Big hugs.
A says
Great read today, M&A. Great story, and I totally agree that when we fill all our time with activities (which may or may not be meaningful) we are just spinning our wheels and taking up time that could be used more intentionally. This has been one of my biggest issues, and it’s something your email newsletters and course lessons have helped me with over the past 6 months. And I’m really feeling the progress in my day to day now.
Margi Popp says
Hello Angel and Marc
This message resonates what my life is like. I have always tried to be all things to all people. If a need is presented to me I raise my hand sort of speaking; I can do that…then after committing it’s like why can I not say no or just be quiet and not volunteer? I am 65 and I am doing better but the need to please is always at the forefront. My attitude sometimes is, if not me, then who?
Thank you for your columns of great common sense knowledge.
Have an auspicious day!
Amy Terese says
This post was for ME today. Earlier I was lying in bed feeling overwhelmed (much like the thirsty man in your story) by all that awaited me once I got up! I am in the midst of re-decorating / updating my home after a big move – a self-initiated project that utterly delighted me at the onset. But instead of completing one room at a time, EVERY room is now in a state of incompleteness and near chaos. At this point, I don’t even know where to begin each day. As I lay there this morning, I prayed for peace of mind, direction, motivation and the strength to get all that I can do today, DONE…but without frustration, time pressure or overwhelm. I later came across your article and was reassured that God had indeed heard and was answering my prayer! Thank you so much!
Jean says
Oh my gosh, Any Terese, your story is MY story too! I’m redoing my house all at once and now I’ve found myself in a complete state of being STUCK. Like I seriously cannot move for being overwhelmed with this utter mess I’ve created. Yesterday I sat myself down and said enough. Get it together, one area at a time and wow, for the first time in weeks, I actually feel like it’s coming together. I try to read Mark and Angels daily kick in the backside, but lately I’ve been “too busy”. Today I DID read this and I can’t thank them enough. Even better, I can’t thank YOU enough for your letter! You inadvertently gave me some hope and positive thoughts just by realizing I’m not alone! Big smiles and a lighter heart today!!
Nancy Alt says
These were great reminders of what to do when feeling overwhelmed. I tend to take on too much and then find myself in this position. So, writing a list is powerful—and you do feel better as you check things off the list. Also, it is OK to say “no”. You are only one person and just can’t do everything. Thanks for these reminders!
Sherri Bradley McCann says
Thank you for this. I’m trying my best
David says
“In life, we can’t take more than one sip at a time.” Managing time properly is a challenge. I’m learning to be more in control every step of the way throughout the day, taking smaller steps at a time and allowing the inspiration of each step to guide the stride. A little sip or a whole glass full. Thanks for such a meaningful essay. You’re both special. Hugs.
Diane Parodi says
I love reading everyone ‘s comments. We all know how to say no, it’s just so hard when it’s family. Grown children, grandchildren, young and old, think you want every minute of your life filled. Often their intentions are good.
Its hard to admit, “we want to do it all, it’s all
Too hard and we’re too old!”
B says
#2 — this one’s closely related to procrastination due to replacing/displacing whatever seems to be unpleasant, less rewarding, distasteful, etc at the time you evaluate your daily activities.
Tamera (like camera) says
I’m new to M&A. All of their posts affect me, but this one hit home since I just finished giving a review on a product that I bought that did not work, trying to get my money back. This is an example of what jumps on your “too much to do” bandwagon that you really cannot say no to. I notice most comments appear to be 1) from women; and 2) many appear to be retired. I am both, and my story is like everyone else’s, but I am also the sole caregiver for a handicapped brother (born that way), and another that suffered a TBI 7 years ago. What I have also learned about my overachieving, is it never appears to be FOR ME! So, I know I have to continue practicing “no”, but I also know that “saying YES to yourself” is equally, if not more important. I think saying “yes” to yourself first and foremost makes it easier to say “no” to others. Saying yes to yourself also gives you an opportunity to profoundly please God when you tell Him, “I’m letting go of this one because I can’t handle any more.”
Loida says
All 3, i like all the 3 wake up calls…and its amazing that the words and combination of words and how you say things seemed like you are talking to me specifically! To say NO to some good things, too…
It is indeed amazing, seems like you are my lifeline, my guardian angel reminding me each time I read your articles in my inbox, there is a message straight for me, made especially for me!
Thank you…I always believe that all things happen for a reason (never a coincidence), and that includes me bumping into 1 of your articles somewhere, and never stopped reading them up until now. 🙂
Honestly, thank you!
Caroline says
Thank you Marc & Angel & to all today’s commenters. The small sip at a time is such a wonderful, simple analogy.
It’s something I can apply whenever I feel overwhelmed & it’s really encouraging/helpful to know I’m not the only one who finds the insight helpful.
Kimberly L McCullough says
Love it. So needed this. …
Sandra says
Thank you so much for this! I actually feel like I can breathe again. Bless you.