“I have seen and touched and danced and sang and climbed and loved and meditated on a lifetime spent living honestly. Should it all end tonight, I can positively say there would be no regrets. I feel fortunate to have walked 90 years in my shoes. I am truly lucky. I really have lived 1,000 times over.”
Those are the opening lines of the final entry in my grandma Zelda’s journal—a 270-page leather-bound journal she wrote small entries in almost every morning during the final decade of her life. In it she reflected on lessons she had learned, lessons she was still learning, and the experiences that made these understandings possible.
When my grandma entered hospice care on her 90th birthday, I sat with her for the entire day, in silence, in laughter, in tears, and in awe. Although her body was weak, her mind was still incredibly strong. And the diagnosis inspired her to think about her life, everything she had journaled about over the years, and reflect aloud. So I gave her my undivided attention from sunrise until sunset.
As I sat beside her bed, she thumbed through her journal one page at a time, reading dozens of specific entries she wanted me to hear. She spoke softly and passionately about her life, her loves, her losses, her pain, her dreams, her achievements, her happiness, and all the lessons that embodied these points of reference. It was without a doubt one of the most enlightening and unforgettable days of my life.
My grandma passed away shortly thereafter, peacefully in her sleep. The day after her passing I found out she had formally left her journal for me in her will. Since then I have read it from cover to cover countless times.
Although I have shared some of her insights and quotes with blog subscribers, course students, and live event attendees in the past, today would have been my grandma’s 101st birthday, so I’d like to honor her once again. To do so, I’m going to re-share excerpts from the journal entries that she shared with me when I was at her bedside 11 years ago. I’ve done my best to sort, clean up, copyedit, and reorganize her wisdom into 19 inspiring bullet points. I hope you find value in them:
1. Most people live their lives on default settings.
There are thousands of people who live their entire lives on the default settings, never realizing they can customize everything. Don’t settle for the default settings in life. Find your loves, your talents, your passions, and embrace them. Don’t hide behind other people’s decisions. Don’t let others tell you what you want. Design YOUR journey every step of the way! The life you create from doing something that moves you is far better than the life you get from sitting around wishing you were doing it.
2. The right journey is the ultimate destination.
The most prolific and beneficial experience in life is not in actually achieving something you want, but in seeking it. It’s the journey towards an endless horizon that matters—goals and dreams that move forward with you as you chase them. It’s all about meaningful pursuits—the “moving”—and what you learn along the way. Truly, the most important reason for moving from one place to another is to see what’s in between. In between is where passions are realized, love is found, strength is gained, and priceless life-long memories are made.
3. The willingness to do hard things opens windows of opportunity.
One of the most important abilities you can develop in life is the willingness to accept and grow through times of difficulty and discomfort. Because the best things are often hard to come by, at least initially. And if you shy away from difficulty and discomfort, you’ll miss out on them entirely. Mastering a new skill is hard. Building a business is hard. Writing a book is hard. A marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. Staying healthy is hard. But all are amazing and worth every bit of effort you can muster. Realize this now. If you get good at doing hard things, you can do almost anything you put your mind to.
4. Tiny steps can change everything in your life.
The concept of taking it one step at a time might seem absurdly obvious, but at some point we all get caught up in the moment and find ourselves yearning for instant gratification. We want what we want, and we want it now! And this yearning often tricks us into biting off more than we can chew. So, remind yourself: you can’t lift a thousand pounds all at once, yet you can easily lift one pound a thousand times. Tiny, repeated efforts will get you there, gradually.
5. Sometimes moving backwards in life is absolutely necessary.
No one wins a game of chess, or the game of life, by only moving forward. Sometimes you have to move backward to put yourself in a position to win. Because sometimes, when it feels like you’re running into one dead end after another, it’s actually a sign that you’re not on the right path. Maybe you were meant to hang a left back when you took a right, and that’s perfectly fine. Life gradually teaches us that U-turns are allowed. So turn around when you must! There’s a big difference between giving up and starting over in the right direction. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Happiness and Growth chapters of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
6. The biggest disappointments in life are often the result of misplaced expectations.
When we are young our expectations are few, but as we age our expectations tend to balloon with each passing year. The key is to understand that tempering expectations of how something “should be” can greatly reduce unnecessary stress and frustration. With a positive attitude and an open mind, we often find that life isn’t necessarily any easier or harder than we thought it was going to be; it’s just that “the easy” and “the hard” aren’t always the way we had anticipated, and don’t always occur when we expect them to. This isn’t a bad thing—it makes life interesting, if we are willing to see it that way.
7. We all have pretty darn good track records.
Our character is often most evident at our highs and lows. Be humble at the mountaintops, be strong in the valleys, and be faithful in between. And on particularly hard days when you feel that you can’t endure, remind yourself that your track record for getting through hard days is 100% so far.
8. Life changes from moment to moment, and so can YOU.
When hard times hit there’s a tendency to extrapolate and assume the future holds more of the same. For some strange reason this doesn’t happen as much when things are going well. A laugh, a smile, and a warm fuzzy feeling are fleeting and we know it. We take the good times at face value in the moment for all they’re worth and then we let them go. But when we’re stressed, struggling, or fearful, it’s easy to heap on more pain by assuming tomorrow will be exactly like today. This is a cyclical, self-fulfilling prophecy. If you don’t allow yourself to move past what happened, what was said, what was felt, you will look at your future through that same dirty lens, and nothing will be able to focus your foggy judgment. You will keep on justifying, reliving, and fueling a perception that is worn out and false.
9. You can fight and win the battles of today only.
No matter what’s happening, you can resourcefully fight the battles of just one day. It’s only when you add the battles of those two mind-bending eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that life gets overwhelmingly difficult and complicated.
10. Not being “OK” all the time is normal.
Sometimes not being OK is all we can register inside our tired brains and aching hearts. This emotion is human, and accepting it can feel like a small weight lifted. Truth be told, it’s not OK when someone you care about is no longer living and breathing and giving their amazing gifts to the world. It’s not OK when everything falls apart and you’re buried deep in the wreckage of a life you had planned for. It’s not OK when the bank account is nearly at zero, with no clear sign of a promising income opportunity. It’s not OK when someone you trusted betrays you and breaks your heart. It’s not OK when you’re emotionally drained to the point that you can’t get yourself out of bed in the morning. It’s not OK when you’re engulfed in failure or shame or a grief like you’ve never known before. Whatever your tough times consist of, sometimes it’s just NOT OK right now. And you don’t have to rush the process of feeling better again.
11. Sensitivity can be a super power.
Although sensitivity is often perceived as a weakness in our culture, to feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness; it is the characteristic of a truly alive and compassionate human being. It is not the sensitive person who is broken, it is society’s understanding that has become dysfunctional and emotionally incapacitated. There is zero shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being “too emotional” or “complicated” are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more thoughtful, caring and humane world. Never be ashamed to let your feelings, smiles and tears shine a light in this world.
12. Opening up to someone who cares can heal a broken heart.
Deep heartbreak is kind of like being lost in the woods—every direction leads to nowhere at first. When you are standing in a forest of darkness, you can’t see any light that could ever lead you home. But if you wait for the sun to rise again, and listen when someone assures you that they themselves have stood in that same dark place, and have since moved forward with their life, oftentimes this will bring the hope that’s needed.
13. Solitude is important too.
Speaking to someone can help, but so can solitude. Sometimes the moments you feel lonely are the moments you may most need to be by yourself. This is one of life’s cruelest ironies. We need solitude, because when we’re alone we’re detached from obligations, we don’t need to put on a show, and we can hear our own thoughts and feel what our intuition is telling us. And the truth is, throughout your life there will be times when the world gets real quiet and the only thing left is the beat of your own heart. So you’d better learn the sound of it, otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s telling you.
14. Most of the time you don’t need more to be happier—you need less.
When things aren’t adding up in your life, begin subtracting. Life gets a lot simpler and more enjoyable when you clear the emotional and physical clutter that makes it unnecessarily complicated. (Read “The Power of Now” — a book that once sat on my grandma’s nightstand.)
15. Beginning each day with grace and gratitude always feels better than the alternative.
When you arise in the morning think of what an incredible privilege it is to be alive—to be, to see, to hear, to think, to love, to have something to look forward to. Realize that it’s not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy. Make a ritual of noticing the goodness that’s already yours first thing in the morning, and you will see more goodness everywhere you look throughout the day.
16. Who we choose to be around matters immensely.
Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and likeminded. Relationships should help you, not hurt you. Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be. Choose friends who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you—people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it. Ultimately, the people in your life make all the difference in the person you are capable of being. Life is just too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. When you free yourself from these people, you free yourself to be YOU. And being YOU is the only way to truly live.
17. Relationship boundaries are key.
When someone treats you like you’re just one of many options, again and again, help them narrow their choices by removing yourself from the equation. Sometimes you have to try not to care, no matter how much you do. Because sometimes you can mean almost nothing to someone who means so much to you. It’s not pride—it’s self-respect. Don’t give part-time people a full-time position in your life. Know your value and what you have to offer, and never settle for anything less than what you’ve earned.
18. Some people will stick with you, and some won’t
It’s during the toughest times of your life that you’ll get to see the true colors of the people who say they care about you. Notice who sticks around and who doesn’t, and be grateful to those who leave you, for they have given you the room to grow in the space they abandoned, and the awareness to appreciate the people who loved you when you didn’t feel lovable.
19. New opportunities are always out there waiting for you.
Nobody gets through life without losing someone they love, something they need, or something they thought was meant to be. But it is these very losses that make us stronger and eventually move us toward future opportunities. Embrace these opportunities. Enter new relationships and new situations, knowing that you are venturing into unfamiliar territory. Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to experience something or meet someone that just might change your life forever.
Promise yourself…
As I’m wrapping up this short tribute to my grandma, I’m also reminded of a poem excerpt by Christian D. Larson that she used to have hanging on her refrigerator when I was a kid. As soon as I was old enough to understand the poem, my grandma made a photocopy of it for me, and over 30 years later I still have that same photocopy laminated and hanging on my office bulletin board. These are words my grandma said she strived to live by:
Promise Yourself…
To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to do the best you can.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forgive the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements in the present.
To wear a friendly countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too focused for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too at peace to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.
Now it’s your turn!
Before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which one of my grandma’s points resonated the most today?
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Megan G. says
Marc (and Angel too),
Your grandma was a very wise woman! Bless her amazing heart to live 90+ years and share her lessons learned with with you. Her priceless gift to you and your priceless gift to us! As someone who has followed your work for several years, and has also successfully and gratefully completed your happiness course last year, I find it especially inspiring to see how you’ve integrated and expanded upon many of the lessons your grandma discussed with you a decade ago in her final days. That full circle of knowledge in and of itself is truly inspiring.
Navodita says
Wonderful read that rekindled hope in my heart today.
Wendy Lawson says
How fortunate that you were chosen by your grandma’s wisdom to pass her words along. She was wise and had a realistic outlook in life. Her words are ones to live by. Thank you for your article. The content certainly reminds me to live my life mindfully, and to see the big picture in the scheme of things. I have recently lost my dear mother and the pain is searing. She taught me kindness and compassion through her action and I am forever grateful.
Thank you for saying that it’s ok to be sensitive and that it is something to be embraced and not a weakness. And thank you saying that it’s ok not to be ok at this time while grieving.
Joanie Haines says
M&A, I continue to be moved by your emails and blog posts on a weekly basis. You truly do a remarkable job of distilling the strategies you’ve learned into digestible bits of wisdom for others. What you have done here with your grandmother’s journal reflections is a perfect example of this. Thank you!
Also, I too am looking forward to reading your 1,000 Things book, and I figure ordering it is the least I can do for you both after all you’ve done for me via your online work.
Best,
Joanie
Maurissa Rose says
Beautiful article. Thanks for sharing the poem for they are truly words to live by. Giving myself grace and not being OK all the time was one sentiment that resonated with me.
Rose
Nathalie says
Your grandmama must have been a remarkable woman. Her ideas here really touched me, and I can imagine that’s one of the greatest gifts of all: To touch the lives of people, even when you’re not around anymore. I’ve been trying to fully understand point 6 for a year or two now, and I really feel it can make a significant change in your life when it comes to your happiness and relationships – even when you’re not that much of a demanding person.
Howard says
I really enjoyed the points from your grandma that you shared in your article. Many of them resonated with me. As someone who has been struggling to get out of a loveless relationship, it has spurred me to have some hard conversations that I have put off for too long out of fear of change. Being ok with U-turns will stick with me. Thanks.
ivana s says
What a lovely tribute to your grandmother. I can see there was a real bond between you two. I have a strong bond with my grandmother, so this post moved me a lot. I was also very close with my other grandmother, while she was alive, and even now when it’s been more than a decade since she has passed away, I still feel like she’s watching over me, her memory is very much alive.
And your grandmother was such a wise woman. Thank you so much for sharing her life lessons with them. I will treasure her words and I’m sure I’m not the only one.
Madeline says
I’m almost there–85 1/2 and counting–and still learning what it means to have a meaningful life. Sometimes we have to rethink our dreams and fit them to the work God sets before us–taking care of people who can’t take care of themselves (yet) and teaching them how to grab the reins of life when the caretaker has to leave. Parenting a teenager at my age is a challenge, and re-parenting a son whose life turned upside down is harder yet. But such problems provide something to live for when you think (wrongly) that life is over.
Kristen Dorion says
Amazing read! From the very first statement I was in awe and couldn’t stop reading. Bless your grandma’s soul. I am empowered to live through these truths and share with others.
Julie Johnson says
Read your first book and I remember Angel mentioning Marc’s grandmother in there somewhere too. What an incredible gift you’ve been given in the wise words and examples of your grandmother! Thank you for sharing her with us. It is an inspiring way to start the week.
Patricia Stevenson says
What a beautiful inspiring read. I was so touched with all the truths of life. Your grandmother is a great lady, and so are you. Thank you once again for this wonderful article.
Cheryl Hanneman says
Thank you so much for sharing your grandma’s wisdom!
Jared says
I’m at a point in life in which I spend a lot of time with family to assist as much as possible. I search for wisdom, and fully appreciate it when it is bestowed, and I find this beautiful. May she rest in peace. All the best for you and your family.
Maria says
Thank you! I loved my grandmother who passed away when I was a young child. She used to fine needle crochet doilies. I don’t have any of hers but when I was unpacking some things I found two from my late Pop Pop’s aunt. I have set them out and every time I look at them, they remind me of her. She was a kind, gentle woman to me in the wake of a lot of family chaos at my home. I am sure she would echo many of the same sentiments your grandmother shared.
Malwina says
Thank YOU! I really just want to say a HUGE Thank You for all the amazing job you are doing. I have been reading your blog for quite some time, and it’s been an endless inspiration, very often weekly survival kit, I have so many ‘saved’ articles as well. The support you give to people from all over the world is PRICELESS! I have always been procrastinating to post the ‘thank you’…. But it’s coming now! Sorry it took me a while….;) Thank you for the great wisdom from your Grandma, all 19 points resonate deeply. I have recently lost my beloved Grandpa who was also my source of wisdom and inspiration. There is this amazing wisdom that you gain with age… I wish we could teach those ‘Grand’ lessons to our kids at school, as a part of an official curriculum… World would be so much better and healthier! Thank you!
Carina says
There is something truly special and so very generous about what you’ve shared here. It’s exceptional, really. Thank you. What a beautiful tribute.
Gaelle says
I loved your grandma’s poem. Thanks for sharing. I will post it for ready reference.
Maria says
Truly inspiring tribute! I appreciate your grandma’s wisdom & courage reflected by your sharing of her learnings and light. A blessing of love and life indeed. It is very special, thank you.
Today, many are remembering loved ones who have passed away, Even if it’s been many years since I’ve lost my mother, I still feel like she’s watching over me, her jasmine flowers in my garden emits the most powerful reminder and yet comforting , gentle presence of her love and wisdom like the memory of your grandma that’s very much alive in every word she has left you and for many of us to cherish and find deeper meaning in gratefulness. May you continue to be a bIess others.
I have gone through many challenges in life and will be entering the winter years soon. Being patient, kind and present in the moment can teach us to be OK and surrender to all unique pathways in life and yield to the process, not the perfection. I came to realize I needed to hear about being sensitive and too emotional could be a good thing.
To be reminded again to never be ashamed to let your feelings, smiles and tears shine a light in this world. It’s the awareness to appreciate the people who loved you when you didn’t feel lovable. was also reassuring. It is the condition of the heart that touches the beginning and the end of all humanity’s existence through pain and happiness. Even in the little insignificant things, hope will speak out loud even in solitude, we breathe, we live and feel again. May her beautiful soul rest in peace. All the best to you, family & community .
Shivsharan Revoore says
Good life experience of Grandma, most touching is You can fight and win the battles of today only
It’s only when you add the battles of those two mind-bending eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that life gets overwhelmingly difficult and complicated.
It’s power of now , living life at present moment. Infact memory is history. Living life @ moment need tremendous effort..
Thanks
Shiv
David says
“You can fight and win the battles of today only.
No matter what’s happening, you can resourcefully fight the battles of just one day. It’s only when you add the battles of those two mind-bending eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that life gets overwhelmingly difficult and complicated.” And “Sometimes the moments you feel lonely are the moments you may most need to be by yourself. This is one of life’s cruelest ironies. We need solitude, because when we’re alone we’re detached from obligations, we don’t need to put on a show, and we can hear our own thoughts and feel what our intuition is telling us. And the truth is, throughout your life there will be times when the world gets real quiet and the only thing left is the beat of your own heart. So you’d better learn the sound of it, otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s telling you.” Excellents quotes from your grandmother. Thanks you for sharing them. The 2 that I chose apply more specifically to what I’ve gone through recently. Hugs.
Hema Sodha says
Your grandma was a wise intelligent human being. Everything she wrote resonates with me today at age 70. These are my exact thoughts n feelings since a few years ago. Im not so good at journaling, maybe this will inspire me to begin to leave to my daughter n son.
Thank u for sharing.
Caroline says
I am so thankful to read this (as well as your other blogs.)
Thank you also for sharing your very wise Grandma’s insights.
Love & blessings to you both.
Sidra says
Ty for the wise words here.
Kristine says
I love all the points, but one thing stayed in my heart is number 13 “solitude is important too” , coz i spend most of my life being silent and alone , its gives me power and in control.
Angela says
Coming across this write up this morning has actually made my day. It’s so inspiring. I loved all particularly number 6′ The biggest disappointments in life are often the result of misplaced expectations.’ what a reality! I often find myself in this position.
Thanks for sharing your granny’s mémo. May her soul rest in perfect Peace.
-Angela