The goal each and every day of your life is to gradually grow stronger on the inside, so that less and less on the outside can affect your inner wellness without your conscious permission.
Truth be told, how you cope with unexpected problems and frustrations can easily be the difference between living a good life and living an unhealthy one. If you choose unhealthy coping mechanisms like avoidance or denial, for example, you can quickly turn a tough situation into a tragic one. And sadly, this is a common mistake many people make.
When you find yourself facing a disheartening reality, your first reaction might be to deny the situation, or to avoid dealing with it altogether. But by doing so you’re inadvertently holding on even tighter to the pain that you wish to let go of — you’re, in effect, sealing it up inside you.
Let’s imagine someone close to you has grown ill, and supporting this person through his or her illness is incredibly painful. You might not want to deal with the pain, so you cope by avoiding it, by finding ways to numb yourself with alcohol and unhealthy eating. And consequently, you grow physically ill too while the pain continues to fester inside you.
Obviously that’s not good.
If you notice yourself doing something similar, it’s time to pause, admit to yourself that you’re coping by avoiding, and then shift your focus to a healthier coping mechanism, like using the quotes listed later in this post (several of which are excerpts from our books) to help you open your mind.
When you face struggles with an attitude of openness — open to the painful feelings and emotions you have — you find out that it’s not comfortable, but you can still be fine and you can still step forward. Openness means you don’t instantly decide that you know this is only going to be a horrible experience — it means you admit that you don’t really know what the next step will be like, and you’d like to understand the whole truth of the matter. It’s a learning stance, instead of one that assumes the worst.
The Benefits of Healthy Coping
Coping certainly isn’t an easy practice, and I’m not suggesting that it is. What I am suggesting is that it’s worth your while. With practice, healthy coping allows you to find better ways of managing life’s continuous stream of unexpected and uncontrollable circumstances. For example…
- A task is harder than you expected it to be — Instead of running from a daunting and overwhelming task, you can accept it and see what it’s like to feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed, and still take action anyway. Writing a book, for example, is daunting and overwhelming, but you can still write one even with those feelings rolling through you (just like Marc and I did with our books).
- An interaction with someone you love angers or frustrates you — Instead of lashing out at a loved one when you’re upset with them, you can sit quietly with your difficult feelings and just be open to what it’s like to feel them. And then, once you’ve had a moment to breathe, you can see what it’s like to deal compassionately with someone you love who you’re also upset with. To try to understand them instead of just judging them at their worst.
- Unhealthy cravings overwhelm you out of nowhere — You may be inclined to indulge in unhealthy cravings like alcohol and sweets for comfort when you’re feeling stressed out. But you can sit with these feelings and be open to them instead, and then gradually build positive daily rituals for coping in healthier ways—taking walks, meditating, talking with someone about your feelings, journaling, reviewing the relevant quotes from our book provided in this post, etc.
- You are forced to deal with a loved one’s death — When someone you love passes away, the grief and sense of loss can seem overwhelming. And at that point, it’s incredibly easy to give in to unhealthy, “quick-fix” ways of alleviating the pain. But you have to force yourself to do the opposite—to give yourself compassion, to sit with the powerfully difficult thoughts and feelings you have, and to open your mind to what lies ahead. Gradually it becomes evident that death isn’t just an ending, but also a beginning. Because while you have lost someone special, this ending, like all losses, is a moment of reinvention. Although deeply sad, their passing forces you to reinvent your life, and in this reinvention is an opportunity to experience beauty in new, unseen ways and places.
And of course, we’ve merely just scratched the surface of an endless pool of possibilities for healthy coping. The key thing to understand is that by learning to cope in healthier ways, you will find that you can better handle anything life throws your way, and come out stronger, and sometimes even happier, than you were before.
In the end, the world is as you are inside. What you think, you see, and you ultimately become. So gather your thoughts wisely — think how you want to live today, and use these quotes to guide you:
Quotes for Letting Go and Coping Well
In moments of unexpected stress and frustration, an uplifting reminder can make all the difference in your mindset. And that’s exactly why I’m sharing the quotes below with you today. Together they collectively serve as a healthy coping mechanism for life’s inevitable disappointments. And understanding how to cope in a healthy way, as we’ve discussed, is an invaluable skill.
Truth be told, Marc and I personally reference these quotes on a regular basis to bring perspective, shift our mindset, and cope with the unexpected troubles we can’t control. And although this practice is indeed a personal one, it’s also been vetted by its extensive use in hundreds of successful one-on-one (and two-on-one) coaching sessions that Marc and I have administered with our course students, live event attendees, and coaching clients over the years. Perhaps they can help you today too…
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…and I dare you to dance today! 🙂
But before you go, please share this post with others who you think will benefit from it, and also share your thoughts with us in the comments section below. Which quote above resonated the most today? Or perhaps share an additional quote or personal saying that has helped you let go and cope more effectively with the things you can’t control.
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Diane says
I really enjoy your newsletter. And these quotes are very encouraging, hard to pick from the lot. But I think 24 & 26 spoke the most to me today. There is an unspoken peace that settles in when we stop the fight, take a deep breath and relax. Your words are filled with wisdom and understanding of every day life… the joys, the struggles, the disappointments… and encourage us to keep growing in our faith. Thank you!
Janet says
Love this!! Best stuff l ever read! Relate to ALL of it!!
Agnetha says
I have copied many of your ideas and quotes into a Word document which I read on most mornings to give me confidence and good introspection for the coming moments and ordeals. Thanks for all you do for me and others. Great thoughts on coping with problems and uncertainties I and many others are currently dealing with.
Susan Lawson says
As I sit here with a busted wrist, unable to complete my daily routine normally, I am slowly reading and absorbing these words of wisdom, encouraging myself to take a different perspective and find some advantage in the situation… thank you!
Lori Douglas says
I broke my wrist late last year, and although a specialist put it back together it is still a not healing correctly, but it is slowly less painful. I’ve been unable to do many things because of this break, but at the same time it’s given me a break from some things that were burning me out, so I’m thankful in a way for the wrist breaking. And I’m absorbing these words as well as I continue to move into a different way of spending my time, on me rather than others. Good luck with your wrist.
F Kramer says
No.40
Tnx.for your reminders..you are both awesome and so gifted.
You.reminded me to dance and enjoy every moment of.my.life.and not hold onto anything that stops me from doing it.
More power and God bless!
Yevette Rae says
Lovely thoughts and quotes. And another one to share: Be yourself today. Everyone else is taken.
Therese F says
Angel, I couldn’t agree more with your opening thoughts on the importance and power of healthy coping mechanisms. And I think these quotes you’ve compiled are one good tool for the job. From your work I have also learned the importance and power of self-inquiry…the practice of questioning our thoughts and beliefs, and bringing greater awareness to how our inaccurate thoughts and beliefs bring incredible amounts of unnecessary stress. This too has helped me cope and ultimately move my life forward following a prolonged period of struggle. Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks.
Oh, and if I had to share just one other quote with the world, it’d be the serenity prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
C L says
Yes! LOVE the serenity prayer! Also:
“I didn’t cause it.
I can’t control it.
I can’t change it”
The 3 Cs – one of my FAVES too!
Jason Kolee says
Such a great highlight of daily reminders, M&A! I just saved several of these pics to my phone so I can reference them as affirmations when I need a quick shift in perspective. Also, your 1,000 Little Things book is a daily source for guidance to me.
And now I’ll add one of my longtime favorites from one of Marc’s past email newsletter emails…
“Paradise is not a place – it’s a state of mind. Whenever the grass looks greener on the other side… Stop staring, stop comparing, stop complaining, and start watering the grass you’re standing on.”
So incredibly important to remember as I continue to work on being mindful and putting my best foot forward. And many of the quotes in this blog post help reinforce this too.
Thank you for another solid resource! You’ve made an impact in my life over the past few years.
Nanci says
My husband died eight months ago. I’ve been taking care of things and adjusting as well as I can, but yesterday was a bad day and I could only cry and barely function. I’ve been following your site for years and your advice always resonates with me. I really needed this post to help me pull it together and try to reset, on today of all days. Thank you.
Marc Chernoff says
Prayers for your husband, and for you, Nanci. We are thinking of you over here.
Erinn says
Love these. And I’ll add 2 others:
“Life is tough, my darling, but so are you.”
“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be diminished. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.”
Lynda says
Your added sayings hit home this morning. I have to say thank you, Erinn. I was supposed to voluntarily retire three years ago after an ugly episode at work that left me tired and beaten from years of trying my best but always shot down and belittled. I remember a conversation I had with my youngest brother. He and I worked together at our family’s manufacturing company. He said “you have accomplished a lot that you can be proud of. Don’t forget where you’ve been, who you’ve met, what you’ve learned… And you have used it all and become the best at everything you try to do.” What I have failed to remind myself is that it’s all made me stronger: able to take on almost any new challenge placed or thrown at me. Yes. I am a tough one. I can get through this. My Dad always said “Can’t never did nothing.”
ray says
my dad told me: “Can’t is DEAD!”
Patti says
Great additions!
George Levens says
Another one to add to the list that I remind myself of: “Where are you? Here. What time is it? Now.”
I repeat that to myself in times of inner resistance or when I catch myself worrying about other times and places.
Karen says
These are great and I’ve saved them for future reference/reminders. My own simple, but powerful, go-to mantra/quote is “Never give up your power!”
Muriel says
Numbers 21, 23, 25 ,29, 34. Thank you so much.
Richard Kina says
It’s called life. The sooner you deal with the easier it gets.
Lawrence says
I am getting undermined at work, but I have to keep up my appearance and not allow myself to be intimidated.
Thank you for your quotes that give me encouragement.
David says
Of course, your whole essay is tremendous and inspiring as always. But even more today, because there’s more of it here.
“Do your best to adopt whatever happens mindset, don’t try to force things. Just let go and allow the right blessings to flow. Patience is a genuine expression of confidence, acceptance, serenity and faith in your own ability. It’s a sign of strength, practice it.” “It’s not what you say to everyone else that determines your life. It’s what you whisper to yourself that has the greatest power.”
These and many more encouraging quotes speak to me. Thank you. Hugs.
Tony says
I particularly like #27, ‘.nothing is permanent…’ There is so much in that. Stop waiting and holding back, do it now.
There is also a quote from Marcus Aurelius that I carry with me and it helps keep my mind from stewing on grievances and perceived grievances. As soon as they pop up, I bring this quote to mind: ‘Do not waste the remainder of your life in thoughts about others when you do not refer these thoughts to an object of common utility.
edF says
I found it both relaxing and motivating to read this today. One of my favorite quotes is:
Life is like a grindstone – whether it grinds you down or polishes you up depends on what you’re made of.
pat Willson says
Your quotes left me feeling uplifted and enriched. One of my own that I live by – it is a wise man indeed who knows how green the grass grows under his own two feet – I think everybody would be much kinder and forgiving by following this quote.
Kathleen Parenti says
Hi,
I absolutely needed to see those, they are inspirational. If you don’t mind, I would love to copy a few in Caligraphy and frame them. Everyone needs this!
Rich M. says
Anyone who has ever worked The 12 Steps of A.A. recognizes and embraces each and every of the 40. Well done!!