Today, start by giving yourself grace and remembering not to judge yourself for how long your journey is taking. We all need our own time to travel our own distance. Every step is necessary, and everyone journeys in their own way…
Some people start their careers right out of college in their early twenties, only to find themselves burnt out and starting over when they reach their early thirties. Others start working minimum wage jobs right out of high school and work their way up the corporate ladder, retiring happily in their mid-sixties. Some people fall in love and get married in their mid-twenties, but wind up divorced a few years later. Others marry in their early forties and spend four decades with their soul mate. Some couples are ridiculed for becoming teen parents, but end up living to meet their great grandchildren. Other couples get pregnant in their mid-forties and are ridiculed in a different way, but make it work just fine.
Again, everyone’s journey is different.
So just remind yourself right now: there are no absolutes in life.
And there certainly are no fixed timelines.
It’s not too late to make the best of what’s in front of you.
You’re exactly where you need to be right now.
Which means it’s time to…
1. Start being a beginner again.
“Starting over is not an option!”
Unfortunately that’s a lie many of us hold on to until the bitter end.
The idea of starting over being a bad thing is baked right into the fabric of our society’s education system. We send our children to a university when they’re 17 or 18, and basically tell them to choose a career path they’ll be happy with for the next 40 years. “But what if I choose wrong?” I remember thinking to myself. And that’s exactly what I did, in more ways than one. Over the years, however, I’ve learned the truth through experience: you can change paths anytime you want to, and oftentimes it’s absolutely necessary that you do.
Yes, starting over and making substantial changes in your life is almost always feasible. It won’t be easy of course, but neither is being stuck with a lifelong career you naively chose when you were a teenager. And neither is holding on to something that’s not meant to be, or something that’s already long gone.
The truth is, no one wins a game of chess by only moving forward; sometimes you have to move backward to put yourself in a position to win. And this is a perfect metaphor for life. Sometimes when it feels like you’re running into one dead end after another, it’s actually a sign that you’re not on the right path. Maybe you were meant to hang a left back when you took a right, and that’s perfectly fine. Life gradually teaches us that U-turns are allowed. So turn around when you must! There’s a big difference between giving up and starting over in the right direction. And there are three little words that can release you from your past mistakes and regrets, and get you back on track. These words are: “From now on…”
So from now on what should you do?
Mix it up a little bit. Take one step at a time. Find ways to provide a healthy challenge to your current understanding of life, and you will discover and experience far more of life’s magic in the days ahead. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Success chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
2. Start doing the hard stuff you’ve been putting off.
Find the courage to do the hard things you need to do to be happy. The things no one else seems to be doing for themselves. The things that frighten you a little bit. The things others can’t possibly do for you. The things that make you question how much longer you can hold on and push forward. Yes, do those things, because those are the things that define you! Those are the things that make the difference between existing and living—between knowing the path and walking the path… between a life of mediocrity and a life filled with happiness and personal growth.
And remember, the courage to do hard things doesn’t always roar out loud. Sometimes it’s simply the quiet voice at the very end of the day whispering, “I will try again tomorrow.”
3. Start embracing the discomfort that’s worth it to you.
Discomfort can be a form of pain, but it isn’t a deep pain—it’s a shallow one. It’s the feeling you get when you’ve stepped outside of your comfort zone. The idea of exercising in many people’s minds, for example, brings discomfort, so they don’t do it. Eating a spinach and kale salad brings discomfort too. So does meditating, or writing in a journal, or focusing on a difficult task, or saying “no” to others. Of course these are just examples, because different people find discomfort in different things, but you get the gist.
The key thing to understand is that most forms of discomfort actually help us grow into our strongest and smartest selves. However, many of us were raised by loving parents who did so much to make our childhoods comfortable, that we inadvertently grew up to subconsciously believe that we don’t need discomfort in our lives. So now we run from it constantly. The problem with this is that, by running from discomfort, we are constrained to partake in only the activities and opportunities within our comfort zones. And since our comfort zones are relativity small, we miss out on most of life’s greatest and healthiest experiences, and we get stuck in a debilitating cycle.
Let’s use diet and exercise as an example…
- First, we become unhealthy because eating healthy food and exercising feels uncomfortable, so we opt for comfort food and mindless TV watching instead.
- But then, being unhealthy is also uncomfortable, so we seek to distract ourselves from the reality of our unhealthy bodies by eating more unhealthy food and watching more unhealthy entertainment and going to the mall to shop for things we don’t really want or need. And our discomfort just gets worse.
Amazingly, the simple act of accepting a little discomfort every day and taking it one small step at a time can solve most of our common problems, and make our minds happier, healthier, and stronger in the long run.
But again, it’s hard sometimes—really, really hard! There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. That’s not how we’re made. We’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall here and there. Because that’s part of living—to face discomfort, learn from it, and adapt over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
So when you find yourself cocooned in isolation and cannot find your way out of the darkness, remember that this is similar to the place where caterpillars go to grow their wings. Just because today is uncomfortable and stressful, doesn’t mean tomorrow won’t be wonderful. You just got to get there.
4. Start consciously thinking better about yourself.
You have to admit, you’ve spent a lot of your life subconsciously belittling yourself. Thinking you’re not enough. Trying to be someone else. Someone who fits in. Someone who’s less sensitive. Less needy. Less flawed. Less YOU. Because you felt broken, and you didn’t want to scare people away. You wanted them to like you. You wanted to make a good impression. You wanted to be seen as worthy and lovable. So you could feel healed and whole.
And so for the longest time, behind a facade of fake smiles, you have inadvertently betrayed yourself for the purpose of pleasing everyone else.
And for longest time, your heart has ached.
But you’re at a point now where you’re seeing things differently. The heartache just isn’t worth it anymore. Belittling yourself for one more day just doesn’t make any sense. And more than that, you now realize no matter what you do or how you change, some people will never be pleased anyway.
You now realize you have to start doing things for the right reasons!
Not because it’s what you think everyone else needs, but because you finally know yourself to be worthy of your own love and care.
Not because other people approve of you, but because you are breathing your own air, thinking your own thoughts, and occupying a space no one else ever could.
Yes, you are indeed worthy! Your ideas are worthy. Your feelings are worthy. Your needs are worthy. And without everyone else’s constant validation, you must be who you are and live your truth. Even if it makes people turn their heads. Even if it means walking alone down the path less traveled for awhile…
Even if your self-confidence has been shaken!
The real battle is always in your mind. And your mind is under your control, not the other way around.
You may have been broken down by adversity or rejection or stress, but YOU are not broken. So don’t let others convince you otherwise. And don’t let your mind get the best of you either.
Heal yourself by refusing to belittle yourself.
Choose to take up a lot of positive space in your own life today. Choose to give yourself permission to meet your own needs. Choose to honor your feelings and emotions. Choose to make self-love and self-care a part of your daily rituals…
Choose to think better about yourself, so you can live better in spite of the challenges you face.
5. Start taking short breaks away from your own issues.
In life’s tougher moments, we all have the tendency to put ourselves at the center of the universe, and see everything from the viewpoint of how it affects us. And this can have all kinds of adverse effects, from feeling sorry for ourselves when things aren’t going exactly as planned, to doubting ourselves when we aren’t perfect, to feeling lost and alone with our issues when we’re having a bad day.
So whenever I catch myself lingering at the center in a negative state of mind, I do my best to briefly shift my focus away from my own issues, and onto other people around me that I might be able to help. Finding little ways to be of service to others gets me out of my self-centered thinking, and then I’m not wallowing alone in self-pity anymore—I’m starting to think about what others need. I’m not doubting myself, because the question of whether I’m good enough is no longer the central question. The central question now is about what others need.
It’s one of life’s great paradoxes: when we serve others we end up benefiting as much if not more than those we serve. So whenever you feel a bit lost or stuck with your own issues, try to shift your focus from your circumstances to the circumstances of those around you. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” ask, “How can I help you?” Find someone who could use an extra hand and make a small, reasonable offer they can’t refuse. The perspective you gain from doing so will guide you forward.
Angel and I initially developed this strategy in our lives about 15 years ago as we were struggling with the near simultaneous loss of two loved ones. It was really hard to find motivation when we didn’t think we had the strength to push forward—when we felt downright defeated and sorry for ourselves. But we took one small step every day—oftentimes just writing a short blog post to share some lessons learned with others who might find our stories and ideas helpful—and it felt good, and we gradually grew stronger.
This morning, as I caught myself struggling with some recent inner conflicts, I followed suit again—I took a small step forward… just turning on my laptop, opening up a new document, and writing a single sentence. Such an action is so small as to seem insignificant, and yet so easy as to be possible when I was feeling down. And it showed me the next step was possible, and the next. And the end result is the blog post you’ve just finished reading. I sincerely hope you’ve benefited from it in some small way.
Now it’s your turn…
Yes, it’s your turn today! I sincerely hope you will make the best of it, that you will dream boldly and dangerously, that you will leverage the reminders above to create something that didn’t exist before you took action, that you will love and be loved in return, and that you will find the strength to accept and grow from the outcomes you can’t change. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and wisdom in this crazy world), that you will, when you must, be wise with your decisions, and that you will be extra kind to yourself and others.
And before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which one of the points above resonated the most today?
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Nickolas says
Number 4 is very good for me… my entire family seemed to deny me the right to take up space, that’s exactly how it felt. I have never quite been able to put the feeling properly it into words words. The other day, I came up with “a feeling of having been ostracised”, or of not being allowed to be myself whenever I was at home, but this notion of “taking up space” works very well indeed.
And… I still have an inner hesitation about it today. I’m always asking myself if I have a right to be here, there or wherever, even if people are happy to see me.
People have also often said I have great ideas for myself (and I do) but I never do them, preferring the safe option most times.
There are also times when I’m just too scared to show myself, who I am, my true colours, then again there are times when there is just no stopping me. I’m on a roll, but there will be a price to pay for that each time.
The questions in my head during the bad times are always: Am I allowed to do this? Am I going to far? Am I showing myself up? Am I exposing myself? Am I in danger?
And I do a post-mortem after the event: Did I have a right to do that? Did I go too far? Did I show myself up? Did I expose myself? Was I in danger?
That is indeed a mental block I have, but today, thanks to this post, I have probably found the cause. I was made to feel bad about myself merely for being myself and taking up space. I must have made great efforts not to do either. Those efforts probably became second nature and now run themselves like clockwork!
Marie says
Nikolas you have summed up everything I wanted to say. This has been me for so many years, all my life really until a pivotal moment 18 mths ago and the veil was lifted & I saw it all for what it was. It still hurts sometimes but mostly I now feel free to be me. I have slowly moved on and thanks to Marc and Angels blog , and words of wisdom I am learning to forgive, love myself and my life.
Thank you Nickolas for sharing. Thank you Marc & Angel (and your grandma! )X
Scott says
Marc and Angel,
I usually don’t leave comments to any blog that I read, But after reading yours for the last several Months, I realized that it was time to Thank the Both of you, I know you all have been through a lot, and taking the time to give us readers a Spiritlyft, and letting us know what you have been through and how you all came through to help others, is true strength and love, So Thank You both for helping me realize me and Thank you both for being Great people, It has helped me through some tough times recently.
Joanna says
Wow. I have been subscribing to this site for a couple years now. But today’s post resonated so deeply with me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I began 2025 saying “this is finally the year for me to make the changes I need to make (after many years of procrastination). I felt like finally it would happen. Needless to say, we are close to the end of the year and guess what, I am still procrastinating and haven’t changed anything. Some days it is just too hard. But just about every point you made I personally can identify with.
I am going to try reading it every morning first thing and hoping that it will help to motivate me. And also to help me to feel better about myself and not beat myself up so much about not being where I should be in my life. And I do believe that things happen for a reason, and when they are supposed to happen. Thank you again.
Jeanetta Jonker says
Wow Joanna, this is exactly how I also feel, but today’s blog really inspired me. What stood out the most is about taking small steps. May you, Marc, Angel and all other readers be blessed in your life’s journey.
MaryE2 says
Small changes matter. Dividing a task into small chunks works. Being in the present helps move forward. For me , habits are the linch pins to accomplishment. Motivation and willpower, blame and shame are no help.
Michelle says
I just got my degree at 52. Seriously. My second time beginning again. It was absolutely worth it! And thanks for this great read today!
Dennis says
What a gentle but powerful wake-up call — this list is exactly what I needed to read right now. I love how you remind us that it’s okay to start over: that “being a beginner again” isn’t a defeat, but a chance to choose a new direction when the old one no longer fits. Your encouragement to “do the hard stuff you’ve been putting off” and “embrace the discomfort that’s worth it” feels so real — because growth rarely comes easy, but it often comes from those small, scary steps forward we tend to avoid. I especially appreciate the reminder to think better about yourself — to stop shrinking, stop apologizing for your presence, and start owning your worth. Sometimes we forget that self-kindness, self-respect, and honoring our own feelings are the foundation for any meaningful change. Thank you for writing something that feels like a conversation with a friend — clear, kind, hopeful, and full of possibility. I have a feeling I’ll be returning to these “5 things” regularly as I pick up the courage to make changes in my life.
Jenn says
I struggle with all of these. I am in the beginning stages of divorce and find myself constantly angry with what ‘could have been’ and what ‘should have been’. I rage at myself for not being able to fulfill those goals, for being 38 years old and ‘wasting’ 12 years of my life on a goal that I will now never see. It tears me up inside usually when I least expect it. Usually when I start the cycle of think, think, think and beat myself up about things.
When I read the title I thought to myself thats not for me… and then I realized… it IS me. All of it. Especially afraid to go a new path without a foundation to tether myself (my husband). Thank you so much for sharing this post. Much love for what you share with the world.
Claire says
Another awesome article/email at the right time…
Thank u guys you’ve been truly inspirational to me. I’m struggling with the panic again. Fear of leaving my zone where I feel safe.
I know this needs to change. There’s always tomorrow to grow but I’m trying to take a few small steps today too.
Monica says
Thank you guys! I have been reading yalls stuff for years too and it’s made a difference in my world. Even with all the dishonest people & the people trying to steal from us & the people trying to deceive us, your words are alive in us & keep me going on some days. From one of the good guys , trying to make a difference! Namaste’
JJ says
Thank you. Several of the points hit home. Also reading your 1000 Little Things book as a morning self-reflection exercise. Excellent stuff all around.
Amanda G. says
“…when we serve others we end up benefiting as much if not more than those we serve.”
This. This is what humanity has forgotten, or, for some, never learned.
Thank you for your beautiful and insightful posts. I look forward to getting your emails leading me to each new one. Your contribution to the world does not go unnoticed.
Millie says
Thank you for getting me through the hard days. I’ve been writing sporadically in the morning journal book.
39 yrs of marriage, going on 70, and 5 grandchildren later I pray for grace so i can forgive myself and more often my spouse at times. Being grateful and my volunteer work helps. Bless you and the readers that reply. Both are uplifting.
Alice says
This really spoke to my heart today. Thank you.
Richard Kina says
Very good article. Really liked the statement about the catapillers, and you are right, don’t let your mind control you, YOU are in charge.
Sylvia says
Everything you mentioned here really resonate with me especially the career aspect you talked about choosing a career in your teenage age and later finding out that it wasn’t what you need.This really resonates with me and other emphasis you made also resonates with my current condition and I am really Greatful for this writeup and I promise to be pragmatic in solving this,one step at a time.
KY says
Thank you Marc and Angel for the inspiring write ups. Stay blessed
Jagadish kale says
This is an eye opener essay and great help for achieving the goals which are dangerously
ambitious but gave me strength to go for the hardworking which I don’t know the result but I will decide my path today.
Thank you!
Benjamin Olorunfemi says
This writeup has once again reminded me that discomfort is only a shallow pain.
Marsha says
Thank you for your insights. I’m really need to get out of my frump!! Life has been a real trial so far… I want to write my memoir but I keep being stuck I’m going to sign up for your input and appreciate the time you both have taken. Blessings, in time I hope I can be an inspiration to many as you’s have.
Mary E2 says
I have been in what I call a vortex of physical pain, trying to manage husband’s serious health issues. My cats bit me twice so ill with that, a UTI and generally feeling like I am trying to spur a bucking horse. So I decided for this month to stick to home with more petting cats, thinking if I create space I will generally reclaim myself. I have time to do tasks to organize and clean and relax as I want without interruption. A time of rest for renewal.
Valerir says
I am so glad I read your article. I am a caregiver for my husband who has dementia. It has been the hardest job ever and I hv not bn the nicest person but after reading your article I can now look at things differently thanks to you. U made me realize that all I do for him is a blessing and that I am a good person. I will honor and respect myself more. I will continue to read your column and hope to learn about myself and my situation. THANK YOU!
David Cleroux says
“Choose to take up a lot of positive space in your own life today. Choose to give yourself permission to meet your own needs. Choose to honor your feelings and emotions. Choose to make self-love and self-care a part of your daily rituals…”
This is a step forward for me that I believe is appropriate right now. A step of confidence.
Anonymous says
This article poed up on my Google newsletters and I wasn’t planning on reading too much of it but I am happy I did because it helped me remind myself that there is no shame in being yourself even if some people have a problem with that.
Anonymous says
Beautiful words put together for someone who wants to find courage in those hard time and needed a friend at 2am! Courageously Inspiring…Keep writing such magical ones..!!
Swathi Arjun says
I don’t know what to say but I was in an anxiety ridden moment, and this helped me a bit at least. Thank you so much.
Mariah Beaney says
I’m so glad you wrote this article. Where i am in my life right now, I feel like you were writing it to me. I just read it and already I am feeling hope for the rest of my life. Again, thank you.
Poorva Shukla says
Sometimes I feel my past is etched on my face. I try to remind myself that I can choose to move forward, learn from my mistakes and act wisely.
I think it is important to be a beginner as many times as we need to bring out best foot forward.