You ultimately become what you repeatedly do. If your daily habits aren’t helping you, they’re hurting you. Here are some fairly common and widespread examples of the latter that will drain all your joy if you let them:
1. Focusing on how life “should” be every step of the way.
Try to use frustration and inconvenience to motivate you rather than annoy you. You are in control of the way you look at life. Instead of getting angry, find the lesson. In place of envy, feel admiration. In place of worry, take action. In place of doubt, have faith. Remember that your response is always more powerful than your present circumstance. A small part of your life is decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances, while the vast majority of your life is decided by your responses. Where you ultimately end up is heavily dependent on how you play the hands you’ve been dealt.
2. Wanting to control the uncontrollable.
Be selective with your energy today. If you can fix a problem, fix it. If you can’t, then accept it and change your thoughts about it. Whatever you do, don’t attempt to invest more energy than you have, tripping over something behind you or something that only exists inside your head. Truth be told, some of the most powerful moments in life happen when you find the courage to let go of what can’t be changed. Because when you are no longer able to change a situation, you are challenged to change yourself — to grow beyond the unchangeable. And that changes everything.
3. Holding tightly to the way things once were.
You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or even a week ago. You’re always learning and growing, and life is always evolving. Again, even though you can’t control everything that happens, you can control your attitude about what happens. And in doing so, you will gradually master change rather than allowing it to master you. So be humble today. Be teachable. The world is often bigger than your view of the world. There’s always room for a fresh idea or a next step. But first you must accept the fact that things may never go back to how they used to be, and that this ending is really a new beginning.
4. Refusing to practice self-forgiveness.
Forgive yourself for the bad decisions you’ve made in the past, for the times you lacked understanding, for the choices that accidentally hurt others and yourself. Forgive yourself, for being young and reckless. These are all vital lessons. And what matters most right now is your willingness to grow from them. (Note: Angel and I discuss this further in the Adversity chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
5. Endlessly settling for the default settings.
There are thousands of people who live their entire lives on the default settings, never acknowledging the fact that they can customize everything. Don’t be one of them — don’t settle for the default settings on a daily basis. Don’t hide behind indecision or laziness either. And forget popularity! Just do your thing with passion, humility, and honesty. Do what you do, not for an applause, but because it’s what’s right. Pursue it a little bit each day, no matter what anyone else thinks. That’s how dreams are achieved.
6. Resisting new ideas and lessons.
To make real progress in the long run you must let go of the assumption that you already have all the answers. So don’t stop learning! Don’t stop investing in yourself. Research. Read. Devour books. Engage with people, including those who think differently. Ask questions. Listen closely. And don’t just grow in knowledge. Be a person who gives back. Use what you’re learning to make a real and lasting difference. (Note: “The Good Morning Journal” is a useful tool for noticing and keeping track of all your lessons learned.)
7. Constantly seeking fleeting contentment.
There are two variations of contentment in life — fleeting and enduring. The fleeting type is derived from instants of material comfort, while the enduring type is attained through the gradual growth and progress on matters that are truly important to you. At a quick glimpse it might be difficult to decipher one from the other, but as time rolls on it becomes vividly obvious that the latter is far superior. So just remember, if it entertains you now but will hurt or bore you someday, it’s a distraction. Don’t settle. Don’t exchange what you want most for what you kinda want at the moment. Study your routines. Figure out where your time goes, and remove distractions. It’s time to focus more on what matters in the long run.
8. Always worrying about everyone else’s story.
Don’t be so satisfied with the success stories of others and how things have gone for them, that you forget to write your own. Unfold your own tale and bring it to life on a daily basis. You have everything you need to become what you are capable of becoming. Incredible change happens when you decide to make yourself a priority. And remember, you won’t always be a priority to others, and that’s why you have to be a priority to yourself. Learn to respect yourself, take care of yourself, and become a daily part of your own support system. This means consuming less and creating more. It means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and deciding for you. It means learning to embrace and use your ideas and instincts to write your passage, one day at a time.
9. Fearing little (necessary) failures.
Sometimes we literally have to fail dozens of times to succeed. And no matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying. So don’t get so hung up on a few failed attempts that you miss the opening for a hundred more opportunities. All of your ideas that don’t work are simply stepping stones to the one idea that does. And remember, failure is not falling down; failure is staying down when you have the choice to get back up. Always get back up! Oftentimes good things fall apart in the near term so better things can fall together in the end.
10. Waiting for the “perfect” moment to take the next step.
Don’t buy into the myth of the perfect moment. Moments aren’t perfect, they’re what you make of them. So many people wait around for the stars to align to do what they’re here to do. The perfect moment, the perfect opportunity, the perfect state of being, etc. Wake up! Don’t “wait” away the vast majority of your life! Remind yourself that too many people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness. And you don’t be one of them. Ultimately, you will come to succeed not by finding a perfect moment, but by learning to see and use life’s imperfections as stepping stones.
An Exercise for Building Better Daily Habits
If you feel a like you’ve wasted too much time, joy, and peace on one or more of the points above, this quick actionable closing exercise is for YOU.
Choose any area in your life that you want to improve, and then:
- Write down the specific details about your current circumstances. (What’s bothering you? Where are you stuck? What do you want to change?)
- Write down your answer to this question: What are the daily habits that have contributed to your current circumstances? (Be honest with yourself. What are you doing regularly that actually contributes to the situation you’re in?)
- Write down a few specific details about the “better circumstances” you’d like to create for yourself. (What would make you happy? What does an improved situation look like for you?)
- Write down your answer to this question: What are the daily habits that will get you from where you are to where you want to be? (Think about it. What small daily steps will help you gradually move forward from point A to point B?)
Now it’s your turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to not fall back into your old patterns of living today simply because they’re more comfortable and easier to access. It’s your turn to remember that you’re leaving certain habits and situations behind for a reason: to improve your life — because you can’t move forward if you keep going back. And it’s undoubtedly your turn to reclaim your inner peace and joy, and make your time count going forward!
But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which one of the points above resonated the most today?
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Photo by: Georges Petrequin
JJ says
My favorite part of this very clear and thoughtful article is the actionable exercise at the bottom. Thank you!! So many articles provide great information but leave some of us scratching our heads wondering how to implement what we’ve learned. Thanks for engaging our minds!
Tell Me and I Forget;
Teach Me and I May Remember; Involve Me and I Learn.
Michael bayers says
I agree.
🙂
Penny D Watkins says
The entire article resonated with me. I plan to make a journal. After 48 years married my husband died. I am lost but coming back. The past and my family consumes me. Moving forward now after 4 and half years after his death. Thank you
Mia says
Thank you! In life #4 hits me every time. We tend to think in the direction of “I should have done that differently” every time something doesn’t go as planned. We deserve to be gentle with ourselves though, even if we make mistakes. After all, we can always learn from mistakes and improvise on the go. It’s something I’ve really needed to keep in mind lately.
Cheers,
Mia
Allen Livingston says
Well stated. Cheers back to you, Mia.
Jeannine lessard says
Very well said!!
I have been going through exactly everything you mentioned! And it is all the type of work I have been focusing on. You have added more steps!!
Thank you!
Gina Grayson says
Love this! I have a 20-year-old daughter who is just finding out about “adult life,” and how things aren’t always easy and I’ve tried to explain that the problems she’s facing now aren’t permanent but this article explains that and so much better than I can! Thank you so much! I’ve prayed for this for her!
Roslyn says
Same situation with me – my daughter’s 23 and has struggled but she’s finally on the right track and I’m going to get her this book thank you Marc and Angel. Perhaps you are an angel.
Adil Zareef says
Very sensible advice. And at 78, I feel confident that your points here are spot on! I’m passing them along to my grand children today.
Bryan Sanders says
Very thought provoking and pertinent to me today.
Reminds me of a church poster, “You are not what you think you are, but what you think, you are”.
Difficult to break the habits of a lifetime though and to take ones complicated daily habits and come up with simple changes that will make a difference.
I will have a go and thank you for your efforts to help people enjoy life more.
Sue says
Among the best quick reads I’ve found online in recent times. On-point and concisely written. Thank you. Several resonated deeply, but number 7 is something I’m working on right now. It’s a journey.
Marnie says
Sue,
I agree and align with your comment completely. And I am thankful for these quick little reminders to let go and be happy every day.
TR says
At 77 years of age I find your article refreshing and inwardly inspiring. Well done on this one.
D says
There’s really nothing that I can change. My close friends will always remain my friends no matter what. The only things that I dislike about my present situation is not having more company to associate with and my feeble attempt to accomplish more for those in need. I enjoy preparing for upcoming events that have been predicted, and that I can see coming on the horizon. Things from a more Heavenly dimension.
All I feel capable of doing and controlling right now and as you mentioned about doing things with passion, humility and honesty; because it’s the right thing to do, is to continue my studies and attempts at sharing my faith with others. The rest is up to the planner and designer of life. This is my enduring contentment because it brings happiness right now, and I know for sure that it has lasting rewards.
jacques fleury says
A masterful little nugget of practical wisdom! I can see myself putting the ideas presented in this article as part of my daily habits. The very brilliantly written first line captured my attention right from the jump:
“You ultimately become what you repeatedly do.” Hence if your daily habits are not resulting in the “you” you want to be, than change your habits! And thanks to this article, I plan to do just that starting now.
Barbara Bice says
Honestly, all of the points, I can relate to. Especially the things I do daily, the things that come as an automatic reaction. I believe it’s known as a “RUT”. Thank-you for seeing me, and I know alot of others, that we can help ourselves. We just need to get involved, walking, reading, something positive….
Linda says
These are the best set of habits I read in a long time. I esp liked the one “always worrying about someone else’s story” That’s one I am going to tack on my wall. I am awful at that and as of today I am going to try so hard to change that way about myself. The one about not being able to control the uncontrollable knocks hard on me too because sometimes I feel that way. I am doing a mindfulness course for the past few weeks and it is really helping me with mindset and a lot of other things. I can feel the difference happening to me. Just today I had to wait in a long line at a store and I was more relaxed about it than ever before, It works and so do all your tips if we follow them. Thank you so much, I respect you taking time to do up all this information in a very human-oriented way, and send it out to us all.
DK says
Thank you for your faithfulness and communicating.
It’s amazing how the steps are always so clearly defined for me, and I’m led to take one step at a time knowing that, for sure, the next step is there waiting for me.
I believe that I’m progressing fairly well with the initial organization of the little daily proceedures that were suggested. Rising above and seizing the moment is what I need to stay in tune with. Also not allowing little annoyances to upset me or throw me off track.
Che Jackson says
Holding too tightly to the way things were is a message for me and quite a few in my network. I’ve caught myself being the “stay off my lawn” and “the youth of today” grumbler, rather than embracing change and being open to learning new ways and ideas. I’m taking this one to heart!
Luara says
I agree with the above commenters. This is simply the best thing I’ve read online in awhile. 100% on point and explained in a way that is easy to understand. Forgiving yourself is the most hardest part for me in life. I’m still not sure why but I’m starting to understand that without forgiving myself I will not move forward on life. Thank you so much for sharing this article. So very helpful!
J Ajao says
As someone who tends towards perfectionism, and has had to heal from various hardships, all 10 resonate with me.
I often forget the uniqueness of my journey and keep looking back.
Thank you for the reminder that I can be uncomfortable, while taking baby steps to what lies ahead. One day at a time. I don’t have to have it all figured out.
Thank you.
Ramona Preston says
I agree with your response. I’m the same. I can relate to all 10 points. I’m looking forwards to applying the follow-up action steps.
Jody Byrne says
The Best Ever!! This sounded exactly like one of my Dad’s excellent Life Advice Sessions. And he gave The Best advice. The only one you missed us:
Never do something permanently stupid because you temporarily upset.
Asiya says
I like advise about not letting others do the thinking, talking and deciding for you. I need to learn to follow my own instincts and decide what is good for me and not what others think is good for me.
I also like the one about engaging with others, never stop learning and devouring books!
David Cleroux says
“Remember that your response is always more powerful than your present circumstance. A small part of your life is decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances, while the vast majority of your life is decided by your responses.” “So be humble today. Be teachable. The world is often bigger than your view of the world. There’s always room for a fresh idea or a next step.”
I very much appreciate these reminders. Thanks. Hugs.
Sonia Hackman says
All of these have hit me today. Thank you.
Shama Aamir says
Well said… remarkable job you people are doing.m