“In elementary school my parents told me it didn’t matter what I did when I grew up, so long as it made me happy. ‘Happiness is the whole point of life,’ my father said. ‘But it doesn’t always come easy. Your mother loves to help people in need, so she became a psychiatric nurse. I love reading, writing and poetry, so I became an English teacher. We both find happiness in the hard work we do each day.’
A few years later when I was in junior high, my sixth-grade homeroom teacher put me in detention for ‘being difficult.’ She went around the classroom and asked each student what they wanted to be when they grew up. When she got to me, I told her I wanted to be happy. She told me I was missing the whole point of the question. I told her she was missing the whole point of life.”
That’s an old parable my grandmother recited to me countless times when I was a kid. I’ve since seen a shortened version of it circulate on social media, oftentimes being falsely attributed to John Lennon, Goldie Hawn, and others. While the internet sleuths seem conflicted over who penned the very first version of the parable, it’s a story that has always stuck with me. Sure it oversimplifies the complexities of happiness, but it makes some good points too. And my grandma’s version has that line about “finding happiness in hard work,” which is a fundamental concept that still resonates deeply with me today.
As adults, Angel and I have spent nearly two decades working one-on-one with hundreds of our coaching clients, book readers, and live event attendees who struggle with variations of that very concept — finding happiness when life demands that we work hard for it. So many of us attach to the expectation that life should be easier than it is. Regardless of what we choose to do “when we grow up,” we subconsciously fantasize that our chosen path will have very few detours, interruptions, or inconveniences. And then we wait around day after day for things to get easier, as countless good opportunities pass us by.
Whenever you catch yourself stuck in this kind of unproductive cycle, remind yourself…
1. You need to do some hard things to be happy in life (and you can).
Yes, you need to do the things most people would rather avoid — the things that make you uncomfortable, that are far easier to run from, that others can’t possibly do for you… the things that make you stronger but also make you question how you’re going to find the strength to push forward.
Why?
Because those hard things ultimately build you up and change your life. They make the difference between existing and living, between knowing the path and walking it, between a lifetime of empty promises to yourself and one filled with purpose, progress, and fulfillment.
The key?
Consistent and passionate daily action!
Learn to believe in your heart that you’re meant to live each day full of passion and purpose — that each and every moment is worthy in its own way. And remind yourself that passion is not something you find in life; it’s something you do. When you want to find the passion and inner strength needed to change your situation, you have to push yourself to step forward.
Many of us are still hopelessly trying to “find our passion” — something that we believe will lead us closer to happiness, success, or the life situation we ultimately want. And I say “hopelessly” primarily because passion can’t really be found. When we say we’re trying to find our passion, it implies that our passion is somehow hiding behind a tree or under a rock somewhere. But that’s far from the truth. The truth is, our passion comes from doing things right. If you’re waiting to somehow “find your passion” somewhere outside yourself, so you finally have a reason to put your whole heart and soul into your life and the changes you need to make, you’ll likely be waiting around for an eternity.
On the other hand, if you’re tired of waiting, and you’d rather live more passionately starting today and experience small positive changes, it’s time to proactively inject passion into the very next thing you do. Think about it:
- When was the last time you sat down and had a conversation with someone nearby, with zero distractions and 100 percent focus?
- When was the last time you exercised and put every bit of effort you could muster into it?
- When was the last time you truly tried — truly tried — to do your very best?
Like most of us, you’re likely putting a halfhearted effort into most of the things you do on a daily basis. Because you’re still waiting. You’re still waiting to “find” something to be passionate about — some magical reason to step into the life you want to create for yourself. But you need to do the exact opposite!
2. Putting your whole heart and soul into ordinary moments is what creates life’s magic.
Going back to when I was a kid again, my grandmother used to tell me, “Stop waiting for better opportunities. The one you have in front of you is the best opportunity.” She also said, “Too often we spend too much time making it perfect in our heads before we ever even do it. Stop waiting for perfection and just do your best with what you have today, and then improve it tomorrow.”
Believe it or not, recent psychological research indirectly reinforces my grandmother’s sentiments. For many years, psychologists believed our minds could directly affect our physical state of being, but never the other way around. Nowadays, however, it is widely documented that our bodies — for example, our momentary facial expressions and body posture — can directly affect our mental state of being too. So while it’s true that we change from the inside out, we also change from the outside in. And you can make this reality work for you. If you want more passion and happiness in your life right now, act accordingly right now.
Put your heart and soul into something!
Not into tomorrow’s opportunities, but into the opportunity right in front of you.
Not into tomorrow’s tasks, but into today’s tasks.
Not into tomorrow’s run, but into today’s run.
Not into tomorrow’s relationships, but into today’s relationships.
Angel and I are certain you have plenty in your life right now that’s worth your time and energy. You have people and circumstances in your life that need you as much as you need them. You have a massive reservoir of potential passion within you, just waiting…
3. Stop waiting — that’s the real lesson here!
It’s not too late, but you do have to get started sooner rather than later. In other words, you don’t need to have it all figured out to take the next step. But you do need to take the next step to figure it out. And as you struggle forward, remember, it is far better to be exhausted from taking small steps forward, than it is to be tired of waiting around doing absolutely nothing.
Truth be told, if you wait for “the right time” — if you wait until you feel 100% ready — you will be waiting the rest of your life. Take this to heart right now. Most people wait too long to live their best lives. They wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for passion and happiness. Don’t be one of them!
Just keep reminding yourself that new paths are made by walking, not waiting. And no, you shouldn’t feel any more confident before you take the next step. Taking the next step is what gradually builds your confidence, and creates progress in life.
Today is the day, now is the time — it’s your turn…
Just put your heart and soul into what you’ve got right in front of you today.
But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which one of the points above resonated the most today?
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
J says
Thank you for reminding me that my future is now. Not tomorrow or next week or next month. I’ve honestly been putting a couple important things off until “tomorrow, next week, etc.” without acknowledging the simple fact that there’s an upside to getting started sooner. I’m grateful to be getting this message today.
Dan says
I hope you’ll see this comment. Can you give me several real-life examples of number two. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the concept of outside-in vs. inside-out.
Marc Chernoff says
Hi Dan. The key thing to remember is that when you change your inner state, it affects your outer state of being. And the opposite is also true — when you change your outer state, it affects your inner state of being. So for example, if you calm your mind via yoga or meditation before a big business meeting, you will likely feel more relaxed and calm during the meeting (inner affects outer). But also, if you use good posture and you make it a point to smile during the meeting, you will also likely feel a little better (outer affects inner).
Marie Larkin says
I’m studying ‘The power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle which is very much in line with Marc and Angel’s philosophy but on a deeper level of this outside-in vs inside-out. I hope this helps you as it is helping me.
Daniel Fierro says
This is all true. Time didn’t stop for anyone. Life keeps moving on. I still wait at times but only to cross the street.
Kevin OBrien says
Use questions to yourself, like these Tony Robbins questions:
1. What am I happy about in my life now?
2. What am I excited about in my life now?
3. What am I proud about in my life now?
4. What am I grateful about in my life now?
5. What am I enjoying in my life right now?
6. What am I committed to in my life right now?
7. Who do I love? Who loves me?
Brittany Gray says
Hey! I believe that they mean that you can lift your spirits by making yourself smile in the mirror, outside in. Instead of thinking happy thoughts to make yourself smile, inside out.
Mohamed says
If what you are doing is something that EVERYONE can do, this means there will be no major progress in your life.
To succeed in life, do something that everyone can’t do.
Cynthia says
I really appreciated your post especially the parable between you and your grandmother. It brought to mind when my, then 7-year-old son got ahold of his father’s camera and started taking pictures of EVERYTHING! lol. In an uproar, his father snatched the camera away and said “You’re going to use up all my memory!”, my son replied, “I thought it was for making memories.”
You guys are doing great work. Thanks for sharing!
Evon says
Amen!! I wholeheartedly agree!! I’m a memory maker too Cynthia… Full of creative ideas and possibility, along with a healthy dose of inspiration and a sense of wonder to get me going.
Great comment, btw. Now to get cracking on some new ideas… no time like the present… A true gift!!
Lydia Passadaiou says
Hello guys,
I’ve been reading your articles a few months now and I love the way you present so many core things of life that keep us stuck, with such wisdom and truth.
I keep a daily journal and set aside putting down my thoughts and feelings on it, I also note some of your phrases that resonate in me and have helped me a lot!!
I’m grateful to have come across your blog and I thankful to read your words.
I live in Greece, Athens btw.
Thank you!
Keep up your amazing work!
Jim says
Once again, you nailed it! I have been waiting, waiting for something to come down the pike, take my breath away, give me a purpose, I’m not waiting anymore! I have been sitting on an imperfect but great plan for too long. This is my year!
Anne marie Quirk says
How do u do this Jim? Im 64 yrs old this Jan, I retired at the age of 50 when my only child passed away
I moved. Sold my home and relocated five hrs away
I have 3 friends here. I dont do volunteer work as im not reliable due to fatigue as I have fibromyalgia
I have no family. No purpose
I worked alone as a traveling nurse on the road and because my daughter and I were only 20 yrs apart, we were inseparable
I feel like I lost my limbs
I try and make new friends but they have careers and family that keep them busy. I am very lonely and sad . I truly cant find joy
What steps did u take ? Did u find ur purpose? Thank u.
Tatiana says
Good morning Anna Marie,
I can’t Imagine the pain you’re having by losing your only child. There is no bigger grief than that and unfortunately not everyone will understand what you feel or mean, or think when you are in company with other people. I lost my little boy 6 days after his birth. I had developed complications during my pregnancy and my doctor didn’t tell me about it until I was rushed and had emergency surgery at 21 weeks into my pregnancy. Anyway this was 15 years ago. I never stop thinking about my little boy but I had to focus on my daughter who was 10 years older at the time. In your case is difficult because you lost your only child, your daughter that you were so close to, your friend and your family. No one can take away your pain but at the same time no one can erase the beautiful memories you have with your child. As hard as it may be maybe writing down those memories might help you find comfort and strength to get through your day and your grief. Also remember 3 real friends in the real life and in person are better than thousands of people on social media where you don’t know whom is who. My name is Tatiana and my apologies for not introducing myself from the start of my communication. Last but not least, as hard as it it’s for you to live each day, please promise to yourself that you will smile every morning when you open your eyes and see the sunshine, when you hear the birds sing just for you, because you noticed them, when you see and smell the beautiful flowers on the pathway. Remember that only you are able to find peace and comfort during your time of distress. You are the only one that can make the decision to move forward one day at the time. You will also find happiness with time once you allow yourself to smile again. With all my love and deep sympathy.
Kind regards,
Tatiana
Rasandran says
I greatly enjoy reading the various inspiring articles that help to contribute to enhance our daily life. The words of wisdom and the tips shared have helped in addressing my lack of focus, the procrastination and half-hearted attempts to do a convincing job. I like the idea of taking proactive steps and being purpose driven, and adding passion in all the small steps. Thank you for the fruitful discussions. Deeply appreciated.
Dale says
Thank you so much for the valuable wisdom. Your advice is so helpful and supportive. For so many of us struggling to stay healthy and have a chance at happiness ,it is life saving. When I get up in the morning ,it helps give me focus to keep going . It gives me purpose and strength to do the best I can and grab the small victories.Keep up the great job!
You are making a real difference for so many people.
Ngorivo says
I’m so grateful to have come across such information which could change lives completely.
Yan says
Thank you for reminding me not to wait for the right opportunity but to take the one I have right now. I really needed to hear this now at the cusp on a new beginning in my life.
Kimberly Ann Harrison says
#3 is the point that makes me think of my mom. She is still waiting for life to begin at 83. #1 and #2 also gave me some good ideas. I’m 52 and beginning my best life, taking a path I have never taken before and doing everything differently. I’m 6 and a half months on this new path and love the life I am creating.
D says
2. Putting your whole heart and soul into ordinary moments is what creates life’s magic. So true. Every moment counts, especially when being with others. Focus, concentration, prayerfulness all matter. We may get older but hopeful that also means wiser ad more malleable to different situations.
Your essays, short or long are meaningful and appreciated. Hugs.
Anne marie Quirk says
How do u do this Jim? Im 64 yrs old this Jan, I retired at the age of 50 when my only child passed away
I moved. Sold my home and relocated five hrs away
I have 3 friends here. I dont do volunteer work as im not reliable due to fatigue as I have fibromyalgia
I have no family. No purpose
I worked alone as a traveling nurse on the road and because my daughter and I were only 20 yrs apart, we were inseparable
I feel like I lost my limbs
I try and make new friends but they have careers and family that keep them busy. I am very lonely and sad . I truly cant find joy
What steps did u take? Did u find ur purpose ? Thank u
David says
“Just put your heart and soul into what you’ve got right in front of you today.”
That is life. Something to live up to and makes for being happy… and the best possible person that I can be. Hugs.
Kumod says
All the point you mentioned are helpful
on the path of a successful and confined
life.
sangeeth says
Truly meaningful
Anastasija says
GRATEFUL for This Simple Reminder & Clarity.
Amidu says
Keep doing this amazing work , you touch many people’s lives, Thank you