It happens to all of us gradually as we live and grow. We discover more about who we are and the way life is, and then we realize there are some changes we need to make. The lifestyle we’ve been living no longer fits. The environments and relationships we once found comfort in no longer exist, or no longer serve our best interests. So we cherish all the great memories, but find ourselves at a crossroads in life, moving forward.
And it’s not easy. It’s painful to give up what’s comfortable and familiar, especially when there’s no other choice. Marc and I have struggled through this process many times out of necessity. Over the past 16 years we’ve had to deal with several significant, unexpected life changes and challenges, including:
- Losing a sibling to death in our mid-20’s
- Losing a best friend in a freak accident two weeks later
- Financial unrest following a breadwinning employment layoff
- Breaking ties with a loved one who repeatedly betrayed us
- Family business failure (and reinvention)
- and the list goes on…
Those experiences were brutal. Each of them, naturally, knocked us down and off course for a period of time. But once we accepted the truth, by giving up our ideals and letting go of the way things used to be, we pressed forward, more resilient, and with a greater understanding and respect for life.
Getting to the right state of mind, one that actually allowed us to move forward with our lives, required mindful practice. Because when we were initially faced with each one of those brutal experiences — when we were standing at the forefront of another rocky crossroads in our lives — you better believe our minds were spinning with emotions. We had to learn to catch ourselves in that whirlwind of emotional turmoil and calm our minds, so we could cope effectively and move forward.
When you find yourself facing a disheartening reality your emotional reaction might be to deny the situation, or to avoid dealing with it altogether. But by doing so you’re inadvertently holding on even tighter to the pain that you wish to let go of — you’re, in effect, sealing it up inside you. If you notice yourself doing something similar, it’s time to pause, admit to yourself that you’re coping by avoiding, and then shift your focus to a healthier coping mechanism, like using the quotes listed later in this post to help you open your mind.
When you face struggles with an attitude of openness — open to the painful feelings and emotions you have — you find out that it’s not comfortable, but you can still be fine and you can still step forward. Openness means you don’t instantly decide that you know this is only going to be a horrible experience — it means you admit that you don’t really know what the next step will be like, and you’d like to understand the whole truth of the matter. It’s a calm learning stance, instead of one that franticly assumes the worst.
The Benefits of Healthy Coping
Coping in a healthy way isn’t always an easy thing to do, but it’s always worth your while. With practice, healthy coping allows you to find better ways of managing life’s continuous stream of unexpected and uncontrollable circumstances. For example…
- A task is harder than you expected it to be — Instead of running from a daunting and overwhelming task, you can accept it and see what it’s like to feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed, and still take action anyway. Writing a book, for example, is daunting and overwhelming, but you can still write one even with those feelings rolling through you (just like Marc and I did with our books).
- An interaction with someone you love angers or frustrates you — Instead of lashing out at a loved one when you’re upset with them, you can sit quietly with your difficult feelings and just be open to what it’s like to feel them. And then, once you’ve had a moment to breathe, you can see what it’s like to deal compassionately with someone you love who you’re also upset with. To try to understand them instead of just judging them at their worst.
- Unhealthy cravings overwhelm you out of nowhere — You may be inclined to indulge in unhealthy cravings like alcohol and sweets for comfort when you’re feeling stressed out. But you can sit with these feelings and be open to them instead, and then gradually build positive daily rituals for coping in healthier ways—taking walks, meditating, talking with someone about your feelings, journaling, reviewing the relevant quotes from our book provided in this post, etc.
- You are forced to deal with a loved one’s death — When someone you love passes away, the grief and sense of loss can seem overwhelming. And at that point, it’s incredibly easy to give in to unhealthy, “quick-fix” ways of alleviating the pain. But you have to force yourself to do the opposite—to give yourself compassion, to sit with the powerfully difficult thoughts and feelings you have, and to open your mind to what lies ahead. Gradually it becomes evident that death isn’t just an ending, but also a beginning. Because while you have lost someone special, this ending, like all losses, is a moment of reinvention. Although deeply sad, their passing forces you to reinvent your life, and in this reinvention is an opportunity to experience beauty in new, unseen ways and places.
And of course, we’ve merely just scratched the surface of an endless pool of possibilities for healthy coping. The key thing to understand is that by learning to cope in healthier ways, you will find that you can better handle anything life throws your way, and come out stronger, calmer, and sometimes even happier than you were before.
The simplest way of getting started?
Daily Reminders for Inner Calmness and Healthy Coping
It’s all about keeping the right thoughts at the top of your mind every day, so they’re readily available on those inevitable days when you need them most. For Marc and me, that means sitting down quietly with ourselves every morning and reflecting on precisely what we needed to remember. We use quotes like the ones below to do just that (several of which are excerpts from our books).
Some people call them affirmations, or mantras, or prayers, or convictions, but in any case these daily reminders keep us on track by keeping calm, peaceful, productive thoughts and perspectives at the top of our minds, even when life gets utterly chaotic. And over the years we’ve ultimately learned that peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard realities to deal with — peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still remain calm in your mind and centered in your heart.
Challenge yourself to choose one of these quotes every morning or evening, and then sit for a moment or two while repeating it silently in your mind. See how doing so gradually changes the way you think through life’s twists, turns, and crossroads:
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Before you go, please share this post with others who you think will benefit from it, and also share your thoughts with us in the comments section below. Which quote or saying above resonated the most today? Or perhaps share an additional quote or personal saying that has helped you cope more effectively through life’s twists, turns, and crossroads.
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Anna says
These affirmation-like quotes are exactly the kind of tool I’ve used to get through recent difficult times. So thanks Angel and Marc, I will use the quotes, reciting them as a reminder. I particularly love the the one that generally states… Give yourself a chance to listen to your own voice and soul instead of the noise around us. Needed that reminder right now.
Benedicta says
I had to face the backlash of a bad financial decision of my spouse that made me close my school and sell the property. I went from anger to mental breakdown. I couldn’t just put myself together. That was in 2022. I’m just trying to get up again.
Thank you for sharing these quotes. They really helped.
Nancy says
At 77 years old, I still find your articles very helpful as I navigate through life. Marc and Angel, you have reinforced my positive attitude on many days recently and you’ve helped me ease those negative feelings that creep up on me. Thank you. And please continue to do what you do.
D says
Incredibly well said! Lots of them hit home with me. Much obliged! And I’ve been an avid fan of the self development library for over 40 years – these are some solid reminders and summaries of what I’ve learned over time.
Paul Salasar says
Hi. Been reading your site for a while. Love the advice and quotes you offer. One I’ve always lived by is “There is more than one way to get around a tree”. In other words, if you find something blocking your path, take a minute to consider alternative approaches to deal with the situation at hand, you’ll be surprised how resourceful you can be!
Olivia Henderson says
I have several go-to daily affirmations, dozens of which I have also taken directly from your blog emails and books over the years.
One particular quote from your 1000 Things book that I have had taped to my office whiteboard for a while now, and frequently repeat to myself:
“No matter how chaotic the recent past has been, the immediate future is a clean, fresh, wide open slate. You are not your past habits. You are not your past mistakes. You are not how others have at one time treated you. You are only who you think you are right now in this moment. You are only what you do right now in this moment.”
Kameela says
Thank you as always for your motivating articles. I’m 73 and currently caring for my husband and it’s very tough, It’s easy to get washed over by it all but we agreed from the outset that staying positive is the only way we’ll get through it. Remembering to breathe, being grateful and finding little moments of joy each day rather than thinking of a bleak and lingering uncertainty.
Judith Morgan says
I am so happy to have found the pair of you. Your simple but well said essays and affirmations are treasures. As I read them, I find that one profoundly addresses where I am at the moment, or another that reminds me where I can be. I look forward to these as I travel thru smooth sailing, or rough seas ahead! Thank you for creating the words that help to put my thoughts into context. I love the one above that says to think like there is no box!
Abby Cashe says
Marc and Angel, I can’t tell you how many times you have been the motivation that pushes me to prepare myself for the tomorrows. I struggle with overthinking. Here lately and quite often, it literally stops me in my tracks and I end up with gloomy and unproductive days. It seems like my mind will just not shut off the past. I want to personally thank you for your encouraging words and most importantly for your generosity in making your resources mostly available openly and freely.
Stephen says
I particularly resonated and love: the beauty found in effort, patience and perseverance; it reminds me my past difficulties were a great teacher and I have gained much through it.
Noah says
Hi Marc and Angel,
Hope you are well today.
Thanks for the quotes above.
So many of these quotes resonate with me.
Especially #39 is often in my mind. I believe that anything I feel can be a source of motivation. When I become aware of frustration or disappointment in my heart, I take action and transform it into something positive in my life.
I often tell myself it is not what I achieved in life, but how far I have come that matters.
Each person needs to make the most of the cards that life gave them. When I simply do my best every day, I feel calm.
Whether I win or lose, the knowingness that I invested the efforts and had the ability to do so, make me feel calm.
I remind myself that nothing in my life should be taken for granted. I feel grateful for everything I can see and touch. I feel calm when I think about my blessings, even as I face difficult days ahead.
Kind regards
Noah
D says
Another masterpiece of a share. Repetition is the law of memory and I love the way you repeat important points in different ways. Things like instead of getting frustrated think about what the next step is and don’t make quick decisions. Like not reverting to physical Pleasures compensations; when there is something to overcome it’s time to find the answer. About not taking things personally and that’s it’s simply a matter of learning positive means overcoming the negative. One I really like is walk talk and think like you’re blessed and because you are. That our character is some most evident in the highs and lows so be humble at the top of the mountain and be strong in the valleys and be faithful in between another good quote. And then there’s that every situation be what it is instead of what you think it should be. Be strong present and steadfast and Trust the journey.
Kevin Gandy says
I loved the article, however, the numbers 1-40 where there but no quotes.
Ant says
It seems the images hadn’t downloaded on your browser. Try and reload the page and wait a bit or maybe copy the address and see if they load on another browser. Depending on your connection it may be only a matter of a little more patience.
Richard Kina says
M/A: All very good and relevant.
Especially liked #7 & # 25.
It’s good to re-read & re-evaluate theses points from time to time.
Good job with this one.
Sandy Lewis says
I liked several of these but especially number 40. I’ve been through a lot and I’m great. I will continue to get better.
David Cleroux says
“The secret to happiness and peace is letting every situation be what it is, instead of what you think it should be, and making the best of it.”
Great and wise quotes. I’ll pass on this post. Thanks for sharing. Hugs.
Kimberly says
45 years young and I find myself at a crossroad as well! Thank you for this article and inspirational quotes! After so much loss, I am still blessed and humbled with gratitude.
Hans says
Everytime I hear from you, it makes me calm, serene and tranquil. Thank you! Thank you very much.