Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference in life.
Sometimes changing your circumstances isn’t possible, or simply not possible soon enough. You can’t get to a new job in an instant. You can’t make someone else change against his or her will. And you certainly can’t erase the past. So what options do you have left?
Change your perception, belief or opinion about your circumstances. Doing so will help you change your attitude and ultimately allow you to grow beyond the struggles you can’t control.
The Greek philosopher Epictetus said it perfectly more than 2,000 years ago: “People are disturbed, not by things (that happen to them), but by the principles and opinions which they form concerning (those) things. When we are hindered, or disturbed, or grieved, let us never attribute it to others, but to ourselves; that is, to our own principles and opinions.”
Modern behavioral science agrees too. American psychologist Albert Ellis, famous for developing rational emotive behavior therapy, has proven that how people react to events is determined predominantly by their view of the events, not the events themselves.
Have no clue how to change your perception of things and improve your attitude? Here are seven essential ways to start:
1. Still your mind.
In order to gain conscious control of what goes on in your mind, you need to develop a keen awareness for this process. What helps is to hold still for a moment, take a deep breath and free your mind of all the chatter that’s going on inside and all around. This makes room for a change of state, for something new to enter. So give yourself a break. Don’t say you can’t. Yes, you have battles out in the world to fight, insecurities to overcome, loved ones to contend with and goals to achieve, but a break from it all is necessary. It’s perfectly healthy to pause and let the world spin without you for a while. If you don’t, you will burn yourself out. You must refill your bucket on a regular basis. That means catching your breath, finding quiet solitude, focusing your attention inward, and otherwise making time for recovery from the chaos of your routine.
2. Change your focus.
From the awareness of your thoughts and emotions you become able to consciously redirect your focus. It’s time to take it willingly away from something that drags you down, and zero it in on something that inspires you. Find something good in the present. Remember, there are no hopeless situations, there are only people who have grown hopeless about them. So keep your hope alive through positive awareness. Don’t let the pain make you desperate. Don’t let the negativity wear off on you. Don’t let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Spend your energy positively. Change your thoughts and you change your reality. Our thoughts are the makers of our moods, the inventors of our dreams, and the creators of our will. That’s why we must sort through them carefully, and choose to respond only to those that will help us build the life we want, and the outlook we want to hold as we’re living it. (Read The Power of Intention.)
3. Surrender your worries and embrace acceptance.
Realize that somewhere within us all there does exist a supreme self who is eternally at peace. Because inner peace does not depend on external conditions; it’s what remains when you’ve surrendered your ego and worries. Peace can be found within you at any place and at any time. It’s always there, patiently waiting for you to turn your attention toward it. Peace of mind arrives the moment you come to peace with what’s on your mind. It happens when you let go of the need to be anywhere but where you are, physically and emotionally. This acceptance of the way things are creates the foundation for inner harmony. The need for something to be different in this moment is nothing more than a worry, and worries simply lead you in circles. Remember, the same part of you that longs for peace is the part of you that experiences peace. It is not complicated to achieve and is as close as your next thought.
4. Practice gratitude.
What you must realize is that you don’t really need more; you just need to appreciate more. It’s a beautiful and bittersweet way of thinking all at once. If you don’t have what you want now, you don’t have what you want, but you still have enough. Be thankful for what is, and also be thankful for what has not yet come to you. For that means there are still many possibilities available. Find peace in the thought that you can’t ever have it all or know it all either. You are always just a fraction of the whole. For if you weren’t, there would be nothing more to experience. Value what you know, and also value the countless things you don’t yet understand. For in what you don’t understand there is the joy of growth. Life will always be incomplete and a bit asymmetrical. Realize this and embrace it. Be happy and sad at the same time, be hungry and thankful at the same time, be nervous and excited at the same time, and be OK with it. (Read Buddha’s Brain.)
5. Reframe your struggles as growing pains.
Remind yourself that there’s scarcely any happiness, passion or success without struggle. If the road is super easy, you’re likely going the wrong way. Everything that happens helps you grow, even if it’s hard to see right now. Circumstances will direct you, correct you, and perfect you over time. And sometimes these circumstances knock you down hard. There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong. You might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t. When you feel like quitting, remember that sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right. Sometimes you have to go through the worst, to arrive at your best. Because our most significant opportunities are often found in times of great difficulty. Thus, you will often face your greatest opposition when you are closest to your biggest miracle.
6. Look for the beginning in every ending.
Everything in life has to come to an end sometime. It’s important to acknowledge and accept the end of an era – to walk away sensibly when something has reached its conclusion. Closing the door, turning the page, moving on, etc. It doesn’t matter what you call it; what matters is that you leave the past where it belongs so you can enjoy the life that’s still available to be lived. This ending is not THE END, it’s just your life beginning again in a new way. It’s a point in your story where one chapter fades into the next. Take a look at the first page of this new chapter; it has beauty in it. (Marc and I discuss this in detail in the Adversity chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
7. When all else fails, use your body.
The mind reflects your body by responding to its levels of tension, rate of breath, speed of movement and mental focus. Likewise your body mirrors your thoughts, feelings, mood, and responds to your state of mind, the questions you ask and the words you speak. So if the mind and body are intrinsically connected – meaning that one has a direct affect on the other – it becomes clear that if we directly and consciously take control of one, it will influence and transform the other. By mindfully adjusting how you use your body you can directly influence your state of mind, and dramatically transform your attitude. Just imagine you’re sitting there in a bad mood, shoulders hanging forward, shallow breathing and frowning. Go ahead and do this right now to experience how it influences your state of mind. And then do the opposite: Stand up straight and put a big smile on your face. Take some deep, strong breaths and stretch your arms into the air. Notice how you feel better? Bottom line: Take the vehicle your creator has given you and use it! Your body is a reliable tool for changing your attitude in an instant.
Afterthoughts
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the mind is your battleground. It’s the place where the greatest conflict resides. It’s where half of the things you thought were going to happen, never did happen. But if you allow those thoughts to dwell in your mind, they will succeed in robbing you of peace, joy, and ultimately your life. You will think yourself into a nervous breakdown, into depression, and into defeat. I know because I’ve been there.
Truthfully, there is so much about your fate that you can’t control, it makes no sense to neglect all the things you CAN control. You can decide how you spend your time, whom you socialize with, whom you share your life, money and energy with. You can pick your words and the tone of voice in which you speak to others. You can select what you will eat, read and study every day. You can choose how you’re going to respond to unfortunate situations when they arise, and whether you will see them as curses or opportunities for growth…
And most importantly, you can choose your attitude, which dictates pretty much everything else.
Now it’s your turn…
How about YOU? What helps you change your attitude from negative to positive when life gets stressful and painful
Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts with us.
Photo by: Kren
Terri says
Hey Marc. I just want to say that what you and Angel write about is really helping me out. For the past few months I’ve been suffering from sadness caused by a severe loss in my life. Your words really inspire me and it makes me realize that there is far more to life than feeling sorry for myself. Thank you.
For me, it really all about positive reminders, which is why I have read and re-read your parts of book and many of your articles several times. Doing so has helped me stay on the right path.
D says
I think its fair to note that all of these are LEARNED. Very few people are born with these concepts. These things are best studied and practiced, then they can begin working for you.
Ann says
This article could not have come at a more appropriate time to affirm positive steps I’ve taken and remind me to keep looking forward.
I’ve been embroiled for the past seven years with a vindictive, narcissistic ex-spouse who has tried every angle to twist the truth in an attempt to destroy me. Presently, he has created a major child custody battle. His antics used to render me nearly nonfunctional.
In his efforts to destroy my, I credit him, though he does not know this, for being the catalyst to change me into the person I am today. I’m stronger, focused on truly living each day appreciating what I do have, and silencing the old voices in my life that were his lies to listen to the voices of truth that are a positive reality in all aspects, except where he is concerned. I’ve learned to focus my energy on being active in my children’s lives and my community to make a positive difference to someone else.
Yes, each ‘ending’ is also an exciting new beginning. Thank you, Marc and Angel.
Sandra says
I so agree with you. In Buddhism, it’s said that “the mind is the universal ordering principle.” Everything depends on our perceptions.
I’m a big fan of #1. I find so much freedom in stillness and the space for new solutions and ideas to arise.
Paul says
In addition to the suggestions here, when life gets painful and stressful the thing that helps me the most clearing my mind, is listening to the right song in the right moment of time that explains the whole situation that I am going through – just closing my eyes and just concentrating on the words of the song carefully. It helps free all my worries and struggles that are in my mind
Thank you for letting me share my thoughts,
Marc And Angel’s articles are always great inspiration!!!
Sandy Peck says
This post came at the right time (it always does). Once again you’ve given me the gift of insight. I struggled all weekend in the process of having to move boxes of my son’s belongings. Although he died many years ago, having to go through his things made the loss even more palpable and fresh. I cried the whole weekend. I woke up this morning, anticipating another day of sorrow, but I read your post and decided I didn’t want to feel pain today. It doesn’t mean I will never feel the pain again, it just means I’m giving myself a choice today. Great post, as always. Thank you.
Ruth says
It’s so easy to wander back in to insecurity. Not a pleasant place but familiar. I found myself alone, sad and sinking.
And I remembered short blurbs from your book. Flip perception. Lonely can become solitude – frustration with another person can become a lesson in boundaries and practice in self-pacification.
Emotions are just that – emotions. Some negative but some wonderful! We wouldn’t know the joy of soaring in the sunshine without the dark cold cave now and again. 🙂 TY -R
Eleanor Duff says
I understand this intellectually, but struggle with the fact that when things have changed in my life it sometimes seems like the “bad guys” won. Taking it on the chin and focusing on what you have may save you sanity to some degree, but it often leaves a sense of disquiet, and turning the other cheek does not necessarily come with a sense of acceptance. I can’t quite reconcile my feelings of defeat. Perhaps I am just not that noble. Where does this leave justice or fairness? Just asking for some clarity.
Patti says
Thank you for such an inspiring post. In answer to your question about what changes one’s mood, I have gotten into the habit of acknowledging to myself the mood I’m in, and then consciously reversing it and telling myself “just do it”. There is no “trying” … only “doing”.
Eleanor was asking in her post, “where’s the fairness and justice?” I have always believed that “life isn’t fair”, so I don’t think of fairness and justice at all as something owed to me in this life. I really like many of the Buddhist concepts, but believing in karma is one concept I don’t subscribe to. Nor do I believe “what goes around, comes around”. Saying those things to yourself feels like a crutch to me.
Rose Costas says
Thanks for this post. I am a bit off at the moment and reading this just helped me to become centered again.
Thanks for also reminding me that if things are going easy it is not the right way. I have been struggling to achieve something for a while and the frustration is great and I keep asking my self why me all the time. This helps me to redirect my focus and start looking at things differently.
Danii Turnbull says
Nice reminder that we really do control our experience of the world. Sometimes it feels difficult to change our attitudes when nothing is going to plan. By finding that peaceful place within us and choosing to act rather than react to our circumstances, we give ourselves great opportunities to grow.
Beth says
I so look forward to my bi-weekly dose of inspiration from your emails and blog posts. Today’s post has given me much to think, cry and smile about, especially as a new cancer patient who has not come to terms with the disease.
I try to keep the beauty of each moment in mind. I try to be as present as possible with the time I know I have right now. And I’m really only beginning to realize how much I was once overlooking.
David says
Your counsel is greatly appreciated… finding the difference between a thought, and processing that though by thinking is enlightening. We can’t stop the thought from coming, but we can process those thoughts by thinking about their importance and not simply reacting them. That process preserves our peace of mind and prevents whatever worry involved with them, from taking center stage.
I’ve experienced the enlightenment of having that inner peace by casting all my cares upon Jesus. I simply need to not allow any pressures or anxiety, to overcome that peace that comes with being at rest with him.
Taishan says
I was in a place where I needed this reminder. Came at the right time. I have taken notes and will put them into practice. I will not let my situation make me desperate and I will change how I perceive it and remain grateful in all things.
Cheryl says
Don’t necessarily know where to start, this is my first time leaving a comment. I will say that I’m struggling with my son’s incarceration in terms of trying to keep him focused in a positive way, however, it’s definitely a challenge being incarcerated. In addition to that, I’m trying to manage my own feelings with how it’s affecting me. Your post definitely added insight as to my thought process. I look forward to your next post, and I have subscribed. Thanks