Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in your journey.
It’s always necessary to accept when some part of your life has reached its inevitable end. Closing the door, completing the chapter, turning the page, etc. It doesn’t matter what you title it; what matters is that you find the strength to leave in the past those little parts of your life that are over.
Remember, what has happened is uncontrollable, but what you do now can change everything. Knowing this and actually living a lifestyle that reinforces this truth are two very different things of course. Letting go isn’t easy – it’s a journey that’s traveled one day at a time. If you stick with it though, here’s what the journey will ultimately teach you:
- In life, we all gradually outgrow what we once thought we couldn’t live without, and then we fall in love with what we didn’t even know we wanted. Life keeps leading us on journeys we would never go on if it were up to us.
- The most powerful changes will happen in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over everything you don’t.
- Most people make themselves unhappy on the average day simply by finding it impossible to accept life just as it is presenting itself.
- If you worry too much about what might be, and wonder too long about what might have been, you will ignore and completely miss what is.
- When you are lost in worry, it’s easy to mistake your worries for reality, instead of recognizing that they are just thoughts. Mindfully letting go is the remedy.
- The biggest obstacle to growth you’ll ever have to overcome is your mind. Once you can overcome that, you can overcome anything.
- You can’t calm the storm. What you can do is calm yourself, and the storm will pass.
- Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a little while, and that includes YOU. (Read “The More of Less”.)
- As you move through life, you’ll gradually learn to value your time, genuine relationships, meaningful work, and peace of mind, much more. Little else will matter. Thus, the strongest sign of your growth is realizing you’re no longer worried or stressed by the trivial things that once used to drain you.
- The secret to getting ahead is to focus all of your energy not on fixing and fighting the old, but on building and growing something new.
- You can’t control how other people behave. You can’t control everything that happens to you. What you can control is how you respond to it all. In your response is your power.
- Letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care about something or someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only thing you really have control over is yourself in this moment.
- Letting go allows you to be selective in your battles, and oftentimes peace is better than being right. You simply don’t need to attend every argument you’re invited to. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Relationships” chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
- Sometimes it takes a little heartbreak to shake you awake, help you let go, and show you that you are worth so much more than you were settling for.
- The ultimate measure of your wisdom and strength is how calm you are when facing any given situation. Calmness is indeed a superpower. The ability to not overreact or take things personally keeps your mind clear and your heart at peace, which instantly gives you an upper hand.
- Oftentimes letting go is simply changing the labels you place on a situation – it’s looking at the same situation with fresh eyes and an open mind.
- There is absolutely nothing about your present circumstances that prevents you from making progress, one tiny step at a time.
- Underneath it all, the hardest part is not really letting go, but rather learning to start over.
- Stepping onto a brand new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation that no longer fits, or no longer exists.
- It’s not too late. You aren’t behind. You’re exactly where you need to be. Every step is necessary. (So don’t judge or berate yourself for how long your journey is taking. We all need our own time to travel our own distance. Give yourself credit. And be thankful you made it this far.)
Now it’s your turn…
Above all, remember that happiness is letting go of what you assume your life is supposed to be like right now, and sincerely appreciating it for everything that it is. Let this sink in deep. You are enough. You have enough. You do enough. Just let go, and live right now in this moment.
But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
How has letting go affected your life?
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Pete Hyatt says
This was an awesome summary of acceptance (letting go). Thank you.
Your post reminds me of a quote I often repeat to myself as an affirmation: “The key to peace and happiness is accepting things as they are, not as you think they should be.”
Too many of us continue toward the ideal of “what should be,” when the smartest strategy is to understand that “what is” and then make the best of it.
Accepting and letting go of an unchangeable, tough situation/relationship/etc. is rarely easy, but always worth it, as it lays the foundation for the next step. As you said in one of your recent blog emails, “we can’t change what we never accept.”
Mara says
Marc and Angel, I’m truly enjoying your blog, books and emails. And this says a lot because I’m a bit of a cynic and don’t usually buy into self-improvement jargon. But I really enjoy your perspective. As it relates to this post, I know I have much to let go of.
As my 50th birthday approaches, I’m struggling with the difference between what I expected my life to be at this point vs. the way my life actually is. The two are not similar in the slightest. It’s difficult to accept that I have not accomplished what I set out to do, largely because of an uncontrollable illness. It was really helpful to read your common-sense reminders here. As I meditate on them and ritualize them (incredible strategies I picked up from your coaching course) and try to apply them to my life situation, I know they will gradually help me reframe what my life is and create a new vision for my present and future.
Rose Costas says
Mara
I read your post and had to comment. I am in the same situation you are in and believe me it is so hard to accept. I too have set goals and have worked hard, harder than most but I have very little to show for it. I do believe it will get better and so I continuously work hard and try to do the right things but sometimes it is hard.
I just wanted you to know that you aren’t alone.
Geraldine Tucker says
Love the reframing and new vision!
Kristin says
These reminders needed to be heard at my end. I have come to realize and accept that I am not good at letting go. It sounds so obvious and makes perfect sense, but my emotional heart still strives to hold on and create an idea of who he is and what we “could be,” despite that never being the reality. But even just reading these words reminds me that others too are struggling with this same issue in various ways, and that makes me feel less alone and gives me hope that I too can persevere.
Mary Lynn says
It is so much better to be the dumper than the dumped. I’ve been struggling with his rejection of me and my love for over 5 months now. So many self help books are scattered on my bedroom floor as I try to “fix” myself. Sleeping to guided meditations on letting go, self-esteem and self-love. Unrequited love is the hardest thing to experience and to endure. I’m grieving the undead as he moves on to the next woman with happiness, hope and excitement. It’s just so sad. I miss him in so many ways in my life.
Suz says
Struggling with a very delicate relationship issue. And have trouble of letting it go, though it definitely is not a right one. My head is clouded sometimes. I can’t think straight. No one to share my feelings with, except this one person. I know I have to let go. He realized this a couple of weeks ago and started making changes, without telling me. I feel cheated. I know, I sound confused, but that’s the state I am in, and this posts helps a little right now.
Rose Costas says
It is so good to be reminded of the things you already know but some how fail to implement in your life. I have struggled with trying to control things I cannot control and unfortunately many times I am left frustrated, angry and bitter. Worst of all I find it hard to appreciate what is as I believe what is, is never as good as what was.
TJ says
Marc & Angel… finding you is so timely… I’ve battled a long long time with regret about leaving a relationship out of my own ability to communicate my true feelings & struggles . They have fully moved on, I haven’t . Letting go has been the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my life …. Still not 100% through it, but your posts help immensely & are exactly what I need to keep me on track with my own life … Thank You !!!
Mpj says
Thank you for these reminders. I really appreciate them. I got divorced a couple years ago and it’s still hard to let go of who I thought he was and who I thought I was… both the marriage and divorce were meant to be. I believe that now and I can connect the dots. It was what it was. I made mistakes and tried my best to learn from them. It is what it is now. And it’s okay. I’m still learning and growing with these lessons.
Caroline Slack says
Understanding that much is out of our control, is my take away from having several family members, die too young and way too soon.
Now, when I hit a speed bump in the road, I stop and compare the pain to the death of my children and grandchildren, I grasp that it is small and not final.
We all break and mend in a way that teaches us compassion for others and great lessons to share.
Thank you for these gentle reminders, that life continues and we must roll with the punches.
Margaret Gannon says
Thank you for this email/post. Really helps to live in the moment.
Susanna Root says
I so needed to hear this right now!!! And I can relate to some comments above mine too. Although I have known theses things I tend to push them aside and hope for the best. Recently my 24 year marriage fell apart. It should have happened many years ago but that’s what happens when you won’t let go. I am leaning more and more each day in hopes to never let this happen again. Thank you so much for confirming this to me.
Marva says
Thank you do much for this article. It reminds me of a conversation I had either a friend earlier this morning. I appreciate what everyone else has shared also. I recently resigned from an unpaid leadership post I held for several years. There are two other leadership positions that I’m also thinking of resigning from because I’ve felt unappreciated and unsupported for awhile now.
Learning to let go of everything I feel is hard.
But I am looking forward to the next step.
Christy Marie says
I feel like when your posts pop up in my G newsfeed, they reflect exactly what is going on in my life. For the past year, a very challenging situation has finally come to an end and in overcoming it all, the biggest lesson I am learning is how to let go.
Suddenly, I am able to see ALL the situations that I am holding on to from the past and how they are holding me back. I spend so much time reviewing the past and what happened only to prepare for the fearful future. In the meantime, I’m not paying attention or feeling gratitude for my life as it is now.
I realized although I’ve forgiven everyone from my past, there was still one person I was overseeing, ME! My entire perspective shifted in realizing this recently and I’ve never felt so much internal peace.
Stan L says
I have always had a “letting go” problem. The last few years I have managed to make progress, and it feels great. Much more work to do though. I had an elderly friend who recently was a great example of how to successfully let go. In the last year of her life, she had to move away from her home of 60 years, give up driving, and sell many of her belongings because she had to go to assisted living due to declining health. She continued to light up everyone’s world in spite of all this for the rest of her life. She passed away in May at age 94. What a great inspiration she was of how to accept changes in life and still enjoy it all the way to the end. She taught me a lot about acceptance and letting things be.
David says
“Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in your journey.”
That is a great introduction and something that I’m learning to do on a daily basis. What has past is done and can’t be changed and now to accept what today brings forth and trusting that what God holds in store for the future is what’s best. He holds the keys that unlocks the doors and what is hidden behind them. Life is truly an adventure… and your essays are like steps of light on the path. Thanks & grateful. Hugs.
Patty says
I have struggled with RA for 66 years. I am 74. In a marriage that has run it’s course. Your words have given me the courage to speak up and address the negative issues. Ty very much