“The best way out is always through.”
— Robert Frost
“Today, I’m sitting in my hospital bed waiting to have both my breasts removed. But in a strange way I feel like the lucky one. Up until now I have had no health problems. I’m a 69-year-old woman in the last room at the end of the hall before the pediatric division of the hospital begins. Over the past few hours I have watched dozens of cancer patients being wheeled by in wheelchairs and rolling beds. None of these patients could be a day older than 17.”
That’s an entry from Marc’s late grandmother’s journal, dated 9/16/1977. I photocopied it and pinned it to my bulletin board about a decade ago. It’s still there today, and it continues to remind me that there is always, always, always something to be thankful for. And that no matter how good or bad I have it, I must wake up each day thankful for my life, because someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.
Truth be told, happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them. Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles. Always look at what you have instead of what you have lost. Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts, it’s what you do with what you have left.
Here are a few reminders to help motivate you when you need it most:
1. Pain is part of growing.
Sometimes life closes doors because it’s time to move forward. And that’s a good thing because we often won’t move unless circumstances force us to. When times are tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose. Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you. Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing. Every great success requires some type of worthy struggle to get there, and good things take time. Stay patient and stay positive. Everything is going to come together, maybe not immediately, but eventually.
Remember too that there are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you. When you roll with life, instead of resisting it, both kinds help you grow.
2. Everything in life is temporary.
Every time it rains, it stops raining. Every time you get hurt, you heal. After darkness there is always light. You are reminded of the latter every morning, but still you often forget and instead choose to believe that the night will last forever. It won’t. Nothing lasts forever.
So if things are good right now, enjoy it. It won’t last forever. If things are bad, don’t worry because it won’t last forever either. Just because life isn’t easy at the moment, doesn’t mean you can’t laugh. Just because something is bothering you, doesn’t mean you can’t smile. Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending. You get a second chance, every second. You just have to take it and make the best of it all. (Read “The Last Lecture”.)
3. Worrying and complaining changes nothing.
Those who complain the most, often accomplish the least. It’s always better to attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt nothing and succeed. And it’s not over if you’ve lost; it’s over when you do nothing but complain about it. If you believe in something, keep trying. Don’t let the shadows of the past darken the doorstep of your future. Spending today complaining about yesterday won’t make tomorrow any brighter. So take a step forward instead. Let what you’ve learned improve how you live. Make a change!
And regardless of what happens in the long run, remember that true peace of mind begins to arrive only when you stop complaining about your problems and you start being grateful for all the problems you don’t have.
4. Your scars are symbols of your strength.
Don’t ever be ashamed of the scars life has left you with. A scar means the hurt is over and the wound is closed. It means you conquered the pain, learned a lesson, grew stronger, and moved forward. A scar is the tattoo of a triumph to be proud of. Don’t allow your scars to hold you hostage. Don’t allow them to make you live your life in fear. You can’t make the scars in your life disappear, but you can change the way you see them. You can start seeing your scars as a sign of strength and not pain.
Rumi once said, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. Out of suffering have emerged some of the strongest souls; the most powerful characters in this great world are seared with scars. See your scars as a sign of “YES! I MADE IT! I survived and I have my scars to prove it. And now I have a chance to grow even stronger.”
5. Every little struggle is a step forward.
In life, patience is not about waiting — it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard on your dreams, knowing that the work is worth it. So if you’re going to try, put in the time and go all the way. Otherwise there’s no point in starting. This could mean losing stability and comfort for a while, and maybe even your “mind” on occasion. It could mean not eating what or sleeping where you’re used to, for weeks on end. It could mean stretching your comfort zone so thin it gives you a case of the chills. It could mean sacrificing relationships and what’s familiar. It could mean accepting ridicule from your peers. It could mean lots of time alone in solitude. Solitude, though, can be a gift that makes great things possible. It can give you the space you need. Everything else is a test of your determination, of how much you really want it…
And if you want it, you’ll do it, despite failure and rejection and the odds. And every step will feel better than anything else you can imagine. You will eventually realize that the struggle is not found on the path, it is the path! So if you’re going to try, go all the way! There’s no better feeling in the world — there’s no better feeling than knowing what it means to be ALIVE. (Note: Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the Goals and Success chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
6. Other people’s negativity is not your problem.
Be positive when negativity surrounds you. Smile when others try to bring you down. It’s an easy way to maintain your enthusiasm and focus. When other people treat you poorly, keep being YOU. Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness change the person you are. Remember that you can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of you. They do things because of them.
Above all, don’t change just to impress someone who says you’re not good enough. Change because it makes you a better person and leads you to a brighter future. People are going to talk regardless of what you do or how well you do it. So worry about yourself before you worry about what others think. If you believe strongly in something, don’t be afraid to fight for it. Great strength often comes from overcoming what others think is impossible.
Remember that your life only comes around once. This is IT! So do what makes you happy and be with whoever makes you smile, often.
7. What’s meant to be will eventually BE.
True strength comes when you have so much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to smile and appreciate your life instead. There are blessings hidden in every struggle you face, but you have to be willing to open your heart and mind to see them. You can’t force things to happen, you can only drive yourself crazy trying. At some point you have to let go and let what’s meant to be, BE.
In the end, loving your life is about trusting your intuition, taking chances, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories, and learning through experience. It’s a long-term journey. You have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting every step of the way. Laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment, and enjoy your life as it unfolds. You might not end up exactly where you intended to go, but you will eventually arrive precisely where you need to be. (Read “A New Earth”.)
8. The best thing you can do is to keep going.
Don’t be afraid to get back up, to try again, to love again, to live again, and to dream again. Don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart. Life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes. There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong. And you might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t. When you feel like quitting, remember that sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right. Sometimes you have to go through the worst to arrive at your best.
Yes, life is tough, but you are tougher! Find the strength to laugh every day. Find the courage to feel different yet beautiful. Find it in your heart to make others smile too. Don’t stress over things you can’t change. Live simply. Love generously. Speak truthfully. Work diligently. And even if you fall short, keep going… Keep growing!
Awake every morning and do your best to follow this daily TO-DO list:
- Think positively.
- Eat healthy.
- Exercise today.
- Worry less.
- Work hard.
- Laugh often.
- Sleep well.
Repeat.
Afterthoughts… on tragic endings
Let’s take a moment to address an obvious elephant in the room — the fact that the aforementioned points are infinitely easier said than done when tragedy strikes. For example, when someone you love passes away too soon, that’s undoubtedly one of the most difficult and heartbreaking endings to cope with. Although it takes a lot more time and work, the general principles for coping with this kind of tragic ending are applicable. Let’s visualize this together…
Imagine a person who gave meaning to your life is suddenly no longer in your life (at least not in the flesh), and you’re not the same person without them. You have to change who you are — you’re now a best friend who sits alone, a widow instead of a wife, a dad without a daughter, or a next-door neighbor to someone new. You want life to be the way it was, before death, but it never will be.
Marc and I have dealt with the loss of siblings and best friends to illness, so we know from experience that when you lose someone you can’t imagine living without, your heart breaks wide open. And the bad news is you never completely get over the loss — you will never forget them. However, in a backwards way, this is also the good news.
You see, death is an ending, which is a necessary part of living. And endings are necessary for beauty too — otherwise it’s impossible to appreciate someone or something, because they are unlimited. Limits illuminate beauty, and death is the definitive limit — a reminder that you need to be aware of this beautiful person or situation, and appreciate this beautiful thing called life. Death is also a beginning, because while you’ve lost someone special, this ending, like every loss, is a moment of reinvention. Although deeply sad, their passing forces you to reinvent your life, and in this reinvention is an opportunity to experience beauty in new, unseen ways and places. And finally, of course, death is an opportunity to celebrate a person’s life, to be grateful for the priceless beauty they showed you, and to begin again in their honor.
Now it’s your turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to make the best of what’s in front of you. So I hope you will have an inspired day today, that you will dream boldly and dangerously, that you will make some progress that didn’t exist before you took action, that you will love and be loved in return, and that you will find the strength to accept and grow from the troubles you can’t change. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and wisdom in this world), that you will, when you must, be wise with your decisions, and that you will always be extra kind to yourself and others.
And please leave Marc and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
(Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.)
Ned says
Such a bad, rocky two years for me. I am out of work almost two years after a great career. I am in my mid 50’s, which is great when you have a good position, but really bad when your company is sold and then dissolved. Lots of rejection silence and disrespect as I search for a job. Very difficult. This article is so helpful and inspiring to me. I know that the sun will come out tomorrow or my window will open after that door closed or there is always light after darkness. Just trying to be positive. I KNOW things will get better.
Julia Ann Cichon says
Hi Ned, all I can share is ‘trust in the Lord w/ all thine heart and lean not unto your own understanding; in all thine ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path”. God, the creator of the universe holding everything together is real and loves you. I’m sorry your company folded or got bought out leaving you out of work and money. I hope you qualified for unemployment and through the State Unemployment Dept. you seek career retraining for displaced workers.
Patricia Dorman says
I’ve reread this article several times just now, and it’s a great reminder that even though we struggle all the time, everything we go through in life is finite, not infinite. It helps me “keep my chin up”, and focus on growing, instead of staying stuck in a rut. It’s also an excellent reminder that there’s always something to be grateful for, even if it seems like there isn’t. Thank you.
Charlie Golmon says
All my life I have bourne the sorrows of struggle. I was born with Tetrology of fellot, a heart defect. This prevented me from participating in a life of sports and adventure to some degree, but I used it to become adventurous in my mind and heart. I had surgery at the age of seven, and during my hospital stay I witnessed many others my age pass away from various diseases and defects. I learned early how precious life is, and often would ask “why am I still alive”. As years rolled along, my life has been fraught with many countless sorrows. My first wife committed suicide, I was battling cancer, and just lost EVERYTHING in the recent floods that swept louisiana! Today I am going to see my oncologist about future treatments and what we may be able to try. I refuse to surrender. I will never quit. I lived this long when far better people have passed on, and I owe them and myself the efforts of battle to never stop! Yes….it hurts deeply to look at my past, and yes, my present hurts as well. I am facing a huge task….surviving cancer, rebuilding my life again, and just pressing onward….but I will move on!
I am now 53 and have beaten these conflicts at every turn….and I must keep trying. I can’t get depressed or shaken too long…because the war is too great! My advice to others is pray, seek God, and never throw up the white flag or lay down your sword! Swing that thing!!!! Fight! Win!!!!
Ben says
Wow, my friend… I am so very sorry to hear of such things – esp at such an early age and what happened to your wife. I sincerely am sorry.
I understand tough times and how they can mold and shape us – but stories like this I have problems with.
Especially, when it happens to those who are minding their own biz, trying to live healthy, doing the right thing.
kind of sucks how we are left in the dark to endure without the understanding of certain things and reasons why.
But it’s inspiring to know that you’ve progressed through it all. Thanks for sharing.
Tiffany says
The struggles that we face are to shape us into who God wants us to be. …… I completely agree with that and am looking forward to the day that I am who God wants me to be.
LaNeisha says
What keep me going is my two wonderful daughters and GREAT! husband who has sacrifice so much for his family. I wake up everyday to prove myself wrong, knowing that I can stay positive with every bone in my body. I’m so blessed to even find something like this, because it’s going on my wall, and I love the encouragement.
Ajay says
This is a great article and it almost feels like it was intended for me. I was in a relationship for 3.5 years, engaged for about 1 year of it, and 2 months before our wedding my fiancee broke off the engagement out of the blue. There were some issues but nothing that I felt that could not be overcome.
Since then, it’s been a difficult month of not talking to her. This article, and this entire blog, really helps put into perspective a lot about life and relationships. I’m not sure what will between my former fiancee and myself but I plan to print this article and keep it by my desk as a reminder of what I need to do, especially #8.
Thank you for the great articles and words of wisdom.
Jana says
Thank you so much! Today I needed this. My life has been in a downhill slide for sometime, and these words are strong with me at the moment.
Brian Griesinger says
I would like to sincerely say thank you for doing what you do, thinking what you think, and writing what you write. For a little over a year now, we have been running a club/organization/group that tries to provide inspiration, enthusiasm, and positivity for a specific cause or purpose. This piece is special. We can’t say it as well as you have but we sure can pass this along. It is inspirational. I’ll leave the website box below blank as I am not looking for any traffic or links, but I simply wanted to say THANK YOU!
Edith says
Your scars are symbols of your strength.
Thank you! I needed to read this today of all days.
Patty says
This is one of the most uplifting articles that I have read in quite a long time. There were no scriptures used in this script; however the words create an evangelical message and could very well be supported by scripture.
I have been experiencing a tremendous string of mishaps. All four vehicles in the household are in need of repair. I live an hour away from my job and I have absolutely no transportation. The vehicles broke down, each one week apart. Nonetheless, I have remained positive and I still have a smile on my face. I remind myself daily that things can only get better. I’ve hit rock bottom and there’s nowhere else to go but up.
Thank you once again for such an encouraging message!
Varsha says
I needed this very badly.. Thanks a ton for all the wonderful words of encouragement you are giving others. Thanks for sharing your blessings.. I have a diary where I write all the lines and words that mean a lot to me from your posts… I keep reading them when I am low and when I feel I need some encouragement to keep going..
I love them all but #8 is the one I needed most and wrote the entire thing in my diary so that I can read everyday to help me move in the positive direction…
THANKS 🙂
Liz says
Each of us has a purpose here.
Some of us go through certain situations in our own lives so that we can become true teachers to others through our experiences.
It’s like they say “the best students get the hardest lessons”.
And quite often it stinks to always be that “best student”, because it’s hard going through adversity or hard times. It’s really hard having to wait for someone to really love you or for that cheque to come in the mail, or that big lotto win that will change everything!
But for some reason, in the end, after we all go through all our pain and suffering and doubts, we always come out better for it.
It’s strange how that happens.
After going through all that bad stuff, we are better people.
We are better friends, better spouses, better parents….
I think it is because our soul evolves. We become closer to the person we are meant to be and the purpose we truly have here on this Earth; in this life-time.
The stories we share with others about what we go through become their story. And then we start to find that we are not going things alone, but together….
Take away whatever good thing you can find in each day!
Olivia says
I’m struggling with all of this right now. I put myself out there to do something big and I believed great, but like with all things I believe to be big and great I have ever attempted, it is failing miserably – that saying nothing ever works out is just true for me. Most is beyond my control even though I try and try and try and dedicate so much of my time and energy to making it work. But all I seem to get mostly is misunderstanding, lack of help and support – especially from my partner who is adding even more stress to what is happening by berating me for what I’m doing at every turn and brings it up to show hatred for me – , feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, sadness and despair, and the knowledge that it is all going to end up in a crappy mess and people will judge me for my failure.
All I want is a break. Every day it is another disaster or ‘no’ with this project. I’ve thought about walking away, but I have sponsors involved and don’t want to seem weak – plus it was announced in some media. I have thought about ending it for me too, just to escape it all. I feel like I am going crazy. And abandoned and alone.
This line is especially poignant: Remember that there are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you. I think it has changed me, but for the worse. It’s played into all my fears and experiences that nothing works out for me so I have to stop trying now. It’s like God is letting me know I’m not one to do great things, that’s for other people.
I’m going to try to read this article again and again until something good changes inside of me. I may be here for some time.
Dawn says
Hi Olivia –
Your words could be mine VERBATIM. I just want you to know that you are NOT ALONE in how you feel. I too feel the same way. My fiancé doesn’t get how destructive he can be when I am trying to support us financially while we try and grow our company. He does stupid things daily and gets angry when I point out common sense things nobody with a brain would do! I want to give up. He’s drained me in every way possible. I feel hopeless too and I’m so damn tired that even death no longer scares me. Despite all the bullcrap I’m trying to keep positive even just a little bit daily. Something is not letting me give up and it might be my mother in heaven as well as my beloved dog. Try to think of one little thing you can turn to for some love and comfort. Just try. I know its terribly difficult coupled with depression, but I’m right there with you. No you are not alone in your thoughts. There are others out there like me that want you to know you are not alone. Much love and blessings.
jake says
It’s crazy how many things that are out of our control that we stress over daily. It can be overwhelming. Thank you for this post.
Kathy says
Thank you for today’s post. Your words/posts continuously keep me grounded.
A comment a friend sent to me yesterday; “being alone is perfectly fine, other times you wish you had that someone to share with.”
My reply this morning just before I read your post. “For me; being mindful today of the alone times, loving or hating it, will pave that path for when I meet someone so special, I realize that we are in a close relationship and I’m exactly where I want to be.”
I’ve been divorced for several years and hope to one day meet that special person to share the rest of my life with. Yet I know in my heart I must heal from the pain of a lost relationship that had so much promise in the beginning. I know this scar must show yet over time will become faint. I know today I’m happy, content and exactly where I should be. With or without another sharing my life, I love, I laugh, I grow..
dragana says
I got fired 4 weeks ago and it’s been a struggle. This is one of the best articles that I have read recently. Helping me find strength today. Thank you for that.
David says
“Truth be told, happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them.” Your opening remark is right on for me. Unintentional mistakes are made by all men.
A good man says what he means and stands by what he says, even when there’s a last minute error that seem to lead to the contrary. Thanks, you’re posts are truly appreciated. Hugs.
Brenda M. English says
Thank you!!!!!!!! I needed this message Soooooooo much!!!!!! it was RIGHT ON TIME. God knows what you need and when you need it.
Melissa says
Your articles have always been a help, but recently, they have been a lifeline. Two and a half weeks ago my husband and I became homeless. I am suffering with some serious illnesses that landed me in the hospital fighting for my life earlier this year, and now I also have no home. Your articles have been helping me keep my headspace from descending into the abyss. Every day I start the day reading the email from you, and then I do my best to apply it. The next day, I begin again because better days are coming, I just have to get there.