It happens to all of us gradually as we live and grow. We discover more about who we are and the way life is, and then we realize there are some changes we need to make. The lifestyle we’ve been living no longer fits. The environments and relationships we once found comfort in no longer exist, or no longer serve our best interests. So we cherish all the great memories, but find ourselves at a crossroads in life, moving forward.
And it’s not easy. It’s painful to give up what’s comfortable and familiar, especially when there’s no other choice. Marc and I have struggled through this process many times out of necessity. Over the past 17 years we’ve had to deal with several significant, unexpected life changes and challenges, including:
- Losing a sibling to death in our mid-20’s
- Losing a best friend in a freak accident two weeks later
- Financial unrest following a breadwinning employment layoff
- Breaking ties with a loved one who repeatedly betrayed us
- Family business failure (and reinvention)
- and the list goes on…
Those experiences were brutal. Each of them knocked us down and off course for a period of time. But once we accepted the truth, by giving up our ideals and letting go of the way things used to be, we pressed forward, more resilient, and with a greater understanding and respect for life.
Getting to the right state of mind, one that actually allowed us to move forward with our lives, required mindful practice. Because when we were initially faced with each one of those brutal experiences — when we were standing at the forefront of another rocky crossroads in our lives — you better believe our minds were spinning with emotions. We had to learn to catch ourselves in that whirlwind of emotional turmoil and calm our minds, so we could cope effectively and move forward.
When you find yourself facing a disheartening reality your emotional reaction might be to deny the situation, or to avoid dealing with it altogether. But by doing so you’re inadvertently holding on even tighter to the pain that you wish to let go of — you’re, in effect, sealing it up inside you. If you notice yourself doing something similar, it’s time to pause, admit to yourself that you’re coping by avoiding, and then shift your focus to a healthier coping mechanism, like using the quotes listed later in this post to help you open your mind.
When you face struggles with an attitude of openness — open to the painful feelings and emotions you have — you find out that it’s not comfortable, but you can still be fine and you can still step forward. Openness means you don’t instantly decide that you know this is only going to be a horrible experience — it means you admit that you don’t really know what the next step will be like, and you’d like to understand the whole truth of the matter. It’s a calm learning stance, instead of one that franticly assumes the worst.
The Benefits of Healthy Coping
Coping in a healthy way isn’t always an easy thing to do, but it’s always worth your while. With practice, healthy coping allows you to find better ways of managing life’s continuous stream of unexpected and uncontrollable circumstances. For example…
- A task is harder than you expected it to be — Instead of running from a daunting and overwhelming task, you can accept it and see what it’s like to feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed, and still take action anyway. Writing a book, for example, is daunting and overwhelming, but you can still write one even with those feelings rolling through you (just like Marc and I did with our books).
- An interaction with someone you love angers or frustrates you — Instead of lashing out at a loved one when you’re upset with them, you can sit quietly with your difficult feelings and just be open to what it’s like to feel them. And then, once you’ve had a moment to breathe, you can see what it’s like to deal compassionately with someone you love who you’re also upset with. To try to understand them instead of just judging them at their worst.
- Unhealthy cravings overwhelm you out of nowhere — You may be inclined to indulge in unhealthy cravings like alcohol and sweets for comfort when you’re feeling stressed out. But you can sit with these feelings and be open to them instead, and then gradually build positive daily rituals for coping in healthier ways—taking walks, meditating, talking with someone about your feelings, journaling, reviewing the relevant quotes from our book provided in this post, etc.
- You are forced to deal with a loved one’s death — When someone you love passes away, the grief and sense of loss can seem overwhelming. And at that point, it’s incredibly easy to give in to unhealthy, “quick-fix” ways of alleviating the pain. But you have to force yourself to do the opposite—to give yourself compassion, to sit with the powerfully difficult thoughts and feelings you have, and to open your mind to what lies ahead. Gradually it becomes evident that death isn’t just an ending, but also a beginning. Because while you have lost someone special, this ending, like all losses, is a moment of reinvention. Although deeply sad, their passing forces you to reinvent your life, and in this reinvention is an opportunity to experience beauty in new, unseen ways and places.
And of course, we’ve merely just scratched the surface of an endless pool of possibilities for healthy coping. The key thing to understand is that by learning to cope in healthier ways, you will find that you can better handle anything life throws your way, and come out stronger, calmer, and sometimes even happier than you were before.
The simplest way of getting started?
Daily Reminders for Inner Calmness and Healthy Coping
It’s all about keeping the right thoughts at the top of your mind every day, so they’re readily available on those inevitable days when you need them most. For Marc and me, that means sitting down quietly with ourselves every morning and reflecting on precisely what we needed to remember. We use quotes like the ones below to do just that (several of which are excerpts from our books).
Some people call them affirmations, or mantras, or prayers, or convictions, but in any case these daily reminders keep us on track by keeping calm, peaceful, productive thoughts and perspectives at the top of our minds, even when life gets utterly chaotic. And over the years we’ve ultimately learned that peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard realities to deal with — peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still remain calm in your mind and centered in your heart.
Challenge yourself to choose one of these quotes every morning or evening, and then sit for a moment or two while repeating it silently in your mind. See how doing so gradually changes the way you think through life’s twists, turns, and crossroads:
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Before you go, please share this post with others who you think will benefit from it, and also share your thoughts with us in the comments section below. Which quote or saying above resonated the most today? Or perhaps share an additional quote or personal saying that has helped you cope more effectively through life’s twists, turns, and crossroads.
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Kameela says
Thank you as always for your motivating articles. I’m 73 and currently caring for my husband and it’s very tough, It’s easy to get washed over by it all but we agreed from the outset that staying positive is the only way we’ll get through it. Remembering to breathe, being grateful and finding little moments of joy each day rather than thinking of a bleak and lingering uncertainty.
Megan Hunt says
I am also a caregiver for my husband. Stay strong and remember you’re not alone. And even if he can’t express it. He loves you so much and appreciates everything you are willing and strong enough to do. Give yourself grace and remember you matter more than will ever be expressed
Anna says
These affirmation-like quotes are exactly the kind of tool I’ve used to get through recent difficult times. So thanks Angel and Marc, I will use the quotes, reciting them as a reminder. I particularly love the the one that generally states… Give yourself a chance to listen to your own voice and soul instead of the noise around us. Needed that reminder right now.
Siobhan O'Rourke says
Maybe it is my age and my lifetime of learning, striving and overcoming but I have let go of goals , focussing, planning and striving to be better. I have even let go of having purpose. My mind and spirit just wants to be, to deal with what arises and passes and be grateful. I accept I am not as slim, as fit, as tidy or as organised as I sought to become. I am what I am. I am enough. I have enough. I love and I am loved. I have suffered and will do so again and it will pass. I will be sad, lonely, angry, joyful etc and it will pass.
I live a life that is mostly kind and mostly grateful.
A lot of your suggestions sound effortful and I am not very willing to make that effort.
I might change again. Who knows? But for now I let go of striving to change and accept what is.
Suzi says
Beautiful. May God Bless you.
Christine Tierney says
Yes. That resonated with me the most.
Asher says
37., 38., 39., and 40… super strong finish to close out the list, but they were all great solid advice. Thank You and Bless You Both ?
D says
Another little masterpiece of a share. Repetition is the law of memory and I love the way you repeat important points in different ways. Things like instead of getting frustrated think about what the next step is and don’t make quick decisions. Like not reverting to physical Pleasures compensations; when there is something to overcome it’s time to find the answer. About not taking things personally and that’s it’s simply a matter of learning positive means overcoming the negative. One I really like is walk talk and think like you’re blessed and because you are. That our character is some most evident in the highs and lows so be humble at the top of the mountain and be strong in the valleys and be faithful in between another good quote. And then there’s that every situation be what it is instead of what you think it should be. Be strong present and steadfast and Trust the journey.
Judith Morgan says
I am so happy to have found the pair of you (and the little community here). Your simple but well said essays and affirmations are treasures. As I read them, I find that one profoundly addresses where I am at the moment, or another that reminds me where I can be. I look forward to these as I travel thru smooth sailing, or rough seas ahead! Thank you for creating the words that help to put my thoughts into context. I love the one above that says to think like there is no box!
Paul Salasar says
Hi. Been reading your site for a while. Love the advice and quotes you offer. One I’ve always lived by is “There is more than one way to get around a tree”. In other words, if you find something blocking your path, take a minute to consider alternative approaches to deal with the situation at hand, you’ll be surprised how resourceful you can be!
D says
Incredibly well said! Lots of them hit home with me. Much obliged! And I’ve been an avid fan of the self development library for over 40 years – these are some solid reminders and summaries of what I’ve learned over the years. I’ll use them to journal a bit in the days ahead.
Abby Cashe says
Marc and Angel, I can’t tell you how many times you have been the motivation that pushes me to prepare myself for the long day in front of me. I struggle with overthinking. Here lately and quite often, it literally stops me in my tracks and I end up with gloomy and unproductive days. It seems like my mind will just not shut off the past. I want to personally thank you for your encouraging words and most importantly for your generosity in making your resources mostly available openly and freely.
Nancy says
At 77 years old, I still find your articles very helpful as I navigate through life. Marc and Angel, you have reinforced my positive attitude on many days recently and you’ve helped me ease those negative feelings that creep up on me. Thank you. And please continue to do what you do.
Deb says
I agree. I’m 66 and I liked 18 and 35. But then I read more and they were spot on. I will share these with my daughters. They keep me going. Your words are so inspiring, thank you.
Jennifer W. says
These quotes are incredibly powerful and timely. I’ve been going through a major life transition recently, and reading through these reminders has helped me find some much-needed clarity.
Quote #7 really resonated with me – the idea that peace isn’t about being in a place without noise or trouble, but remaining calm in the midst of chaos. That’s something I’m actively working on practicing.
I’ve also found that journaling about these quotes each morning helps me internalize the lessons. Thank you Marc and Angel for consistently sharing such thoughtful, practical wisdom. This post is definitely one I’ll come back to whenever I’m at a crossroads.
Kimberly says
45 years young and I find myself at a crossroad as well. Thank you for this article and inspirational quotes! After so much loss, I am still blessed and humbled with gratitude.
Richard Kina says
M/A: All very good and relevant.
Especially liked #7 & # 25.
It’s good to re-read & re-evaluate theses points from time to time.
Good job with this one.
David Cleroux says
Lots of good quotes to enjoy and to think about. I’ve passed on this post of yours to a few people. Everyone seems so busy with life these days, I hope they take a bit of time to appreciate it. As for me, it’s like being in a fine pastry shop and trying to choose one out of so many yummy possibilities. Ha. I think one thing that I’ve learned in life is that all things change whether you like it or not, and to flow with the changes, it makes life more exciting. Quote #24 since I’m expecting a new change again soon, seems to be appropriate. “Nothing is permanent. When you understand this, you can do almost anything you wish because you’re not trying to hold on to anything anymore. ” thanks for the great effort that you’ve put into your presentations. Hugs.
Kathy says
Have you ever considered marketing your post-its…I’d buy them all in the right format. Maybe doing a calendar? Thank you for the inspiration!!!
Brett Weaver says
These are great. I have found silence is where the good is, if you can get there with no thinking it is powerful.
Wolfgang Bennett says
Always great insights. Thank you. I’d love to help you if I can. Our philosophies overlap nicely and I am happy to play a supporting role in building better tools that help people find themselves.