“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.”
— Iain Thomas
This short article was inspired by an email we received today from a reader of the blog:
Dear Marc and Angel,
There’s so much meaning and value I want to foster in my present life, and yet a tragic past continues to drag me down. I feel like I have weights tied to my ankles. It’s the heaviness of grief that still sneaks up on me. Truly, I’ve been through a lot — the toughest and most heartbreaking of which was losing my husband in a car accident when he was only 35-years-old. And right now, seven years later, I’m at a point where I’m trying to make the best of a bad situation, but I wake up on some mornings and just can’t seem to let go of the way things were “supposed to be” in my life.
Anyway, I know you can’t solve all my problems, but I was hoping you could shine some light on my situation. I could use a little extra perspective today. Do you have any words you could share with me?
Sincerely,
A Struggling Reader
Our reply (an open reply to everyone who’s trying to make the best of a bad situation):
Dear Struggling Reader,
Marc and I just finished reading your email together, and we sincerely wish we could start by giving you two of the biggest, longest hugs imaginable. But since that’s not possible at this very moment, let me tell you about an unexpected phone call I received in the middle of the night last night.
My phone rang just before midnight. I didn’t answer. Then it rang again a minute later. I rolled over, grabbed it off the nightstand, and squinted at its bright, glowing screen. “Claire,” it read. Claire is a close friend – a friend who tragically lost her husband to cancer last year. And I figured since she rarely calls me in the middle of the night, it was probably important.
“Hey, Claire. Is everything OK?” I asked.
“No!” she declared as she burst into tears. “I need to talk… I need help…”
“I’m listening,” I reassured her. “What’s on your mind?”
“I lost my job this evening, and I’m tired, and I can’t sleep, and I just don’t know about anything anymore…”
“Sometimes I don’t know either,” I said. “But I do know that a job is just a job. They come and go. Remember, Marc and I lost our jobs awhile back and it was a blessing in disguise. We found something much better.”
“I know, I know,” she sighed over her tears. “I just felt like the world was going to end after the cancer… Ya know? And then my friends and family helped me get back on my feet…”
“And you’re still on your feet right now,” I added.
“Well, sometimes I feel like I am, and sometimes I feel like I’m barely maintaining my balance, and sometimes I feel like I’m falling again. And this series of feelings just keeps cycling over and over again in a loop — good days followed by bad days and vice versa. It’s just one long struggle. And I’m exhausted!”
“But you keep moving forward…”
“Actually,” she continued over more tears. “The only way I’ve found to keep myself moving forward from moment to moment through the bad days is by repeating a short saying my grandmother taught me when I was a kid. And I don’t know how or why it helps now, but it does.”
“What’s the saying?” I asked.
“Do your best with what’s in front of you and leave the rest to the powers above you,” she replied.
I smiled. Because I love pieces of inspirational prose that help people progress through even the hardest of times. And because it suddenly reminded me of a short story my grandmother told me when I was a kid — one that’s also applicable to Claire’s circumstances.
“Your grandmother was a wise woman,” I said. “And it’s funny, because your grandmother’s saying reminds me of a short story my grandmother once told me. Would you like to hear it?”
“Yeah,” she replied.
So I told her the story…
Once upon a time, in a small Indian village, the village fisherman accidentally dropped his favorite fishing pole into the river and was unable to retrieve it. When his neighbors caught word of his loss, they came over and said, “That’s just bad luck!” The fisherman replied, “Perhaps.”
The following day, the fisherman hiked a mile down the bank of the river to see if he could find his fishing pole. He came upon a small, calm alcove in the riverbank that was loaded to the brim with salmon. He used his older backup fishing pole to catch nearly 100 salmon, loaded them into his wagon, and brought them back to the village to barter with other villagers. Everyone in the village was ecstatic to receive the fresh salmon. When his neighbors caught word of his success, they came over and said, “Wow! What great luck you have!” The fisherman replied, “Perhaps.”
Two days later, the fisherman began hiking back towards the alcove so he could catch more salmon. But a tenth of a mile into the hike, he tripped on a tree stump and severely sprained his ankle. He slowly and painfully hopped back to the village to nurse his health. When his neighbors caught word of his injury, they came over and said, “That’s just bad luck!” The fisherman replied, “Perhaps.”
Four days went by, and although the fisherman’s ankle was slowly healing, he could not yet walk, and the village was completely out of fish to eat. Three other villagers volunteered to go to the river to fish while the fisherman recovered. That evening, when the three men did not return, the village sent a search party out for them only to discover that the men had been attacked and killed by a pack of wolves. When the fisherman’s neighbors caught word of this, they came over and said, “You’re so lucky you weren’t out there fishing. What great luck you have!” The fisherman replied, “Perhaps.”
“A few days later… well, you can guess how the story continues,” I said.
Claire chuckled softly and said, “Thank you.” Because the moral of the story was immediately clear to her. We just don’t know — we never do. Life is an unpredictable phenomenon. No matter how good or bad things seem right now, we can never be 100% certain what will happen next.
And this actually lifts a huge weight off of our shoulders. Because it means that regardless of what’s happening to us right now — good, bad or indifferent, it’s all just part of the phenomenon we call “life” — which flows like the river in my grandmother’s story, unpredictably from one occurrence to the next. And the smartest choice we can make is to swim with the flow of the river.
Which means, quite simply, not panicking in the face of unforeseen misfortunes or losing our poise in limelight of our triumphs, but instead “doing our best with what’s in front of us and leaving the rest to the powers above us.”
On most days, Claire does just that, and she does so with grace. She is such an incredible human being — a beacon of hope!
And as Marc and I read your email together, it became quite clear to us that YOU and Claire have a lot in common.
Truth be told, the wisest, most loving, and well-rounded people Marc and I have ever met are undoubtedly those who have known misery, known defeat, known the heartbreak of losing something or someone they loved, and have found their way out of the depths of their own despair by making the best of bad situations. These people have experienced many ups and downs, and have gained an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, kindness, and a deep loving wisdom. People like this aren’t born — they develop slowly over the course of time.
We feel blessed to have worked with hundreds of these incredible people over the past 16 years, both online and offline, through our live events and coaching. In many cases they came to us feeling stuck and lost, unaware of their own brilliance, blind to the fact that their struggles have strengthened them and given them an upper hand in this crazy world.
YOU are one of these people.
YOU are so incredibly strong and brilliant.
YOU are a light that shines brighter than you know.
Thank YOU.
Thank YOU for being a beacon of hope in our lives.
Thank YOU for being YOU!
Sincerely,
Marc and Angel
Your turn…
Please leave a comment below and let us know:
What has helped YOU make the best of a bad situation?
Anything else to share?
We would love to hear from YOU. 🙂
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Steph says
This was indeed a beautiful response to an amazing woman. I can surely relate.
Three years ago, when my husband of 30 years chose to abandon our marriage and move in with a younger woman, and I was simultaneously slapped with the reality that the courts don’t care about infidelity, I felt broken to pieces in more ways than one. But I was determined this hardship was not going to break me, and knew getting back to my faith and core principles would be my strength. This was when I found your blog and books, and devoured these incredible resources.
I’m happy to away I’ve pieced much of my life back together in a relatively short time. Of course, some days are still difficult for me, but I put one foot in front of the other, no matter what. And I force a smile every morning, even when it’s tough, because it makes me feel better.
So to your struggling student, and Claire, and everyone who is struggling to make the best of it all, keep working at it, keep asking stepping forward, even if they are tiny steps. Know there is always someone who understands and cares, even when everyone seems too busy for you. Marc and Angel often end their emails with “you are not alone.” And that’s the truth! Every tomorrow is a clean slate to begin again if necessary. I’m smiling for you and rooting for you.
Gloria says
Thank you for this open letter, Marc and Angel. It’s a beautiful response to the kind of struggles so many of us go through on a daily basis.
When times are tough and I’m trying to make the best of a bad situation, or when I’m desperately struggling to make the slightest bit progress on a goal of mine, my #1 strategy is to consciously tell myself, “You are OK. Stop worrying and complaining.” Then I simply do the best I can with what’s in front of me, one small step at a time, just as you’ve said. Although there were many, this is probably the most life-changing tips I’ve implemented from your course and coaching – it’s a really a strategy I have ritualized into my life and use almost every day.
Also, I try to keep this quote from your book in mind (I have it printed out and hanging on my home office wall): “Worry will not drain tomorrow of its troubles, it will only drain you of your strength today.”
Francisco Townes says
Thank you for emailing me this article today. It seems like serendipity, because I really needed it. And I agree with Gloria and Steph above, this post is a great one! Incredibly needed by so many.
Lately I have been thinking exactly like your struggling student in many ways, as I’m going through a troubling period in both my personal and business life where nothing seems to be going as planned. My wife and I are working through counseling, but she’s leaning toward divorce. And at the same time my business is struggling due to the loss of a major flagship contract. I’ve been feeling broken down almost every day for the last few weeks. The vast divide between where I am presently in my life and where I want to be is tearing me up inside. But articles like this give me hope and help push me onward a little bit each day. Thank you.
Richard Furleigh says
I know for me one of the big things has been keeping my head down and pushing forward with the idea that it is only temporary. While admittedly I enjoy the highs a little more than your fisherman, I try to look past the lows, because it only rains for so long before the sun shines again.
Like your friend who called too, I find great solace in others. Spending time with friends is almost always a sure fire way to pick up my spirits.
Cheers!
DeepakOutlander says
It’s really helpful thank you Marc and Angel. And prayers for Dolly Parton today too.
JA. says
What has helped me make the best of a bad situation? Well, my faith, my family and remembering that I’ve been through so much already and I am still in the game. My Savior has been careful to protect my mind through all of my hills and valleys in life. So, I am prayerful (which is a dialogue between He and me – not this formal stuff that others talk about). M and A, sometimes I get downright ugly and sometimes I roll my eyes and some more. I can come to my Savior and I don’t have to be pretty or made-up. I also look at what someone else would say about my situation (sometimes seeking the counsel of these positive people in my life). For some reason, when someone else looks at your situation, it doesn’t seem as bad to them – which helps me remember that it’s temporary and I just gotta hold on a little while longer. I also exercise. I like to plan my workout routine in advance but if my day is going a certain way, I may not be in the “yoga” mood….I might need to kick-box and kick some tail! Some situations require me to take action so there are things on which I go head first. If it’s financial, I am very honest with myself and my husband about what we can and cannot do and the conversation is not always filled with smiles. But it is honest. Same thing when it comes to disagreements in our relationship. I try to pay attention and watch the signs of things that might be getting ready to “need attention” in my life and address them before they get out of hand. Last, I journal to get my feelings out in the air. Sometimes you may feel like no one is able to listen to your heart, so you journal to relieve anxiety and depression that can truly cripple you and keep you from moving forward. When I journal, though, one thing I do consciously is make an honest, honest, HONEST effort to be positive in my entries and make them as long as I would like. I’m real but honest. The reason is that there is always positivity in any challenging situation and that’s what I choose to remember. When I look back on those entries, I remember what bothered me at the time but I am so proud of my focus in the midst of it all. Gratitude goes a long way….no matter what.
Bren says
Thank you for for emailing this to me. I too am at a point where I feel like I am sinking and I do not know what to grab on to, to keep by head afloat. I know that life changes daily and I know for myself that God will lead me in the direction He wants me to go if I am smart enough to keep my eyes open. Your inspiration is like a lifeline to me on some days. And I thank you.
-Bren
Sheryll Kay says
Hi Marc and Angel
You have been a reminder over the last 10 years in my role as carer to my Mum and Dad that there is a way of looking at daily challenges that can help when it seems like I am lost and alone. Now that both have gone (Mum most recently) I am aware of grief like never before. I silently beg forgiveness to those that have gone through this and I have not understood. I silently ask for forgiveness for the way in which I have been unable to support my siblings who have not shared the care and who have turned on each other and are going through their own grief. Every second day I am fine. Every second day I don’t wake up in despair for the future. This tunnel of grief is at times short and other times long. Thoughts and feelings I carry are as heavy or as light as they are. Thank you all for who you are and the kindred spirit that this email and comments bring. Nothing matters really except to keep moving forward. And knowing I/you/we are not alone.
Vaishali sharma says
It’s incredible how at same time I read this letter..actually just a hour ago I was telling my husband that we don’t control situations in our life but can always control our reactions n perspective s towards it..to make the best of situation we r in..we all at some point or other goes through bad situations in life but should never ever loose hope and should always be prepared what ever fate has in store for us..each n every morning brings lots of love, energy n hope..its our turn to shine..
Sanjay Agarwal says
Great Reply to a troubled woman.
I know you are host a live conferences in the US, but I would love to hear you speak in person if you ever do come to India. I would be delighted to meet you.
Your words have magical healing powers. God has given you this ability. You must utilize it for the benefit of mankind. Forget short term benefits. Look at the larger picture. Continue to help people!
Gigi says
Thank you Marc and Angel. I really look forward to reading your posts everyday. You both write in such a way that is very soothing to me, easy to understand and gives me hope.
You are two very special people and your words, posts help so many people.
Ro says
What a blessing it was to through my emails and find this gem linked. I had no idea that on the day this was sent, my ex-fiance would tell me that he didn’t want to get married.
“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steals your sweetness”.
I am striving to make the above quote my mantra. It’s easy to be hard, but with the help of God, I’ll remain soft, tender, and open to new possibilities.
RT says
Hello, my heart goes out to everyone who is going through loss or feeling pain. I came across your web and would like to share my story please. I am 56 and separated after nearly 30 years of marriage. It was an extremely hard decision to make and one I never saw coming. But I decided that my life was too important to keep giving away and continue living for another 30 year’s for my husband’s happiness and life. But I am doing it alone. My family told me it was my problem and my friends chose to no longer keep in contact. But this would never change my mind and go back. It’s been really hard trying to cope and get through but what keeps me strong is focusing on the hope I have given myself to be happy again. Owning my life and living it. I think if we can find something from a bad situation which gives us hope and strength, it can help us cope and slowly heal. I found my shining star which is leading my way. Blessings to all.
J says
Thank you for your great support. I do struggle with my situation at this moment and your words are great help. For me going to the forest and being in the nature helps a lot. It brings serenity. That is the place, where I became humble again, place, where I find my inner peace.
Marc and Angel brought light to me with their blog few times in past.
Thank you for that.
Nicole says
Wonderful!!!!
I love reading your side since more than 10 years . Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts…. And also the wisdom you collect since so many years. I went with many of your articles through really hard times and they allways have been shining like a hopefull light
Thank you.
Justina Pellerito Laginess says
How beautiful and how thoughtful! And, so very much needed by so many – today, tomorrow, and always … (including me.) We all need heart-filled reminders of who we are and the grace that truly does surround us, even in our darkest times. Believe in even the smallest and tiniest miracles. They are real!!
Thank you for caring …
Tia says
Honestly, what’s helped me make the best of a bad situation is staying rooted in who I am and remembering that every season has purpose. Even the ones that feel heavy. Even the ones I didn’t ask for. I’ve learned that I can’t control everything, but I can control how I show up, how I protect my peace, and how I choose to move through what’s in front of me. That alone shifts so much.
I let myself feel things now — really feel them — without letting those emotions trap me or convince me that the moment I’m in is the whole story. I’ve lived long enough, grown enough, and survived enough to know that feelings pass, clarity returns, and strength shows up right on time. I remind myself that I’ve made it through every hard moment before, even the ones I thought would break me. That truth keeps me steady.
I lean on my faith in ways I didn’t always understand when I was younger. My guardian angels, my intuition, the quiet signs that show up when I need them — they remind me I’m protected, guided, and never walking alone. My growth is proof of that. Every time I rise, every time I choose peace over chaos, every time I trust myself a little more, I see how far I’ve come.
Setbacks used to feel like punishment. Now I see them as some of my biggest teachers. They slow me down, redirect me, stretch me, and make me pay attention to things I might have ignored. They build resilience in places I didn’t know needed strengthening. And even when they hurt, I refuse to let them break me. I’m still standing, still learning, still becoming someone I’m proud of.
This season has purpose too — and I’m choosing to meet it with faith, clarity, and the kind of strength that comes from knowing who I am at my core.
Suri Chintadu says
SC says :-
Hi All,
know that you are so Worthy, Valuable and Uniquely created..
Yes YOU matter…
Your very Life matters…
Your Story truly matters…
Your Voice matters…and
Your Feelings matter…
Don’t Stop…Keep moving…..!!!
Ramji Yadav says
First of all a big thanks to your struggling reader who at least thought to mail you about her pain and have hope and belief from you to get the needed support.
With this essay you have really supported countless struggling readers like us by infusing time tested methods, stories and words of wisdom to encourage us to understand the life at deeper level and have faith to take the next step in the hope that The Almighty will take care of our needs.
During my initial stage of suffering I was hateful of the persons who caused it. But after four years, today I am very much thankful to them because during these hard days only I discovered the purpose of my life. So, always consider that the set backs of life will certainly give you something greater and worthfull. Be courageous and have firm conviction in your inner strength, it will definitely guide you to your real position of your life. My mantra is to be more prayerful and faith full to our LORD.
Thank you for the essay and comments also.
David says
Thank you so much for the open letter, it’s very encouraging. It seems that nothing happens by accident, and that everything is planned and designed to work in helping others. I’m grateful to have been in similar situations.
The fact that you had that story of the phone call in the middle of the night and related it to someone who was in need was like an operator passing on phone calls. They’re simply there to help in making the connections and the person behind the scenes gets his work accomplished. I hope that we all get to develop that skill and become more like that. You’re a great sample of optimism with all your positive input.
Thanks again. Hugs.