Look around, and be thankful right now. For your health, your family, your friends, and your home… Nothing lasts forever.
There’s a little ritual Angel and I practice every day that can turn hard days into easier ones, and extremely difficult life situations into far better ones. And it won’t surprise you either. It’s gratitude.
While a gratitude ritual is a simple and fundamental tool, it’s something most of us forget to practice. But when we do practice, it can quickly transform both our minds and our lives. Let me give you a quick example…
Many moons ago, I remember one specific night I was struggling with grief and feeling very stressed about work — I was feeling unhappy with the direction of my life and the recent events in it. But that night I also encouraged myself to put things into perspective. I wrote down a list of everything I was truly grateful for, even as everything in my life seemed to be going wrong. It ended up being a pretty long list, and I still have the list hanging on my home office bulletin board today. The first few points on the list include:
- I am married to Angel — a beautiful, loving, encouraging person.
- I have a relatively healthy body.
- I have a roof over my head.
- I have loving parents who are still alive (still true today, but my dad’s health is failing).
- I have a few close friends.
- I have the ability to learn new things and grow.
- I can run at the beach at sunset (at the time we lived in San Diego, walking distance to the ocean).
- I can taste delicious home-cooked food (Angel is a pretty darn good cook).
And the list keeps going, but you get the gist. The little yet marvelous things I was taking for granted every day were now in black and white right in front of me. The hard times I was struggling to cope with didn’t suddenly vanish, but things were put into better perspective. I was no longer focusing only on the hard times with tunnel vision, but instead broadening my focus into the periphery of my life where a whole list of amazing things existed that could nurture my inner spirit.
Yes, there were and are incredibly painful parts of my life, and it’s OK to feel the pain they bring. But it’s also important that I remember the rest of my life too, and to also remember that even the painful experiences make life as intricate and remarkable as it is. Life would be impossible without challenges. There is no happiness without some sadness — one requires the other.
The makeover of my mindset and how I felt about my life in that moment, on that really hard night, was extraordinary. And it all stemmed from going back to the fundamentals — I found some gratitude.
I’ve used this same process dozens of times since that night, and it continues to make a world of difference:
- When someone upsets me, I try to find one thing about them I’m grateful for.
- When I catch myself procrastinating on a task, I look at why I’m grateful for an opportunity to complete the task.
- When I get sick or injure my body, I focus on how grateful I am to be alive and able to heal.
- When I lose someone I love, I grieve, but I am also grateful for the time and experiences I shared with them.
- When something negative happens with the work I do, I remember to be grateful for the ability to work and serve others, and that these challenges allow me to grow wiser.
- When someone doesn’t like me, or judges me unfairly, I do my best to be grateful that they care enough to even pay me some attention. Attention is time, and time is a gift.
The bottom line is that the art of being grateful on hard days starts with you. And make no mistake about it: the secret to being grateful is no secret. You choose to be grateful. Then you do it again and again. If you forget, begin again.
A few minutes per day spent journaling a gratitude list, or just reflecting on what you’re grateful for at the moment, can change your life. Do it every morning or evening by setting a reminder alarm if you must, and see how it affects you.
Don’t rush through it either — don’t do it carelessly. Really try to make space and feel genuine gratitude in your heart and mind for everything you list. Focus on the little miracles in your life. And appreciate all your progress too. You’ve been through a lot, but you’ve grown through the ups and downs. Give yourself credit and gratitude for your resilience, and how far you’ve come.
Now it’s your turn…
Please let me know…
Which point mentioned above resonates with you the most today, and why?
Anything else to share?
Angel and I would love to hear from YOU in the comments sections below.
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Diana Bellan says
Our 28 year old daughter, the youngest of three, died in November, 2021.
I have found it extremely challenging to live with my grief. Yet, as I read your gratitude list, I agree and I realize that there is still much that I can be grateful for, and that I must focus on those things for the sake of my husband and two daughters who need me to be my best.
Thank you for acknowledging that life can throw extraordinarily painful challenges at us but that there are ways to cope and perhaps by doing so, indirectly help others in similar situations.
Ali Dorey says
Diana, I think you are amazing and definitely an inspiration. I have now resolved to do this practice each day! Sending you much love & many blessings for your life.
Javaid Abbasi says
You are a gifted and mentally a very strong woman to have that kind of an attitude. I am truly impressed and proud of you. May God bless you and your entire family including the daughter you have lost and make you and your family even stronger both mentally and physically! I couldn’t have done it, not many people could have either! I lost my loving, my beautiful wife – my other half, my best friend and my soulmate – to a little over a year and a half ago and I am still struggling very badly.
Maree Portlock says
Feeling for you so much losing your beloved wife. I fear my husband ever going before me, and can’t imagine the pain I would feel, losing my husband or one of my two adult daughters. My parents passed years ago, and soon one of my two brothers that I only have (no sisters), is about to pass from Alzheimers and his poor wife continues to visit him through the very long sad drawn out process in hospital. My other younger brother, husband and I are guardians for him since his car accident years ago, as he suffered a brain injury after a car accident but lives a good life having lovely carers, and a poodle named Lulu. I am now reminded to fill out a Gratefulness list even for the smallest thing I can find, and write it out each evening, and to also encourage others to do so. It truly has made a difference to how I have felt when done this in the past. Plus, when seeing someone without a smile, give them mine also and chatting briefly to them, if feel they look lonely. Bless you Javaid, and may one’s God (beliefs or no beliefs) give enough peace, strength and Gratefulness to fully live out the one short life we have been given, till we meet up with our loved ones on the other side one day. I am so Grateful my parents took me to church when I was a child. I wish I had taken my own children more, but at least through that I guess I learnt good morals to teach them, and so did my husband the same way. Take care.
MaryAnn says
I lost a job a little over a year ago. They told me my position was being eliminated which ended up not being true. I had been bullied on this job and probably should have left it years before. Even though I was let go, I had to stay there for three months in order to get my severance package. It was an odd situation and very stressful at times.
Though I had worked on dealing with those who bullied me and especially with my boss who was the architect of the bullying, I chose to find a way to be grateful. I was grateful that I learned so much from this person through my work experience and through dealing with her treatment of me which was often unfair and mean-spirited. I was thankful that I learned how to better stand up for myself; I was grateful for the job I had had for 10 years making a great salary. And grateful that it would now be on my resume. I was also grateful for the people I had met while I was there.
Though it was a challenge to find gratitude, once I did I realize how helpful it was in my dealing with everything that was transpiring. Since then I have started a much better job and tried to incorporate more gratitude into my life, so I needed this reminder to do it more often and maybe make a longer list. Thank you for that and all you do to remind us how to live a better life.
Susan says
WOW! You are an inspiration. I am grateful to have the chance to see this comment!
Angelcat47 says
I spent most of my life being a pessimist and decided one day, that it wasn’t serving me well. For several years now, I’ve said a gratitude prayer every night when I first get into bed. It has made a real difference in my life. I worry less and am more patient. And honestly, some days it hard to be grateful but I always find someone or something worth my gratitude.
Alex Tucker says
Gratitude is my shield, in a world full of swinging swords. That’s why I reinforce it every morning and every night! Thanks for this beautiful piece.
Jan says
Wow, Alex, I love that. Very poetic. I’ve included it in my quote book.
I view the world as a beautiful place and our brief time here a privilege. Experiencing the difficult times is a part of that beautiful, complicated package.
I lost my sister to cancer, and ultimately chose gratitude for our relationship and years together over bitterness over her loss, which would have focused on her death instead of her wonderful life. Death and loss are the sword, love, shared experience and gratitude the shield. Thank you for the metaphor.
Toni says
I recently shared your books and blog with a friend needing help. She is in the same place I was years ago when I found your work. So thankful that you continue to do what you do!
TB says
This was a really great read and reminder. I think alongside practicing gratitude, we should also get into the habit of repeating positive affirmations. Words have great power whether it is written down or spoken.
Another tip that works for me is to start replacing negative speech with positive speech. For example, if you and your friends have a bad habit of gossiping, when you are together speak to them about what you are grateful for and who you are grateful of. Replace negative words with good ones.
Ali Dorey says
Wow! Such a simple practice, really, yet another one that I’ve habitually put aside to ‘do later’. I think I deserve a gold medal for procrastination!! So, thank you Marc (& Angel) for this & thank you everyone above who has shared their insights. I’m definitely going to practice this each & every morn & night from now on, my ‘shield in a world full of swinging swords’. Genius.
Thank you from another brit over the pond, waving to you from the North Cornish coast!!
David says
– “When I catch myself procrastinating on a task, I look at why I’m grateful for a opportunity to complete the task.”
Well there’s just so much to be grateful for… good understanding friends around me, beautiful weather, viewing the future with optimism, a personal savior with whom I have developed a personal relationship, etc.. I’m on a word project which is taking a bit of research as there are different facets involved in getting it accomplished properly. Different things arise from day-to-day that distract me. So it’s a bit of a challenge. But I’m so grateful for everything that’s happening. I love to keep busy and accomplishing things that help others. There’s just a lot to be thankful for and I think I will write down a “gratitude attitude” list, for the rainy days. I’m certainly grateful for you and your essays. Hugs.
Vicki says
I am so grateful for your wonderful inspirational daily messages and for the brave folks who add to the inspiration with their motivational comments.
Ramji Yadav says
We are thankful for the inspirational essays written by Marc and Angel, at the same time we are thankful for the varied comments of avid readers. In fact we are thankful for everything which sustains us. We are thankful for the earth, air, water, sun and surroundings. We are thankful for being connected through technology. The reasons for being thankful are infinite, so where do you think our problems exists in this infinity. Be thankful for the problems and challenges, for these make us stronger, so be thankful to the persons who caused problems to us. In the end be thankful to your inner self, for it provides all the solutions of your problems if you connect with it in solitude. Therefore, be thankful for the aloneness also.
Paul Daniel says
Paul (from Australia). If you have a roof over your head, running water from a tap, & food in your belly you are in the top 10% of the richest people in the world! Attitude of gratitude works EVERY TIME. Thanks for the reminder.
Sanchari Mukherjee says
I have been practicing gratitude and things are becoming better. I have become much calmer, more peaceful and consider any situation which I cannot control as a challenge to draw a lesson from. I’m a work in progress.
Gerry Tucker says
I am grateful that God is an important part of my life who guides me and opens doors so I can appreciate life’s riches. I am blessed and grateful for all that is in my life