10 Daily Habits that Often Drain 90 Percent of Our Happiness

It’s a new day. A new beginning. And things will change.

Tired of dealing with the same frustrations over and over and over again?

Then it’s likely time to purge some bad habits. Remember, you ultimately become what you repeatedly do. If your habits aren’t helping you, they’re hurting you. Here are some fairly common and widespread examples of the latter that will drain all your happiness if you let them:

1. Waiting for the perfect moment to take the next step.

Don’t buy into the myth of the perfect moment. Moments aren’t perfect, they’re what you make of them. So many people wait around for the stars to align to do what they’re here to do. The perfect moment, the perfect opportunity, the perfect state of being, etc. Wake up! Don’t “wait” away the vast majority of your life! Remind yourself that too many people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness. And you don’t be one of them. Ultimately, you will come to succeed not by finding a perfect moment, but by learning to see and use life’s imperfections as stepping stones.

2. Resisting life’s inevitable and necessary changes.

Change is constant, but growth is optional. Remain stuck, or learn and grow. And yes growth can be painful. Change can be painful. But in the end nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you do not belong. Where you ultimately end up is dependent on your daily attitude and response. And it’s never too late to change your attitude about something you can’t fully change. Try to use frustration and inconvenience to motivate you rather than annoy you. You are in control of the way you look at life. Remind yourself that inner peace and growth comes with letting go of what you assume your journey is supposed to be like right now, and sincerely appreciating it for everything that it is, and then making the best of it.

3. Sticking only with what you already know.

Life’s richness does not come from always residing within familiar and comfortable territory. Find ways to provide a healthy challenge to your current understanding of life, and you will discover and experience far more of life’s magic in the days and weeks ahead. Build friendships with people who aren’t your age. Spend time around those whose first language isn’t English. Get to know someone who doesn’t come from the same social class. Listen. Be humble and teachable. This is how you learn and grow. This is how you see the world.

4. Focusing on everyone’s story except your own.

Don’t be so satisfied with the success stories of others and how things have gone for them that you forget to write your own. And don’t compare your Chapter 1 to someone else’s Chapter 15. Unfold your own tale and bring it to life. You have everything you need to become what you are capable of becoming. Incredible change happens when you decide to take control. This means consuming less and creating more. It means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and deciding for you. It means learning to respect yourself and to write your passage. If you want your life to soar to new heights, you’ve got to clear a path, reduce the time-sinks weighing you down, and pick up the things that give you wings. Keep your best wishes and your biggest goals close to your heart and dedicate time to them every day.

5. Letting others define what’s possible for you and your life.

Some people will destroy you over time if you let them, and how they’ll destroy you is with seemingly harmless phrases like, “Be realistic.” When this happens, tune them out and listen to your inner wisdom instead. You can’t always be agreeable with everyone. That’s how people take advantage of you, and that’s how you lose track of your priorities. Sometimes you just have to set clear boundaries. Sometimes disagreeing is vital to your goals, growth, and wellness. And remember that real success in life isn’t what others see, but how you feel inside about your own journey. It’s living your truth. So forget popularity! Focus on sincerity. Do what you do, not for an applause, but because it is what is right for you.

6. Wanting to be more right than everyone else.

Although boundaries are important, on the average day peace is often better than being right. You really don’t need to attend every argument you’re invited to. So check yourself. When it’s suddenly more important to win arguments than to love people, we need to start all over again with our priorities. In fact, sometimes we must choose to be wrong, not because we really are wrong, but because we value our relationship more than our pride.

7. Expecting to never lose anything (and resisting the reality of loss).

Look around, and be thankful right now. For your health, your family, your friends, and your home… Nothing lasts forever. Life is changing. And although it’s incredibly tough to comprehend at times, there’s a reason for everything. We must know the pain of loss, because if we never knew it, we would have little compassion for others and we would become stuck-up monsters of egoism — creatures of sheer self-interest, never being happy with what we have. The awful pain of loss teaches humility to our prideful kind, has the power to warm-up a cold heart, and make an even better person out of a good one. So remember that no book is just one chapter. No chapter tells the whole story. No hardship defines who you are. Give yourself time and grace, but keep turning the pages that need to be turned.

8. Endlessly refusing to forgive yourself.

Forgive yourself for the bad decisions you’ve made in the past, for the times you lacked understanding, for the choices that accidentally hurt others and yourself. Forgive yourself, for being young and reckless. These are all vital lessons. And what matters most right now is your willingness to grow from them. (Note: Angel and I discuss this further in the Adversity chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

9. Relying on, or expecting too much from, the wrong people.

Don’t lower your standards or boundaries, but remember that easing your expectations of others is the best way to avoid being disappointed by them, again and again. Some people will never understand or even try to, and it’s not your job to teach or change them. Prioritize your peace today. And sadly, sometimes that might mean you have to distance yourself from someone for awhile — not because you don’t care, but because they don’t. Forgiveness is important, but when someone hurts you time and time again, seemingly on purpose, you have to accept the fact that they aren’t worth your investment of time and energy. So create space for yourself and dedicate your time and energy to rediscovering some your happiness and peace of mind.

10. Being too self-absorbed to practice kindness.

Perhaps this one is the flip-side to the previous point above. As long as the people around you aren’t relentlessly toxic to you, make it a point to be kind. Right now, right here, in your own life, in whatever way you can… Just be kind. There’s so much going on that we can’t solve — so many people we can’t help. But your kindness can make a significant difference, in your own life above all, and in the lives you touch. Truly, there’s no exercise better for your heart and happiness than reaching down and lifting people up.

An Exercise for Building Better Daily Habits

If you feel a like you’ve generally wasted too much of your time or happiness on one or more of the points above, this quick actionable closing exercise is for YOU.

Choose any area in your life that you want to improve, and then:

1. Write down the specific details about your current circumstances. (What’s bothering you? Where are you stuck? What do you want to change?)
2. Write down your answer to this question: What are the daily habits that have contributed to your current circumstances? (Be honest with yourself. What are you doing regularly that actually contributes to the situation you’re in?)
3. Write down a few specific details about the “better circumstances” you’d like to create for yourself. (What would make you happy? What does an improved situation look like for you?)
4. Write down your answer to this question: What are the daily habits that will get you from where you are to where you want to be? (Think about it. What small daily steps will help you gradually move forward from point A to point B?)

Now it’s your turn…

Yes, it’s your turn to not fall back into your old patterns of living today simply because they’re more comfortable and easier to access. It’s your turn to remember that you’re leaving certain habits and situations behind for a reason: to improve your life — because you can’t move forward if you keep going back. And it’s undoubtedly your turn to reclaim some of your happiness and make your time count going forward!

But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂

Which one of the points above resonated the most today?

Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.

Photo by: Marcus