The truth is not something outside to be discovered, it is something inside you to be realized.
This short article was inspired by an email we received today from a reader of our work:
Dear Marc and Angel,
I’m in my early forties and facing a troubling reality. I’m a nurse by profession and literally spend 90% of my time every day reaching out and helping others who need a hand, but somehow I’ve completely neglected myself in the process, and I’m feeling the pain for doing so. I feel like a siren has sounded inside my mind that I just haven’t responded to. I’m often anxious and miserable, especially on my days off. What should I do? How do I motivate myself during these hard times? Any insight at all would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
A Concerned Reader
Our reply (an open reply to those who never prioritize themselves):
Dear Concerned Reader,
Once upon a time, many moons ago, there was a village of people who lived in handcrafted wood houses. And like other villages in this era, fires were a very real and present danger at all times. One small flame could burn the whole village into ashes within a few short hours. So the villagers developed a clever fire fighting system.
A rotating group of volunteers kept watch over the village from a lookout tower at all times, day and night. At the first sight of smoke, a volunteer would turn on a loud siren that was only ever sounded when warning the villagers about a fire.
The moment the siren sounded, all villagers would drop everything and run to a pre-assigned location for firefighting.
Young, strong men and women would pump water as fast as possible from the village wells, teenage boys and girls would fill big buckets with water as it was pumped up from the well, and all the rest of the villagers would occupy designated locations and ultimately form human chains leading from the wells to the fire. The bravest men and women would stand next to the fire and heave buckets of water until the fire was extinguished.
One day a traveler from a distant village heard the siren and asked someone on the street about it. The woman he asked — who was rushing toward her designated location — quickly explained, “Whenever there’s a fire, the siren is sounded and the fire is extinguished!”
The traveler was amazed, and decided to bring this remarkable siren technology back to his own village, which also had dreadful problems with fires. Days later, he returned to his village with a siren that perfectly matched the one he witnessed in action on the lookout tower. He gathered all his villagers together and he said, “You don’t need to fear fire anymore, my friends. I have found a new way to extinguish it. Watch closely, and I shall demonstrate.”
The traveler lit a large bale of hay on fire that was sitting next to his own cottage. The flames quickly began to spread closer and closer to his home. Then he took out the siren he’d acquired and sounded it. The fire only grew in its intensity, so he sounded it again. The fire continued to grow rapidly.
“Just be patient, everyone! It should happen any moment now…”
In a panic he sounded the siren again and again, but still the fire grew and blazed with even more intensity. Within hours the entire village burned down to the ground… because, of course, the traveler had misunderstood the purpose of the siren. It wasn’t used to put out fires. It was simply a signal that directed the villagers to take positive action.
REMEMBER:
There’s a lookout tower in your life too. In that lookout tower, the siren has sounded.
If you continue to do nothing when you hear the siren, your life, in many ways, will ultimately burn to the ground (dramatic and true). For a siren extinguishes no fires on its own. But if you listen to the siren and let it motivate you to take positive action, you can save your own life… and create a sense of purpose, peace, and resolve for yourself and those who depend on you.
The steps you need to take next won’t be easy, but they will be worth it. You will be one of the strong ones who know what it takes to fight and extinguish even the hottest fires that burn from within.
Truth be told, sometimes we have to learn (or re-learn) to be our own best friends, because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies. We love the idea of being loved and listened to by others, but we forget to love and listen to ourselves.
It’s time to stop putting yourself last.
It’s time to start making yourself a priority!
Challenge yourself to listen to what your heart and mind is telling you.
Sincerely,
Marc and Angel
Afterthoughts… on making yourself a priority
Resisting and ignoring your own feelings and emotions does not serve you. It can lead to stress, confusion, broken relationships, fits of anger, and bouts of depression. And when you’re in the habit of self-neglect, it’s nearly impossible to escape.
So refuse to ignore your inner siren any longer. Refuse to neglect yourself. Choose to take up lot of space in your own life. Choose to give yourself permission to meet your own needs. Choose to honor your feelings and emotions. Choose to make self-care a top priority…
Choose yourself!
Here are a few simple ways to choose yourself today:
- Give yourself a break when you need one. – Show yourself some love by realizing that you can’t do everything for everybody in every situation. Do what you can, and do it with a joyful heart. Then breathe and give yourself space to recover. Make sure to refill your bucket on a regular basis. That means catching your breath, finding quiet solitude, focusing your attention inward, making time for fun and laughter, eating healthy enough to maintain peak energy levels, and otherwise making time for recovery from the pressures of life. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Self-Love chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
- Listen to your intuition and be honest with yourself. – We cannot speak with integrity about a lifestyle we are not living. We don’t need more dazzling storytellers — we need more genuine ones. Listen to that inner voice. Self-confidence comes from knowing that what you’re doing is right, and that what you’re doing is right for YOU too. Create a life that feels good on the inside, not one that just looks good on the outside to everybody else.
- Work on things that make you happy. – There’s a big difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion. Life is too short. Invest in the activities (and relationships) you deeply care about. In the end, a good life is about making a good decision to do something every day that moves you. Care for yourself by doing things you care about! It’s a matter of realizing that there’s nothing selfish about self-care. Because we can’t give what we don’t have. You have to give to yourself before you can be truly life-giving to others. Build positive daily rituals that support your happiness.
The bottom line is: People will come and go. Events will come and go. Day and night will come and go. But a sincere respect for yourself will remain with you, if you nurture it.
So put these things on your TO-DO list today (and tie them to the points above):
- Spend time doing things that help you love yourself more.
- Spend time thinking about things that help you love yourself more.
- Spend time with people who help you love yourself more.
Repeat tomorrow.
Your turn…
If you’re feeling up to it, we would love to hear from YOU.
Which point mentioned above resonates with you the most today, and why?
(Or tell us: What has the siren in your life been trying to tell you?)
Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Photos by: Danie Franco and Rafael Zwiegincew via Getty Images
Rachel says
Marc and Angel, I love the story. It certainly adds some interesting perspective to the points that follow it. For me it’s been about your point #1. Last summer I knew something was wrong. I was exhausted every single day and as grumpy as I’ve ever been. My attitude was having an effect on my family and it wasn’t good. I forget exactly what I was searching for, but I found your blog and eventually enrolled in your happiness course with combined coaching. What you’ve helped me discover is that I’m not an unhappy person, just a relatively happy person who had the unhappy daily rituals. I’ve really learned to me more intentional about my time and focus.
I appreciate your assistance and the reminders you’ve written in this post.
Best,
Rachel
Kat says
Ten years ago I refused to listen to my inner siren and I had a breakdown through overworking and feeling my life had no direction or purpose. Luckily my family took me in and supported me while I recovered. I stopped trying so hard to ‘find myself’ and just gave myself a break and listened to what I needed, I was too exhausted to think, so I did something nice that I enjoyed, that I hadn’t done for ages, I painted. That something nice turned into a career over time, I am now an artist and I do a little bit nursing to help me get by while I build my career, which I can do now knowing that its not my ‘everything’. I don’t feel the guilt I felt in the hospital before when I ‘helped’ people even though I had nothing to give at the time, now I give and feel grateful for everything I have, I think it makes me a better nurse too. Thanks Marc and Angel for keeping me centred on my journey, steadying me on tough days and reminding me how far I have come.
petra says
Excellent storytelling, and I deeply connect with the idea of listening to our inner sirens when they sound. Too often we ignore what our own hearts and bodies are telling us. Thank you for this short post! And thank you for your book too–I reference it often when I need a little positive mental shift.
Natalie Jennings says
Thank you for dropping this post in my inbox! Listening to ourselves and accepting ourselves is so vital. I’ve been lost a time or two in life, and I’ve found my way back by giving myself the love and respect I often search for from others. And doing so certainly entails the three topics you’ve mentioned below the story.
Gary says
I liked the story overall, but what really affected me was Afterthought #2. I have a friend who consistently lies to herself, and I can see that she is hurting pretty badly because of it. In fact, I’ve had to take a break from her. I wish I could help, but some wisdom can’t be passed from person to person; sometimes we all must find it on our own.
Anyway, I enjoy your interesting perspectives. Thanks again.
Sara says
This is exactly what I needed to hear today, thank you. I’ve been struggling with doing everything for everyone else, and feeling guilty when I want to take some time for myself. I realised this weekend that I was effectively putting my own life on a back burner because I was too busy helping family deal with their lives. I love them and I want to be there for them, but what you said has really resonated. I need to love myself too, and sometimes that will mean I have to accept I cannot do everything for everyone else.
sini says
Dear Marc and Angel,
This is an excellent reminder for people who forget to live for themselves. I too am a nurse in my 40s and experiencing the same feeling of the of above mentioned nurse. This world can give only bitter experiences after absorbing our goodness. It is really hard to find peace , when facing such betrayal. So I am trying to understand that selfish ness is an essential component to be successful in this earth. First self , then others.
Erik'Deron says
Wow wow wow what an on time inbox message. It’s just on time and it has hit the nail on the head, Marc! You can have such a way with words I almost feel as if I’ve written them myself. I am at this moment coming to the reality of self love. I have tried over and over again to be all what I thought others needed and yet I’ve recognize that I can’t get back the years I was lost and looking for love and care but most importantly I was not giving it to myself. I’m so done with the hurt others has left in my life the pain caused to me by me is just unbelievable. At this moment I choose Me thanks a great deal for this valuable gem of wisdom and truth .May you continue to be to an inspiration and sound voice for all those who may be in the wilderness looking for the safe haven.
Peace&Blessings
Stan says
I used to help others and put aside my own needs until I ended up being criticized by the very people I helped for neglecting my own things. When I finally woke up to this, and started making time to take care of my things, I was criticized again for not putting aside my needs to put them first. ( A real no win situation for me!)
I still help others, but I have learned there is a limit to how much I should help them, and how much I should let them help themselves. They may not like it, but they do adjust. Now that there is more of a balance in my life, I am much happier. There are just times we shouldn’t feel guilty about taking care of our own needs.
Ann says
I can attest to the fact that the profession of nursing can suck the life right out of you if you let it. I have been a nurse for 25 years and have almost thrown in the towel several times. Besides wrecking my shoulders and knees, nursing has also taken its toll on my ability to regularly get good sleep. I wised up this year and got a job outside the hospital. I quit killing myself. I decided my life and health were more important. I now take time for myself every week. I stopped trying to please everyone else. I write, I read, I enjoy my passions and hobbies, I spend time with friends. Laughter and fun is crucial in life. Don’t neglect yourself. Nurses are people pleasers – please yourself first, before it’s too late!
Charlene B says
Work on things that make you happy. – There’s a big difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion. Life is too short…
that summed it up in a nutshell for me… so much so that those words “There’s a BIG difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion ” will find their way to my quote board today!!!
So simple and oh so true!
Press Tebu says
Excellent storytelling, Marc, and I deeply connect with the idea of listening to our inner sirens when they sound. Too often we ignore what our own hearts and bodies are telling us. Thank you for this short post! And thank you for your 1000 little things book too–I reference it often when I need a little positive inner shift.
PK says
Sometimes wisdom finds you when you need it most. Thanks so much for this perspective. I’ve been struggling with talking to a family member who has moved onto my couch with his two dogs without really asking, and seems content on staying indefinitely. I have been a stressed out wreck because my entire day-to-day life has changed to accommodate him. It’s only been a week, but this would have kept on until I snapped and kicked him out, probably many weeks from. Then I would have felt guilt-ridden for being selfish and emotional. I’m going to take action now, and save myself the agony and stress.
Barbara says
Powerful words that will take great strength to follow. I hear the siren. My inner voice is telling me to stop and re-evaluate my relationship but it is very hard to be honest with one’s self. For to be honest may mean to walk away and leave behind the one person who I thought would save me. Yet if I am honest with myself I would acknowledge that I am losing my self respect just trying to stay. Thank you Marc and Angel for making me take a hard look at myself.
Ramji Yadav says
What I have felt about a siren is: it’s a survival instinct not just a feeling of being hungry. It will keep coming until you respond with action, what it wants to be done. It comes from deep within your heart and soul and is for overall good, it solves our pressing problems we are currently in, so we should honour it. Thanks Mr Marc for illustrating it with so interesting story.
David Cleroux says
Just went through some excess pressure about finding a new abode. I took it upon myself to find the emergency exit ramp and accomplish that ASAP when the siren went off and I found myself trying to do something I was incapable of doing right now with my limited vision. My lesson learned, is that I simply need to trust that all things will work out without me getting in all riled up feeling I have to get things done PRONTO and realizing that I’ve only gotten in the way. Trusting brings that peace of mind and heart, and sometimes it is a matter of faith and trust.
Bebe says
Ahhh, synchronicity! Last night was the last of cleaning out my apt. To move to new place. Am so happy and grateful! People used to expect me to be their case worker, problem solver, social wor k er, caregiver, spiritual adviser, interpreter, and help them with whatever they needed unpaid crisis mgmt. As seniors, we do have a lot of challengers and sadly the people who were paid to help them for whatever reason did not. A real hurricane is passing our islands and the wind is quite strong. To me, it feels like it’s gratefully blowing any troubles away, and I am safe to be in a space where I can appreciate and enjoy some
well deserved self care. I am so grateful!
Michele says
They all resonate with me, but a new one came to mind. Always listen to that still small voice you hear within you.
Abby says
This is interesting. Loving oneself is the best of all.
Thank you
IRN says
Thank you for this. This is timely for what I am going through. Right now, what I need is space and just time for myself away from stressors. A me-time is a gift I can give myself.