“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”
— Albert Einstein
Mental strength is incredibly important. Take care of your mind and the way you speak to yourself. Don’t let negative self-talk weaken you today.
You do know you talk to yourself in your mind all the time, right?
Pretty much every one of us has a non-stop stream of thoughts — an inner self-talk — that has a powerful impact on how we feel, how we behave, and how we live our lives. Too often, though, this self-talk consists of unhelpful thoughts that drain our inner peace and overall effectiveness.
Which is why it’s time for all of us to stop thinking about…
1. What we fear.
As Franklin D. Roosevelt so profoundly said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” And the reason your fears have so much power over you is simply because you give them this power by thinking about them. It’s time to take a stand. It’s time to acknowledge that your fear of grief is far worse than the grief you fear.
Remember, peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no chaos, trouble, or hard realities to potentially deal with. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still remain mentally, emotionally, and physically centered.
So be selective with your energy. If you can fix a problem, fix it. If you can’t, then accept it and change your thoughts about it. Whatever you do, don’t attempt to invest more energy than you have, tripping over something behind you or something that only exists inside your head.
2. Old mistakes.
No life story is one chapter long. No chapter tells the whole tale. No mistake defines who you are. Keep turning the pages that need to be turned.
Think of all the hundreds of little steps and missteps and chances and coincidences that have brought you here. In a way it feels like the biggest miracle in the world, doesn’t it? Keep this in mind, and meditate on the fact that you are a work in progress, and every great success requires some kind of struggle to get there.
So forgive yourself for the bad decisions you made, for the times you lacked understanding, for the choices that hurt others and yourself. Forgive yourself, for being young and reckless. These are all vital lessons. And what matters most right now is your willingness to grow from them.
3. Who everyone else wants us to be.
You were born to be YOU, not who they tell you to be. You are not here to be perfect; you are here to be true. Be gentle and kind to your heart and soul. Accept who you are, where you are, and where you came from.
Don’t make a decision based solely on popularity, or based on what others think is right for you. Just because others are doing something doesn’t mean it’s the best choice for you. Focus on sincerity. Do what you do, not for an applause, but because it is what is right for you.
Listen to your gut. Now is the moment to follow your intuition and pursue what matters most to you. Reach deep within yourself and awaken to the purpose that moves you and makes you feel alive. The world is filled with opportunities to do an infinite number of things, so why not align your efforts with the activities that speak to your soul.
4. What we don’t have.
Instead of thanking the heavens for two strong legs and a body that’s capable of running and jumping and dancing, lots of people complain about their weight and appearance. Instead of being grateful for the roof they have over their heads, lots of people wish they had a larger house and a fancier car. Don’t be one of these people.
The trick is to give a little thanks. Don’t wish away all your days waiting for better ones ahead. Just appreciate where you are and what you DO have. You’ve come a long way, and you’re still learning and growing. Be thankful for the lessons. Take them and make the best of things right now.
5. Old wounds.
You will grow much stronger and find more peace once you stop picking at your old wounds. Consciously replaying a painful memory over and over in your head is self-abuse. Your past has given you the strength and awareness you have today. Don’t let it haunt you. Allow it to guide you…
Your wounds are your wisdom. Let them heal. Let them scar. In order for this to occur, you must know why you felt the way you did, what you learned from it, and why you no longer need to feel that way. It’s about accepting the past, letting it be, and pushing your spirit forward.
And remember that embracing your light doesn’t mean ignoring your dark. We are measured by our ability to overcome adversities, not avoid them. (Note: Angel and I discuss this extensively in the Adversity chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
6. Impressing the wrong people.
You could spend your entire life trying to impress everyone around you. Of course, it wouldn’t get you very far. Because purposely impressing the masses is an act that brings nothing but a fleeting ego boost.
Be real instead. Connect with fewer people on a level that is deeper and more profound.
And if you want to impress someone, impress yourself by making progress on something you’re sincerely proud of. It’s truly amazing what you can accomplish when you aren’t so worried about what everyone around you thinks.
7. Important goals and dreams we aren’t actively pursuing.
The road of life is jam packed with goals and dreams that aren’t going anywhere. Why? Because the people driving haven’t started their engines. So many people endlessly put off until tomorrow what they could do today. There are literally millions of intelligent people in this world who have no plan at all, who wait for others to drive and steer their lives and their dreams for them.
So just remind yourself that having a goal or a dream without an action plan is exactly like a beautiful sports car without an engine. You know what she could do if she could do it, but she can’t. You have to turn your dream into an actionable plan and then start driving it forward.
And as you struggle forward in the days ahead, remember, it is far better to be exhausted from lots of effort, learning and growth, than it is to be tired of doing absolutely nothing.
8. The daunting aerial view of big projects.
An aerial view of a big project always looks daunting. But once you break it down into small parts, suddenly it’s no longer a big, impossible project. It’s simply a bunch of little, achievable ones.
The key is to subdivide a big project into smaller tasks and break each task down further into logical steps for each task. Thinking about the big picture is important on occasion to keep track of your progress, but on a daily basis you should be focused only on the step you’re taking at the time.
The toughest part is laying out what you actually have to do to get each task done, but it’s worth the time and effort. By thinking about it, and breaking it down, you’ve already accomplished the hardest part — you’ve built yourself a step-by-step instruction manual for getting the project completed. (Read “Getting Things Done”.)
9. Situations we have zero control over.
Some parts of your life are simply meant to be lived, not controlled. No matter what happens, no matter the outcome, you’re going to be just fine. Let the things you can’t control, happen.
Ultimately, your struggles are helping you grow in ways you can’t imagine. It might be hard to see right now, but one day you’ll look back and realize things had to happen the way they did to get you to where you are. Trust that today’s challenges will be responsible for your future growth.
And remember that the goal is to change your response to what you can’t control. To grow so strong on the inside that almost nothing on the outside can affect your inner wellness without your conscious permission.
10. Another time and place.
Sometimes we avoid experiencing exactly where we are because we have developed a belief, based on past experiences and external influences, that it is not where we should be or want to be. But the truth is, where you are now is exactly where you need to be…
The present moment is always a new beginning. But a “new beginning” means nothing if you’re still in love with your comfort zone. Know this. Don’t live the same day 30,000 times and call it a life. Growth begins now, at the end of your comfort zone. Dream. Attempt. Explore. This moment can take you in any direction you want to go.
It’s your turn to think better and live better…
I sincerely hope you will join Angel and me in keeping the points and principles in this post at the top of your mind, today and in the days ahead. 🙂
But before you go, please let us know:
- Which point or principle above resonates the most right now and why?
Leave a comment below and share your thoughts with us.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Vincent says
Your list pretty much hits it right on for most people. Impressing the wrong people is definitely my worst thought that runs through my head too often. It influences my actions and makes me wear a mask.
I’m not sure why I set out to impress others when really, like you said, I should be impressing myself! I think I need to be like Maneesh Sethi and hire someone on CraigsList to slap me. Except I’ll have this person slap me whenever I have the thought to impress others. Then again, that would require a ton of honesty from my part in telling this person when the thought occurs.
Marci says
Good list. I would also add: Thinking you know everything you need to know. I struggle with this sometimes and I try to catch myself. By all means we all should be willing to learn new things every day.
Gaitiri says
The thought that keeps haunting me: If he likes me or not… The waiting that stops my world…. The negative thoughts about ‘what if’ he doesn’t??? That makes me tear up sometimes. It’s an issue, but the good things is I am learning from this feeling. I know I need to be confident and stop… I will overcome it.
Scott says
I find I often ask myself questions like: What is wrong with me? Why can’t I be loved? Why do I bring the same painful experiences into my life over and over again?
I know better and yet I still fall into the same patterns. Working on it though.
Donna M. Cox says
I’m working on it as well, I resonate with everything that everybody’s saying. Thank you guys so much for sharing
Patti says
Having recently turned 50 with quite a few personal and professional successes behind me, I’m almost embarrassed to admit that I often find myself asking, “Is this all there is?”
Kim says
Thanks for ANOTHER great post. #10 Really hit home for me. I always play that game of waiting to be done with… this phase of my life, this degree, this year. Since reading the Power of Now and listening to Practicing The Power of Now (repeatedly) at least now I am more aware and am creating more self-awareness in all areas of my life. I have a card hanging in my home that says – you are exactly where you need to be – it serves as a great daily reminder!
Thanks again.
Helen says
One of the things that I think about and tell myself is that the things going on in my life (the good things) are too big and wonderful for me. It’s a disbelief in my ability to have achieved what I have and doubts on my capacity to love and especially to be loved as I am. I recognize that this is the product of many times of worry and being let down sometimes and having very damaging internal and external messages periodically. We must change our thinking to appreciate the lives we have.
Andrea says
All of these points are so true. Dreaming without taking action has forever been an issue for me. I have always had a great imagination that has kept me so busy. I have finally learned to take a small step, one after another. I think that making a commitment to a course of action is most crucial because without that there is nothing. Thank you for this article.
Marié says
Old wounds – I never saw replaying painful memories as self-abuse. Thank you for this insight
ST says
Trying to please everybody and meet everyone’s expectation is draining me. Now I am getting tired and fed up of not living for me. I have made choice and decisions based on what I thought would make me look good in people’s eyes, what people want to see and I am telling you, at the end of the day there is nothing that frustrates you like struggling to please people. I love this article, every point speaks of me. The thing is will I take actions now? God help me.
Marie says
I constantly obsess about my husband. He’s not good about showing his love either emotionally or physically and I miss it terribly. I’m constantly asking myself if this relationship is the right one for me. We’ve been married almost 17 years and I know he loves me, but I can’t stop wondering what it is that I’m doing wrong or what is it about me that that’s turning him off that he doesn’t feel the need to show me. Why do men stop trying after their married? I wish I could stop thinking about it, but it just won’t get out of my head!
Ania says
Thank you for the post, as usual it’s right on point.
I keep thinking about how people that I thought were kind to me turn out to be leeches, and also how I never see they take advantage of me till it’s too late… I’m probably not very observant, but I need to work on it.
Kris says
I waste time fretting over whether I am making the right decisions about college and work. I stay stuck because I don’t know what is possible for me, and what is a waste of time and energy.
David says
“Remember, peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no chaos, trouble, or hard realities to potentially deal with. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still remain mentally, emotionally, and physically centered.”
You know the old saying that “it never rains but it pours”. It’s sometimes more the stress of a situation, a lot because of being on my own, than the mental fatigue. The good points of your essay is a helpful reminder and much appreciated. Thanks & hugs.
Brenda J Beden says
This article inspired me to define a goal I’ve had for several years. I got out a new spiral and finally stated that goal on paper. Towards the bottom of that page I wrote down 3 words you listed: Dream, Attempt, Explore. I titled a 2nd page ‘Action Plan’ but instead of listing steps, I copied some specific sentences that I’ll want to read again and again to cement the ideas into my thought processes. I realize I feel overwhelmed creating the Action Plan so things like “subdivide… into smaller tasks” and to “break each task down further into logical steps for each task” have resonated with me, helping me get started on how to create my Action Plan. There are a few other sentences I noted on the page, too. Lastly, I wrote “the present moment is always a new beginning”. You spoke the right words to me at the right time. Thank You!!
Kyeyune Martin says
Thank you very much. It’s really had a positive impact on me ever since i subscribed here. Lots of good ideas which are helpful. Much love from uganda.
Ramji Yadav says
“Listen to your gut. Now is the moment to follow your intuition and pursue what matters most to you. Reach deep within yourself and awaken to the purpose that moves you and makes you feel alive. The world is filled with opportunities to do an infinite number of things, so why not align your efforts with the activities that speak to your soul.”
These lines of this essay resonates me most today, as I have already said in my earlier comments that purpose automatically brings passion in your work. You get strength, energy and direction if you have aligned your efforts with the activities that speak to your soul, the other way around can be said the purpose prompted by the inner soul through your intuition.
Thanks Mr. Marc to explain this point in a very simple ways to our common understanding.
Christine says
So many of the items in your list reflect a lot of what my life is like.
You say to stop picking at the scars of things that have happened.
That’s so very hard to do. I know I cannot change the past, but there are some things that people have said that have hurt me deeply. They never apologized. I guess they didn’t think they had to. They are gone now, but the feelings of hurt are still there.
Also, I don’t have dreams for myself any more. I did have dreams and goals I wanted to achieve, but they never materalized. So I don’t feel that anything I dream of doing will never happen.