Life enlightens you gradually as you age. You realize how much nonsense you have wasted time and energy on. And you begin to understand what it means to let go.
Have you ever met Debbie Downer, Negative Nick or Pessimistic Pat? These people can be so entrenched in the bad that there isn’t any room left for good things to grow. They inhabit our families and social circles. It can be emotionally draining just being around them, and you must be careful because their attitudes are contagious. Negativity perpetuates itself, breeds dissatisfaction and clutters the mind. And when the mind is cluttered with negativity, peace and happiness are much harder to come by.
So here are 10 essential ways to defend yourself against negativity:
1. Don’t take other people’s negativity personally.
Most negative people behave negatively not just to you, but to everyone they interact with. What they say and do is mostly a projection of their own reality and their own attitude. Even when a situation seems personal, even if someone insults you directly, it oftentimes has less to do with you than it seems. So remind yourself as often as you must, the ability to not overreact, or take things too personally, keeps your mind clear, your heart at peace, and you fully composed in otherwise uncontrollable situations and circumstances. Calmness truly is a human superpower.
2. Spend more time with positive people.
You are the average of the people you spend the most time with. In other words, who you spend your time with has a great impact on the person you eventually become. If you are around cynical and negative people all the time, you will become more cynical and negative. Does who you are and who you want to be reflect in the company you keep? Start spending time with nice people who are smart, driven, and open-minded. Relationships should help you, not hurt you. Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be. Choose friends who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you — people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it.
3. Be the positivity you want to see in the world.
Lead by example. You can’t always save the world, but you can make the world a better place by practicing what you preach — by becoming self-aware, tapping into your compassion, and upholding a positive environment. Doing simple things like talking about little daily successes, good friendships, hobbies, and generally happy news, make for light conversations with negative people. Keep the conversations focused on optimistic areas the person can relate to. You can disarm their negativity, even if it’s just for a little while.
4. Change the way you respond.
The one thing nobody can take away from you is the way you choose to respond to what others say and do. The problem isn’t the events that are negative. The problem is often the way you react to those events. So remember that the last of your freedoms is to choose your attitude in any given circumstance. Complaining, blaming and criticizing aren’t going to change the situation. It’s not always easy to find peace within ourselves, but it’s always impossible to find it elsewhere. Regardless of the situation you face, your attitude is your choice. And you can’t have a positive life with a negative attitude. When negativity controls your thoughts, it limits your behavior, actions, and opportunities. If you realized how powerful your thoughts were, you would probably try to never think another negative thought again. (Read “Learned Optimism”.)
5. Focus on solutions.
Negative people have an endless supply of pity party invitations. Don’t RSVP. Oftentimes people use negativity as a barrier to protect themselves from the world, which in turn blocks them from solutions that could improve their life. So instead, identify solutions. Don’t dwell too much on what went wrong — focus on the next positive step. Spend your energy on moving forward toward a positive resolution. Truly, when you focus on solutions, by thinking and acting positively, sound becomes music, movement becomes dance, a smile becomes laughter, and life becomes more of a celebration.
6. Love whoever is around to be loved.
Practice acts of kindness. It’s a lot harder to be negative when you’re in the presence of love and kindness. Be that presence whenever possible. Let your guard down. Talk to someone you don’t know straight from your heart. Compliment them if it’s warranted. Don’t anticipate awkwardness. Just be you in that beautiful way only you know, and give them the chance to smile and connect with you. Sometimes a kind word and some attention from a new friend is all that’s needed to turn a negative attitude around.
7. Provide support when it makes sense.
Some people complain as a way of crying for help. They may not be conscious of it though, so their comments come across as negative complaints rather than requests. Show some concern. Just a simple “Are you okay?” or “Is there anything I can do to help you?” can work wonders. Resist the urge to judge or assume. It’s hard to offer compassion when you assume you have them figured out. So just let them know they are not alone. People often overcome the forces of negative emotions, like anger and hatred, when the counter-forces of love and support are in full effect.
8. Realize that life is a series of ups and downs.
Acknowledge the negativity, accept it, and then take a deep breath and let it pass through your consciousness, thereby teaching you a lesson but not ruining your day. Life is full of highs and lows, but you don’t have to go up and down with them. We develop from the negatives when we accept them and learn from them. This cycle is all part of the human experience. So relax, let go a little, and enjoy the ride. (Read “Stumbling on Happiness”.)
9. Focus on your growth.
Too often we carry around things from our past that hurt us — especially anger. But holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to be hurt. Realize this. Don’t let negativity from the past rob your present potential. When you look back on your past, do your very best to think of the knowledge and strength you have gained. Appreciate how far you have come. You have been through a lot, but you have grown a lot too. Give yourself credit where credit is due.
10. Let go and move on when you must.
Every time you subtract negative from your life, you make room for more positive. So if all else fails, remove yourself from the wrong situations and relationships. When someone shows you their true colors again and again, it’s best to believe them. Distancing yourself from their bad vibes and negative energy is self-care. Stepping back from situations where you are unappreciated or disrespected is self-care. Choose to honor your boundaries!
Now it’s your turn…
It isn’t easy to remain positive when negativity surrounds you, but remember that you have full control of your attitude. Think of it this way: An entire body of water the size of the Pacific Ocean can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, all the negativity in the world can’t bring you down unless you allow it to get inside your head. I hope you will use the reminders above to make the best of what lies ahead.
But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this list. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which one of the points above resonated the most today? What’s one hard thing you do that makes you happier?
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
JJ says
I appreciate this article. I need to find more positivity in my life, so this advice is helpful.
Vasudevan Iyengar says
Excellent article.
Natalie says
Excellent post! The one that resonates strongest with me is not taking other peoples’ negativity personally. People typically operate from where they are in their lives. It’s somethig I know but tend to forget in those heated moments.
Shari says
I enjoy reading your words of wisdom. It’s amazing how i was just talking about how negative and cruel some people can be…then i turn on my phone and here you are writing about just what i needed to hear!! Thank you!
Pato says
Thank you for the sentence: “An entire body of water the size of the Pacific Ocean can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship” It gives me courage to keep my smile when sometimes I find so much pain around me.
Rich Geisel says
It’s refreshing to spend time on a site that reminds us we are all human without any control over outcomes but with complete control of our decisions. It is not always easy to make the best decision for ourselves but that best decision is the one where we embrace the perfect creation we are in all our imperfection.
Tammi Walker says
What an awesome article. I am going to share it with my newsletter readers. We are in control. We should protect our space. Great work.
Matt says
Great read. #6 stood out as simply beautiful.
And I’m so happy to see you include the face that negative people aren’t evil. Often they’re decent people who are hurting badly. I find the common assumption is to avoid ‘negative energy,’ almost as a rule. But by doing this, aren’t we returning the sender’s own negative energy back to them or, at the least, leaving it to stay with them? I believe that if we are mindful, caring, and strong enough, we can acknowledge their reaching out and return positive energy, love, kind words, concern, open ears, etc. Refreshing writeup, thanks for this.
Jessica says
This piece really resonates with me, especially the part on letting go of negative people doesn’t mean that we hate them, it just means that we care more about our own well being. Sometimes, however hard we try to be nice to some people, they just do not make it easy for us to be friends with them. Instead of harbouring resentment at them and throwing criticisms back, it is better just to stay away and become a happier person and be with people who lift us up, rather than pull us down!
Cindy Walker says
I totally agree with you. I recently experienced having to cut a beloved Aunt out of my life. It was so hard to do but I had to. I tried to be positive with her and encourage her but she dragged me so far down emotionally that I finally had no choice to save myself from drowning further in her never-ending negativity. I also left my marriage for some of the same reasons but mostly his narcissistic attititude. Sometimes you just have to walk away
mayse says
Thank you so much for this blog Marc and Angel, you have made such a huge difference in my life with all these inspirational/motivational posts. Whenever I’m going through troubling times, I just come on here, and it brightens up my day. You have helped me through some of the hardest times in my life, I love this blog. Thanks again.
ani says
great article, marc and angel. i especially liked the part about the ship not sinking unless water gets inside. an awesome way of looking at the power of positive thinking.
Samicisco says
Thank you….I also really needed this today!! I have a close friend who is intent on convincing me that my relationship is just like her last failed one. I have been taking this ultra personally and now realize that this is her stuff and not mine. Her negativity and judgement of my situation was making me feel like suddenly my relationship was not a good one. You have helped me to see that my attitude is my choice….not hers. Thank you again : )
vernette says
Thank you for this post. I needed to hear/read/see #6 today. I stumbled upon this site quite by accident yesterday and I am so glad that I did.
Jennifer says
Thank you for this wonderful article. Sometimes sadness and anger (pain) of what’s happening on this beautiful planet overwhelms me. I get really negative and down and it ruins my days. I am looking to be free of this for a while now and I’m doing okay. Your article helps me even more, thank you so much, I will print it out and put it on my nightstand :))
With best wishes,
Jennifer
cheryl says
Thank you so much. I really needed this. It’s really hard when the negative person is your spouse and you feel like you’re always trying to help them see the positive and it never helps. In the end, I’m the one that ends up feeling more frustrated because I allow the negativity to bring me down. I need to focus more on how I handle his negativity and less on trying to to help him overcome it. I have to realize that’s not my job. That’s his. My job is my own well-being. Thanks again.
Ramji Yadav says
Yes, calmness is truly human superpower. You only need to have patience, if someone is going against you. His negativity will loose its power before your calmness and patience. Albeit he himself get frustrated, if you are not reacting and keeping a bit distance. Point number 10 best illustrates this practice: “Every time you subtract negative from your life, you make room for more positive. So if all else fails, remove yourself from the wrong situations and relationships. When someone shows you their true colors again and again, it’s best to believe them. Distancing yourself from their bad vibes and negative energy is self-care. Stepping back from situations where you are unappreciated or disrespected is self-care. Choose to honor your boundaries!” Other points are also important to save our energy from negativity and use it for the positive changes you want to see in the world. Thanks a lot Mr. Marc for this wonderful essay.
David Cleroux says
This is very good counsel on negativity. Personally I stay away from it like the plague that it is. No matter the decisions that I make, I’ve come to the conclusion that all things work together for good, as long as I “take it in stride”. I have to accept the credit or the blame for the events that take place in my decision making.
I’m working with someone with a negative attitude right now, that very problem. It looks like I’ll need diplomacy and patience with his irresponsible attitude. It’s really nice to have gotten the past counsel from you on organization and routines, because I believe that is exactly what is lacking in his life. Now I can patiently help him to gain some valuable insight into life itself.
Great counsel and greatly appreciated. Thank you. Hugs.
Sam says
Thank you for your amazing articles and daily reminders . They just make each day better . You too are amazing . Thank you for sharing x
Deborah says
Thank you so much for this wonderful article! I related to so much of it. I have a very negative family situation going on right now and it hurts, but reading your thoughts on negative people really put things in perspective for me and will help me concentrate on putting positive focus on myself instead of remaining buried in other people’s negative comments about me.