Marc and Angel Hack Life

This guest post was written by Nea, author of Self Improvement Saga.

A common misconception I’ve heard repeated over and over is that positive thinking depends on one’s ability to “fool the mind” into believing something is better than it actually is.  For those who hold this belief, positive thinking may seem like a bunch of hogwash.  After all, who wants to waste time with self-induced brainwashing?

If positive thinking was nothing more than a ploy to pull the wool over your own eyes, I wouldn’t bother.  But it is so much more.  So I want to share some facts about the value of deliberately guiding your thoughts and the best way to do so successfully.

What positive thinking is all about

Positive thinking means choosing thoughts that feel good rather than allowing outside elements to control the caliber of our thoughts.

It’s about choosing to look at life experiences from a pleasant perspective and harnessing our power to seize the best in any circumstance.

There are always flowers for those who want to see them.
- Henri Matisse

What positive thinking is not

Brainwashing is defined as “a forcible indoctrination to induce someone to give up basic political, social, or religious beliefs and attitudes and to accept contrasting regimented ideas.”

Unlike brainwashing, having a positive outlook should never make you feel like you’re forcing yourself to believe lies or to give up ideas that are important to you.  The purpose of positive thinking is not to distract you from the truth, but to refocus your attention on beautiful truths that you may often take for granted.

How to effectively apply positive thinking

Our lives are filled with a variety of experiences, circumstances, people and things.   Some trigger pleasing thoughts and feelings within us while others set off a downward spiral of negativity.

You may be wondering how positive thinking can be implemented when faced with something that is undeniably negative.  There are two basic options:  focus elsewhere or focus differently.

1.  Focus elsewhere when you’re able
Focusing elsewhere means you take your attention from the troubling subject to something that feels better.  There are times when this is clearly the best choice.  Here’s an example:

You’re with a group of people who are discussing political hot topics.  The discussion gets extremely heated as everyone defends their views on abortion, health care, prayer in schools, gay marriage, immigration and even President Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize win.

The tension gets high and the words get ugly.  You feel yourself becoming extremely angry and frustrated with some of the outrageous comments, personal jabs, senseless views and put downs.

In such a situation, you may simply decide not to be a part of the conversation.  Sure, others may take offense or respond negatively if you walk away.  So what!  What’s more important?  Doing what others think you should or doing what you know is best for you?

Bottom line:  If you can’t change the subject of discussion, just leave the room and find something else to do.  Your attention to political differences is unlikely to change someone else’s mind.  So, why bother with something unnecessarily distressing when you can put your focus and energy elsewhere?

2.  Focus differently when you can’t escape the situation
Although it’s not always possible to avoid an unpleasant experience, we can decide to bring our conscious awareness to a different aspect of it.  In other words, we can focus differently.

You don’t have to focus on the clouds just because it’s a rainy day.  You can focus on what the weather was like yesterday or on the day of your wedding or at some other time when you felt it was ideal.  You can even focus on the benefits of the rain and all the purposes it serves.  The flowers, grass and trees are surely pleased to have their thirst quenched.

If you lose your hearing, you can waste your life away feeling sad about the sounds that you’re missing out on.  Or you can celebrate the heightened state of your other senses.  You can appreciate and follow in the footsteps of Ludwig Beethoven, Marlee Matlin, Thomas Edison, Helen Keller and other famous hearing impaired people who achieved great success because they didn’t let their disabilities foil their outlook on the possibilities that lay before them.  Neither positive nor negative thoughts will spontaneously restore your hearing, but one type of thought leads to healthy living, while the other encourages endless misery.

A real world example of positive thinking

Positive thinking is most effective when you choose thoughts that your mind easily accepts as reasonable.  Hearing loss is a bit extreme, so how about a more practical example for using positive thinking in everyday life?

Let’s say your car breaks down.  It is unlikely that any thought will change the fact that the car isn’t working.  So while you could try to imagine that it’s running perfectly, it isn’t a very productive practice unless you have magical genie powers.

So as you put the key in the ignition and notice that the car won’t start, you can be angry, anxious and sad as you focus on how terrible it is that your car is broken.  You can gripe about the money it will cost, the time it will take, the inconvenience it will cause.  You can go on and on like this until you’ve taken on enough stress to raise your blood pressure to stroke level.  None of these thoughts will change the situation, but they will ensure that you feel horrible.

On the other hand, you could choose to think of the sexy (or skilled or nice) mechanic who will get you back on the road.  You can think of how reliable the car has been up to this point, the games you can play on your cell phone as you wait for a tow truck, or the funny hat that the lady is wearing in the car next to you.  None of this changes the fact that the car is not working, but at least you’re choosing to think in a way that is likely to attract an unexpected opportunity rather than a massive coronary.

Conclusion

You see, positive thinking is not about fooling yourself.  It’s about changing your outlook to a different side of reality.  As an avid believer in the Law of Attraction, I apply positive thinking to almost everything.  Notice I said almost, because I have my down-in-the-dumps moments like everyone else.

So, what about you? When you’re faced with something upsetting, do you find comfort in guiding your thoughts to a more positive outlook?  If not, why not?

Nea is the author of the Self Improvement Saga, a blog where she shares her passion for writing and personal development.  Her goal is to help others manifest improvements in both their daily lives and relationships.  If you enjoyed this post then consider subscribing to her RSS feed.

Photo by: Tourist on Earth

This morning I was writing at my favorite coffee shop when a cute Latin woman with big, bright eyes and rosy cheeks sat down at the table across from me.  She pulled a sketch book out of her backpack and began looking around the room.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her look in my direction, study my posture, smile, and begin sketching.

We sat there next to each other for nearly three hours while she sketched and I wrote.  And as I shifted back and forth, engrossed in thought, I felt a bit self-conscious.  Because I could feel her watching me as she practiced her art.

But I wasn’t too worried because I hadn’t planned on talking to her.  After all, she seemed completely satisfied sketching in silence, and smiling at her sketches and at all of the other people who surrounded us.  I did, however, glance up a few times just to see her smile.  Because her smile expressed a kind of passion I seldom see.

All of the World’s Beauty

A few moments later another customer came into the coffee shop and let a gust of wind in the front door.  The wind blew a completed sketch right off of the Latin woman’s table and onto the floor in front of me.  The sketch was rather amazing.  It perfectly depicted a man who looked a lot like me typing on a laptop computer.

I looked up at the Latin woman and smiled.  “Who’s that sharp-looking guy?”

She giggled and rolled her eyes.  “I don’t know,” she replied.  “He’s just a fairy tale character.”  She then handed me a few of the other sketches she’d been working on.  One of them was of the barista behind the cash register and the others were of other customers in the coffee shop.

“Wow!” I exclaimed.

She sighed, smiled, and said, “Sometimes I wish that I could capture all of the world’s beauty in my sketches, but I’ve come to realize that it’s simply impossible. So capturing still-frames of beautiful moments is what I settle for.”

I told her that all of the world’s beauty actually is captured in every sketch that perceives a moment just as beautiful.  And that her sketches are truly beautiful, just like her smile… because they reveal a gift and a passion to see beauty in common places – a beauty most of us overlook.

Time Ceases

She giggled again and said, “My mother once told me that beauty occurs when time ceases to exist.  And if she’s right, then perhaps my sketches are beautiful.  Because, for me, time ceases when I try to bridge my perceptions with the moments unfolding around me.”

I chuckled aloud and then turned my laptop around so that she could read the words I had written just moments before: “Time ceases to exist when she engages in this moment, because she wants nothing more than the beauty this moment has to offer.”

“Who is she?” she asked.

“She’s just a fairy tale character others will read about… and metaphor for hope to me,” I replied with a wink.

She winked back, as if to prove that she wasn’t just a metaphor.  And before I could even smile, I suddenly sneezed.  She laughed and told me that for just a moment in mid-sneeze I looked like Tarzan, and asked if I could hold that pose so she could sketch me looking like Tarzan.

I told her that I didn’t mind holding a mid-sneeze pose for a few minutes.  Because as she sketched, I got a chance to see the look in her eyes.  You know the look I’m talking about… it’s the look when beauty is perceived, time ceases to exist, and fairy tale characters come to life.

My buddy Chad, a 9th grade science teacher, called me at 7AM this morning in a bit of a panic.  “Marc,” he said. “I promised my students I’d have a guest speaker here today, but the speaker just canceled on me at the last minute.  I know you love motivating others, so is there any way you could come in this morning and be our substitute speaker?”

“What’s the topic?” I asked.

“How to save the world,” he replied with a chuckle.  “I’m kidding.  The speaker I had scheduled was from the city waste management counsel.  She was supposed to speak to the kids about the importance of recycling and conserving the environment and so forth.”

“I don’t know,” I replied.  “I don’t really have any…”

“Come on, Marc,” he insisted.  “Please.  Pretty please!  I know it would mean so much to the kids if you came in today.  And I’ve been meaning to ask you to be a guest speaker for awhile now.”

I thought about it for a second.  “Well… okay.  What time do you need me to come in?”

“Yes!  Thank you!  If you could be here at 9AM that would be awesome!”

“Uh, yeah… I’ll see you then,” I replied with a bit of uncertainty in my voice.

Crashing and Burning

I arrived promptly at 9AM.  After a short introduction by Chad, I walked up to the front of the classroom.  I didn’t have any cool props or cue cards.  In fact, I barely had enough time to think about what I was going to say.  But as 42 sets of inquiring eyes stared at me, I knew I only had one shot, just one shot to convince them that they could make a difference in this crazy world.  So I took a deep breath and said:

“What if I told you that you and your immediate family were personally contributing to catastrophic environmental issues around the world?  And what if I told you that it gets even worse?  What if I also told you that you were directly contributing to human starvation, water and energy shortages, widespread health problems, and so much more?”

The kids remained quiet but seemed irritated.  “It’s true,” I continued.  “You might not realize you’re doing these things, but you are…”  And with every word that left my lips, the kids seemed less and less interested in what I had to say.

I wasn’t lying to them.  Because I know for a fact that only a small fraction of American families live sustainable lifestyles.  But I wasn’t winning any friends or influencing a single kid with my approach.  I was actually doing the exact opposite – I was crashing and burning in a big way.

A Second Chance

And just when I started to seriously choke over my words, the fire alarm went off.  It was just a fire drill, but I was so relived because it gave me a chance to regroup and effectively organize my thoughts.  And as we walked back into the classroom, I knew I had less than thirty seconds to recapture the attention of my audience.  So I took another deep breath and said:

“How many of you have ever donated canned goods to the needy?  Wow, almost all of you!  That’s great!  Now, how many of you recycle on a regular basis?”  Everyone in the class raised a hand.  I smiled.  “Oh, this is inspiring!  And how many of you have ever held the door open for someone else behind you?”  Again, almost every kid raised a hand.

“Well, I’m really impressed,” I stated in a sincere tone.  “I’m so sorry.  Please accept my apology.  I was totally wrong about you all.  It appears that we have a whole classroom filled with go-getters who are already practiced in bettering our world.  You should be proud of yourselves.”

Smiles broke out across the classroom.

“Now let’s take a moment and think about something together,” I continued.  What if – without making much more of an effort than we’re making right now – we could join collectively as one and feed every starving person in the world, restore the environment, inspire positive change in the lives of others, and have fun in the process?  Would you do it?  Would you want to learn how?”

“Yeah!”  the kids replied collectively.

Well that too is inspiring!” I shouted.  “Because if we could convince enough people to think the way you do, together we could do all of these things and so much more… together we could save the world.”

Again, big smiles broke out across the classroom.

Conclusion

There are two methods for inspiring positive change in our youth.  The first is to ask them to look in the mirror and see the absolute worst of themselves, and hope that they have enough self-confidence to make a change.  The second is to ask them to look in the mirror and see the absolute best of themselves, which gives them the self-confidence needed to make a change.

Photo by: notsogoodphotography

This guest post was written by Diggy, author of Upgrade Reality.

No two people are identical, not even identical twins.  Everyone is a one-of-a-kind.  And do you know what a one-of-a-kind is worth?  Priceless!  Yes, this means YOU are priceless.

From the day we are born and open our eyes, we start to grow into the person we will ultimately become as a result of the environment we are exposed to and the experiences we endure.  And although our parents and mentors have a large impact on our upbringing, we rarely walk the exact path they had in mind for us.

There is only one success:  To be able to spend your life in your own way.
- Christopher Morely

Don’t Be Someone Else’s Puppet

Contrary to the way many people behave, we do not have to do what other people tell us to do all of the time.  We are constantly under siege from family, friends, strangers and the media to act, behave and live in certain ways.  But despite all of these external influences, we have the ultimate choice to make our own decisions.

Be True To Yourself

“Be true to yourself or you aren’t true to anyone.”

This is a powerful quote my mother told me a long time ago.  And whenever I make a decision I try to stick to it.  It is one thing to lie to other people, but it is much worse to lie to yourself.  Many people get into the habit of ignoring their true desires and instead they just do what they believe is expected of them by others.  I promise you, this path will only lead to failure on all fronts.

Find and Follow Your Own Values

If you want to please somebody, be honest.  Do what they ask of you only when their values and expectations align with yours, and not because you merely want to impress them.   Do not study to be a lawyer because your parents have been telling you to since you were ten years old.  Instead, become a pilot, or an engineer, or whatever, because it’s your passion.  In other words, figure out what makes you tick and pursue it!

Leave the Comfort of Your Nest

Never forget the definition of insanity:  Doing the same thing every day of every month of every year, and expecting different results.  If you want to truly live, and not merely exist, you have to leave the comfort of your nest.  You have to forge your own path through the uncharted waters around you - for it is these uncharted waters that will eventually lead you to the shores of your goals.

Make Choices and Take Risks

The best way to forge your own path and live a life of fulfillment is to listen to your heart and overcome your natural fears.  You’ll never get to the place you want to be if you’re afraid to make the necessary choices to get there.

Do not be afraid of what someone will think of you or say to you if you express your passion and tell them what you really want to do with your life.  Do not be afraid to make a choice that seems a little risky – everything in life, even getting out of bed in the morning, involves risk.  If you intend to live, you have to accept risks.

Conclusion

It’s your life to live and your life to enjoy, no one else’s.  Nobody on this planet walks the exact same path as you, and this is precisely what makes life so remarkable and fun.  Although others may be able to show you parts of the path, you must take the initiative to walk it on your own.  Because as Morpheus said in The Matrix, “Neo, sooner or later you’re going to realize, just as I did, that there’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.”

So stay true to yourself, follow your instincts, and listen to your heart every step of the way.

Diggy is the author of UpgradeReality.com, a blog that explores the beauty and simplicity of self-improvement.  If you enjoyed this post then consider subscribing to his RSS feed.

Photo by: Guilherme Cecílio

The Only Way

My cell phone rang just after midnight.  I didn’t answer.  Then it rang again a minute later.  I rolled over, grabbed the phone off the night stand, and squinted at the bright, glowing caller ID screen. “Claire,” it read.  Claire is a close friend – a friend who tragically lost her husband to a car accident six months ago.  And I figured since she rarely calls me in the middle of the night, it was probably important.

“Hey, Claire.  Is everything okay?” I asked.

“No!” she declared as she burst into tears.  “I need to talk…  I need help…”

“I’m listening,” I reassured her.  “What’s on your mind?”

“I lost my job this evening, and I’m tired, and I just don’t know anymore…”

“A job is just a job.  They come and go.  Remember, Angel lost her job last year and it was a blessing in disguise.  She found something better.”

“I know, I know,” she sighed over her tears.  “I just felt like the world was going to end after the accident…  Ya know?  And then my friends and family helped me get back on my feet…”

“And you’re still on your feet right now,” I added.

“Well, sometimes I feel like I am, and sometimes I feel like I’m barely maintaining my balance, and sometimes I feel like I’m falling again.  And this series of feelings just keeps cycling over and over again in a loop – good days followed by bad days and vice versa.  It’s just one long struggle.  And I’m exhausted!”

“But you keep moving forward…”

“Actually,” she continued over more tears.  “The only way I’ve found to keep myself moving forward from moment to moment through the hard times is by repeating a short saying my grandfather taught me when I was a kid.  And I don’t know how or why it helps now, but it does.”

“What’s the saying?” I asked.

“Do your best with what’s in front of you and leave the rest to the powers above you,” she replied.

I smiled.  Because I love pieces of inspirational prose that help people progress through even the hardest of times.  And because it suddenly reminded me of a short story my grandfather told me when I was a kid – one that’s also applicable to Claire’s circumstance.

“Your grandfather was a wise man,” I said.  “And it’s funny, because your grandfather’s saying reminds me of a short story my grandfather once told me.  Would you like to hear it?”

“Yeah,” she replied.

My Grandfather’s Story

Once upon a time, in a small Indian village, the village fisherman accidentally dropped his favorite fishing pole into the river and was unable to retrieve it.  When his neighbors caught word of his loss, they came over and said, “That’s just bad luck!”  The fisherman replied, “Perhaps.”

The following day, the fisherman hiked a mile down the bank of the river to see if he could find his fishing pole.  He came upon a small, calm alcove in the river bank that was loaded to the brim with salmon.  He used a back-up fishing pole to catch nearly 100 salmon, loaded them into his wagon, and brought them back to the village to barter with other villagers.  Everyone in the village was ecstatic to receive the fresh salmon.  When his neighbors caught word of his success, they came over and said, “Wow!  What great luck you have!”  The fisherman replied, “Perhaps.”

Two days later, the fisherman began hiking back towards the alcove so he could catch more salmon.  But a tenth of a mile into the hike, he tripped on a tree stump and severely sprained his ankle.  He slowly and painfully hopped back to the village to nurse his health.  When his neighbors caught word of his injury, they came over and said, “That’s just bad luck!”  The fisherman replied, “Perhaps.”

Four days went by, and although the fisherman’s ankle was slowly healing, he could not yet walk, and the village was completely out of fish to eat.  Three other villagers volunteered to go to the river to fish while the fisherman recovered.  That evening, when the three men did not return, the village sent a search party out for them only to discover that the men had been attacked and killed by a pack of wolves.  When the fisherman’s neighbors caught word of this, they came over and said, “You’re so lucky you weren’t out there fishing.  What great luck you have!”  The fisherman replied, “Perhaps.”

“A few days later… well, you can guess how the story continues,” I said.

The Moral of the Story

Claire chuckled and said, “Thank you.”  Because the moral of the story was immediately clear to her.  We just don’t know – we never do.  Life is an unpredictable phenomenon.  No matter how good or bad things seem right now, we can never be 100% certain what will happen next.

And this actually lifts a huge weight off of our shoulders.  Because it means that regardless of what’s happening to us right now – good, bad or indifferent, it’s all just part of the phenomenon we call ‘life’ – which flows like the river in my grandfather’s story, unpredictably from one occurrence to the next.  And the smartest choice we can make is to swim with the flow of the river.

Which means, quite simply, not panicking in the face of unforeseen misfortunes or losing our poise in limelight of our triumphs, but instead “doing our best with what’s in front of us and leaving the rest to the powers above us.”

Photo by: A. Andres

What is uttered from the heart alone,
Will win the hearts of others to your own.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

This morning I was writing a blog entry at a local beach-side coffee shop here in San Diego when a young woman approached me.  “You’re Marc, right?” she asked.

I looked up at her.  She had piercing eyes, a pierced nose, an elegant smile… but nothing that rang a bell.  “I’m sorry.  Do I know you?” I inquired politely.

“No,” she replied.  “But I know you.”  She swiftly walked back to the table where she’d been sitting, picked up her laptop, and carried it over to me.  On the screen was Marc and Angel Hack Life.  “You look just like your photo,” she said in a chipper tone.

I smiled.  “So you’re one of the seven people who read it.”

She blushed.  “What I like about your writing is that it’s so real.”

I cleared my throat.  “Real?” I asked.

“I mean… you don’t hide anything.  You say it just like it is.  And that gives me hope!”

“How do you know that I don’t hide anything?” I asked.

She paused, tilted her head slightly and squinted her eyes as if, maybe, to look for something inside me that she had missed before.  “Well, your words seem so, so… honest.”

Her compliment was appreciated, but it didn’t feel fair.  Perhaps because I’m not very good at accepting compliments, or perhaps because I’ve been thinking about honesty lately… and I’ve decided that I don’t like the word and its connotations.

The Ruse

“There are some things you should probably know,” I said.  “If I know a picture is being taken of me, I usually make a crooked half smile because I think it’s sexy.  If an attractive girl touches my arm, I flex a little bit because I think she prefers harder muscles.  And if I know people are coming over to my condo, I run around like a mad man and make it spotless before they arrive, because I’d like them to think that I’m clean and organized all of the time.”

“But…”

“And that’s just the beginning,” I continued.  “When I write a blog entry, I’m typically only writing about the people and experiences that inspire a single sentence that moves me.  For instance, in today’s post that sentence is: “Honesty is a matter of perception and intention.”  The rest is just my attempt to bring that sentence to life – to show why it’s meaningful to me.”

“But can’t you see…”

“And when I want to impress someone I’ve just met for the first time, I pretend that I’m overly outgoing and fearless.  And I try to say funny or profound things like, “Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.”  But it usually doesn’t come out right because I don’t really want to be funny or fearless or profound.  Not right then.  I just want to break the ice and introduce myself.  And I want to do it without stumbling over my words…”

“Marc, this is exactly the kind of honesty that inspires me!”

“You’re missing the point.  These are revelations… and they’re revealing the ruse.  The sexy crooked smiles aren’t the smiles you see most often.  And the blog posts rarely include the sentences that inspire them.  And the folks I introduce myself to don’t see the real me, and they don’t realize that I’m nervous because I’m trying to impress them… because I want them to like me… and because…”

You’re The Guy

“Who are you trying to impress?” she asked.

“That’s not the point,” I said.

“But I want to know,” she insisted.

“This is what I mean…” I continued.  “An honest person would just tell it to you straight.  But I write stories about a guy who wishes he was his cat, and nights of dancing naked, and Jamaican women in ice cream parlors… and who the heck knows what will come next.”

“But you’re the guy who wishes he was his cat, right?” she asked.

I grinned. “Shhh… don’t tell anyone.”

“But won’t the new people you want to impress and all of the important people in your life know how you feel… now?” she asked.

“No,” I replied.  “I don’t think they read this blog.”

Revelation

We shared a long silence during which her gaze locked directly into the depths of my eyes.  Finally, she said, “I think I understand better why you give me hope.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because at some point the world forgot – or perhaps never knew – that honesty isn’t about whether we make sexy smiles for the camera, mask autobiographical blog posts about our desires to be a cat, or try not to show our apprehension before meeting someone new.  Rather, honesty – revelation – is a matter of perception and intention.  And somebody recognizes that.  And it gives me hope and makes me think.”

I smiled.  “And one other thing,” she said.

“What?” I asked.

“I’m pretty sure that whoever you want to impress will appreciate you just the way you are.  I know I do.”

Photo by: Toni Blay

This guest post was written by Karl Staib, author of Work Happy Now.

“Why am I insisting on procrastinating right now?”  You all know what I’m talking about – that dreaded task that makes you ignore reality.  It’s just sitting on your ‘to do’ list, ready to be tackled, but for some reason you keep checking your email.  You just checked it five minutes ago, but maybe now there is an important email needing your attention.

Does this sound like somebody you know?

This is a common theme throughout many of our work days.  We keep avoiding a difficult task because we are afraid to face it.

The questions of…

• What if I **** it up?
• What if I can’t do it by myself?
• What if I look stupid?

These debilitating questions can kill the motivation of even the strongest person, especially if these questions are left to fester.  Once the wound is open, it’s hard to ignore it.  Worry creeps in and it won’t let go.

Here are some of the concepts that I use to overcome my dread of a difficult task:

Start now

When you let your molehill turn into a mountain, the fear only builds and builds until you face it.  That means you just have to jump in and get started.  Once you start, you will begin to identify your strengths and weaknesses.  Breaking down the task in parts will make it seem possible and actually enjoyable to do.

Separate the hard parts from the easy parts

Every task has its hard and easy parts.  When you can separate the two, you can pick the type of work that fits your mood.  Let’s say you work best in the late morning.  You can then choose to pick the hardest tasks for this time period.  If your energy dips in the late afternoon, you can choose to do work that is easier and uses less brain power during this time.

Enjoy the emotional challenge

Difficult tasks are usually avoided because of the suffering that they may cause.  You worry about how you might become frustrated, angry or sad.  Acknowledging these feelings is a great first step in building your emotional strength.

A friend of mine told me that before she had kids, her patience was minimal.  After having two kids, she has the patience of a saint.  I’m always impressed with her calm demeanor when she is telling her kids to stop screaming while she is talking on the phone.  She has this calm quality of a Zen master.

You can use a difficult challenge to become more patient, more relaxed, or just quicker to release frustration when you engage your emotional development at work.

Figure out how this task will help the future you

When I was an assistant teacher, I dreaded the days when the head teacher was sick.  It meant that I had to be the disciplinarian, time keeper, leader and so many other roles.  It was easier to just follow the head teacher’s lead.  I kept thinking these thoughts until I realized that I could use the experience to my advantage, because I wanted to be a teacher some day (little did I know I would be a teacher of work happiness).

I embraced the work as a way to become stronger instead of trying to avoid it.

Chip away everyday

You may look back at the end of the busy day and realize you didn’t get half of what you wanted accomplished.  This usually happens because you did the light work instead of the heavy lifting.  The way to feel fulfilled at the end of the day is to tackle the difficult tasks early so you can ease up when your energy wanes.

You’ll be impressed at the end of the week at how much you really were able to accomplish.

Find someone that wants to help you

A difficult task is dreaded because of all the work that lies before you.  You feel like you can’t do it all by yourself.  And you shouldn’t.  That’s why finding someone to help you is very important to your emotional health.  This person can be a creative sounding board as well as someone you can complain to when things don’t go quite right.

Find someone who doesn’t have all the same strengths as you.  Try to match yourself with a person who can make up for your weaknesses and complement your strengths.

Ask yourself, “Am I the right person for the job?”

There are some jobs that just don’t fit with your strengths.  Heck, you can’t be good at everything.  When working for someone, you may not have the power to turn down a project.  That is why #6 is even more important.  Adding people to your team will allow you to work on tasks that are aligned with your strengths.

If you are repeatedly given work that you don’t like, then you may need to make a change.  You have an obligation to yourself to do work that makes you feel successful.

Share your insights with others

The bonus to working on a difficult task is the knowledge that you will gain.  It’s a great feeling to have this knowledge, but you need to take it to the next level.  Try sharing it with others via blog, newsletter, over the phone or in person.  You’ll love the reaction from your audience.

And that’s the best part of teaching.  Teachers learn as much as their students.

Karl Staib writes about the importance of happiness in the workplace and how to achieve it on his blog, Work Happy Now.

Photo by: Paulgi

This guest post was written by Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval, authors of THE POWER OF SMALL.

In today’s deadline driven, digital world, taking the time to ‘shoot the breeze’ with a coworker, neighbor, or passing stranger can seem like a waste of time.  But, in reality, nothing could be further from the truth.  Whether you’re a Washington politician or a barista at a local coffee shop, every one of us has the unique ability to inspire change in our lives and in the lives of others around us.  And small talk is the key.

When we were writing our book, THE POWER OF SMALL: Why Little Things Make All the Difference, we discovered a truly amazing story that brought our attention to the unexpected ways in which ‘small talk’ can change and save lives.  In this case, it all started with a cup of coffee and a simple conversation.

The Story of Annamarie and Sandie

Every morning, when Annamarie Ausnes would head to her local Starbucks to pick-up her usual coffee, she looked forward to making a bit of small talk with the barista, Sandie Anderson, but she never imagined that those little conversations would one day save her life.

Over time, what had begun as a casual, “How’s your morning?” or “Nice weather, huh?” eventually grew into more personal exchanges about their grandkids, weekend plans, and holiday traditions, until one day Sandie noticed something wasn’t quite right with her “short-drip double-cupped” customer. And instead of ignoring it, she decided to trust her instincts and asked one simple question: “Are you okay?”

At first, Annamarie was reluctant to confide in her barista buddy, but with a little prodding, she opened up.

“Actually, I’m not doing so well,” she sighed.  “I was just placed on the national kidney transplant list and I’m getting ready to go on dialysis.”

To her shock, Sandie would discover that her friendly customer faced a bleak future.  Distraught and determined to help, Sandie announced that she would get tested to see if she could become a donor.

As luck would have it, Sandie turned out to be a match and donated a kidney to Annamarie. Today Annamarie is not only alive and well, the two women are dear friends.  And it all started with a cup of coffee and a little small talk.

Of course, not all of us have the ability or courage to make the huge gesture Sandie made by donating her kidney to a virtual stranger, but by simply making small talk, we open ourselves up to new people, new experiences, and new opportunities.  As children, we make friends easily.  We ask for each other’s names, we join in and play with one another.  But as we grow older, we tend to close ourselves off, shield ourselves with technology, and forget to acknowledge the people who are right in front of us.

So put away the iPhone for a minute, look up from your laptop, and take the first step by saying hello to the stranger sitting next to you.  You never know, they just might be the hero you’ve been hoping for.

In Their Own Words

Here’s a short video clip of Annamarie and Sandie sharing their story in their own words:

Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval are co-authors of the national bestseller THE POWER OF SMALL: Why Little Things Make All the Difference, which debuted on the best seller lists of the Wall Street Journal, USA Today, and The Washington Post.

Photo by: polandeze

Laugh with every breath.
Love as long as you live.

A Good Girl

Alyssa was my best friend.  She was a talented musician, a graceful gymnast, a brilliant writer, and a deeply passionate individual.  She cared so much about people.  Love bled from every facet of her being.  When she spoke, her eyes were as sincere as her words.  And she always wanted to understand what was wrong so she could strive to make it better.

But Alyssa woke up one day during her senior year in college with a strange pain in her chest.  The on-campus doctors didn’t understand why, so they referred her to a specialist.  After several MRIs and blood tests, they determined that she had a rare, escalated case of Hodgkin’s lymphoma – a form of cancer.  She spent the next three years suffering through varying degrees of pain and sickness as multiple doctors treated her with radiation and chemotherapy.  And although these doctors were initially hopeful, Alyssa’s condition worsened, and she eventually passed away on her 25th birthday.

A Bad Guy

Ethan was also my friend.  Though not as multi-talented as Alyssa, he was insanely smart – particularly when it came to money and business tactics.  But he didn’t care about people.  I eventually learned, just before ending our eight year friendship, that he ripped people off for a living.  He primarily targeted elderly folks who had a relatively small life savings.  “They’re all suckers,” he told me.  And he felt no remorse because, he continued, “they’ll be dead soon anyway.”

Today, at the age of 28, Ethan is a multi-millionaire.  And although we haven’t spoken in years, I’ve heard from others that he still hasn’t gotten into any legal trouble – largely, I think, because of the calculated threats that I’ve heard he makes to anyone he suspects might have a good conscience.  I hear, also, that he doesn’t suffer from any major health problems, and that he, his trophy wife, and his two healthy sons live in a mansion somewhere in Southern California.

The Reason

These are old stories – familiar stories.  The people and the circumstances differ slightly for everyone who tells them, but the core lessons remain the same.  Life isn’t fair.  Bad things do happen to good people.  And good things do happen to bad people.

Yet, these are the excuses many of us use when we choose not to follow our hearts.  And they are the excuses many of us use when we choose to treat ourselves and each other without dignity and respect.  “Why care?” we argue, “When the Alyssa’s of the world suffer and die young while the Ethan’s of the world sip wine at a five-star resort well into their 80’s.”

But for some of us, Alyssa and Ethan are the reason we do follow our hearts.  His story is the reason we live to make the world a little brighter, to make people a little happier.  And her story is the reason we use all of the strength we have right now.  Because we know we may not have the same strength tomorrow.

Because a world with no guarantees requires us to live every day…

As if it were our last.

Photo by: Stuant63

“Always be prepared!”  That’s the Boy Scout motto.  Most people keep their tools at home.  But if you aren’t at home, you probably drove your car to get to wherever you are.

Here are 22 useful tools you should keep in your car.

1. 2-3 Gallons of Water – You can drink it when you’re thirsty, use it as a cleaning/rinsing agent, pour it into your car’s cooling system if it’s overheating, etc.
2. Portable GPS – Being lost is not a fun feeling.  A GPS basically eliminates this possibility.  During a recent spring vacation to Costa Rica our Garmin GPS pretty much saved our rear ends on multiple occasions.
3. Hand Sanitizer – Because there isn’t a sink and a bar of soap conveniently located in your car.  In my mind, hand sanitizer is a tool, a tool that prevents me from infecting my body with germs on a daily basis.  Keep yourself healthy!  Sanitize your hands regularly… especially before you eat.
4. Multi-head Screwdriver – Take a look around.  I bet most of the manmade objects around you are being held together by screws.  Throughout your lifetime you’re going to need to tighten and loosen a whole lot of them.  And you won’t always be near your tool chest when these occasions arise.  Keep decent multi-head screwdriver with a wide assortment of screwdriver heads in your car and you’ll be prepared.
5. Adjustable Wrench – If screws aren’t holding it together then nuts and bolts almost certainly are.  You will eventually need to adjust the bolts on office furniture, your vehicle, and other objects when you’re out and about.  A basic 3-piece adjustable wrench set should fit the bill just fine.
6. Pliers – Your hands are not the most effective tool for gripping and maneuvering small objects.  That’s where pliers come in handy.  One set of pliers will not do the trick either. You’ll likely need a small assortment of pliers in various styles and sizes for different kinds of jobs.  At a minimum, keep a needle-nose, a heavy grooved, and a wire cutting pliers in your trunk.
7. Hammer – The single greatest tool of all time.  The hammer has an infinite set of practical applications.  A good old 16 oz claw hammer will provide a lifetime of reliable service.
8. Pen and Notepad – If you don’t write it down, you will forget it.  Regular note-taking is one of the most productive habits a person can practice.  Keep a pen and notepad in your car so you can jot down key ideas and information as they cross your mind.
9. First Aid Kit – Human beings are not made of titanium.  When you or someone you care about gets injured, a basic first aid kit becomes the single most important thing you own.  And what good is a first aid kit that’s sitting at home when you’re not at home?
10. Hands Free Set for Your Cell Phone – Why would any sane person drive one-handed while holding an odd shaped phone to their ear when they have the option to use a hands free set?
11. Multi-Use Car Charger – Some multi-use car chargers (like this one) allow you to charge up to four devices at once.  This unit turns one auto cigarette lighter port into two, has two USB charging ports, and provides a heavy-duty 20 amp capacity.  Now you can charge your iPhone, iPod, and other electronics on the go.
12. Prepaid Calling Card – A calling card basically allows you to call anyone, anywhere from any telephone.  They are particularly convenient when you misplace your cell phone or when you’re in an area that lacks cell service.
13. Duct Tape – If it’s moving and it shouldn’t be, duct tape it.  Duct tape may very well be the second greatest invention after the hammer.
14. Quality Sunglasses – Most people consider sight to be their most important sense.  Quality sunglasses protect the human eyes from being destroyed by the sun’s ultraviolet radiation.  This radiation can lead to short-term and long-term ocular problems such as cataracts, blindness and various forms of eye cancer.  So wear sunglasses when you’re out in the sunlight.
15. Work Gloves – Unfortunately, human hands are covered with fragile skin just like the rest of the body.  Sometimes you need to use your hands to accomplish a task that requires a durability threshold beyond that of your exposed skin.  This is where a rugged set of work gloves saves you from a few days worth of blistering agony.
16. Wind-up LED Flashlight – What happens if your car stalls at night on a dark road?  What happens if you need to search for something in a dark utility closet at work?  Always keep a wind-up LED flashlight (no batteries required) in your automobile.
17. Rubber Bands – Rubber bands are simple, functional and versatile.  There is an endless list of practical uses for a rubber band.
18. USB Flash Drive – One of the most practical accessories for a computer.  I can’t even count the number of times I’ve used my 16 gig flash drive to save some data from someone else’s system.  A USB flash drive is an essential tool you always need to have on you.
19. Small Fire Extinguisher – This one is a no-brainer.  Completely useless until the moment the sh*t hits the fan and the world around you is burning to the ground.  If you don’t keep a fire extinguisher handy, you’re being foolishly optimistic.
20. Leatherman – This is the all-in-one multi-tool you should never leave home without.  These little tools can handle a plethora of different jobs.  I personally own the Leatherman 830039 and I love it.
21. Bungee Cords – Tie things down, wrap things together… Bungee cords are like giant rubber bands with hooks.  They’re darn practical to have out on the road when you need them!
22. Spare Credit Card and Cash – Let’s go back to the Boy Scout motto again: “Always be prepared.”  If you lose your wallet when you’re out and about, it’s always nice to have a back-up plan.

While I’m sure this list could be expanded, these 22 tools are the tools I keep in my car.  And each of them has served me well over the years, saving me lots of frustration in my moments of need.

Photo by: Viernest