Relationships

7 Mantras that Will Stop You from Taking Things Personally

01.12.2021 by Marc Chernoff // 68 Comments

Don’t let the drama of today bring you down. Keep calm when stress or negativity surrounds you. Breathe, and let calmness be your superpower. The ability to not overreact or take things personally always gives you the upper hand.

Remind yourself that people are toxic to be around when they believe everything happening around them is a direct assault on them, or is in some way all about them.

It’s the truth. Let it sink in…

What people say and do to you is much more about them, than you. People’s reactions to you are about their perspectives, wounds and experiences. Whether people think you’re amazing or believe you’re the worst, again, is more about them and how they view the world.

Now, I’m not suggesting we should be self-indulged narcissists and ignore all the opinions and commentary we receive from others. I’m simply saying that incredible amounts of hurt, disappointment and sadness in our lives come directly from our tendency to take things personally. In most cases it’s far more productive and healthy to let go of other people’s good or bad opinions of you, and to operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide.

The underlying key is to…

Watch Your Response

When something stressful happens in a social situation, [Read more…]

Asking the Right Questions is the Answer: 10 Things We Forget About Our Own Ignorance

09.14.2020 by Marc Chernoff // 24 Comments

Judge a person by their questions, rather than their answers. Because asking the right questions today is the answer.

It’s a harsh fact that every one of us is ignorant in some way. Although we tend to pretend otherwise, it’s impossible to know it all.

Ignorance is our biggest collective secret.

And it’s one of the scariest and most damaging realities of life, because those of us who are most ignorant — and thus most likely to spread ignorance — are often the ones who don’t know it.

Here’s a quick test:

If you have never changed your mind about one of your beliefs, if you have never questioned the fundamentals of your opinions, and if you have no inclination to do so, then you are likely ignorant about something you think you understand.

What’s the immediate solution?

Just move one step outside of your social bubble and find someone (online or offline) who, in your opinion, believes, behaves, or handles certain aspects of life differently from you. Then, have a simple, honest, peaceful conversation with them. I promise it will do both of you lots of good.

Once you’ve done that, here are some key truths to remind yourself of on a regular basis: [Read more…]

2 Quick Stories that Will Change the Way You Show Up in Your Relationships

07.06.2020 by Angel Chernoff // 42 Comments

Compliment people. Sometimes you will say something really small and simple, but it will fit right into an empty space in someone’s heart.

This morning, I shared two quick stories on Zoom with a small group of digital Think Better, Live Better conference attendees. “I appreciate the perspective, and the invitation to change how I show up in my relationships,” one attendee replied. A dozen others said they agreed. So, I figured I’d share these stories with you in hopes that you find value in them too. Try to read each one slowly and thoughtfully. Take the little lessons to heart. See how doing so changes how you show up in your interactions and conversations with others today…

Story #1 — True, Good, and Useful

A couple thousand [Read more…]

7 Difficult Things You Should Start Doing for the People Around You

06.22.2020 by Marc Chernoff // 48 Comments

We are all in this together, so always be kinder than necessary. What goes around comes around. No one has ever made themselves strong by showing how small someone else is. Everyone you meet is learning something, is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something. Know this. And be extra kind today.

In other words, don’t just preach online.

Actually do the difficult things, too.

Be compassionate in whatever way you can.

Be a beacon of hope to people you pass on the street.

Embody what you preach.

Many of the kindest gestures you’ll ever make, and the most important things you’ll ever do, won’t come easy and will never be seen publicly.

Do them anyway… [Read more…]

An Open Letter to Those Who Want to Make a Bigger Difference Right Now

06.09.2020 by Marc Chernoff // 31 Comments

“In a gentle way, you can shake the world.”
—Mahatma Gandhi

This short article was inspired by an email we received this morning from a new course student:

Dear Marc and Angel,

I’m a single mom to two wonderful teenagers, and I’m also a (rather passionate) domestic violence attorney. Although I’ve been told I do a great job on both fronts, I wish to make an even bigger difference. With all that’s going on in society right now, there’s so much positive change and growth I feel I could instill in both my children and the world at large if I could just find the right approach. I wish there was a way to open people’s eyes to the possibilities I see! How can someone like me—someone who has the means—make a bigger difference right now? Do you have any relevant stories or lessons to share?

Sincerely,
A Caring Student

Our reply (an open reply to all who want to make a bigger difference right now):

Dear Caring Student,

It’s time for a quick true story about life…

In 1955, Ella Fitzgerald had a professional music career that spanned nearly two decades. She was a critically acclaimed Jazz musician, and yet she was hardly known by the general public because she was an African American doing amazing things at a time when [Read more…]