Be with those who bring out the best in you, not the stress in you.

This past Saturday, while Angel and I were enjoying a safe and peaceful backyard barbecue at our friend Sara’s house, her 16-year-old foster child, Cody, received an unexpected visit from his biological mother – a woman who has been in and out of prison and rehab her whole life. Although Sara was a bit hesitant about it, she let Cody and his mother talk privately on the front porch. We occasionally eavesdropped from the living room window just to make sure everything was okay.

Cody’s mother was extremely rough around the edges and almost immediately started bringing up hurtful memories from the past. About 20 minutes into the conversation, she told him, “I see your anger, and I just wish I could go back in time and raise you again, to change who you are and give you a better upbringing.” Sara was about to walk out onto the porch to interject when Cody calmly replied, “I’m not angry. I’m perfectly fine, thank you. I’m proud of who I am. Maybe you should go even further back in time and change who you are instead.” And then he walked his mother to the front steps of the porch and politely asked her to leave.

Cody’s response impressed me on so many levels. It takes a lot of courage, especially at 16 years of age, with a rough upbringing, to tactfully stand up for yourself. And he handled himself with grace.

So, whenever you’re dealing with a difficult or hostile person, remember how Cody handled himself. Take a stand! Set some boundaries! This is your life. You may not be able to control all the things people do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. You can decide not to let their actions and opinions invade your heart and mind. And above all, you can decide whom to walk beside into tomorrow, and whom to leave behind today.

It’s time to… [Read more…]

(NEW BOOK ALERT: This post is a direct excerpt from the Boundaries & Expectations section of our forthcoming book, “1000 Little Habits of Happy, Successful Relationships“.)

It’s not always where you are in life, but who you have by your side that matters.

“How do I know if I’m in the right relationship or not?”

This is one of the most common questions our coaching clients ask us. And after Marc and I listen to the specifics of their situation, we often toss a question back at them to further clarify their thoughts and expectations. For instance:

“What do you think a “right relationship” should provide for the people in it?”

Although the answer here is obviously subjective, in all relationships, romantic and platonic alike, there are some clear signs that things are going well. So today, let’s take a look at some signs you’re in the “right relationship,” along with corresponding tips that could potentially help you make a “wrong relationship” right:

1. No games are being played.

Far too often, we make our relationships harder than they have to be. The difficulties started when… conversations became texting, feelings became subliminal, sex became a game, the word “love” fell out of context, trust faded as honesty waned, insecurities became a way of living, jealously became a habit, being hurt started to feel natural, and running away from it all became our solution. Stop running! Face these issues, fix the problems, communicate, appreciate, forgive and LOVE the people in your life who deserve it. And of course, if you feel like someone is playing games with you, speak up and establish some boundaries.

2. Everyone is on the same page.

If a woman starts out all casual with a man and [Read more…]

Compliment people. Sometimes you will say something really small and simple, but it will fit right into an empty space in someone’s heart.

This morning, I shared two quick stories on Zoom with a small group of digital Think Better, Live Better conference attendees. “I appreciate the perspective, and the invitation to change how I show up in my relationships,” one attendee replied. A dozen others said they agreed. So, I figured I’d share these stories with you in hopes that you find value in them too. Try to read each one slowly and thoughtfully. Take the little lessons to heart. See how doing so changes how you show up in your interactions and conversations with others today…

Story #1 — True, Good, and Useful

A couple thousand [Read more…]