Relationships

Asking the Right Questions is the Answer: 10 Things We Forget About Our Own Ignorance

09.14.2020 by Marc Chernoff // 23 Comments

Judge a person by their questions, rather than their answers. Because asking the right questions today is the answer.

It’s a harsh fact that every one of us is ignorant in some way. Although we tend to pretend otherwise, it’s impossible to know it all.

Ignorance is our biggest collective secret.

And it’s one of the scariest and most damaging realities of life, because those of us who are most ignorant — and thus most likely to spread ignorance — are often the ones who don’t know it.

Here’s a quick test:

If you have never changed your mind about one of your beliefs, if you have never questioned the fundamentals of your opinions, and if you have no inclination to do so, then you are likely ignorant about something you think you understand.

What’s the immediate solution?

Just move one step outside of your social bubble and find someone (online or offline) who, in your opinion, believes, behaves, or handles certain aspects of life differently from you. Then, have a simple, honest, peaceful conversation with them. I promise it will do both of you lots of good.

Once you’ve done that, here are some key truths to remind yourself of on a regular basis: [Read more…]

2 Quick Stories that Will Change the Way You Show Up in Your Relationships

07.06.2020 by Angel Chernoff // 42 Comments

Compliment people. Sometimes you will say something really small and simple, but it will fit right into an empty space in someone’s heart.

This morning, I shared two quick stories on Zoom with a small group of digital Think Better, Live Better conference attendees. “I appreciate the perspective, and the invitation to change how I show up in my relationships,” one attendee replied. A dozen others said they agreed. So, I figured I’d share these stories with you in hopes that you find value in them too. Try to read each one slowly and thoughtfully. Take the little lessons to heart. See how doing so changes how you show up in your interactions and conversations with others today…

Story #1 — True, Good, and Useful

A couple thousand [Read more…]

7 Difficult Things You Should Start Doing for the People Around You

06.22.2020 by Marc Chernoff // 48 Comments

We are all in this together, so always be kinder than necessary. What goes around comes around. No one has ever made themselves strong by showing how small someone else is. Everyone you meet is learning something, is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something. Know this. And be extra kind today.

In other words, don’t just preach online.

Actually do the difficult things, too.

Be compassionate in whatever way you can.

Be a beacon of hope to people you pass on the street.

Embody what you preach.

Many of the kindest gestures you’ll ever make, and the most important things you’ll ever do, won’t come easy and will never be seen publicly.

Do them anyway… [Read more…]

An Open Letter to Those Who Want to Make a Bigger Difference Right Now

06.09.2020 by Marc Chernoff // 31 Comments

“In a gentle way, you can shake the world.”
—Mahatma Gandhi

This short article was inspired by an email we received this morning from a new course student:

Dear Marc and Angel,

I’m a single mom to two wonderful teenagers, and I’m also a (rather passionate) domestic violence attorney. Although I’ve been told I do a great job on both fronts, I wish to make an even bigger difference. With all that’s going on in society right now, there’s so much positive change and growth I feel I could instill in both my children and the world at large if I could just find the right approach. I wish there was a way to open people’s eyes to the possibilities I see! How can someone like me—someone who has the means—make a bigger difference right now? Do you have any relevant stories or lessons to share?

Sincerely,
A Caring Student

Our reply (an open reply to all who want to make a bigger difference right now):

Dear Caring Student,

It’s time for a quick true story about life…

In 1955, Ella Fitzgerald had a professional music career that spanned nearly two decades. She was a critically acclaimed Jazz musician, and yet she was hardly known by the general public because she was an African American doing amazing things at a time when [Read more…]

7 Assumptions We Need to Stop Making About Other People

12.03.2019 by Marc Chernoff // 26 Comments

Never underestimate a person’s challenges. Everyone is struggling. Some are just better at hiding it than others.

Too often we judge people too quickly, or too subjectively. We tell ourselves stories about them without thinking it through—our perceptions and biases get the best of us. I was reminded of this today when I received the following in an email from a Think Better, Live Better 2020 ticket-holder (I’m sharing this with permission):

“…I learned the hard way that a smile can hide so much—that when you look at a person you never know what their story is or what’s truly going on in their life. This harsh reality became evident to me this morning when I found out one of my top students—always straight A’s, a positive attitude, and a smile on her face—died by suicide last night. Why? Nobody seems to know. And it’s killing me inside.”

Talk about a reality check, right?

What we tell ourselves about others—what we think we know—is often far from the truth.

And with that in mind, I’m sitting here reflecting on all the little things we have to stop assuming about other people, for their sake and ours… [Read more…]