“Don’t cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won’t let you see the stars.”
— Violeta Parra

It’s a dull, subdued sensation, when your heart is breaking, like the muffled sound of a distant gunshot. It doesn’t physically pierce your skin or tear you to pieces, but the sensation is physically present – the paralyzing discomfort of realizing that something you took for granted is leaving for good.

Although it’s hard to accept at first, this is actually a good sign, having a broken heart. It means you have loved something, you have tried for something, and you have let life teach you.

Life will attempt to break you down sometimes; nothing and no one can completely protect you from this reality. Remaining alone and hiding from the world won’t either, for endless, stagnant solitude will also break you with unhealthy nostalgia and yearning.

You have to stand back up and put yourself out there again. Your heart is stronger than you realize. I’ve been there and I’ve seen heartbreak through to the other side. It takes time and patience.

Deep heartbreak is kind of like being lost in the woods – every direction leads to nowhere at first. When you are standing in a forest of darkness, you cannot see any light that could ever lead you home. But if you wait for the sun to rise again, and listen when someone assures you that they themselves have stood in that same dark place, and have since moved forward with their life, oftentimes this will bring the hope that’s needed.

It’s so hard to give you advice when you’ve got a broken heart, but some words can heal, and this is my attempt to give you hope. You are stronger than you know!

Please remember… [Read more…]

Let me share three quick stories and some life-changing lessons with you…

• This morning at a train stop near the hospital, a man and his three young kids got on. The kids were loud and completely out of control, running from one end of the train car to the other. An annoyed passenger sitting next to me looked over at the man and asked, “Is there a reason you’re letting your kids go nuts right now?” The man looked up with tears in his eyes and said, “The doc just told me their mother isn’t going to make it. Sorry, I’m just trying to think before we all sit down at home to talk about this.”
• Two of my ex-coworkers actually laughed at me last year when I told them I dreamed of opening my own hair salon. When I spoke with you and Marc on a coaching call that same day, Marc said something like, “We’ve known quite a few people who went after their dreams and succeeded. One thing they all had in common was they got laughed at in the process.” That advice really pushed me forward. And I’m proud to say I opened my salon almost six months ago, and business is really taking off. But to think I almost didn’t do it … I almost took my ex-coworkers’ negativity to heart!
• Today one of my regular customers, a really grumpy elderly man who has been eating in our diner every morning for the better part of five years, left me $1,000 in cash for his $7 breakfast. Alongside the cash he left a small note that read, “Thank you, Christine. I know I haven’t been the brightest smile in your life, but your smile and hospitable service over the years gave me something to look forward to every morning after my wife passed away. I wanted to say thank you. I’m moving eight hours down the road this afternoon to live with my son and his family. May the rest of your life be magical.”

These stories have [Read more…]

When we are judging everyone and everything, we are learning nothing.

One of the most incredible changes I’ve made in my life, which has undoubtedly made me a happier person and a better friend, is learning to let go of judging people.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I don’t ever judge others – we all have a tendency to do so by default… it’s a human instinct, and I’m not the exception. But I have learned to catch myself, and to recognize how judging is harmful.

Notice I say “harmful” instead of “bad,” because instead of judging myself, I’d rather observe that the act of judging causes harm.

What underlying harmful conditions are indicated by my tendency to judge people? It varies, but in many cases these points apply…

• I don’t know everyone’s full story and I’m therefore ignorant of what most people are going through.
• I have unrealistic and unjustified expectations of people.
• I subconsciously believe that I’m somehow better than the people I’m judging.
• I’m being a bit self-absorbed and egotistical.
• I’ve lost sight of being grateful for my own blessings and compassionate to those who aren’t as fortunate.
• I’m not being curious or willing to learn, but instead I’m judging and rejecting people who are different than me.
• I can’t possibly help the present situation from a place of judgment.

How Judging Someone Transpires

Let me give you a personal example of how judging someone plays out so we can see how the harmful conditions above transpire:

I visit an old friend who [Read more…]

NEW BOOK ALERT: This post is a direct excerpt from the Self-Love & Self-Worth section of our brand new book, “1000 Little Habits of Happy, Successful Relationships“.

Let’s start with a story that Marc wrote about the night we met . . .

She has light brown hair, a seductive smile, and the most engaging set of hazel-green eyes I’ve ever seen.  It’s the kind of engaging I can’t ignore—the kind that makes me want to engage too.  Because she’s mysterious.  And I’m curious.  And I need to know more.

Yet, I do my best to avoid making eye contact.  So I stare down at the pool table and pretend to study my opponent’s next move.  But only long enough for her to look the other way, so I can once again catch a glimpse of magnificence.

I do this, not because she intimidates me, but because I think she may be the girl Chad met last night.  A wild night that, he said, “involved two bottles of port wine, chocolate cake, and sweaty bed sheets.”

Then, just as her eyes unexpectedly meet mine, [Read more…]

(NEW BOOK ALERT: This post is a direct excerpt from the Self-Love & Self-Worth section of our forthcoming book, “1000 Little Habits of Happy, Successful Relationships“.)

Be OK with walking away. Rejection teaches you how to reject what’s not right for you.

As you look back on your life, you will realize that many of the times you thought you were being rejected by someone or from something you wanted, you were in fact being redirected to someone or something you needed.

Seeing this when you’re in the midst of feeling rejected, however, is quite tough. I know because I’ve been there.

As soon as someone critiques, criticizes, and pushes you away – as soon as you are rejected—you find yourself thinking, “Well, that proves once again that I’m not worthy.” What you need to realize is, the other person or situation is not worthy of you and your particular journey.

Rejection is necessary medicine; it teaches you how to reject relationships and opportunities that aren’t going to work, so that you can find the right ones that will. It doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough; it just means someone else failed to notice what you have to offer. Which means you now have more time to improve yourself and explore your options.

Will you be bitter for a moment? Absolutely. Hurt? Of course—you’re human. There isn’t a soul on this planet that doesn’t feel a small fraction of their heart break at the realization of rejection. For a short time afterward, you will ask yourself every question you can think of:

• What did I do wrong?
• Why didn’t they care about me?
• How come?

But then you have to let your emotions fuel you in a positive way! This is the important part. Let your feelings of rejection drive you, feed you, and inspire one heck of a powerful opening to the next chapter of your story.

Honestly, if you constantly feel like someone is not treating you with respect, check [Read more…]