post written by: Marc Chernoff

12 Lies To Stop Telling Yourself

12 Lies to Stop Telling Yourself

Lying to others is wrong, but lying to
yourself is an absolute tragedy.

The worst lies are the ones we subconsciously tell ourselves.  They’ve been ingrained in our minds by bad external influences and negative thinking.  So the next time you decide to unclutter your life and clean up your space, start with your intellectual space by clearing out the old lies and negative self-talk you often recite to yourself.

Here are twelve such lies to stop telling yourself:

  1. I don’t have enough yet to be happy. – In every mistake and struggle there is a message.  Some people miss the message because they’re too busy berating themselves for the mistake, or fretting over the problem.  To be upset about what you don’t have is always a waste of what you do have.  The happiest of people aren’t the luckiest, and they usually don’t have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes their way.  The reason so many people give up is because they tend to look at what’s missing, and how far they still have to go, instead of what’s present, and how far they have come.  Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
  2. My dreams are impossible. – Don’t let someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of going after yours.  The best thing you can do in life is follow your heart.  Take risks.  Don’t just make the safe and easy choices because you’re afraid of what might happen.  If you do, nothing will ever happen.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Let your dreams be bigger than your fears and your actions speak louder than your words.  Do something every day that your future self will thank you for.
  3. I am stuck with people who hurt me. – Life is too short.  Look out for yourself.  If someone continuously mistreats you, have enough respect for yourself to leave them.  It may hurt for a while, but it’ll be OK.  You’ll be OK.  Oftentimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength.  We walk away not because we want others to realize our worth, but because we finally realize our own worth.
  4. My failed relationships were a waste of time. – There are certain people who aren’t meant to fit into your life.  But no relationship is ever a waste of time.  If it doesn’t bring you what you want, it teaches you what you DON’T want.  We rarely lose friends, we just gradually figure out who our real ones are.  Never force someone to make a space in their life for you, because if they know your worth, they will surely create one for you.  And remember, when you’re up, your ‘friends’ know who you are, when you’re down, you know who your ‘real friends’ are.  It just takes a little time to figure it all out.
  5. Things will never get better. – There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them.  That’s not how we’re made.  In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall.  Because that’s part of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time.  This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.  When you find yourself cocooned in isolation and cannot find your way out of the darkness, remember that this is similar to the place where caterpillars go to grow their wings.  Just because today is a terrible day doesn’t mean tomorrow won’t be the best day of your life.  You just got to get there.  Read Emotional Freedom.
  6. Failure is bad. – Sometimes you have to fail a thousand times to succeed.  No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.  Don’t get so hung up on one failed attempt that you miss the opening for many more.  All of your ideas that don’t work are simply stepping stones on your way to the one idea that does.  And remember, failure is not falling down; failure is staying down when you have the choice to get back up.  Always get back up!  Oftentimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
  7. Great things will come to me effortlessly. – We are who we choose to be.  Nobody’s going to come and save you, you’ve got to save yourself.  Nobody’s going to give you anything, you’ve got to go out and earn it.  Nobody knows what you want except for you.  And nobody will be as sorry as you if you don’t achieve it.  Never leave your key to happiness in someone else’s pocket, and don’t wait on someone else to build your dream life for you.  Be the architect and keeper of your own happiness.  The more you take responsibility for your past and present, the more you are able to create the future you seek.
  8. My past is 100% indicative of my future. – At some point, we’ve all made mistakes, been walked on, used and forgotten.  We’ve let people take advantage of us, and we’ve accepted way less than we deserve.  But we shouldn’t regret one moment of it, because in those moments we’ve learned a lot from our bad choices.  We’ve learned who we can trust and who we can’t.  We’ve learned the meaning of friendship.  We’ve learned how to tell when people are lying and when they’re sincere.  We’ve learned how to be ourselves, and appreciate the truly great people and things in our lives as they arrive.  And even though there are some things we can never recover and people who will never be sorry, we now know better for next time.
  9. I never need to meet anyone new. – It sounds harsh, but you cannot keep every friend you’ve ever made.  People and priorities change.  As some relationships fade others will grow.  Appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work.  Trust your judgment.  Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory.  Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.
  10. I can’t live without those who are gone. – If someone comes into your life and has a positive impact on you, but for some reason they can’t stay, don’t mourn for too long.  Be thankful that your paths crossed and that they somehow made you happy, even if it was just for a short while.  Life is change.  People really do come and go.  Some come back, some don’t, and that’s okay.  And just because one person leaves, doesn’t mean you should forget about everyone else who’s still standing by your side.  Continue to appreciate what you have, and smile about the memories.
  11. I’m not ready because I’m not good enough yet. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.  Stop berating yourself for being a work in progress.  Start embracing it!  Because being a work in progress doesn’t mean you’re not good enough today; it means you want a better tomorrow, and you wish to love yourself completely, so you can live your life fully.  It means you’re determined to heal your heart, expand your mind and cultivate the gifts you know you’re meant to share.  You are ready.  You just need to start.  Read The Power of Now.
  12. I have way too much to lose. – In the end you will not regret the things you have done nearly as much as the things you have left undone.  Trust me, you’d rather look back at your life and say, “I can’t believe I did that!” instead of, “I wish I would have…”  It’s better to think “Oh well,” than “what if.”  It’s better to have a lifetime full of mistakes that you learned from, rather than a heart full of regrets and empty dreams.

Photo by: Brittney Bush

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  • Awesome post! Thanks you two. :)

  • Perfectly said!! Thank you once again.

  • Boy did I need this today! Thank you.

  • You guys never fail to be inspiring and to provide just the “right” insight. Today I especially loved “Great Things Will Come to Me Effortlessly.” There is a fine line between letting things unfold and doing what is necessary to make them happen. I am still trying to get into the groove of that one.

  • Good work on this post! Inspiring! Thanks ;-)

  • Subscribing to your feed is the best thing I have done for myself this year… every week you have such positive motivating messages that always somehow seem to apply to my life in one way or another. Thank you, sincerely.

  • You continue to inspire me. Life has become exactly what I want it to because I now believe in myself, and I have let go of all the toxins in my life that includes those who were toxic to me. Thank you for being hope to me and so many.

  • I think I will print this one up and post it on the wall. Thank you for helping keep these on the top of my mind.

  • Thank you. I really enjoy your posts and they inspire me. Also, I was wondering if you could help with some advice. I feel like nothing is going to get better because I don’t have any friends. My problem is that I keep going through life with zero or barely one friend and I feel like that is what’s holding me back. I want friends so badly and I have tried so many things. I feel like I am in a dark cloud and nothing going to go right because I’ll remain an outcast.

  • Thanks for this post. I need to read this kind of positive material right now. I am stuck with people who hurt me, and this helps me get through it. :)

  • Thank you. I was feeling overworked and overwhelmed and having fantasies about running away. Now I’m thinking I’ll just take stock, say no to a few things, stay in the present and get on with it, focussing on the dreams.

  • Thank you for the post. Do both of you write together or do you take turns on separate posts? Either way it works for you…good job. I started a blog 4 weeks ago and good ones like this help inspire me a lot. Thanks.

  • Crystal Whimsey
    March 13th, 2012 at 8:34 am

    Sometimes even the most positive people stumble and need a hand. Your list is a nice reminder of the ways in which we can access the positive strengths we all possess.

  • Absolutely loved this.

  • Thanks for the great tips… keep them coming!

  • To Brezlyn: Things will get better I have been in your shoes before and I understand what you are going through. What I did was, I tried to be more outgoing and less shy because most people don’t want to hang out with the people who are really shy, because they think that they might upset them….But most of my friends are the shy, quiet people, because I know how they feel and why they feel the way they do…So I try to help them come out of their shell so that they can have as many friends as I do!! :) And once you begin to make friends you won’t want to stop, because it feels really good to have, and be surrounded by, people that love and care about you….And by the way family members can be friends as well…And friends can become family over time!! :)

  • Thanks for the constant inspiration and positivity. Lord knows I need to get it from somewhere.

  • Really Touching! believe me, your blog is slowly changing my life. :) Thanks a lot!

  • Thank you so much for this and all the other inspiration you provide to me and to others.

  • Thank you for always posting just what I need to read when I need to read it. You make my mornings worth while.

  • Perfect timing for an awesome post! Thanks!

  • I wish it were possible to pour my heart out into words for you to see my gratitude towards your past two articles. They said exactly what I needed to hear when I read them. I will settle for THANK YOU. Keep writing inspiring and comforting words - they help.

  • Awesome post! How can I share this on Facebook?

  • Awesome. Thank you for such inspiration.

  • I feel that I am a work in progress. These tips are good reminders. Thank you.

  • @Brezlyn: Stephanie gave some great advice. Also, keep being yourself and making yourself available to meet new friends with the same hobbies and interests. Check out Great site for social events in your area.

    @Bill: We work together on all the articles.

    @Bridget: Click on the ‘Fan us on Facebook’ link on the right hand side of our blog. This will bring you to our Facebook page. ‘Like’ our Facebook page, and then you’ll easily be able to Like/share articles we post. :)

    @All: Thanks for the kind words. We love the feedback.

  • We are all a work in progress and with these tips anyone can get to the level they need to be at the right time in there life.

    Thank you very inspiring.

  • You write such thoughtful posts. I am glad I found your site. Keep them coming :)

  • Good post! Marked them all off… thanks for the reminder.

  • Amazing :) Totally agree with you and I kind of had all these beliefs myself, but this is the first time I have seen them displayed in simple to read points :D Keep the good advice coming.

  • Thanks a ton for your posts… they are so apt and insightful. Especially point no 10 of this post “12 lies to stop telling yourself.” I love it!

  • Love this post! Keep up the great work.

  • This is a great post, thank you. I will have to do some serious self analysis and eliminate any of the points mentioned that may apply to me.

  • Great post! Think positive about yourself. Thinking that can help you grow.

  • I really needed to hear to read something like this today. It`s strongly indusing. Thanks.

  • Thanks for providing such great food for thought.

  • Here’s one more: I don’t have time for [fill in the blank].

    You have enough time for everything you need to do and most of what you want to do. Letting go of things that aren’t good uses of your time makes room for what you value.

  • I wish I had learned #7, great things will not come to me effortlessly, a long time ago, but I didn’t. I was past thirty when I finally realized that anything worth doing is worth working hard consistently for. Now, I’m trying to help my 4-year-old figure it out, but I don’t know exactly how. She quits if she isn’t perfect the first time. I hope it’s related to her age, but I don’t know for sure.

  • You are completely awesome. I was feeling a little lost until I read your words. I came via and her words have helped me so much as well. I’ll be back on a regular basis. Thank you.

  • Nice post!… I’ve already shared it on my wall :)

  • I discovered this website while doing some searching for a niche, and I am very glad to have come here. Definitely subscribing.

    Re #4: I always tell younger people that the purpose of dating is not “to find the One” - it’s to get rid of the rest. Once you figure out who you don’t want, finding the one you DO want just comes naturally.

    Re Brezlyn: I went from a small town (500 people) in high school to a 20,000+ college in a different state, where I knew no one. I told my uncle I was pretty scared. He advised me that a person will have 4 or 5 close friends, and then a couple dozen friends, and then a few more acquaintances. So it doesn’t matter whether there are 300 more people or 20,000 more people, because these friends are the ones you want to deal with. Find and nurture your close friends. Also: How To Win Friends… By Dale Carnegie. No better book on the subject.

  • @Brezlyn~No fear…You are really never Alone!! We may not be here in a physical form, but Aboslutely here for You! “K”…YOU, actually do have many Friends!!

  • I love this! I have re-read it every morning for the last several days.

  • Realizing that we can be happy even now no matter what, makes a huge difference in the way we perceive the world. Realizing that will make us to enjoy life full time. Without regrets, without any unreal expectations, without holding ourselves back and not living in the moment.
    Great article!

  • Your site is always inspiring me, thank you.

  • I adore number 11. So many times people will make every excuse in the book to not start something. In reality starting that something will help them learn. It’s ironic.

  • I love your blog!! Every post seems like it was written just for me. I especially pay attention to the books you recommend. Currently reading “Emotional Freedom” by Dr. Judith Orloff. I have been trying to understand/remember my dreams and this book has a great plan for doing so. I was so excited to find it. Thank you for your valuable advice and practical tips for living authentically!

  • Your Blog is absolutely AMAZING!
    Thank you sooooo much!

  • Just wanted to ackowledge the contribution this site has made to my well being over the past few months… I’ve been going through a marriage break up and you guys have been there right along side of me the whole time…

    with gratitude..


  • I don’t know how I stumbled onto this, but one day and I’m hooked.
    Such valuable lessons here.
    Thank you; thank you.

  • Lots of great advice and wisdom here. This is a good one to keep coming back to and grabbing bites until you’ve fully digested every last delicious morsel!

  • Honestly, this is one of the most meaningful and powerful posts I have ever read on the web. You should seriously consider writing a book…

  • Thanks for the inspiring words, I really enjoyed this short read.

  • Your thoughts here made me emotional.. they’re so true! Thanks for encouraging for me.

  • I’ve told myself every single one of these lies at one time or another. Thank you, once again, for shining a light for the rest of us to follow.

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