post written by: Marc Chernoff

7 Reasons to Stop Proving Yourself to Everyone Else

7 Reasons to Stop Proving Yourself to Everyone Else

You are GOOD enough, SMART enough, FINE enough, and STRONG enough.  You don’t need other people to validate you; you are already VALUABLE.

Sometimes we try to show the world we are flawless in hopes that we will be liked and accepted by everyone, but we can’t please everyone and we shouldn’t try.  The beauty of us lies in our vulnerability, our complex emotions, and our authentic imperfections.  When we embrace who we are and decide to be authentic, instead of who we think others want us to be, we open ourselves up to real relationships, real happiness, and real success.

There is no need to put on a mask.  There is no need to pretend to be someone you’re not.  You have nothing to prove to anyone else, because…

1.  The people worth impressing just want you to be yourself.

In the long run, it’s better to be loathed for who you are than loved for who you are not.  In fact, the only relationships that work well in the long run are the ones that make you a better person without changing you into someone other than yourself, and without preventing you from outgrowing the person you used to be.

Ignore the comparisons and expectations knocking at your door.  The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.  Prove yourself to yourself, not others.  The RIGHT people for you will love you for doing so, and they will appreciate all the things about you that the WRONG people are intimidated by.  Bottom line: Don’t change so people will like you; be patient, keep being your amazing self, and pretty soon the RIGHT people will love the REAL you.

2.  No one else really knows what’s best for YOU.

Don’t lose yourself in your search for acceptance by others.  Walk your path confidently and don’t expect anyone else to understand your journey, especially if they have not been exactly where you are going.  You have to take the steps that are right for you; no one else walks in your shoes.

Let others take you as you are, or not at all.  Speak your truth even if your voice shakes.  By being true to yourself, you put something breathtaking into the world that was not there before.  You are stunning when your passion and strength shines through as you follow your own path – when you aren’t distracted by the opinions of others.  You are powerful when you let your mistakes educate you, and your confidence builds from firsthand experiences – when you know you can fall down, pick yourself up, and move forward without asking for anyone else’s permission.  (Read Awaken the Giant Within.)

3.  YOU are the only person who can change YOUR life.

In every situation you have ever been in, positive or negative, the one common thread is you.  It is your responsibility, and yours alone, to recognize that regardless of what has happened up to this point in your life, you are capable of making choices to change your situation, or to change the way you think about it.  Don’t let the opinions of others interfere with this prevailing reality.

What you’re capable of achieving is not a function of what other people think is possible for you.  What you’re capable of achieving depends entirely on what you choose to do with your time and energy.  So stop worrying about what everyone else thinks.  Just keep living your truth.  The only people that will fault you for doing so are those who want you to live a lie.

4.  Society’s materialistic measurement of worth is worthless.

When you find yourself trapped between what moves you and what society tells you is right for you, always travel the route that makes you feel alive – unless you want everyone to be happy, except you.  No matter where life takes you, big cities or small towns, you will inevitably come across others who think they know what’s best for you – people who think they’re better than you – people who think happiness, success and beauty mean the same things to everyone.

They’ll try to measure your worth based on what you have, instead of who you are.  But you know better than that – material things don’t matter.  Don’t chase the money.  Catch up to the ideas and activities that make you come alive.  Go for the things of greater value – the things money can’t buy.  What matters is having strength of character, an honest heart, and a sense of self-worth.  If you’re lucky enough to have any of these things, never sell them.  Never sell yourself short.  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Self-Love” and “Simplicity” chapters of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

5.  Life isn’t a race; you have nothing to prove.

Everyone wants to get to the top of the mountain first and shout, “Look at me!  Look at me!”  But the truth is, all your happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing, not while you’re sitting at the top.  Enjoy the journey by paying attention to each step.  Don’t rush through your life and miss it.  Forget where everyone else is in relation to you.  This isn’t a race.  You get there a little at a time, not all at once.

Let go of the foolish need to prove yourself to everyone else, and you’ll free yourself to accomplish what matters most to you.  Sometimes you have to remind yourself that you don’t have to always be and do what everyone else is being and doing.

6.  The path to all great things passes through failure.

You are an ever-changing work in progress.  You don’t have to always be right, you just have to not be too worried about being wrong.  Screwing up is part of the process.  Looking like a fool sometimes is the only way forward.  If you try too hard to impress everyone else with your “perfection,” you will stunt your growth.  You will spend all your time looking a certain way, instead of living a certain way.

It’s impossible to live without failing sometimes, unless you live so cautiously that you aren’t really living at all – you’re merely existing.  If you’re too afraid of failing in front of others, you can’t possibly do what needs to be done to be successful in your own eyes.  You have to remember that it doesn’t matter how many times you fail or how messy your journey is, so long as you do not stop taking small steps forward.  In the end, those who don’t care that failure is inevitable are the ones that reach their dreams.  YOU can be one of them.  (Read The Last Lecture.)

7.  It’s impossible to please everyone anyway.

Some people will always tell you what you did wrong, and then hesitate to compliment you for what you did right.  Don’t be one of them, and don’t put up with them.

When you run into someone who discredits you, disrespects you and treats you poorly for no apparent reason at all, don’t consume yourself with trying to change them or win their approval.  And be sure not to leave any space in your heart to hate them.  Simply walk away and let karma deal with the things they say and do, because any bit of time you spend on these people will be wasted, and any bit of hate and aggravation in your heart will only hurt you in the end.


You don’t need a standing ovation or a bestseller or a promotion or a million bucks.  You are enough right now.  You have nothing to prove.  Care less about who you are to others and more about who you are to yourself.  You will have less heartaches and disappointments the minute you stop seeking from others the validation only YOU can give yourself.

The floor is yours…

How has the desire to be accepted by others interfered with your life?  What has it stopped you from doing or being?  How have you coped?  Leave a comment below and share your insights with us.

Photo by: Lali Masriera

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  • It’s taken me nearly 60 years to stop trying to prove myself to everyone. I wasted many years of my life in tragic situations simply because I wanted to win the approval of of the wrong people.

    Honestly, my most important life lesson I’ve learned is to not care what people think of me, and that I cannot please everyone no matter how hard I try. Now I have this mantra: “I am who I am, and if people can’t accept me for who I am, they can keep walking.”

    BTW, I bought two copies of your book today and I can’t wait for them to arrive. I’m giving the second copy to my daughter as a gift.

  • Like Scott, I have struggled with my self-image in front of others. It’s been a gradual process of letting go and refocusing my energy inward - something your blog and book have helped me with tremendously.

    @Scott Dee: You will love their book. Read a page or two every day to remain inspired and focused. I do.

  • I am working on changing my people-pleasing mindset right now, so thanks for the perfect timing with this post.

    I know I do not need to worry about what others think of me. As long as I’m not hurting anyone, I’m allowed to beat to my own drum and do what’s best for ME. Remembering this and acting accordingly, however, is often a challenge for me.

  • Wonderful… it’s a daily struggle for me… but boy is it freeing when I realize I don’t always have to give a !@#$%…

  • In a lot of ways I’m still trying to prove myself. Whether it’s standing up a bit straighter when others are around or changing my inflection. Some of it doesn’t even seem natural anymore because I wonder if it’s who I am or what I want others to see.

  • I’m grateful for these reminders today, especially. While I have spent too much of my time and energy worrying about what others think, most days I feel as if I have it conquered. Then the childhood issues arise out of no where as they do during the holidays. Especially, the ones that are tied to my faith.

    Thank you for reminding me that I am enough, just as I am, and no one else can do what I do for myself.

  • Thank you so much for this article. What a coincidence that that topic of this article was exactly what my emotional breakdown was about last night. I also have a people pleasing mindset, in combination with being shy and passive around people who I am not very familiar with. In class, I am also not comfortable with expressing my thoughts or observations, as I fear being wrong or my thoughts not being intelligent or good enough. I have realized that this has greatly hindered my growth and relationships with others. I am researching for methods to overcome this obstacle. My husband has suggested improv acting classes, which I think is a good idea as I have never thought of this before. Does anyone have any other ideas that may help me progress? Thanks in advance.

  • Good reminder - always good. Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed the post and appreciate the love. Cheers!

  • Excellent advice, ESPECIALLY in the holiday season. Thank you M & A!
    Happy Holidays.

  • Excellent Reminders, Especially During Holidays.

  • I just can’t wait to check your blog on most days - it always inspires me. Thank you!

  • This is absolutely lovely. Thank you, I love them all - your posts. I would love to keep them all :) Do you have, or would you do a book with all , or ‘ the best of ‘ :) them in it? It would make a lovely present too. I do send them to people sometimes, but I don’t want to do it too much.

    You are special people, blessed, and you inspire me so much. You are good examples of people who live through love. Thank you I’m really happy I came upon you <3

  • I agree with the fact that you do not have to be concerned about what everyone thinks. Especially when you mean well for yourself and for others around you. However, using this reason to be arrogant and selfish is no excuse. We are to be considerate about others feelings and not cause harm to anyone. We are to look our for their needs and treat them with respect.

  • Thank you Marc, thank you so much for this post! It’s just the kind of advice I needed right now.

  • Indeed, and let’s be kinder to ourselves instead. We can always try to be better each day but proving one’s worth is a different story. Let’s be aware.

  • The fear of making a mistake and “looking bad” in front of others used to cause me to freeze and not do, or start, anything - by not starting, I wouldn’t risk failing.

    Re-framing that fear with a new meaning that mistakes were opportunities for learning and growth helped me to see value in the process as well as in myself. And continues to give me the courage to step outside of my comfort zone.

  • Thank you for this list of certainties, a lot sound sharable, and I would like to be a hero standing there, resisting all blames, proud to be intact regardless of what they say. But what if you have a family or friends that count on you, couldn’t it be worth trading a little of this self-integrity for the sake of their love? And what about working on ourselves? The moment we are satisfied with what we are we would stop growing, and sometimes we really need someone else to remind us, also by criticism. So my attitude is trying to listen to the critics and then decide what to do with them, but I am also in doubt: should I work on this weakness? Or should I go on like I am proud to be weak?
    Thank you

  • For many years now I have used this phrase: “What you think of me is none of my business !!!” It always helps me to remember to stay true to myself .. Thank you for your amazing and inspiring columns .. I have spread the word on how valuable they are ..
    Hugs to you both!

  • Thank you so much for this very timely post. My son is struggling hard with depression and social anxiety disorder over this exact issue. He’s such a wonderful guy in every way and he just doesn’t see it for himself. He believes and holds the random, and not so random, criticisms he receives very closely to his heart and is crushed by them. It breaks my heart and I’m always looking for words to say to him to convince him otherwise. This post helps tremendously. Thanks for your great work!

  • I spent 16 years trying to win the approval of someone who treated me poorly and when he left me for another, I realized that I had totally lost myself in the process. I’m working my way out of that dark hole and appreciate the inspiration and motivation your newsletter has given.

  • What if one is forced to leave a job because of a toxically lying unfair boss, and now cannot find employment because of that person’s untrue attitude about you? How does one not ‘worry’ about someone’s opinion when it is keeping one from getting a job? I have no power to stop this person from poisoning others about me.

  • Wow, I really needed those reminders.
    @Scott Dee, I can’t believe you allowed sixty years of your life to be controlled by other people who didn’t have your best interests at heart. That’s a shame. Well at least you’re living life on your own terms now. For me personally, I was conscious on what other people thought in high school. Now that I’m in college, I don’t care anymore since everyone has their own battles to deal with. If I feel conscious, I just give myself a self talk on why I’m awesome and that usually works. Sometimes the things I worry about aren’t even an issue since I’ve dealt with them before.

  • Deboorah:

    I am sorry about your situation with your previous boss. You must find a way to come to terms with it, forgive and move on. I have found that when I redirect energy from being angry, bitter, spiteful to myself and start focusing on the present, that doors I didn’t know existed begin to open up for me!

    I am sure there is an amazing future waiting for you, once you let go of the past!

  • Amazing and timely post, and something I’m still trying to overcome. Overcoming the rejection and criticism of people I truly cared about, and especially walking away from it and starting over without letting those things paralyze me into inaction due to fear and insecurity is still a struggle, but it’s getting easier.

    I’ve coped by forcing myself to put one foot in front of the other and focusing on my goals. I also created a white board listing all my dreams and goals and the steps necessary to bring them to fruition. I put it on the wall right behind my computer so I could read it every time I have doubts or need a reminder.

    Daniele, what kind of friends and family would ask you to compromise your integrity for their love? Like you have to earn it? I get the need to compromise of course, because it’s often necessary in group situations in order to achieve a greater good for the whole group, but that compromise should lift everyone up so that all involved feel empowered, like everyone has gained something positive from the experience. Compromise IS NOT about completely sacrificing one person’s needs and wants for the sake of the others.

    As a writer, I know first-hand the difference between constructive criticism that helps a person improve (it challenges me and inspires me to hone my skills) and destructive criticism that undermines a person’s confidence and self-worth (which is toxic). Destructive criticism stunts growth and actually prevents a person from reaching their potential.

    Being happy with who you are instead of living your life pleasing other people doesn’t mean you won’t grow and change, or even that you’re arrogant. It just means you won’t tolerate other people’s bullshit.

    Deboorah, you have the power to go to the Labor Board and report your ex-boss and sue him. What he/she is doing is illegal. Your other option is to take that job off your resume so future employers don’t contact him/her.

  • Kayla,

    I would suggest making a list of all of your people pleasing/passive behaviors and then addressing one of them at a time for a month at a time. For example if you have a hard time saying no; practice doing so for a month. Take a breath and truly consider your own well being and acknowledge its worth when making decisions. We contribute so much more to the world when we place the proverbial “oxygen mask” on ourselves first. It will take time, practice, and patience and you can do it. God Bless.

  • Very good advice. Thank you for the helpful thoughts!

  • Great, thoughtful post, you guys!

    Years ago, when I was the director of guidance at a high school and had just finished my professional diploma in educational leadership, I dreamed of being a school principal. Eventually I boiled down the reasons why it was so important to me. It came down to wanting to show people in my own high school class I had “made it.” Talk about a reactive mind!

    I let go of the need to please and/or impress others…and built this really cool life. And in the process I influenced a lot of people in ways that make me feel good. And as a bonus, lots of people from my youth are diggin’ it as well.

  • Kayla,
    I used to be quite shy, myself. In fact all my life I have struggled with a condition, I believe is called Agoraphobia. I tend to panic, and sweat profusely, when I’m close to many people, such as seating in theatres and airplanes. I tend to feel closed in. Something that helped me quite a bit were a couple of salesmanship classes I took in junior college. First time I got up in front of the class in school I thought I was going to die. Later when I sat down at my desk I couldn’t stop shaking. Anyway, I survived and later volunteered for the readings in mass at my Catholic Parish. I haven’t completely gotten rid of the problem, but, I’ve come a long way since then.
    I Hope this can help you.

  • Excellent as always you guys seriously rock!

  • That was so well-put! :’) A lot of people I know, and myself too, do not pay enough attention to what they think of themselves and concentrate on what others think instead. What is written here is sure to boost some spirits and push some people into the right direction, finally. :)

  • Wonderful insights all. I spent 30 years in a one way toxic marriage. Lost myself totally.Finally escaped when I was gutted and could not go on… when worse always got worse yet. Still groping but have hope now.It is truly not possible to be what you are not. You can act but that is a miserable pursuit and painful to be in and witness to from within and without.

  • Kayla;
    First off thank you for sharing. I spent my life being the shy, smiling, quiet one who was afraid of critism and judgement. This all changed for me when I accepted that my opinion matters and I am who I am! Slowly I learned to smile and say hello to everyone I met, from the mailman to all my coworkers. Eventually, I would engage in conversation or small talk to build my confidence (this was so out of character for me lol). I explored my own likes and dislikes (I invited myself out with the girls on coffee dates, learned to snow board, learned to play the guitar, volunteered at the food bank. In trying new adventures, I learned about me. This also allowed me to gently get out of my comfort zone of isolation). Slow measured steps to building my confidence, seeing what I enjoyed and realizing my own value has let my inner light to shine.

    Thank you Kayla for expressing your comments. It has allowed me to reflect on my own transformation; to appreciate my journey and to see how far I have come.

  • I read this blog often and each time, it’s exactly what I need to hear. Thank you!

    It’s been nearly 5 years since my separation/divorce. When do I stop asking “Why?” and truly let go and move on? I am in the best place I’ve been in a while, but keep returning to a place of doubt and uncertainty when I “slow down” and allow my mind to consider “what if”. My kids are growing up and moving on with their lives and their mom has as well. I am looking forward to when I do as well. Hoping to continue to heal, grow, believe I am alright.

  • I too found this article awesome.

    The ‘root’ I am finding (for me anyways), that has caused me to try to please others is low self-esteem and self worth.

    I am trying to find my voice for the first time in my life. It’s hard, and I know it will be a journey.

    Feeling like your words are worth saying is something I’m not familiar with, but hoping that if I can work on my self esteem, then talking will come more naturally.

    This world puts such an emphasis on being ‘perfect’, and my heart goes out to kids growing up in this unrealistic society. I wish more campaigns for ‘being yourself’ were in place for kids nowadays.

    Thank you for this article. I am just discovering your blog and cannot wait to read more.

  • Great post as always.

    I used to behave in ways that I believe drew people into me. What people thought of me mattered a great deal.

    These days it’s not as important, although I must admit the residue is still there.

    I have changed virtually everything in my life and am now as authentic a person as I have ever been.

    There are two things I have learned.

    1. It’s tough to be authentic.

    If you want an easy life then keep on putting on that mask and keep jumping to the beat others strum.

    Being authentic is difficult.

    2. Be Patient

    Mostly everyone close to me mocks me in one way or another about the changes I have made in my life. My instinct is to get angry and hurt…to walk away. But I realise that I need to exert patience. People need to get used to the real me. Their reactions are instinctual, almost like a gag reflex because they don’t know how to act around me. That will change in time, some will learn to love the real me and others will bugger off and find someone else to play with.

    Lee Davy

  • Once again, I am blessed to read and challenged and encouraged to just be myself. Thanks!

  • Years ago I had a conversation with my dad in which he said the career I wanted to pursue was a hobby, not a career. I’ve spent my life trying to prove him wrong. A few days after he passed away recently I was awarded a prize in that career. I’ve been praised by my peers and heroes. But I haven’t made any money to speak of—so I still feel I’ve yet to succeed. I realize it’s my definition of success that leaves a knot in my stomach. Still trying to prove something.

  • Deboorah:
    I once lost a job for reasons that weren’t my fault, but the company made it look like I’d done something very wrong. I did lose some jobs later — people thought there was something fishy about me. But people forgot. I got different and better jobs. Now I’m sorry I wasted so much time freaking out.
    So — yes, you might have some problems for a while. But it will pass. Honest.

  • “In the long run, it’s better to be loathed for who you are than loved for who you are not.”

    This really resonates with what I have realized recently. As someone still in university, I used to be stuck trying to impress the popular kids so I could also fit into their social circle.

    Over the past year, a) I have completely replaced these friends with people I actually like spending time with even though they may not be seen as ‘cool’,

    b) I have fewer friends now but it’s real friendship. I have no trouble being the ‘real’ me and nor do my friends.

    and c) I stopped partying all the time because I realized that I never enjoyed it and only did it to impress my friends at the time.

    I feel that learning to be yourself is one of the biggest lessons university has taught me.

  • “Who you are to yourself…” This line is enough for me. It could really change the way you think and behave. Also, you can become totally content with this thought and it can make you seek improvement and stay motivated to do better next time.

  • Thank you so much for this article! I was copying so many parts of this into a document for myself, that I decided to just save and print the whole article. :) This was very inspiring and exactly what I needed at this moment in my life. You offered me new ways of thinking. Thank you.

  • @Scott Dee: Glad you’re getting to a better place. Thanks so much for supporting our work.

    @Kayla: The advice others have given is priceless. If you have trouble implementing these ideas, consider hiring a life coach or counselor who can help you tackle these issues one by one.

    @Daniele: I agree with Melissa. It’s about finding balance. You shouldn’t have to continuously sacrifice your needs for another. Sometimes you have to be making sacrifices, and sometimes they have to be. Most of the time finding this balance is simply a matter of communicating properly. Best of luck to you.

    @Deboorah: That is a tough situation, but I think it can be alleviated by coming clean with any future employers. Knock their socks off, and if they get any bad feedback from your old boss, explain your side of the story. Or leave the previous employment details off the application all together. Whatever you do, don’t hold on to any resentment. Let go and do what’s right for YOU.

    @Larry Hochman: Inspiring! Congrats. =)

    @ Melissa Webster and Lee Davy: Excellent insight, as always. Thank you.

    @ Charu Chandra: Sounds to me like your on the right track to me. =)

    @All: Thank you so much, as always. Angel and I just read your comments after our Thanksgiving dinner, and it reminded us of how thankful we are for all of you. We truly appreciate your wisdom and support.

  • Thank you for writing and sharing this! What a great reminder to us all as it is so often easy to forget as we get busy with life. I am going to print this out and keep it for my children to share with them as they get older.

  • ‘Care less about who you are to others and more about who you are to yourself. ‘ This has strengthened my resolve to step away from a situation that I have been feeling I should; yet fear what the world will say. I need to be true to me…my conscience will echo far louder and longer than their approval in the wee hours when there’s just me!

    Thank you!

  • Amen! I think a lot of us know this logically, but sometimes we don’t realize that we don’t truly understand the subtleties of not proving ourselves to people until we find ourselves trying to defend our dreams. Often it’s easier for everyone involved to get different friends.

  • Wow this post struck such a chord with me. Funny this is the same message has appeared to me three times this week, which tells me I should pay attentio! This is something I tend to struggle with a lot especially the last few weeks. If we could all focus on being more effective and less affected by others, life might just be a little more peaceful. Great post!

  • Thank you for writing this article. :) I really needed this summed up. Like Sherlock Holmes revealing his methods, “it is all very simple”- but only once it is explained it seams so ‘obvious’. I’m trying to shake off the constant need to please others and match what they expect me to be. :) I need these plastered on my face, so I can remind myself every time I look in the mirror. :D

  • I am 21, and i’ve been struggling with failure, acceptance and self-worth all my life. I often ask myself “what was it all for?” “what should I do now?” “why can’t they understand me?” when all of that doesn’t really matter. Thank you for your wise words. It’s so funny that I always be reading your blogs when I sit with troubling thoughts and questions. And somehow you always answer them without even knowing. Keep it up. I really look up to you. You are truly an inspiration.

  • The last point captures it all…basically, you can’t please everyone. So, make it a point to have to please only you, and anyone else that matters will be pleased.

  • I was born in a family where I grew up seeing my parents discouraging me at every point of my life! They never accepted me for who I am…They never seem to care… Yes! They fulfill my financial needs but neglected my emotional needs.. In my early teen age I was a complete emotional wreck with extremely low self esteem and was unable to cope with society.. I started ignoring people and started living in my own world of imaginations… Your articles always help me and make me realize that I am someone! I am an individual with my own identity!

  • Fantastic site. Everyone should read this! What an inspiration to life’s journey and our own reality. Thank you for contributing.

  • Merry Christmas! I just want to say thank you for doing what you do. What you do has helped me through so much. I’m young and I’m really trying to turn my life around; to be the best me I can be. But I have one problem that I just can’t seem to fix: loving me for me. I would really appreciate it if you could write something in a future post on ways to improve ones self image of themselves, if that makes since. Once again, Merry Christmas!! (Or Happy holidays!!) :)

  • Great article! I have found myself being the “butt kissing” fool in many circumstances. Looking back or rather looking forward, I see that I never put myself first and all the “butt kissing” has gotten me NOWHERE!

    It’s a day for new beginnings and your article truly opened my eyes.
    I look forward to future postings.

  • I am 17 years old and recently I have had many social problems at school. The thought of an English presentation makes me remember last year when I shook profusely in front of the class to the point of the whole class, including the teacher laughing out loud. This is just one of the many experiences I have had that has made me really base my success/happiness on how others respond to it. This is helped me realize that others have NOTHING to do with anything involving my happiness or thought. This is my life and and I’m getting chills knowing that it is only mine.

    thank you

  • Thank you for your words of wisdom. I have struggled with self esteem for many years because I was always overlooked and unappreciated, nor was I accepted by many. So I come to the conclusion that there’s a reason and a purpose for everything. I realize that God has a separate assignment for me to fulfill and it requires what it appears to be loneliness, when no one understands nor accepted me. So, if God be for me who can be against me as Romans 8:31 states. I know the feeling of loneliness but I wanna encourage everyone to know God Loves and Cares for us. So we can cast our burdens on Him. Bless You All.

  • Great post. Why do they always seem to be exactly what I need to hear?

    A friend recently shared a great piece of advice with me: “It is none of my business what other people think of me.”

    I have spent my whole life worried about that, always pleasing others. This blog, simple truths, making myself a “priority” In my own life, speaking my truth, and finding my voice have begun a tremendous healing and growth in my heart and life. Thank you for your gift to us, and for all that take the time to share your experiences. Loving yourself is a gift you deserve to open!

  • Thank you for the wonderful article. I feel lucky to have read it and can’t wait to share it with my lovely one. It’s already working, I feel like I know what to do now, which makes me feel better.

  • This is what makes suicide a dismal predicament. At that point, people don’t want to go through with it because they don’t want to hurt people in their life. But they get to that point because they have spent their whole life pleasing everyone else.

  • Thanks for ending my fight with myself, which always leads me to think whether I am doing something wrong… if i am trying to be what I am in realty. I always wanted everyone to understand me and tried hard to get approval from others. But being the REAL me is what’s important.

  • Wow. I can’t say how much I needed this right now. Amazing.

  • This is truly inspired and it was just what I believe that God wanted me to hear today.

  • One of the most important lists of advice I’ve ever read . . . thank you for this!

  • What a great observation! My New Years resolution is to stop beating me up and to give myself credit; as I am worth it. Let others have their ideas and thoughts about me, I don’t have to take it on board. Thanks for reiterating my new found insight.

  • I have been struggling with this my whole life. Your article really hit home for me in many ways. This is a great reminder for so many people. I am a pretty stubborn person so I think that is another reason why I want to please others or have a certain image that my family approves of, so I won’t have to change. Being myself has allows been hard because I have a negative inner voice. I really need to start to just let go of my fears and just be myself and have faith my future will be bright. Thank you for sharing, I am going to bookmark this article so when I get stubborn it will be a good insperation of whats really important in life :)

  • I was pondering why I sometimes feel the need to prove myself to the public (I live in a small town), and Googled this question and this came up. Never seen or heard of this site or authors before. But let me say that was one of the best articles I’ve read in a while that so precisely describes what I’ve been telling people for years. I’m 46 and my mother had me when she was 39. She taught me to be a strong and independent woman. I veered off the path for about ten years and learned a LOT! I love myself. I expect to have failures because it happens. I try to learn and change in little ways to persevere on. But I’m happy! I’m working on successful. It’s very challenging being a free thinking liberal in central MS. But, one day I’ll move! Thanks for putting into words concepts that I’ve learned the hard way!

  • Totally agree with you here, every point…

  • Wow! I found this website just when I was about to give up on myself. You really can’t please everyone and I’ve felt I have failed constantly in trying to achieve this goal my entire life! I have nothing left to give everyone and nowhere else to turn except right back around and start again. Welcome to my world where my rules and ethics now apply….accept it or don’t let the door hit you on the way out! Fab article.

  • This article is perfect for me and for those who are also struggling in self image. I need to read this everyday so I can get it in my head to not be a fake person and be the real me. I’m am trying to set a new mind of who I am and get rid if the junk and lies in my head that have been pushing me to being something else and seeking for approval. God bless everybody and I hope this article will help you.

  • Thank you so much for this article. This one’s enough to give me peace, as well as contentment over things I currently live with. Since yesterday, I’ve been questioning myself, “I poured my heart and soul into it. I gave it my all. Why is it that not one, single person appreciates what I did?” But, not until right now. It is, indeed, not important to seek for others’ approval as long as you know you’re doing things right. I really can’t take you enough for giving me hope.

  • This article really speaks to me. I spent most of my years in high school trying to be the center of attention in nearly every social gathering I encountered. Admittedly, it was difficult and stressful for me to try and win the approval of all the wrong people. Ever since I entered college, it feels like none of that matters to me anymore as I now have actual friends who love and respect me for who I am all because I let go of the need to be a crowd pleaser. Let’s face it, you can’t win everyone’s approval, the trick is to be true to yourself. Thank you for typing this out!

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