9 Good Signs You’re in the Right Relationship

9 Good Signs You’re in the Right Relationship

It’s not always where you are in life,
but who you have by your side that matters.

“How do I know if I’m in the right relationship or not?”

This is one of the most common questions our coaching clients ask us.  And after Angel and I listen to the specifics of their situation, we often toss a question back at them to further clarify their thoughts and expectations.  For instance:

“What do you think a “right relationship” should provide for the people in it?”

Although the answer here is obviously subjective, in all relationships, romantic and platonic alike, there are some clear signs that things are going well.  So today, let’s take a look at some signs you’re in the “right relationship,” and corresponding tips that could potentially help you make a “wrong relationship” right:

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1.  No games are being played.

Far too often, we make our relationships harder than they have to be.  The difficulties started when… conversations became texting, feelings became subliminal, sex became a game, the word “love” fell out of context, trust faded as honesty waned, insecurities became a way of living, jealously became a habit, being hurt started to feel natural, and running away from it all became our solution.  Stop running!  Face these issues, fix the problems, communicate, appreciate, forgive and LOVE the people in your life who deserve it.

And of course, if you feel like someone is playing games with you, speak up.

2.  Everyone is on the same page.

If a woman starts out all casual with a man and she doesn’t tell him that she wants a committed relationship, it will likely never become a committed relationship.  If you give someone the impression that casual, or whatever, is okay with you, that’s what will be assumed going forward.  The bottom line is that you have to be straight from the start, or at least as soon as you know what you want.  Don’t beat around the bush.  If someone gets scared and runs away because you were honest and set boundaries, that person wasn’t right for you anyway.

3.  The line of communication is open, honest, and clear.

You can’t be afraid to have certain conversations.  It’s better to talk and find out the truth, than to keep going and get nowhere.  Say what you mean and mean what you say.  Don’t expect the important people in your life to read your mind, and don’t play foolish games with their heads and hearts.  Don’t tell half-truths and expect them to trust you when the full truth comes out – half-truths are no better than lies.

Listen without defending and speak without offending.  Communication isn’t just an important part of a relationship, it is the relationship.  Relationships often fail because of trust issues, commitment issues, and above all, communication issues.  So be honest, commit, and COMMUNICATE always.  (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Relationships” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

4.  Loving deeds consistently reinforce loving words.

Nurture your important relationships so that when you tell the people you love that you love them, it’s merely a ritualistic validation of what you have already shown them by how you treat them on a daily basis.  Do little things every day to show your loved ones you care.  Knowing that the person you’re thinking of has you on their mind too means a lot.

Truth be told, you can say “sorry” a thousand times, or say “I love you” as much as you want, but if you’re not going to prove that the things you say are true, they aren’t.  If you can’t show it, your words are not sincere.  It’s as simple as that.  And there’s no such thing as a “right” relationship that isn’t sincere at both ends.

5.  Expectations of perfection are strictly forbidden.

Any relationship that’s real will not be perfect, but if you’re willing to work at it and open up, it could be everything you’ve ever dreamed of.

Your best friends and your soul mate may be far from perfect, but they are a perfect fit for you.  Give them a chance to show you.  When you stop expecting the people you love to be a certain way, you can start to enjoy and appreciate them for who they are.  What you need to remember is that every relationship has its problems, but what makes it perfect in the end is when you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, even when times are tough.

6.  Honesty, vulnerability, and presence are held sacred.

Although it may sound risky, the strongest type of love is the love that makes you the most vulnerable.  It’s about daring to reveal yourself honestly, and daring to be open and fully disclosed over the long-term.  It’s about sticking by each other’s side through thick and thin, and truly being there in the flesh and spirit when you’re needed most.

So open yourself up.  BE with the person you love.  Allow yourself to experience them authentically.  Tear down any emotional brick walls you have built around yourself and feel every exquisite emotion, both good and bad.  This is real life.  This is how you welcome a sincere connection with another human being.  (Read Daring Greatly.)

7.  There is a healthy blend of freedom and teamwork.

Keep in mind that we can’t force anyone to be with us or love us.  We shouldn’t beg someone to stay when they want to leave.  And likewise, we should never feel trapped in a relationship.  In fact, if either person feels trapped, the relationship doesn’t really exist.  Because that’s what relationships are all about: freedom.

Relationships are also built on a solid foundation of teamwork.  And since relationships are one of the greatest vehicles of personal growth and happiness, the most important trip you will ever take in life is meeting someone else halfway.  You will achieve far more by working with them, rather than working alone or against them.  It really is a full circle.  The strength of a relationship depends on the strength of its two members, and the strength of each member in the long run depends on the quality of the relationship.

And remember, relationships are rarely 50/50 at any given instant in time.  You can’t always feel 100%, or a full 50% of a relationship’s whole – life is simply too unpredictable for that.  So on the days when you can only give 20%, the other person must give 80%, and vice versa.  It’s never been about balancing steady in the middle; healthy relationships are about two people who are willing to make adjustments for each other in real time as needed, and give more when the other person can’t help but give a little less.

8.  Personal growth is embraced, celebrated, and shared.

It’s not about finding someone to lose yourself in, it’s about meeting someone to find yourself in.  When you connect with someone special, a best friend or a lifelong partner, this person helps you find the best in yourself.  In this way, neither of you actually meet the best in each other; you both grow into your best selves by spending time together and nurturing each other’s growth.

When you honestly think about what you and your closest confidants add to each other’s lives, you will often find that instead of giving or taking things from each other (advice, answers, material gifts, etc.), you have chosen rather to share in each other’s joy and pain, and experience life together through good times and bad.  No matter what, you two are there for one another, growing and learning as one.  (Read The Mastery of Love.)

9.  Outsiders aren’t calling the shots.

Relationships don’t always make sense, especially from the outside.  So don’t let outsiders run your relationships for you.  If you’re having a relationship issue with someone, work it out with THEM and no one else.

You have to live your own life your own way; that’s all there is to it.  Each of us has a unique fire in our heart for certain people.  It’s your duty, and yours alone, to decide if a relationship is right for you.  You’ve got to stop caring so much about what everyone else wants for you, and start actually living and deciding for yourself.

The floor is yours…

In your experience, what are some good signs you’re in the right relationship?  Any other relationship tips you’d like to share?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Photo by: Snaps


  1. Steve says

    Very helpful, informative article.
    I’m 50 & currently in 15 month relationship that feels like the most spiritual connection two people could ever be blessed to share.
    But reality is I have never met my partners teenage children & we exist outside of the reality of her ‘normal’ life with family and friends.

    Just realising now that while I’ve been do focused on the blessings of all times shared – something (sadly) not quite right and have arranged a discussion to see if we can resolve posititively.

    Thank you for very helpful read.

  2. Marcel says

    I’ve been in many relationships. They all went to crap. So i stopped looking. Now I’ve met a woman that is perfection. She is just perfect. We have been together for about 2,5 years, and still we haven’t argued once. She’s jealous, but only in a cute way. She can get angry, but she likes to talk. Not yell and scream. She allows me my freedom, without any jealousy. And because of this i love her with all my heart and soul, and i try, every day, to make her feel as loved as i do.

    In my life, i never had anything.
    But because of her, I’m the richest man alive.

    I hope all of you find what i have found!

  3. Philip says

    I stumbled into the website and as most awesome discoveries are, how I wish I had learned so many of these lessons at the beginning of my dating life let alone seeing my marriages fail. Perhaps it would have saved me from losing someone who was the love of my life. Reading article and commentary are both refreshing and encouraging and let me know there is hope, desire and plenty of life still to share together in its fullest.

  4. veronica says

    I recently started getting to know this guy through a marriage website, well yeah sounds lame, but in a place where i live frnkly not much options. so the thing is i showed an interests in his profile and he accepted it as well. and with that we started communicating thru messages and thn one of the days i didnt hear back from him and so on , so i assume probably he isnt interestd and i left him a note saying atleast a reply would be courteous enough. well in the meanwhile i got over it and later like say about 2-3 weeks he responded back apologizing and saying tht he phone had issues and so he never got notification etc….

    however later on after hesitating to get back eventually i did since i felt lets give it a short may he really had some issues with it.
    so we shared contact number and begin chatting. and its been like three weeks now we are chatting and he comparatively to me talk less and is a bit if the laid back types. so yeah i asked him a couple of times to meet up but he always told tht somthing was preplanned so probably later in the week we could. and as i remeber prev he did ask me to meet up during our first chat sessions.
    so i dont knw but its been a bit of time and he accepts that he is interested in me but i dont get the picture of why he wont been keen enough to meet me in person that much, as in to when he is having nuthing scheduled we can meet then. when i asked him directly he says its not me but his work and he doesnt have a fixed job timing so it gets difficult. somehow his cute and sweet soft spoken kind, and looking for something serious just like me. but i just feel so confused and lost with the idea that why cant i see his interest in me clearly and why is it so doubtful.

    some help/advice would be appreciated and yes i sincerely like him and i want to make this work just cant do it alone , needs two people after all. :/

    • Valerie says

      Honey, I’ve learned this the hard way too many times. Something isn’t right and you should move on. No more time, effort, or heartache. He is playing his own games and you can either get caught up in the net of his crap or steer clear and keep walking. I’m so sorry, I know it’s hard and it hurts, but it had nothing to do with you. Keep walking!

  5. David - Calgary ALB says

    Have been in a few relationships that didn’t work out as we just meshed gears and not connected thus they didn’t last. Am now with the right person for the past 6 years. We do this list and more importantly talk with each other not ‘to each other’. Nice to see some one has thought enough to put what I feel in a list such as this. Thanks.

  6. Aamie says

    I feel very strongly in this current relationship but it isn’t going very far, sadly. I already trust that he would make a good partner but I am worried we just don’t make a “great couple” and it is obvious. We haven’t really argued but I have expressed some jealousy over someone he is friends with. I think they may be more fit for each other and it is painful. He says he loves me but despite how strongly I feel I can’t shake the idea we have to go our separate ways.

    The part about sharing the love when person is 20% and then the other gives 80% is something we’re missing. It feels as if we just have an early relationship but it has been over a year. He still hasn’t met my family.

    One more important thing is that I don’t feel like I can talk to him about the little things I am interested in without feeling embarrassed still. I just don’t feel like we are friends. It’s an odd feeling of love with no friendship. I haven’t shown him much of the work that I do or my hobbies. I have only felt this close to my best friend. But my best friend is another woman and I have yet to find the equivalent in him. He however has shared much with me but I just don’t feel the same for him. I guess he isn’t right for me. There is potential but I don’t know if we should work to be great or if I should let him go. I wish this on no one reading, it’s a sucky feelin lol

  7. says

    For me, if the relationship with the person helps me grow and shine, it is the right relationship. I have chosen to surround myself with people that build me up and help me reach my full potential.

    I had fallen deep in love with a boy, soon to find out his mindset is far from what I want to surround myself with. It was extremely hard but I had to set a boundary to take care of myself and say goodbye. I was so emotionally attached to him, but my heart was telling me that I needed to get away from him.
    I chose to listen to my heart.

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