You won’t see this as a news headline, but you should:
SOCIETY IS SICK WITH THE DISEASE OF BUSYNESS!
Being overbooked has somehow become a badge of honor. And I’m no saint.
When I was 22 I scribbled this well-meaning task at the top of my to-do list:
Walk into a nursing home. Ask the staff to nominate their loneliest visitor. Knock on an unsuspecting stranger’s door. Show up and listen.
My intention was to deliver some light and love to a wise soul who had been tucked away in a quiet room. To assure them they had not been forgotten.
But busy days weaved themselves together to form busy weeks. Those busy weeks compounded to create chaotic months. Before I knew it, I had stacked up a bunch of where-the-heck-did-they-go years.
Isn’t it ironic how the most important things in our lives tend to get scheduled with the scraps of what’s left over after the rest of world takes what it wants?
Fast forward five years.
At 27, I decided it was time to start living the story I wanted to look back on.
My calendar would now include more than conference calls, work deadlines, and other people’s needs.
I walked through the front doors of a nursing home in my neighborhood on a rare, uncomfortably cold Texas winter evening. The staff scanned their roster looking for a resident who was “visitor deprived.” Their nomination sat quietly in room 202.
I walked nervously through the long quiet halls. The sound of my shoes echoed off the dingy yellow tile and plain beige walls. As I passed each door, I took time to read every hand decorated name placard. I considered carefully that each represented a real person… and an entire life story stretched behind them that I knew nothing about.
By the time I was standing in front of the hand painted placard that read 202, my palms were sweating through my scruffy winter mittens. I had no idea who I was about to find. But I knew there was nowhere else on the entire globe my feet needed to be planted other than right in front of this stranger’s door. Why?
Because the memories you remember most are rarely born from within your comfort zone.
How To Be The Happiest Human in The Nursing Home
I knocked on the door intending to deliver a gift, but discovered one instead. On the other side sat 98-year-old Ella.
When I asked Ella about the best moments of her life, her response startled me.
Grabbing my hand, she squeezed it tight. Excitement washed over her as she replied through an enormous smile, “My life has been SO, SO FULL, Kendra!”
Gratitude poured out of her and bathed the room the way sunshine flows over a skyline at dawn. No crevice left untouched. Warmth everywhere. I was confused and equally fascinated. This was not what I expected.
How did she feel so full while being tucked away in this tiny room? While many of us struggle with feelings of emptiness, even when we’re surrounded by our big families, lavish lives, and latest iDevices?
Grinning, she laid her long life story out like a homemade movie – glowing brightly about all the fascinating ways she collected an incredible amount of breathtaking, beautiful memories.
She beamed about a powerful rebellious love that lasted for decades. We chuckled together when she tallied up the outlandish risks of her youth (and there were many).
She honestly had the ultimate luxury that all of us are after but none of us can buy – a life well lived.
Even while living in a small room with plain beige walls and having basically no visitors the past few months, nothing could take away the satisfaction a life well lived now gave her.
During the hour and a half we spent together, storytelling and laughing, Ella repeatedly and passionately urged me to make time for exciting life experiences. It was the number one piece of wisdom she wanted me to know, and she even asked me to promise myself that I would.
Driving home, I steered through tears. I considered how it took me 27 years to turn the doorknob of room 202. And yet, I make it to work every day… and I even make it to the dentist at least twice a year (when I’m behaving like a real adult).
What else had I been doing all those years that was more important than moments like this?
The Life You (Really) Want To Live Will Never Be Comfortable or Convenient
I don’t remember most of my early twenties. Probably because I never slowed down long enough to actually live them. I was asleep at the wheel. My life was on autopilot. Thankfully I was young, and mostly only foolish in that one specific way.
Everything changed when I started taking things off of my “someday” list and began putting them on a day of the week that actually exists: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
What I’ve found, and other people living with less regret have confirmed for me, is this: If something important isn’t on the calendar, it doesn’t happen.
Yes, we have to earn a paycheck, and go to the dentist, and shop for groceries, and do various forms of busywork. But not at the total expense of getting to the end of our lives and wondering where the heck it went!
Collecting experiences, adventures and face time with amazing people is at least – if not more – important than most of our other tasks and obligations.
So what do we do?
Plan personal time off the clock with the same level of intentionality that we use for our “professional” lives.
If we don’t, chance will lead us to choose comfort (doing nothing) every single time.
Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable is the one hard thing we have to do to live a life we are excited and happy to look back on.
Hear me now but believe me later: until your personal priorities have dates in your day planner they will tumble to the bottom of your infinitely expanding to-do list.
The part of this story you almost didn’t read was how I wanted to bail on Ella that night.
As great as my intentions were, they were doing a pretty pitiful job of getting me out the door when the weather was inconvenient and I was exhausted. By my own failure to set boundaries in my workload, I clocked a grueling ten hours that day. Plus, a friend who was supposed to tag along for the adventure bailed.
My motivation meter was sittin’ heavy on zilch. Nada. Nothing. No gas in the tank.
But this was no longer on my “maybe I’ll get to it list” that evening like it had been for several years. It was on my calendar. I had committed.
I had finally learned to carve out time in my day so it would be about more than earning a paycheck… and running around.
And laying down my badge of busyness so I can live a life I will be proud to look back on, I realized, can start small. One day at a time.
So I walked down the halls of that nursing home a year and a half ago.
And do you want to know what I remember most about the evening I knocked on door 202?
If you said that it wasn’t the deadlines I miraculously hit or how I felt when I didn’t want to leave my warm house and venture into the cold, you’re smart and I like you.
What I do remember is slowing down long enough to create a memory worth remembering for the rest of my life: Ella.
I remember who I had to become to face the task of walking up to her door all by myself. I remember sweating through my mittens, not knowing what or who I would find on the other side. I remember crisscrossing my balmy fingers and cold toes hoping someone would be grateful I was there (instead of wondering if I was a wacko).
And I’ll never forget the way Ella hugged me goodbye. Long and hard. Like a friend she loved dearly and wasn’t sure when she would see again.
Although my task list had been impressively long that day, I completed the most important item: slow down to create a moment that I would remember.
And life has never been the same since.
How to Quit Living to Work… So You Can Work to Live
I’ve certainly remembered a lot more from my late twenties than my early twenties. Simply because I started making appointments to actually show up and live.
If we are more than our work and the demands of the world (and we are), why doesn’t more than that get scheduled on our calendar?
Imagine a list of 100 things you want to do or experience — little and large. How many of your goals, dreams and desires actually have dates on your day planner?
If we aren’t actively working toward slashing items off that list then why the heck are we working so darn hard anyway?
Now I live by one simple rule: schedule something exciting on the calendar every week – preferably something fresh and different that allows me to share a smile with others. Because most memories worth remembering don’t happen by accident.
We know our ideas to pay it forward will make us feel good. We know planning an unforgettable date night with our partner vs. just dusting off the Netflix queue will make us feel alive. We know putting our phones down to be present and enjoy a playful pillow fight with our little ones will make us smile. So why don’t we do those things?
Simple. We are too busy… trying to be “successful” or whatever.
Nobody Who Works Themselves to Death Wins
I promise, you are more than your job. You are more than your errands, and meetings, and your mortgage. You are more than other people’s priorities for you.
You are more than 24/7 busyness.
So make room on your calendar for more than just the things that keep you busy.
Take one thing off your “someday list” of personal priorities and put it on your calendar this week.
It doesn’t have to be large to make an impact. Small is the perfect place to start when you’re ready to start showing your calendar who is boss.
Block off time to make it home from work at a reasonable hour, and surprise your significant other with a slow dance and twirl in the living room.
Build a blanket fort with your kids. Flick off all the lights and navigate the house with only flashlights and curiosity.
If you’re single, ask a friend you trust to set you up on a blind date with the most creative, interesting, lighthearted single person they know.
Walk into a nursing home and help someone who can do nothing for you.
Game of Thrones isn’t going anywhere, I promise.
Become a Professional Experience Collector
Consider that your life is a credits and debits system. All the experiences, adventures, and memories you collect will put deposits into your happiness account. When you get to the end and it’s not as easy to venture into the world or try new things, you’ll need a lot of memories to draw credit against.
You don’t get brownie points in life for winning at working yourself to death.
Just because it’s normal to drift through your days without intentionality, doesn’t make it OK.
Every breath you take is killing you. Are you making decisions today that your future self will thank you for?
Remember, the happiest person in the nursing home wins. 😉
Your turn…
Don’t let this be another article you read and don’t take action on.
In the comments section below, share one exciting or important thing you’ve been intending to do… and then put a date on your calendar. If you need ideas, steal 100 of my best ones here.
Author Bio: Kendra Wright is a blogger, writer, speaker and location independent entrepreneur. Since creating the Year Of Fear Project in 2013, she has completed over 700 self-assigned comfort zone challenges. Kendra specializes in teaching others how to break through fear and uncertainty, productivity slumps, and create better work-life balance (without abandoning the inner hustle). Find more of her work and comfort zone challenges at HeyKendra.com.
Photo by: Matthew Wiebe
Mary Anne says
Like 98% of the M&A blog updates I receive in my email inbox, this one was packed with an excellent lesson and a much-needed reminder. Thank you for sharing this story.
Kendra @ HeyKendra.com says
Thank you for opening the emails and taking the time to tuck some great insights and vibes into your brain! The fact that you’re reading great content from Marc and Angel (and this post from me) shows you’re already on the right track Mary Anne!
Kevin B. says
I’ve been meaning to make more time to spend with my family. I run my own business and it’s easy to let the busyness carry me away. Thank you Marc, Angel and Kendra for a kick in the pants I needed. I just scheduled my family time in for this week.
Kendra @ HeyKendra.com says
Glad it give you the kick in the pants you needed Kevin! Appreciate the kind words and looking forward to hearing how carving out more time for what matters most leaves you feeling like you did the most important thing on your to-do list for the week!
Sue F says
I can relate! I have been trying to get my husband to spend more time with his wife and partner of 27 years…ME! He has his own business which he runs from home but now there is more boundaries and more together time. So easy to take that extra phone call or pop out to see a client at dinner time. There needs to be a balance!
Gina says
I grew up in a family where the business was the preferred child. That child was talked about the most at the dinner table, on holidays and on vacation. Please don’t make that mistake with your precious children. The business can wait, but children grow up. Good luck with your new intention.
Erica says
Busyness is a sickness! That is so true.
I’ve been intending to take my son to a Red Sox (his favorite team) game this season, and I haven’t even searched for game schedules and tickets once. But that what I’m doing next.
Kendra @ HeyKendra.com says
Reading this comment made my day. Glad to hear it woke you up to the wonderful joys in front of you and put them back where they belong: at the TOP of your to-do list.
Looking forward to seeing you create a memory you’ll forever cherish with your kiddo. Get that game on the calendar 😉
airen says
This article gave me a reason to believe in myself a little more and do meaningful things. Thanks.
Kendra @ HeyKendra.com says
Glad to be a breeze of inspiration Airen! What is something (even if it feels small) that is meaningful you can put on your calendar in the next 7 days?
Marcie says
I’m going to spend more time with my grandparents
Dorry says
Progress is where passion and action meet. Thanks for the reminder, and Ella.
Kendra @ HeyKendra.com says
Total truth Dorry!
Action is where traction happens.
Cheers to staying in motion on what matters most to us.
Maureen says
This is probably the most useful, informative, blog post I have read in a very long time. It is giving me a lot to think about. But….there I go, instead of thinking, I need to DO! Will write it post it into my calendar. Thank you.
Kendra @ HeyKendra.com says
Thanks for the warm words Maureen! Focus on action and the feelings of feeling good will last ALOT longer. Because when you take action you get the experience + the bonus gift of having something memorable to look back on (like this experience became for me).
Sara Renshaw says
This is really great! Thanks for sharing. I tend to live an adventurous life for the reasons you mentioned. I don’t want to miss or regret a thing. Interestingly enough my careers (plural) are soaring, I believe it has to do with my way of engaging and experiencing life. One of my businesses may help your readers disconnect from the busyness and reconnect with things that matter like nature, loved ones & ultimately the self. Check us out on FB: Green Maya Tulum.
Kendra @ HeyKendra.com says
Sounds like you’re living proof putting what matters most on your calendar is a predictable recipe for happiness and less regret. Thanks for sharing Sara, will check it out!
deb says
I remember being in a teacher interview when my son was in grade 8. He was really struggling with the “getting things done” part of school. The teacher was giving me the litany of all the unfinished homework he had pending, and said “…. and his agenda. He’s not using it properly. It’s full of things he has to do outside of school.” At that point I knew I was talking to someone who saw the world very differently than I did. I had worked with my son to put all those important events in his agenda, to help him schedule his homework around them! I think it is important that we not only learn the lesson of this article, but teach it to our kids as well.
John Waugaman says
?, very good point. Teach our youth now what took us many years to figure out. Very good article that we all need.
Kendra @ HeyKendra.com says
What a beautiful reminder Deb! I don’t have kiddos but if I did, one of my top priorities would be teaching them they are more than their school books. Heart, soul and happiness aren’t often listed on the school curriculum these days, so it’s our responsibility to teach the future generation.
Excellent work!
Kathae says
Spot on for my Monday!!!
Gary F Moody says
Ack. Don’t leave us hanging. Did you see Ella again? Do you go to other nursing homes? Does Ella email? Are you planning a 100th birthday party for her? We need to know.
Kelly Wade says
Yes! Don’t leave us hanging! I’m hoping Ella and Kendra have more than just one visit.
lynda says
Lynda says yes I need to know what happened to Ella?
Kendra @ HeyKendra.com says
I have not (yet) been back. Something about this visit felt spiritual and pure, as if Ella and I were only supposed to connect that once.
However, I think of Ella often and have made it a mission to carry and teach her important lesson to as many people as possible.
I think that is how she and I can most effectively change the world together.
Callum Thomas says
It’s a while away yet, but I’m going back to New Zealand for my grandparents’ 70th anniversary in December, so that’s something to look forward to.
I looked at my planner for this month and realised all 3 upcoming weekends include something fun and sociable. Yay!
In the meantime, the priority is to find my way into mental health campaigning and advocacy, and out of my current retail grind.
Also, loved the ‘Game of Thrones isn’t going anywhere, I promise.’ I was a bit bummed yesterday when I remembered that it finished last week. You had me laughing at myself just then!
Kendra @ HeyKendra.com says
Glad I could give you a good chuckle. Bravo for carving out time for what matters most on your calendar. Hopefully this post was a great reminder to never lose that rare skill!
The most enjoyable person to laugh at… is always yourself. 😉
Dee says
Very inspiring article. I will strive to put all the things I like to do in a notebook so that I can see them daily and be reminded of it. I have many dreams. One of it is to travel around the world.
Kendra @ HeyKendra.com says
Beautiful dreams Dee! How can you take one of your items on your list out of your notebook and scribble it onto your calendar this week?
Create a memory worth remembering in the next 7 days. “One day” is great to dream about, but putting items on days of the week that actually exist (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday…) is the secret to living the story we want to look back on. <3
Carol, aka Carolina in Mexico says
Wow! This article sure hit a few emotional buttons with me. In it, I saw myself, my wonderful adult son (who packs his life full with wonderful, challenging endeavors), my days working for hospice, and a few of my dear friends. It does make me want to change how I live my life because busyness has become the driving force, and this helps me to see how senseless that is. Don’t know what that one exciting or important thing is that I want to mention… perhaps travel. I’m going to read Kendra’s List of 100 Things next, so who knows where this will lead me? Thanks for a truly inspiring article.
Kendra @ HeyKendra.com says
Hey Carol! I can relate to being sick with the disease of busyness. The great news is progress can start SMALL.
When I started making adventure and travel a priority in my life I was cash and time strapped,. Therefore I focused on day trips to nearby cities I had never seen.
Adventure doesn’t need a passport, it can be found in your own backyard.
The most important aspect of putting this article and it’s insights into action is just to get an experience out of the ordinary or that you’ve been “meaning to do for awhile” on your calendar in the next 7 days.
Thanks for reading!
Kay says
Loved the post, thank you! The only disagreement I have is with the comment toward the end regarding “Every breath you take is killing you.” Every breath we take (or are given by a loving creator) is actually giving us this gift of life in which we can enjoy each moment and wonderful experience of being alive.
Kendra @ HeyKendra.com says
Thanks for sharing that beautiful contrasting perspective Kay! As long as we’re making the most of those limited breaths I think we’re on the right track! 😉
Rachel says
I loved your article, the only part that I agree and share the view with Kay is about our breath, killing you. I too think of it in terms that it is what keeps us alive, whether the amount of breaths we take in this life are short or long, as long as you love and care, each breath is sweet. Thanks for inspiring article x
Lois Brown says
Thanks for the thump on the head. Spent most of my life doing just what you say- adventuring and experiencing and expanding. Met amazing people, saw and did some cool things, chose work that let me help others… But have succumbed to the grind and let health issues be an excuse. Thank you for the fresh reminder that life is for living. She who dies with the most joys wins. 🙂
( ooooOoO….. I like that thought! Gonna Facebook it right now, then get outta bed and go DO something fun!!)
Thanks, Kendra; hope you’ll come see me when I’m 92- got some stories to tell ya!
Kendra @ HeyKendra.com says
Sounds like a plan Lois! Go rack up some great adventures so we can count the memories later together 😉 #QueensOfTheNursingHome
Becky says
Thanks a lot Marc and Angel…. I’m planning to change my busy schedule and make me time, be there for my kids and precious time with friends too.. Thanks for an inspiring article
Tammy says
Interesting universe we live in and how messages come at just the right “time”. These words validate the thoughts that I’ve been having lately and provides direction with following through with the plan. Thank you for Sharing your beautiful story and being the change we would like to see in the world. Off to meditate, find clarity and schedule something wonder- full!
Amanda says
Thank you for this post. It touched me greatly. In college, I volunteered for a hospice company and was assigned certain patients to sit with and talk to. There was one woman who I talked to each week. She was such an inspiration to me and did so many things that I would want to do in my life. She was a reporter/writer. She fixed up an old antebellum house and lived there. She owned an antique shop, listened to classical music. My experience: I’m going to play the piano for an assisted living facility in town.
Kendra @ HeyKendra.com says
I love this Amanda! I hope you took the next action to schedule playing piano in the assisted living facility!
Ann C says
When I wish someone a Happy Birthday, I always add that I hope they will make some memories. I worked in several retirement communities and realized that memories end up being the only thing we may have at the end.
Retired now and trying to do more than maintain. Going to get serious about that bucket list. Thank you for the push. Hope you continue to see Ella.
Kendra @ HeyKendra.com says
Ann — it doesn’t matter WHEN you start living, just that you start! Here’s to turning your bucket list into your to-do list. <3
Ms Hanson says
Building my Writer’s Den, begun just last week. In. Cre. Ment. All. Y.
Brianna says
Ms. Hanson, I love your ‘ In.Cre.Ment.All.Y’ . . . such a simple but creatively way of saying it’s going s.l.o.w.l.y (baby steps), – i would be interested in reading some of your writings.
Susan says
Such a heartwarming and inspiring article. I am all about people. I do make time for living and sharing, but now I want to make more time. Especially regarding a few specific people. In a week I am going with my oldest dearest friend to visit her 90 year old daddy. I can’t wait. Have not seen him in years and he is a precious man. It will be a visit that I will surely remember forever. Thanks for filling my heart this morning
Heather Caliri says
Such a helpful, practical reminder to show up and keep us working on the right things. Thank you, Kendra.
Jennifer Bushroe says
I’ve always struggled with the whole ‘getting out of my comfort zone’ thing but have been forcing myself to say “yes” to the opportunities that have been coming my way lately, even if (especially if) they make me nervous. The funny thing is, the more I say yes, the less scary it is, and the more fun I’m having! I know I have a Bucket List somewhere…I’m going to find it and schedule stuff on my calendar pronto. 🙂 Thanks, Kendra!
Kendra @ HeyKendra.com says
Very rarely do the moments we remember transpire inside our comfort zone.
When in doubt, always say YES. <3
Mary says
Excellent! Thanks Kendra!
Johnny AKA DJ G Woo says
So happy to see Kendra write an article on here. Her weirdness never ceases to amaze me (who writes going to the dentist twice a year lol).
I can attest to her advice of making time for the important things in life. The past four months have been the most exciting time because I did things that I’ve always wanted to do.
I’ve gone out every weekend to have better social skills. I’ve gone skydiving even though I’m afraid of heights. I’ve learned the basics on how to DJ and even put out my first ever mix. I’ve read six books, all focused on personal development and spirituality.
I’m nowhere near the same person I was when I committed to this way of being, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Kendra’s also been a huge supporter on my journey thus far.
Thanks Kendra for your weirdness and chatting with me weekly, and also props on this awesome article!
Kendra @ HeyKendra.com says
Hey Johnny! How funny you found me over here too! Always grateful to be someone who can support you on your journey of growth and prioritizing adventure. Looking forward to seeing you become the king of the nursing home!
Cheers to the weird. Normal is overrated (and quite frankly bores me to death) 😉
Seema says
Appreciate the article, very simple and insightful. I have been meaning to do a lot of things but keep procrastinating. Now ill certainly ensure to put it on my calendar and do things on priority
The Sunday Mode says
I love how your post really gets me thinking about my life and my priorities. I am going to work on my own list tonight. As I was coming towards the end of the post , I thought it would be great if you could include a list of ideas and of course you had already thought of that 🙂
Thank you!
Kendra @ HeyKendra.com says
It’s almost like I collect adventures for fun… oh wait, I do! Make sure to check out the 100 ideas list, it’s a gold mine for interesting, unconventional ideas I’ve collected over the years!
dubaitara says
Kendra, you’re amazing! Beautifully written, heartwarming, tear-jerking, life-affirming whack to the side of the head and heart!
The daily to-do list just got a rainbow added to each and every day, from the some-day list that’s been gathering dust until this!
Gratitude!
x
Kendra @ HeyKendra.com says
“whack to the side of the head and heart” might be the most hilarious way I’ve ever heard anyone describe my writing — I’m honored!
Cheers to pouring lots of color all over your calendar!
Adam Lee says
Well written and right on point with the decision my wife and I have made to change the course of our life.
NicoleS says
I’m going to see family in FL and we’re taking my 3 (1, 3 and 9 year old) children to Disney for a few days next week. Thank you so much for this post! Now to get Vegas w my husband and an overnight baby sitter on the calendar!!!!
Lindsey says
I’ve been meaning to take my daughter on a photo scavenger hunt. It is firmly on the calendar for next Saturday morning.
Kendra @ HeyKendra.com says
What a killer idea! Memories with kiddos (or people we care about) are a double win. We create the memory for ourselves and another!
Happy hunting! 🙂
Akim says
This made me cry. You seem very enlightened, I’m 19 and new to the concept that people like you exist. Thanks for making the effort to post and make a blog to help other people. It is very comforting as someone with a similar ethic and mindfulness that I can learn from people like yourself to become more comfortable with what I am and my future. Sometimes I feel like a weirdo with my ambitions and how I do things; not so much at the time personally, but more on reflection from being observed and told by people.. either way, finding this post has made me more confident in who and what I am. I’m sure your inspiration to many! To fufilled and happy life ~Akim x 😀
Damon says
I teared up reading this. Thank you.
sharone says
Singing in church has been something that always takes me back to church after taking a break to rest as I work 6 days a week. Today I made the bold move to join the church choir. It was uncomfortable being the new person and introducing myself in front of all the choir members. But it was worth it.
Cassie Jo says
Just what I need to read and as hard as it is to just do if I print this and read it often it may make the change. Made me cry in my car when i got home from work. My life feels like a robot many days. Kids work money no time health issues life sometimes I feel like what am I doing!! Thank you
Annie Bradford says
Thank you for your words of wisdom! Words that I already knew but don’t act upon. Reason being……I’m too busy! Sometimes this schedule is my own fault, to say the least.
Anyways, I have always talked about going to a spa. Spending a few days there relaxing and getting massages. My excuse has been no time, need more money, my family needs me and I can’t possibly do that on my own ( yet alone time is exactly what I want!) Well, I finally did it. Three days at a spa and mineral pool with bookings for massages all three days!
I’m nervous yet excited to go on my own! As for money, well I guess that’s the visa!
Lucie says
I absolutely love this. You are so right…the clock is ticking and we all have limited time in this life. Thank you for such an inspirational post. I really, really loved it.
Santa says
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. I cried when I was reading it. So miraculous. Thank you very much for being.