“We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are.”
? J.K. Rowling
A turning point in my life came when love became my default choice for twenty-one straight days. I wondered what opportunities might open up. I wondered what connections might be repaired. I wondered what moments I might capture that I would have otherwise missed. I wondered who I might become.
For twenty-one straight days, I showed up to love—and as you might expect, it wasn’t always pretty.
Sometimes I showed up to love without a smile.
Sometimes I showed up to love feeling ugly, worthless, and inadequate.
Sometimes I showed up to love alone and scared.
Sometimes I showed up to love when I didn’t know what I was doing.
Sometimes I showed up to love when it was the last thing I wanted to do.
Sometimes I showed up to love even when I had a lot on my plate.
Sometimes I showed up to love when my patience was gone.
Sometimes I showed up to love when I had no love to give.
Despite the obstacles… despite the excuses I could’ve made… despite the pressures and distractions of the outside world… despite the mean voice of my inner critic, I continually showed up to love.
Why?
Because I never left the same way I arrived.
I always walked away a little lighter … a little more at peace… a little more hopeful… a little more grateful… a little more joyful. I found that love was always the right choice. I never once regretted choosing love over all else.
So I showed up to love again
And again
And again.
That repeated action changed me.
Instead of…
The One Who is Always Too Busy
The One Who Overreacts All the Time
The One Who Rarely Slows Down
The One Missing All the Fun
I became known as The One Who Always Comes to a little girl whose opinion mattered more than the world.
Making it a habitual practice to choose love changed my inner fiber, the wiring of my brain, and my entire life perspective regarding what was important. Thus, I’ve come to believe there is one single action that has the power to transform our lives: CHOOSING LOVE—choosing love as much as humanly possible.
Despite the progress I’ve made over the years, my journey to live my best life is far from over. I am a work in progress, consistently seeking to become a more loving, more present, and more grateful version of myself. Lately, I’ve been feeling like there is more joy, connection, passion, creativity, conversation, and healing waiting to be grasped. Given the negativity and divisiveness permeating our country right now, I can’t think of a better time to make a habit of choosing love. Therefore, I am committing to a Choose Love 21-Day Challenge. Take a look. Perhaps you’d like to join me…
Why Choose Love?
There are so many reasons…
Tackle an extra hour of paperwork or love?
I choose love.
I will be more productive after taking a much-needed break.
Scream at the driver who just cut me off or love?
I choose love.
It will be better for my blood pressure as well as the impressionable ears in the backseat.
Read a text message at the stoplight or love?
I choose love.
It could save my life, my loved ones’ lives, and spare me from taking a life.
Hold a grudge or love?
I choose love.
Let resentment be someone else’s lifelong companion.
Say “I can’t play with you” or love?
I choose love.
Seeing her smile as she sets up the game fills me with a sense of peace I can’t find anywhere else.
Get in the last word or love?
I choose love.
Our words will be better heard when we both cool down.
Rant about the spilled milk carton or love?
I choose love.
Spills can be cleaned up; broken hearts are harder to mend.
Post a picture of the present moment on social media or love?
I choose love.
I will remember it more vividly if I capture this moment solely with my eyes.
Complain about the way she’s dressed or love?
I choose love.
By loving her “as is,” I will encourage her to shine her unique light and be herself.
Berate myself for messing up or love?
I choose love.
Accepting my humanness offers my loved ones the freedom to be human too.
Today I will choose love.
Tomorrow I will choose love.
And the day after that, I will choose love.
If I mistakenly choose distraction, perfection, or negativity over love, I will not wallow in regret. I will choose love next.
I will choose love until it becomes my first response … my gut instinct … my natural reaction.
I will choose love until it becomes who I am.
My friends, consider the possibilities for a moment: What might result if love becomes your default choice for 21 straight days? What opportunities might open up? What connections might be repaired? What moments might you capture that otherwise might be missed? Who might you become?
Instead of…
The One Who’s Always Too Busy
The One Who Overreacts
The One Who Never Listens
The One Who Rarely Slows Down
The One Who’s Always Grouchy
The One Glued to the Phone
The One Missing All the Fun
The One Who’s Given Up
You might just become The One You Always Wanted to Be…
A Good Listener
A Thoughtful Noticer
A Generous Forgiver
A Take Your Timer
A Belly Laugher
A Risk Taker
An Adventure Seeker
A Silly Grinner
A Moment Grasper
An Enjoyer of Life
Why? Because good things start with love.
Show up to love today.
Don’t worry about what you look like or what yesterday looked like.
Just show up to love.
Something tells me you’ll walk away a little better than when you arrived.
Then do it again.
Your turn…
How will you choose love today? What will you do differently?
Anything else to share?
Please tell us about it. We would love to hear from YOU in the comments section below. 🙂
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Editor’s note: This article is a small sample of what you will find in Rachel Macy Stafford’s highly anticipated new book, Only Love Today: Reminders to Breathe More, Stress Less, and Choose Love (release date 3/7). With a unique flip-open, read-anytime/anywhere format, this book is soulful encouragement for busy individuals yearning to anchor themselves in love despite everyday distractions, pressures, and discord. Join Rachel at HandsFreeMama.com where you can also pre-order Only Love Today by 3/7 and receive free bonus materials with your order. And follow Rachel on Facebook at The Hands Free Revolution.
Lisa says
This post was a great reminder for me! Bringing love and kindness into any situation is always a smart choice. I’m a student in Marc and Angel’s Getting Back to Happy course and I’ve revisited the Love and Relationships lessons numerous times, and I’ve also jumped on some coaching calls with them to discuss these lessons even further. Why? Because for the longest time I was the exact opposite of what this post suggests. I hurried the people I love the most. I snapped at them. I held grudges. And I was absolutely miserable!
In a nutshell, I did not choose love nearly enough!
The incredibly good news is, I’ve made substantial progress over the past year or so. I’m much more present with the important people in my life, and I’m far more focused on what matters most. I still slip-up at times, and choosing love and presence isn’t yet my absolute default when times get rough, but I’m now able to catch myself before it’s too late.
Anyway, thanks for this great read. It’s a solid addition to my favorite blog.
And today I will choose love by listening to every little story my 4-year-old son has for me.
Rachel Macy Stafford says
I sure love to hear this! Thank you for such wonderful feedback about my piece. I am so delighted and honored to share on Marc & Angel’s life changing site!
Tara says
I am you… but the you before you started to choose love. I’m completely miserable and I don’t know how to change. I have a 4 year old who I love with all my heart and she wants my 100% attention 99% of the time.
How do I choose love AND get to work on time, and do the chores and have me time. I’m an introvert so need me time so that I can be the best version of me. I’m hoping you can guide me.
Josh says
just take a deep breath and relax
everything I’m life is a gradual process
don’t force it
you dont expect everything to change once like they say “Rome wasn’t built in a day ” it took a long time before it was completed
so do your chores, take her to school if you have the time, go to work, and you can create your me time with her during the weekends if you’re free. pay attention to little details about your daughter cos little thing gets them upset and angry, do you best and do t ever look down on yourself.
you’re great and fearfully and wonderfully made by God so don’t rush take it slowly and all will change.
Remember don’t rush things, be positive, make time for for yourself and through that you make time for your daughter as well
Remain blessed.
am a fan of M&A
roger goodell says
A per usual this M&A blog post arrived in my email inbox right when I needed to read every single word of it!
Thank you!
Today, I will choose love by loving myself a bit more. By not getting carried away with my perfectionism. By not working myself into the ground until I’m utterly exhausted. And by spending a little more quality time with the few people who give me the biggest reason to smile.
Rachel Macy Stafford says
Wow! I love that you used this opportunity to set such specific intentions … and they are such good ones! I need them too. Thank you!
Beth says
Excellent contribution! I love the idea of choosing love.
As I was reading this post it reminded me of a quote I stole from Marc and Angel’s book a few months ago:
“Rise above the pettiness trying to draw you in. Focus on what matters. Where attention goes, energy flows. Where energy flows, things grow.”
I actually have that quote pinned up on my bulletin board in my home office. Every day it reminds to love more, to be kind, to be present and focused on the small actions that have the most positive impact on the projects and relationships I care about.
Rachel Macy Stafford says
I love that quote! Thank you for sharing that and for the thoughtful comment!
Paul says
Beautifully written as always! My Wife always has to have the last word so I’ve learnt to deal with that, haha. I actually read this post via my mobile last night, I’m pleased I did because a delivery driver chose not to ring the bell today – sometimes when a car is not on our drive they think we’re not in. So they don’t ring the bell and just push a card through. I normally run out waving my hands in rage, except this morning I chose love…
Amy Stainthorpe says
This is great – motivational Monday for me! I think the section ‘why choose love’ summed it up perfectly. Making the right choice at several points throughout your day can really have a massive impact. When my children come home from school tonight I will definitely choose love over chores.
Glenna Chitwood says
i well needed read this morning.
namaste
Glenna
Sherry says
Love is the essence of my life too.
Love yourself. By doing that you invite infinite possibilities which exists to make your life beautiful.
Love wins.
Trevor Kuecker says
I love your blog. When my life has veered off course, I always come back to draw some inspiration from it. I”m currently reading “The Untethered Soul” by Michael Singer and it speaks of this. It must be kismet that this article was in my inbox this morning. Starting this morning, I’m accepting your challenge and am going to choose love for the next 21-days. Thank you for reminding me of what’s important in this life. The impact that showing up and love have on those around us. xoxo
Liza says
I choose love over hatred. By choosing love, I learn to forgive more. When I forgive, I can move on from the hurts of the past, focus on the present and give myself a chance to appreciate more of life’s blessings- big and small. To share these blessings with the important people in my life and also to those who have less.
By choosing love, I become more humble and be more understanding of people. That everyone has issues in life and that by choosing love, I become more considerate of their feelings.
By choosing love, peace is achieved and everyone can live in harmony.
Mark Phelan says
Wonderful!
Margie Shynkaruk says
Back in 2010 it started….. I was in a cold place within my marriage to Steve. It was Valentine’s Day and thought about getting him a card and shrugged it off and didn’t. Valentine’s Day he got me a card and a jacket. I told him I didn’t get him anything and he’s said, “I know”. I thought about throwing the card away but didn’t, I hung it on the wall by my desk. Fast forward to April 30th, we woke up and I was going out of town. He checked his bank account it was overdrawn and he hit the roof. I remember looking at him that morning and wanted to be mad and yell at him but I didn’t. I had a choice in that moment and chose LOVE…. I grabbed his hands, gave him a hug and wrote him a check to deposit. He hugged me at 6:30am that morning and I felt his gratitude. Later that day around 6:00pm I spoke to him on the phone, we laughed and the last thing I said was, “I love you baby!”. He died at 7:15pm, hit by a truck while riding home on his motorcycle. I took a step back and reflected on my final choice to chose love, I’m so glad I didn’t pick anger and frustration. In the end, it’s the love we want to release on Earth. It reminds us what it’s like in Heaven. Accepting, comforting and peace…….
Anna Weisend says
This a great reminder. Today I choose love by working on forgiveness.
Lizz Devine says
I forgot how to LOVE,
I thought I was Loving,
Till today on Social Media I blocked someone
For putting Me down , for sharing a death as
MINUS ONE!.
She wrote, why would you say such an awful thing ?
My reply, so He may know it’s ok to live life,
When we do it, Minus One.
Non stop at me she was,
So I wrote, looks like You need to have the last words,
I write on, Enjoy Your Journey, Then I blocked her.
Then I go to my emails and here is an invite to LOVE..
I thought I was, but I know I’m not.
My daughter died August last Year, His son, July last year.
What was pulling me through the holiday was the thought that
I can eat, I can breathe, with out My Jenny near..
Every where I turned, I cried.. Till a song came on, Saying,
It’s ok, To love , You with Out them, and so I adapted the theory
OF MINUS ONE!! I allowed me to smile , Minus One..
I have so much more to learn, this has told me..
I have lost LOVE!
Lizz Devine says
Tears
Sindy says
Hi M&A & Rachel,
You’re right!
Love matters most!
For a long time, I found myself waiting for someone I knew for certain would be able to fill that role. I waited and waited and in the meantime I got caught up in perfectionism and I let myself be held back by the idea that I might not be good enough. That there would always be some next big thing that will spoil the idealized image he had of me. So I waited and I delved into one distraction after another. But you are right, it’s time to delve within and start letting him in. Today, I will start by showing how much I appreciate what he has done for me in the past by slowing down and taking the time to listen.
Durresameen says
God is love…it’s so true isn’t it ..????!!
Gabor says
This was a really heartloving write… a blog art… it shares love, teaches love and makes you a more love person. Thank you I loved reading it… it transformed me… I’m more then before…
Rachel says
Thank you! I am so touched!
Carl says
Love truly is a choice. This is especially true in our marriages, where we make a commitment for life but when the first little bump in the road comes along we “fall out of love” and give up. The Christian faith is about choosing to love over choosing to judge, hate, walk away or be indifferent. Jesus is our supreme example of this. If we follow him, we will walk in love. Love is an attitude, not so much an emotion. It is a way of seeing others and life. This is a great reminder.
Margaret says
Very encouraging , sometimes, I do forget that I have a choice.
Dallas Boggs says
Reminds me of the scripture in First Corinthians about LOVE. That scripture ends with….”and the greatest of these is love!”
Jennifer says
Bullseye! Just the words I needed and at exactly the right time, when I could absorb the message and make a difference! Thank you again and again!
Andrew Whalan says
I’m deeply grateful for this.
Shelia K says
This made me realize just how miserable I feel.
Claire says
Today I read this article before I started shift at work. It is a high pressured job that I do my best in, but most difficult of all I have to work opposite someone who who I’ve broke up with in recent months. Yet today I choose to compliment, be kind and not choose hate because of the situation. I felt better for it too. Thank you x
Brimley says
This post is right on. Thank you from my great big heart.
Sandy says
Thank you for an excellent blog. Love rides our every breath. How can we be anything but grateful?
kiran suhail says
what must you do if you have been married for 12 years and you are depending for happiness and good moments on your spouse, and your spouse plays around with your emotions. for e.g. talks to you for one day nicely and stops talking for 15 days then again starts talking and becomes nice for one day and then again 15 days keeps distance and puts the blame on you for everything bad happening around.
because of which you are not able to make plans , travel, plan a future, you just live a blank life same thing every day. if your spouse keeps punishing you for nothing. what to do. please help. confused because of love, and over fear of being alone.
Jean Peacock says
Perhaps no one will tell you this but what i say is the truth. I had years of similar and I ended up in therapy!! Please leave him. You are lonely and afraid. He does not love you or he would not treat you as he does. Be strong. Live your life free of fear of rejection. HE WILL NOT CHANGE. His aim in life is to destroy your life. You deserve better. There are millions of lovely men in the world. You will find another who will be your soul mate. Love to you.
Val says
So beautiful! This post actually moved me to tears, thanks for sharing. Val x
RJ says
I absolutely love this post. This is me – this is totally me. I have been working on bettering myself over the past few weeks and find that I hurt – I hurt a lot inside for how Ive been. I read this and immediately broke down. I feel sick to myself for how I’ve been. I am going to try this. Did any of you find it hard or have suggestions on how to make it work? Thank you for the post. I am very thankful for finding this site.
Velayudhan says
I learnt something empowering from this insightful post. I can choose how I respond to the things that happen to me and by choosing to respond with love ( the light within), I realized it is indeed true that I will feel a little better every time. By choosing to spread light I am increasingly filled with light. How wonderful! Thank you for making this simple truth clear to me.
Deano says
Just found your blog and I have to say, I love it! I will return next week to read more beautiful posts, I promise. All the best, Deano
Catherine says
Perfectly timed! I have wasted an entire evening being upset by the behaviour of a colleague today and would have taken this inner ranting over to tomorrow. But reading this made me realise that I have a choice in how I react to things. I can choose love and not get involved in the pettiness and bullying. Thank you!
Elle says
Great article, we all need to be more conscious and make the right choices.
As irrelevant as it may sound, I’ve chosen matcha over coffee as well and it makes me a better, more calm person!! I hope more people give up coffee, it’s too nasty and aggressive-take note! The world would be a much better place without it 🙂
Vernon says
Love is a decision.
I will join you by choosing to be thoughtful today.
Love thinks of others.
I always asked my mother before she passed how does she think of others so much.
She said she does it on purpose and committed to it and that’s just how women think.
Let me be honest I struggle with thoughtfulness so I have to train myself.
Moms right it don’t come easy for most men.
But when you let someone know you’re thinking about them and see the smile on their face, it’s priceless!
Joel says
Just one simple word…Beautiful
Jeffrey Pillow says
I was reading a book recently (WONDER, by R.J. Palacio), and in it is reference to the quote, “In the interest of being right or being kind, choose kind.”
What a great reminder, just as your post about choosing love.
Leke sonde says
Bitterness, prejudice, Envy and many more negative emotions. Are the enemy of our body, but we find ourselves dwelling more on them. Making life to be boring and painful to live. Love is all we need to enjoy the inner peace of mind and find the joy we are seeking.
Daniel Ray says
Why Choose Love…incredible and powerful message. Great reminder for me personally. I tend to keep myself too busy. Thnx!
Audrey says
Thank you so much I’m really inspired
Mehediihasan says
Magnificent. Just Loved it.
Thanks
Parga says
Wow, this is just spot on. The world would be such a great place if more people practised this. So simple and yet so difficult at the same time.
Gina says
Thank you for this beautiful reminder!
Juan says
I really needed this bit of inspiration today. Thank you.