by Karl Staib, author of Bring Gratitude
“Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.”
The summer before my dad died I remember going on a beautiful nature hike with him. Although he didn’t complain one bit, my dad must have been drained from his MDS (bone cancer) coursing through his body. Unbeknownst to any of us at the time, that undiagnosed, terminal cancer was killing off his white blood cells as we hiked
One step forward after another, we enjoyed the trees and the stream that ran along the trail. Then we came across some wild raspberry bushes. “Hey, Gavin, look!” I heard my dad say with an excited whisper to my 7-year-old son. “Let’s eat some of those raspberries on that bush over there!” I’ll always remember how my dad used to whisper in an excited tone like that. It used to catch my attention when I was a kid, and sure enough it caught my son’s attention that day too.
My dad skipped over to the raspberry bush with Gavin and they excitedly picked enough fruit for all of us. It was this childlike presence and joy my dad would exude that could make a simple experience so magical, or a tough experience more manageable. He lived every day of his life like that—he set such a great example for all of us—even after his fatal diagnosis, until his very last breath. Words can’t explain how much I admire and miss this about him. And yet, there have been plenty of times since my dad’s death when I’ve completely forgotten about the wonderful example he set. Instead, I’ve let everyday stress get the best of me.
The Power of Perspective
Lately, work has been tough. I’ve been feeling like the more I do, the more work gets piled on my desk. And sometimes I honestly feel like I can’t breathe.
Deep down I know I need to remember to bring myself back to the present moment—to take time to appreciate the little things even when my work life is at its most stressful and exhausting levels. But it’s hard not to fall into the same old traps, like complaining to a coworker or simply frowning all day long. In the heat of the moment the wrong things often feel right! And learning to do the opposite has taken some practice. This practice, though, has been worth it.
Just last month my boss asked me to attend an all-day meeting. I was already feeling overwhelmed, but of course I said “yes.” Then my mind went straight into complaining mode. I began to ask myself some really negative questions, like:
- “Doesn’t he see how hard I’m working?”
- “Doesn’t he appreciate my time?”
- “Doesn’t he know I don’t have time for an all day meeting?”
Then, as soon as I caught myself in the act, I began to practice—to combat these negative questions by answering them with more presence and gratitude.
- “Of course he sees how hard I’m working; that’s why he thinks I can handle this all-day meeting.”
- “Of course he appreciates my time, but he appreciates my ability to get quality work done even more.”
- “Of course he knows I don’t have time to waste, but this meeting is important to him and he is trusting me to attend and represent our team.”
And, gradually, I began to feel better. My perspective shifted as I felt gratitude for a boss who trusts me and relies on me. Now, weeks later, I’m still feeling sincerely grateful for the work I do and the people I work for.
The Power of a Gratitude Ritual
For most of us, the kind of perspective shift I’ve just described above doesn’t come overnight. In fact, it has taken me years to develop and perfect with consistent practice. Over the years, I’ve literally practiced shifting my perspective in almost every area of my life. And the results of doing so have been truly life-changing.
The first perspective-shifting tool I started with years ago was just a simple gratitude journal. Every day for a whole year I wrote down three things I was grateful for, even when times were really heartbreaking, as they unexpected became for me. When my dad was lying in his hospital bed, for example, I felt the need to jot down what I was learning from the situation. I watched how unhappy he was on the inside. He was miserable and feeling depressed, and yet trying so hard to play it off. It was hard for me to appreciate anything about his circumstance, or mine.
I started writing about my dad’s cancer in little stories. Each story would start with a problematic reality and I would look at it from every angle until I could find a small sliver of gratitude. I ended up turning these stories into Bring Gratitude, a book that helped me process my dad’s death and thrive ever since.
I knew gratitude had a lot of benefits, but I never thought about it as a tool for grieving. I suppose until I was knee deep in that grief, I never realized how powerful it was. And I certainly didn’t realize how my little gratitude journaling ritual would positively affect nearly every aspect of my life in the weeks, months and years ahead.
In his book, Why We Do What We Do, researcher Edward Deci explains that when someone has six positive interactions to one negative, they are 31% more productive in their general everyday life. This is mostly due to the fact that positive thoughts and interactions make it easier for us to focus on what matters, and let go of what does not. When I was in that hospital room with my dad at the end, I focused on how grateful I was to have another moment with him, and I let go of everything else. And my gratitude journal was ultimately the tool I leveraged each day to manufacture the extra positive thoughts and interactions I needed, so I could maintain a present and grateful perspective at such a time.
One day at a time, one small gratitude at a time, I grew, I healed, and I thrived.
A Challenge for You
If you’ve been reading any of Marc & Angel’s work for even a short time, you likely realize how passionate they are about the importance of daily rituals. In their own words, here’s a quick bit they share in their New York Times bestselling book:
“Are you willing to spend a little time every day like most people won’t, so you can spend the better part of your life like most people can’t? Think about that question for a moment. Let it sink in. You ultimately become what you repeatedly do. And isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different? That’s the power of daily rituals.”
So, I have a daily ritual challenge for YOU:
Start a gratitude journal and write one small entry in it every single day for the next two weeks.
“Small” is important to remember too. No one tries to establish a new healthy ritual and succeeds right away. For example, most people who exercise every day have failed in the past. They picked workouts that were too long, or didn’t incorporate enough time for a workout into their busy schedule. But the ones who pick it back up and eventually succeed in the long run are the ones who ease into it, one small workout a day. They make it a ritual and make sure they establish a routine that works for them.
Another important point is to understand why. Make sure you understand why you want to be a little more grateful every day. Maybe it’s to help with your outlook or to become a little more resilient. Finding your “why” will help you stick with your daily gratitude journal.
Finally, I suggest you start by focusing on the small things. Or, as Marc & Angel have again shared in their book, remember that: “Happiness is letting go of what you assume your life is supposed to be like right now, and sincerely appreciating it for everything that it is.”
Every day for the final two weeks of January, just write what you are grateful for and why. I suggest something simple like this:
- I’m grateful for my coworker because she is always willing to listen and help.
- I’m grateful for my ability to dance in my car seat when I’m stuck at a traffic light because it allows me to release my stress.
- I’m grateful for my pets because they make me feel loved and needed.
Again, the key component here is your why. It’s so important because it helps deepen the gratitude journal experience. With a solid “why” and a little consistency, I guarantee that within just a few short days of journaling you’ll notice at least a slight improvement in your overall attitude.
Also, if you’re interested, you can join the free 30-Day Bring Gratitude Challenge. We already started back on January 1st, but you still have the next two weeks to strengthen your mindset through the remainder of January (and we’re going to do the challenge again on February 1st, too). Come join us here and you’ll get email updates and a private Facebook group. If you have any questions I am available 7 days a week. My goal is to get the smartest and most caring people together to create an amazing community, so we can help each other learn from our mistakes and build a life we love.
Now, it’s YOUR turn…
I’d love to know: What are you most grateful for right now and why?
Do you have any other thoughts on gratitude to share?
Please leave me a reply below.
Author Bio: Karl Staib is a corporate educator on the power and facilitation of workplace happiness, the author of Bring Gratitude, and the Creator of the 30-Day Bring Gratitude Challenge. He is also a long-time friend of Marc & Angel, and a two-time speaker at Marc & Angel’s annual Think Better, Live Better seminar.
Laura Manes says
Such a warm and relatable read today. I love the simple yet profound power of your gratitude journal ritual. So glad I checked my email and saw the link to this post.
As for me, I am grateful but often forget to directly acknowledge it. So I’ll do so right now:
For all those hard times when I prayed… “If I can just get myself through this circumstance, I’ll never again ask for anything ever again.”
Well, I am still breathing and well, still moving forward with my life, and I am truly grateful.
Thank you for reminding me to express my gratitude. I check out Bring Gratitude the book sometime soon.
And thank you to M&A for your weekly emails, your book, and your happiness course. All have supported me with overcoming lots of turbulent change this past year.
Edward says
Great!!! subject Gratitude, I was at a local store. And,I seen a woman being help to her wheelchair. I didn’t think nothing different of the matter. I just respected her situation. I was shocked to find out, I actually new the woman. She was a old acquaintance slash friend..yes I knew her. But, she had suffered a accident. Durning the accident, she was helping others another vehicle accidentally slamming into her legs. Terrible accident were she lost her legs. Really, I was shocked to see her that way. It just made me happy be alive and gratification to have my legs.
carol says
I am very thankful for my sister, Anne. She has helped me thru very hard times, given me hope, never judged me, makes me feel like Im somebody. I wouldn’t have made it this far w/o her.
Kathleen Cipollone says
Grateful for the children I get to come in contact with every day in my position as a Student Services/Guidance Office secretary at a middle school in Cincinnati OH. I love being able to help the little broken wings of some students. Maybe, just maybe, my smile and words of encouragement will help them make it through their sometimes very rough days. The life of a middle schooler is just really tough. Especially these days.
CYNTHIA says
I am grateful daily for being able to work with special needs youths and adults from disadvantage areas here in Johannesburg SA.
JJ says
Gratitude has changed my life too. I practice a similar gratitude ritual already every single AM when I first awake. Over the years it has made me more in touch with the simple yet beautiful things in my life.
PS: I’ve just shared this post with a few friends who I know will appreciate it and I also told them to sign up for your emails—always an inspiring and supportive read. Keep up the great work. And thanks for the book recommendations here too.
Dana O'Riley says
Ten years ago, as I was battling cancer, gratitude became a source of daily healing for me. I reflected often on the good things I had going even though I was in pain, and doing so got me through.
Today, I now sometimes forget to be openly grateful that my cancer has been in remission for almost 9 years now.. and that I’m honestly in the best shape I’ve ever been in during my 50 years of living. I’ve honestly grown so much is such a relatively short time.
And I guess this would be a good time to say thank you, Marc and Angel, and all the guest contributors and regular commenters on this blog. Your wisdom and willingness to share has changed my life. Every single time I received a link to an article on http://www.marcandangel.com I knew I’d be getting exactly what I needed to stay positive and motivated through through it all. Much gratitude! And perhaps I’ll attend Think Better Live Better this year too, to meet some of you kind souls in person. 🙂
Annette says
I am grateful for your use of your God given ability to write to help others. I look forward to your posts and emails. They help me see things in a different perspective. You are using social media to spread light when so many use it to spread darkness. You are appreciated.
Anne Marshall says
I am grateful to be sober today because I am a better mom to my son.
Cathy M Ross says
You go girl!! I grew up with an alcoholic dad and it took years of therapy to understand the damage it caused me. I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad. But maybe the next time you want a drink and decide against it so your kids don’t suffer like I did. I’m proud of you for taking action to improve your life and theirs. I will send positive thoughts and prayers your way. Be well, Cathy
Marilyn says
I am grateful that I read this article today because I am struggling over the grief of losing both of my brothers to cancer just five months apart – one at the end of July and one at the end of December- and this helped. I am also grateful that I could download the book and start reading it.
Arthella Posey says
i’m grateful today for this read. just what i needed!
Susan C. says
I am grateful this morning for the walk my husband and I took with our two dogs. It just starts the day off right because I love them all so much. It’s hard to motivate ourselves to go each morning especially when the temperature is in the single digits but it’s good for us mentally and physically.
Gail says
I tend to be a situational grateful person. When I feel I have dodged the proverbial bullet regarding personal, relatonship, financial, health related etc I am thankful and praise God for taking care of me. Practicing daily gratitude just because I woke up to a new day, being alive, safe and healthy is something I am going to make a ritual for me. Thank you again, Marc and Angel for helping me see life thru a different lens!
Ken says
Yes, thank you, Marc and Angel! The importance of gratitude has come at me from several sources. My journal begins today!
Nakul Grover says
Amazing post. Though I’ve not read the “Getting Back To Happy” I learned the power of Gratitude from Robin Sharma’s Book “Who Will Cry When You Die”
Every self-help book I read fills me with optimism. I’m grateful that I developed a reading habit.
Looking forward to reading Getting Back To Happy. 🙂 🙂 🙂
LuzH says
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. So moving!
I started a gratitude journal some years ago, and I changed that for a gratitude jar that I made from recycling jelly jar. When it is full of little gratitude notes, I read them, burn them, and start over.
Thanks again and have a blessed day.
Max says
I am grateful for my daughters and three grandchildren. Happy I have food in my fridge, money in my wallet and my freedom. I’m happy that my creatures: my cat and dog are curled up beside me while I write this. I am grateful for the gratitude practice.
Warm regards, Sara
Ashley Wrobel says
I appreciate my life, the air, the rain, the heater, my children, my dog, my cute husband, this planet, all the people around, a phone call from a client that is glad I’m the president of our HOA, an acknowledgement from a large group yesterday, a salad getting made for me. My sweet daughter and how healthy she how well she takes care of herself as a pregnant lady. My brilliant son. Airplanes, trains, cars, bikes, yoga, meditation….. wow, I’m having fun….
Betty Lou Spalinger says
I am grateful for Marc and Angel’s posting and for the knowledge to read and understand. Thank you so all that you share
Semiha says
Again and again, I have to say that I am so grateful to meet Marc and Angel and very valuable people I meet through them. I read Allison Fallon, Karl Staib, and so many others. I have read this article very slowly, very carefully and try to inhale every single words and sentence. I always check out the book given in all article and try to get them. If not possible, then I try to read on the internet, whatever I could find, review, summary, comments etc. It is very important to me to be Grateful deeply what we have. Over the years, from all the sources I learned that I should not focus on what I don’t have but be grateful for my existing life. Thanks again, and very GRATEFUL to find you all.
Sandra chambers says
I am grateful that I have another day to try and help my daughter cope with pain
Pain from grief of losing her husband to brain cancer in December and pain from her ill health she has kept to herself
I felt like giving up this morning, I can’t handle much more, as I have health issues of my own, but after reading these emails I suddenly started receiving, will try again to be strong
I am grateful for just trying
Thank you
Gail MacDonald says
Am so very Grateful to God. Grateful for being a 17 year BCancer Survivor and Supporter. Grateful for my 28 year Daughter who Blesses me constantly with her progress and success. Grateful for being 41 months sober and clean. Grateful for my transition and transformation in being divorced, when I thought death would be my answer in living without the abuse and horror. Now I live with PBC(chronic autoimmune), PTSD, panic attacks, and severe anxiety~~however I am grateful to finally have inner peace.
exito says
Hi guys you are doing incredible work in changing this world.
I AM GRATEFUL TO GOD for this beautiful life , great parents, opportunity for great education and for fulfilling my basic needs- shelter , food .
In this phase of my life i am stuck in pornography but i am trying my best to get out of this evil web . Recently there is a downfall in my academic performance , my health is not too great and stress is increasing day by day .
I am not able to make choice about my career and its stressful but today a visited a bakery shop and i saw a boy of my age working there , he was having no opportunity to educate himself . And i felt so blessed for all the things i have and bad at the same time for not using resources wisely , i took things for granted , lied many times and now i regret . But still i am grateful to the LORD for all i have .
Janie says
Right now I am grateful for this whole day, for not being depressed. For feeling mentally good. I don’t know what tomorrow will be like but I am sooo grateful for this day.
Mercy Makwelo says
I’m grateful for the fact that I’m still alive after escaping death more than 7 times. I’ve been through car accidents after another, I was gun pointed & hijacked & I’ve been betrayed by the people whom I trusted the most. I’ve lost a lot of things which meant the world to me but I’m grateful irrespective. The inner peace God restored after all the challenges I went through in life keeps me going!