If it keeps you busy or entertains you now, but will hurt you someday, it’s a distraction. Don’t settle.
What is the opposite of distraction?
Traction — you want to create consistent traction on the road of life.
If you’ve been spinning your figurative wheels a lot lately, feeling a bit tired and vexed without much forward progress, I highly recommend you rethink how you’re investing your time, and replace the meaningless with the meaningful — the distraction with traction!
Ultimately, you become a true master of your life when you learn how to master your focus — where your energy goes. Value what you give your time to. Rise above the pettiness trying to draw you in. Figure out where your attention actually goes, and gradually remove needless distractions. Remember, there’s a big difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion. Life is too short not to focus more on what matters most!
So today let’s reflect on three common distractions Angel and I have seen robbing happiness from coaching clients we’ve worked with over the past 15 years. These distractions are so darn prevalent too, nearly all of us mistakenly engage in at least one of them over the course of our lives. Because, despite what our better judgment tells us, we often think we want and need…
1. Another easy and leisurely day
An easy, leisurely day sounds nice, and it can be nice for a little while. But it’s not the kind of day you’ll look back on with gratitude for how far you’ve come. And it’s not the kind of daily routine you want to be endlessly distracted by. Truth be told, when you’re struggling to make progress in life, that’s when you actually are. You want to be stretched to the edge of your ability at least a few times a week; it needs to be hard and a bit uncomfortable at reasonable intervals.
Of course, most of us don’t want to be uncomfortable at all, so we subconsciously run from the possibility of discomfort at all costs. The obvious problem with this behavior is that, by running from discomfort, we are constrained to partake in only the opportunities within our comfort zones. And since our comfort zones are relativity small, we miss out on most of life’s greatest and healthiest experiences, and we get stuck in a debilitating cycle. We keep doing what we’ve always done, and thus we keep getting the results we’ve always gotten. And our true potential falls by the wayside.
So are you selling yourself short on a regular basis? Think about it…
- How many times over the past year has the psychological draw of comfort and ease plagued your best intentions?
- How many workouts have you missed because your mind, not your body, told you that you were too tired and it was time to stop?
- How many workout reps have you skipped because your mind, not your body, said, “Nine reps is enough. Don’t worry about the tenth”?
In the past year alone the answer to all three questions is probably dozens for most people, including myself. And these questions can be easily reworked and applied to various other areas of our lives too. Bottom line: Don’t sell yourself short of your potential! Choose differently. Choose yourself… Go to environments that expand your mind. Spend time with people who inspire you to stretch yourself. Read books. Grow. Work. Get better. Your life is mostly your choice. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Success and Productivity chapters of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
2. The pursuit of perfection, without compromise
Make no mistake about it: perfectionism is a distraction. Yet too many of us fear that we will somehow be held back by our imperfections. But in reality, the exact opposite is often true — the full acceptance of our imperfections is what ultimately sets us free. Thus, understanding the difference between reasonable striving and perfectionism is critical to letting go of distractions and picking up your life.
Perfectionism of all shapes and sizes not only causes you unnecessary stress and unhappiness from the superficial need to always “get it right,” it actually prevents you from getting anything worthwhile done at all. So think progress, not perfection. The real world doesn’t reward perfection. It rewards people who get good things done. And the only way to get good things done is to be imperfect 99% of the time…
Eventually most of us end up settling in some part of our life. We let go of certain ideals, we compromise, and we make trade-offs. We gradually learn that we can’t have everything we want, because everything has an opportunity cost, and not every outcome in life can be perfectly controlled. But if we pay close attention we also learn that we can make the best of every outcome, and still get a lot of what we want in life, if we manage our energy appropriately.
And these realizations collectively lead to an interesting question:
When should you settle, or compromise, and when should you continue fighting hard for what you ideally want to achieve?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, but when you encounter a situation that forces you to choose between compromise and fighting forward against the opposition, it might help to also ask yourself:
“Do I really need this, or do I just kinda want it?”
Being able to distinguish needs from wants is essential in every walk of life. Never let go of an outcome you truly need in your life, but be reasonably flexible on the outcomes you want but could live fine without.
In other words, choose your battles wisely, and don’t let “perfect” become the enemy of a good life. Remind yourself that what you pay attention to grows. So focus on what really matters and let go of what does not…
Don’t give up 60% of your life working 60-hour weeks at a day job that makes you absolutely miserable. Don’t abandon your sanity for the wrong reasons. Don’t neglect lifelong goals and dreams that have withstood the tests of time and still bring incredible meaning into your life.
If you really need something, fight hard for it!
But for everything else, let go a little. Loosen your grip, compromise… and settle.
Settle on less of the unessential, to get more of what you really need in life.
3. More (and more) approval from the masses
We worry about what other people think of us. We worry about our appearance. We worry about whether or not he’ll like us. We worry she might like that other guy. We worry we’ll fall flat on our faces. We worry we’re not enough just the way we are. And social media — with its culture of getting us to seek constant approval with virtual likes and hearts — with its endless highlight reel of perfect bodies and exotic travels — it only intensifies the problem. Realize this! You don’t need any of that social validation in your life on the daily! It’s all just a distraction…
When you find yourself trapped between what feels right to you and what others tell you is right for you, listen to your inner compass. Because no matter where life takes you, big cities or small towns, you will come across others who think they know what’s best for you — people who think they’re better than you — people who think happiness and success mean the same things to everyone. They’ll try to measure your worth based on what you have, instead of who you are. But you know better than that — shiny objects and flashy figures don’t matter that much.
Don’t just chase the money. Don’t just chase the numbers. Catch up to the ideas and activities that make you come alive on daily basis. Go for the things of greater value — the things money and temporary social clout can’t buy. What matters is having strength of character, an honest heart, and a sense of self-worth in the long run…
You have to admit, you’ve spent a lot of your life subconsciously belittling yourself. Thinking you’re not enough. Trying to be someone else. Someone who fits in. Someone who’s less sensitive. Less needy. Less flawed. Less YOU. Because you felt broken, and you didn’t want to scare people away. You wanted them to like you. You wanted to make a good impression. You wanted to be seen as worthy and lovable to everyone… so you could feel healed and whole. And so for the longest time, behind a facade of fake smiles, you have inadvertently betrayed yourself for the purpose of pleasing everyone else. And for longest time, your heart has ached.
But you’re at a point now where you’re seeing things differently. The heartache just isn’t worth it anymore. Belittling yourself for one more day just doesn’t make any sense. And more than that, you now realize no matter what you do or how you change, some people will never be pleased anyway.
You now realize you have to start doing things for the right reasons!
Not because it’s what you think everyone else needs, but because you finally know yourself to be worthy of your own values and priorities.
Not because other people approve of you, but because you are breathing your own air, thinking your own thoughts, and occupying a space no one else ever could.
Yes, you are indeed worthy! Your ideas are worthy. Your feelings are worthy. Your needs are worthy. And without everyone else’s validation, you must be who you are and live your truth. Even if it makes people turn their heads. Even if it means walking alone down the path less traveled for awhile…
Remember, the real battle is always in your mind, and your mind is under your control, not the other way around. So do your best to use disappointment and frustration to motivate you rather than distract you today. Be mindful. You are in control of the way you respond to life.
You may have been broken down by failure or rejection or stress, but YOU are not broken. So don’t let others convince you otherwise. And don’t let your mind get the best of you either.
Heal yourself by refusing to belittle yourself.
Choose to take up a lot of positive space in your own life today. Choose to give yourself permission to meet your own needs. Choose to honor your feelings and emotions. Choose to make self-love and self-care a part of your daily habits and rituals…
Choose to think better about yourself, and validate yourself, so you can live better in spite of the challenges you face. (Note: “The Good Morning Journal: Powerful Prompts and Reflections to Start Every Day” is a great tool for this kind of daily self-reflection and self-validation.)
Now, it’s your turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to practice paying more attention to the beauty and practicality of living a less distracted life. A life uncluttered by most of the meaningless things people fill their lives with, leaving you with space for what’s truly meaningful. A life that isn’t constant rushing, worrying, waiting, or stress, but instead contemplation, creation, and connection with the people and projects that matter most to you. By redefining your priorities, and building healthy habits and rituals to back them up, you can literally start changing your life in the days ahead.
But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which one of the points above resonated the most today?
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Maria Evans says
Hi M&A,
I really appreciate the way you’ve brought subtle and yet common distractions to the forefront of the conversation. I engage in several of these. And your point on doing the uncomfortable things and taking action on them consistently really reinforced the whole premise of this in my mind. Yes, I avoid uncomfortable, important tasks and projects all the time, and most of the time they are things that would absolutely move my life forward and make me happier.
Anyway, thanks for these reminders guys! Your teachings and coaching continue to improve my thinking and quality of life. And I will see you both at one of your future Think Better Live Better conferences! I hear the next one might be sometime in the Winter. I’m just waiting for the tickets to go on sale. I thought about attending last year, but hesitation and fear kinda scared me off. Not this time! 😉
Donna says
Last year my brother bought me your 1000 Little Things book, which is how I found your wonderful blog. And now here I am finally leaving you a comment to say THANK YOU. I’ve been an avid reader of your emails and blog ever since, and I’ve started your Getting to Happy Course too, and this past few months has honestly been some of the most productive ones in recent times for my mental wellness. I think your points here are perfect for me right now, super…letting my actions build up. I’ve stopped waiting and I’ve started making progress, and of course I feel better for it.
James Westerblade says
Outstanding! You guys, your emails always arrive on time. It’s seems like you followed me around for the past week and realized I need this little smack upside my head about the distractions in my life. I mean everything is on point for me! Thank you for inspiring me to stay the course with the things that are meaningful to me, but not always easy to deal with.
Lisa says
Thank you for defining distraction – “If it keeps you busy or entertains you now but will hurt you someday, it’s a distraction.”
I have been working and progressing on goals, but there are still some distractions. It is very easy to minimize them and the impact they have on my life. Defining what a distraction is makes it much more obvious when one is showing up, and easier to deal with.
Cindy L says
Once again, you hit the nail on the head — especially the part about social media distractions and validation. Right now, most everyone I know seems to be living their lives almost completely through social media, constantly checking various sites and giving more attention to their digital devices than to the real life going on around them. How in the world did they function without getting all this “approval” and attention before Twitter and Facebook? People seem starved for validation online. It’s both sad and disturbing … How did our culture get to this place? Thanks for the wake-up call, and I hope everyone hears it!!
Joshua says
I’ve been following you guys for about a year now and I must say it’s been more beneficial than the 10 years of life coaching I did with someone else. You all are amazing! All three points here hit for me.
Ralph H. Saunders says
Marc and Angel,
You two have some of the most insightful observations toward living useful and satisfying lives I’ve ever read!
Thanks so much for making them available to us.
Lin (Ralph)
Dawn smith says
Thank you. That essay is very much related to how I’ve been feeling lately.
Definitely inspirational!
Leonora says
Inspiring! Pettiness and minutiae are two big temptations. Tie these in with people pleasing on a social media scale and it’s a Molotov cocktail of toxic emotions. I’m learning to cherish my heart’s desires as goals that fire up my body/soul/spirit—these are the dreams that energize me! I’m learning the importance of live as an action—every day I do at least one thing to make a goal a reality. Doing one small step daily. Feel the fear but walk anyway show up anyway. I’m overcoming perfectionism by taking baby steps daily. Thank you!
Bipin Mehta says
I feel fortunate to join you by reading your emails and articles. Very nice, informative and motivating. 🙂
Thanks.
Bipin Mehta
Cindy says
I appreciate these thoughts. Coming off a vacation that cleared my head but so easy to get distracted as I get back to my real world. Thank you
Leisha says
Love this article. I’m retired therapist but find much satisfaction (and traction) in volunteer work and finding myself more careful to spend time with positive people and let go of old negative thinking and people. Also, helped me identify areas I need to work on. Thank you!
Millie says
I just started subscribing to your emails recently, and have already made changes for the better. I’ve eliminated an hour of my precious time in the morning that had been spent on endless scrolling or sliding down a rabbit hole with actually learning something, bettering my career or other pursuits that add value to my life.
I refuse to spend time locked into someone else’s ideas and instead focusing on my priorities.
I look foreword to your emails and thought provoking content. Thanks.
JOEY MONTALVO says
Thank you.
LOU says
Wow! You were talking to me today. This one hit me hard – so uplifting and positive. I LOVE YOUR ARTICLES. PLEASE KEEP THEM COMING I LOOK FORWARD TO THEM. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
Simone Nieuwolt says
The point about comfort as a distraction really hit home. Aging is constant temptation to stay in the comfort zone especially after retirement. I watch people age some well and others fossilise. The ones who fare better are still learning and striving.
Gail Harris says
Love myself more and only focus on necessary things. That’s my goal.
Mercy Adebo says
Thanks for this write-up. It’s inspiring and gave me some needed direction. More grace.