Too often we let the little frustrations of each day blind us to the beauty in front of us. We get caught up in our own heads, and literally don’t know our lives to be any better than the few things that aren’t going our way. We call people to complain or we spew out our gripes on social media. “Life is so unfair!” we yell. And everyone agrees and throws their two cents into the gossip pool.
Other times we talk a big talk about a lot of stuff that really doesn’t matter that much. We scrutinize and dramatize the insignificant until we’re blue in the face, and then we sit back and scratch our heads in bewilderment of how unfulfilling life feels.
But the older we grow, the quieter we become and the less pointless drama and chaos we engage in. Life humbles us gradually as we age. We realize how much nonsense we’ve wasted time on.
Truth be told, the afternoon always understands what the morning never even suspected.
Here are some things we tend to expend lots of mental and physical energy on when we’re younger, that we eventually realize matter a lot less than we originally thought…
- The inevitable frustrations of an average day. – 99.9% of what’s stressing you out today won’t matter a month from now. Sooner or later you will know this for certain. So just do your best to let go of the nonsense, stay positive, and move forward with your life.
- The little failures you often feel self-conscious about. – When you set goals and take calculated risks in life, you eventually learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important in the long run.
- How “perfect” everything could be, or should be. – Understanding the difference between reasonable striving and perfectionism is critical to letting go of fantasies and picking up your life. Perfectionism not only causes you unnecessary stress and anxiety from the superficial need to always “get it right,” it actually prevents you from getting anything worthwhile done at all.
- Having complete confidence before taking the first step. – Confidence is that inner inertia that propels us to bypass our empty fears and self-doubts. On the road of life, we come to realize that we rarely have confidence when we begin anew, but as we move forward and tap into our inner and outer resources, our confidence gradually builds. A common mistake many young people make is wanting to feel confident before they start something, whether it’s a new job, a new relationship, living in a new city, etc. But it doesn’t happen like that. You have to step out of your comfort zone, and risk your pride, to earn the reward of finding your confidence.
- The intricacies of what’s in it for you. – Time teaches us that we keep nothing in this life until we first give it away. This is true of knowledge, forgiveness, service, love, tolerance, acceptance, and so forth. You have to give to receive. Such a simple point, and yet it’s so easy to forget that the giving of ourselves, without a price tag, has to come FIRST! It’s the giving that opens us up to grace.
- Being an online-only activist for good causes. – Online is fine, but sooner or later you realize that if you truly want to make a difference you have to walk the talk too. So don’t just rant online for a better world. Love your family. Be a good neighbor. Practice kindness. Build bridges. Embody what you preach.
- The pressures of making a big difference all at once. – When we’re young it seems like faster is better, but in time we witness the power of ‘slow and steady’ at work. We come to learn that no act of love, kindness or generosity, no matter how small, is ever wasted. The fact that you can plant a seed and it becomes a flower, share a bit of knowledge and it becomes another’s, smile at someone and receive a smile in return, is proof that YOU can make a big difference in life and business, even it can’t be done all at once.
- The temptation of quick fixes. – The older your eyes grow, the more clearly they can see through the smoke and mirrors of every quick fix. Anything worth achieving takes dedicated daily effort. Period! Honestly, I used to believe that making wishes and saying prayers alone changed things, but now I know that wishes and prayers change us, and WE change things. All details aside, when it comes to making a substantial change in your life – building a business, earning a degree, fostering a new relationship, starting a family, becoming more mindful, or any other personal journey that takes time and commitment – one thing you have to ask yourself is, “Am I willing to spend a little time every day like many people won’t, so I can spend the better part of my life like many people can’t?” Think about that for a moment. We ultimately become what we repeatedly do. The acquisition of knowledge doesn’t mean you’re growing – growing happens when what you know changes how you live on a daily basis. (Angel and I build daily, life-changing rituals with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of the Getting Back to Happy Course.)
- Having a calendar jam-packed with exciting, elaborate plans. – Don’t jam your life with plans. Leave space. Over time you will learn that many great things happen unplanned, and some big regrets happen by not reaching exactly what was planned. So keep your life ordered and your schedule under-booked. Create a foundation with a soft place to land, a wide margin of error, and room to think and breathe every step of the way.
- Being in constant control of everything. – The older we get the more we realize how little we actually control. And there’s no good reason to hold yourself down with things you can’t control. Learn to trust the journey, even when you do not understand it. Oftentimes what you never wanted or expected turns out to be what you need.
- Blaming others. – Have you ever met a happy person who regularly evades responsibility, blames and points fingers and makes excuses for their unsatisfying life? Me either. Happy people accept responsibility for how their lives unfold. They believe their own happiness is a byproduct of their own thinking, beliefs, attitudes, character and behavior. And although it takes time to fully grasp this, it’s a lesson worth learning.
- Winning everyone’s approval. – It’s the strength of your conviction that determines your level of personal success in the long run, not the number of people who agree with every little thing you do. Ultimately, you will know that you’ve made the right decisions and followed the proper path when there is genuine peace in your heart.
- The idea of saving certain (overly dramatic) people from themselves. – Honestly, you can’t save some people from themselves, so don’t get sucked too deep into their drama. Those who make perpetual chaos of their lives won’t appreciate you interfering with the commotion they’ve created, anyway. They want your “poor baby” sympathy, but they don’t want to change. They don’t want their lives fixed by you. They don’t want their problems solved, their emotional addictions and distractions taken away, their stories resolved, or their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? They don’t know and they aren’t ready to know yet. And it’s not your job to tell them.
- The selfish and disparaging things others say and do. – If you take everything personally, you will inevitably be offended for the rest of your life. And that just isn’t worth it! At some point it becomes crystal clear that the way people treat you is their problem, and how you react is yours. Start taking full advantage of the amazing freedom that comes to you when you detach from other people’s antics.
- Winning arguments. – Not much is worth fighting about for long. And if you can avoid it, don’t fight at all. It really doesn’t matter that much. Don’t define your intelligence or self-worth by the number of arguments you have won, but by the number of times you have silently told yourself, “This nonsense is just not worth it!”
- Judging others for their shortcomings. – We all have days when we’re not our best. And the older we grow, the more we realize how important it is to give others the break we hope the world will give us on our own bad days. Truly, you never know what someone has been through in their life, or what they’re going through today. Just be kind, generous and respectful… and then be on your way.
- Society’s obsession with outer beauty. – As you grow older, what you look like on the outside becomes less and less of an issue, and who you are on the inside becomes the primary point of interest. You eventually realize that beauty has almost nothing to do with looks – it’s who you are as a person, how you make others feel about themselves, and most importantly, how you feel about yourself. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- Fancy and expensive physical possessions. – Later in life, your personal wish list for ‘big ticket’ physical possessions tends to get smaller and smaller, because the things you really want and need are the little things that can’t be bought.
- All the shallow relationships that just make you feel more popular. – It’s nice to have acquaintances. Be friendly. Just don’t get carried away and spread yourself too thin. Leave plenty of time for those who matter most. Your time is extremely limited, and sooner or later you just want to be around the few people who make you smile for all the right reasons.
- Distant future possibilities. – As time passes, you naturally have more of it behind you and less of it in front of you. The distant future, then, gradually has less value to you personally. But that doesn’t really matter, because the good life always begins right now, when you stop waiting for a better one. Some people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness. Don’t be one of them. Don’t wait until your life is almost over to realize how good it has been. The secret to happiness and peace is letting this moment be what it is, instead of what you think it should be, and then making the very best of it.
Afterthoughts on Making the Best of the Next 20 Years
As you continue to travel the road of life, do your best to avoid letting anyone or anything get in the way of your joy. Live a life that sizzles and pops and makes you laugh out loud every day. Because you don’t want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that your life is a collection of meetings and “somedays” and errands and receipts and empty promises.
Go ahead and sing out loud in the car with the windows down, and dance in your living room, and stay up late laughing, and paint your walls any color you want, and enjoy some sweet wine and chocolate cake. Yes, and go ahead and sleep in on clean white sheets, and throw parties, and paint, and write poetry, and read books so good they make you lose track of time. And just keep living and making God glad that he gave life to someone who loves and cherishes the gift…
- Think deeply.
- Speak gently.
- Love lots.
- Laugh often.
- Work hard.
- Give back.
- Expect less.
- Be present.
- Be kind.
- Be honest.
- Be true to yourself.
Your turn…
If you’re feeling up to it, we would love to hear from YOU.
Which point mentioned above resonates with you the most today, and why?
Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
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Melissa Bells says
For me, this article contains several really important reminders, but the one that really sticks out right now is #8. I actually invested in your happiness course and live event last year when I found myself completely stuck in a deep rut of frustration about where I was in life. I was definitely stuck on the idea of finding a quick fix, but I took your lessons and put them into action, one tiny step at a time. The daily rituals I’ve implemented have been pushing me in a very positive direction ever since. Of course, I’m not exactly where I hope to be just yet, but I’m a long way from where I was last year when I was stuck in a rut.
Thanks for the continued support. This post was excellent!
Henry L. says
I really connected with 14, 15, and 16. Such crucial points about how unimportant the act of engaging in drama is, and how darn often we are drawn into it. Thank you for this timeless insight…and all the timeless insight in your 1,000 Little Things book, and all the awesomeness you drop into my email inbox each week.
Nev says
This one arrived in my email just in time! I kinda got a rough start today and this helped me with a mindset shift! Thank you, thank you! The first three really knocked some sense into me.
PS: Looking forward to your Think Better, Live Better 2022 conference in Orlando!
Aparna says
It really hit me…that point about getting into others’ drama and taking things personally. Sometimes I tend to forget that. This was a really nice read. You people never fail to make me feel better when I am down.
Tracey Axnick says
I love all your posts, but this one really, really resonated. So much so that I’m going to print it and put it above my desk at work as a regular reminder. Thank you for all your encouragement and wisdom!
mary tutterow says
Tracey! Love finding you here! A good friend just sent this to me. Great minds are thinking alike!
Angelcat47 says
Definitely the point of staying out of others’ drama and trying to fix them. I had a very good friend from my early 20s until about 5 years ago ( I will be 60 in a few weeks). I love her dearly but she never grew up. She has an alcohol problem as do most of her friends. I’ve tried to steer her toward getting help but she won’t. She just wants to keep me on the phone for hours discussing her problems.
I finally wrote her a letter explaining why I couldn’t be her friend anymore. I told her I would be there to support her if she decided to get help, but not until then. It was a very difficult thing to do but has brought more peace into my own life.
Sherry says
Living thru what is the worst period of my life…. watching people I love that are defenseless, voiceless and dependent being pushed from their homes of 40 plus years. It is a heartbreaking time! Their leaving means I’m losing a job I love! These points resonated with me as I’ve been in such emotional turmoil over this situation that I’ve tried to put some of them to work in my life. I know there is a bigger plan and in twenty years I will look at this situation differently, but for the time being this is difficult beyond words. I do thank you, M&A, for some perspective in this time.
Connie says
Sherry, praying everything works out for you, & that something Fantastic will pop up for you very soon– don’t Ever give up… most circumstances are Temporary and will work out, sometimes Better than they were before! ??
Sean says
I’m reminded of the old saying, “At 20 you worry about what everyone thinks about you. At 40 you don’t care what anyone thinks about you. And at 60 you realize no one was ever really thinking about you because they were so worried thinking about what you thought about them.”
My favorite, and most valuable, take away wasn’t one of the points… it was this line:
“And just keep living and making God glad that he gave life to someone who loves and cherishes the gift…”
The way I might summarize this is by sharing how I invite my clients to live their life…
TRUST DEEPLY in who you are, whose you are, and what you’re up to in the world. BEHAVE BOLDLY based on that knowing. And GIVE GENEROUSLY in every area and action of your life.
Aimee says
Thanks for taking the time to remind us; life is so much more than we usually allow. Giving ourselves permission to be happy, generous and kind, will provide the necessary environment for others to get happy too! Warm regards, Aimee
Sona Tank says
Perfect for a Monday and every other day 🙂 unfortunately, some lessons hit the nail on the head only with personal experience. Great reminders, nevertheless. Keep’ em coming.
Marguerite says
It ALL resonated with me! Your daily inspirational e-mails and articles are by far the BEST and I look forward to them every week.
j says
Each bullet point spoke to me but #13 caused me too gasp a wee bit…one adult child seems to stuck in a “rocking horse” and not moving forward beyond their issues.(in my eyes anyways)..any cash thrown from me acted as a quick dissolving band-aid and really didn’t help…as painful as it is to watch…….I see now it is ultimately MY issue wanting to fix and make everything right for the kids….and that is all I can have control over….plan b begins now. ….thank you.
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Anne says
I do not know what I would do without these little (but huge) sprinkles of inspiration and love!
I am going through one of the most horrific points in my life – it’s something that’s completely out of my control and I know I have the truth on my side and that justice and liberty will prevail… but it’s been tough to even get out of bed some days. These emails remind me of who I am and how I used to view life and need to consistently read and reuse.
14 & 16 were the two that resonated the most. 16 is something (especially as a New Yorker) where never be quick to judge and give people love and respect bc you never know where they’ve been and what they still are going through. Be polite/caring and give someone a genuine smile – it can mean the world. Thank you
Rebecca Johnston says
Well said. I wish you the best.
Rebecca Johnston says
One of the best articles of quick life reminders I’ve read online in a LONG time. Needed it. Thank you very much.
Megan says
All of these items really resonated with me! Thank you for such great insight. My husband and I had a stressful day yesterday with our two young boys during an activity we both thought would’ve been fun and stress free. Remembering that the little things that stressed us out won’t matter in a month from now was helpful in thinking back on the day yesterday!
Catherine Gruber says
Love all your articles, but this one – wow! Each of the twenty points struck a chord, but what really made me wake up was, “… just keep living and making God glad that he gave life to someone who loves and cherishes the gift.” That sums it all up! ?
Elizabeth Campbell says
#13, for 2 1/2 years I engaged in someone else’s drama through work, and then through handling their estate. And as I’ve learned not only with that recent experience but over time, drama people love to suck everyone into their drama. Avoid them like the plague! You’re right they don’t want their drama disrupted in fact the more drama there is the more they like it and if the drama dies down or ends – then they conjure up more drama! I tried telling this to my mother who is 83 but she likes to get caught up in people’s drama and gossip about it.
Stephanie says
AHA!! You just reminded me and reassured me (like nobody else has been able to lately!) that aging can be such a great thing! Wow–Thank you for all of these.
chiz says
So beautifully put together. Love all of them. Learning to be less perfectionist. Cool life and it makes life less stressful. Will it matter in a weeks time or a months time is the question that helps me to take a break. Thanks for your fabulous emails and articles over this past year.
Diana says
The one about beauty as we age. I had weight loss surgery 5 months ago and was looking so much better. Then, about a month ago, all my hair started falling out. A jealous female friend of one of my close male friends called me the “fat dwarf” before surgery. I’ll always be more beautiful than her because it’s what inside that counts. Regardless of my weight or loss of hair.
sandy says
At first I thought this doesn’t apply to me because in 20 years I will be 100. Then as I read I thought maybe I could get some of these points in. When I got to the end of your column I connected with your list. Those are a good life in a nut-shell doings. You are such an inspiration. It’s almost as if you know what we need when we need it.
Much success to you.
Tara says
I really needed this… You have no idea on how much I really needed this email. God bless you both and I am in tears just by reading your emails often. Xoxo
Glenna C. Standley says
I just want to say thank you. For trying to make this world a better place. It matters and It helps…
Jo says
What lovely words.
Jo says
I so enjoy reading your eloquent words and so often they arrive at a moment they are needed the most. This for me is possibly the one article that resonates the most. As I recover from a challenging 2 years instead of licking my wounds and preparing to do the same thing again I feel a new clarity developing and a wish to grow. So I thank you so very much for being a part of my growth. You are both very wise souls.
Joel says
Been feeling overwhelmed lately and this post was exactly what I needed. Quick fixes and winning arguments used to run rampant in my life a few years ago. Every now and then, I slip back into old tendencies. It was great to read about them.
Thank you, Marc and Angel.
Amy Stainthorpe says
I absolutely LOVE this post. No. 9 – leave space. It’s great looking at the calendar for the weekend ahead and it not being full of activities. It’s great to get out and about but it’s also great to have some time free. My favourite point is No. 19. we waste too much time worrying about acquaintances and what they think of us when actually it really doesn’t;t matter. Really trying to change this in my life this year. Brilliant article, love it!
Judy says
Thank you! This all so true! #20 especially. I’ve been retired from teaching almost 4 years. The last few years of my career were particularly bad, which ended up being a gift. I actually believe that idea now because it all forced me into a decision to take care of myself & leave. Because I needed to put education in the rear view mirror, I’ve learned about so many new things that I might not have tried otherwise.
Carmen Peskin says
Everything really resonated with me. Some things I know and have known for a long time but find it so difficult to implement in my life. I am definitely trying to bring more joy into my life by doing little things that I love like spending a few minutes everyday in my garden just listening to the birds in the tree. I am currently unemployed and seeking an opportunity so I am a bit stressed out at the moment, but I believe that my miracle is just around the corner and I am ready to step into the new phase God has planned for me. Thanks for a great blog xxx
Gray says
Hang in there, Carmen, everything will be alright. I will be stressed too in a couple of months when I leave my current job to step into a new world of challenges, but like you’ve said, we should just trust in the higher powers and His perfect timing for everything, for the things he has planned for us. cheers
Abby says
Your emails always help to remind me of what’s important and help me to reset my personal compass. Leading me to a more peaceful and happier existence. So appreciate all your efforts.
Karen says
I resonate with #10 and especially “trust your journey.”
At 71, I have many examples of comparing how I wanted things to be and how they turned out due to my interference. I’ve heard if I want to hear God laugh, just tell Him my plans.
After decades of enjoying life’s experiences, M&A I see the value, worth & wisdom in each of your 20 examples.
Thanks to COVID-19, I have gotten an opportunity to reboot my life and to trust in powers greater than me.
Last June I began following your “30 things to start doing for yourself“ choosing one ‘thing’ to Focus on each month.
Like everyone has said, thank you for all you do and all you are!
Gray says
#4 is what I’m struggling to overcome, even now. I don’t have much confidence while planning to look for another work and travel overseas and I’m trying so hard to prepare for those to the point of it’s already affecting my mental health. I feel I’m not ready, not ready to apply and start a new job, not ready to move out, not ready to start my life anew in another country. I’m losing sleep, my brain feels hollow all the time because of that. I just can’t convince myself that I will never be ready so I don’t have to wait for something, that I just need to take the plunge, but it’s a battle within me, and I’m losing.
Janice says
Your words have saved me so many times. Everyone experiences change,
you cannot avoid it. Everything you share helps me on my path. From the depths of depression to the heights of happiness your words resonate.
The culminating thought for me now in my 70th is that this moment is enough, letting this moment be what it is and not what I want it to be.
I am enough and this life I have been given is a blessing. Thank you for
caring!
Terentius says
In a nutshell, this post contains all a person needs live a great life. Everything. One doesn’t need any otger self improvement advice. What resonates most to me is the entire Afterthoughts “… sing with your car windows open …”
Nicholas Misch says
Take it from a Realtor. Don’t paint your room any color. 😉
Seriously though great article. I’m working everyday to live for the day.