It happens to all of us gradually as we live and grow. We discover more about who we are and the way life is, and then we realize there are some changes we need to make. The lifestyle we’ve been living no longer fits. The environments and relationships we once found comfort in no longer exist, or no longer serve our best interests. So we cherish all the great memories, but find ourselves at a crossroads in life, moving forward.
And it’s not easy. It’s painful to give up what’s comfortable and familiar, especially when there’s no other choice. Marc and I have struggled through this process many times out of necessity. Over the past 15 years we’ve had to deal with several significant, unexpected life changes and challenges, including:
- Losing a sibling to death in our mid-20’s
- Losing a best friend to a freak accident two weeks later
- Financial unrest following a breadwinning employment layoff
- Breaking ties with a loved one who repeatedly betrayed us
- Family business failure (and reinvention)
- and the list goes on…
Those experiences were brutal. Each of them, naturally, knocked us down and off course for a period of time. But once we accepted the truth, by giving up our ideals and letting go of the way things used to be, we pressed forward, more resilient, and with a greater understanding and respect for life.
Getting to the right state of mind, one that actually allowed us to move forward with our lives, required mindful practice. Because when we were initially faced with each one of those brutal experiences — when we were standing at the forefront of another rocky crossroads in our lives — you better believe our minds were spinning with emotions. We had to learn to catch ourselves in that whirlwind of emotional turmoil and calm our minds, so we could cope effectively and move forward.
When you find yourself facing a disheartening reality your emotional reaction might be to deny the situation, or to avoid dealing with it altogether. But by doing so you’re inadvertently holding on even tighter to the pain that you wish to let go of — you’re, in effect, sealing it up inside you. If you notice yourself doing something similar, it’s time to pause, admit to yourself that you’re coping by avoiding, and then shift your focus to a healthier coping mechanism, like using the quotes listed later in this post to help you open your mind.
When you face struggles with an attitude of openness — open to the painful feelings and emotions you have — you find out that it’s not comfortable, but you can still be fine and you can still step forward. Openness means you don’t instantly decide that you know this is only going to be a horrible experience — it means you admit that you don’t really know what the next step will be like, and you’d like to understand the whole truth of the matter. It’s a calm learning stance, instead of one that franticly assumes the worst.
The Benefits of Healthy Coping
Coping in a healthy way isn’t always an easy thing to do, but it’s always worth your while. With practice, healthy coping allows you to find better ways of managing life’s continuous stream of unexpected and uncontrollable circumstances. For example…
- A task is harder than you expected it to be — Instead of running from a daunting and overwhelming task, you can accept it and see what it’s like to feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed, and still take action anyway. Writing a book, for example, is daunting and overwhelming, but you can still write one even with those feelings rolling through you (just like Marc and I did with our books).
- An interaction with someone you love angers or frustrates you — Instead of lashing out at a loved one when you’re upset with them, you can sit quietly with your difficult feelings and just be open to what it’s like to feel them. And then, once you’ve had a moment to breathe, you can see what it’s like to deal compassionately with someone you love who you’re also upset with. To try to understand them instead of just judging them at their worst.
- Unhealthy cravings overwhelm you out of nowhere — You may be inclined to indulge in unhealthy cravings like alcohol and sweets for comfort when you’re feeling stressed out. But you can sit with these feelings and be open to them instead, and then gradually build positive daily rituals for coping in healthier ways—taking walks, meditating, talking with someone about your feelings, journaling, reviewing the relevant quotes from our book provided in this post, etc.
- You are forced to deal with a loved one’s death — When someone you love passes away, the grief and sense of loss can seem overwhelming. And at that point, it’s incredibly easy to give in to unhealthy, “quick-fix” ways of alleviating the pain. But you have to force yourself to do the opposite—to give yourself compassion, to sit with the powerfully difficult thoughts and feelings you have, and to open your mind to what lies ahead. Gradually it becomes evident that death isn’t just an ending, but also a beginning. Because while you have lost someone special, this ending, like all losses, is a moment of reinvention. Although deeply sad, their passing forces you to reinvent your life, and in this reinvention is an opportunity to experience beauty in new, unseen ways and places.
And of course, we’ve merely just scratched the surface of an endless pool of possibilities for healthy coping. The key thing to understand is that by learning to cope in healthier ways, you will find that you can better handle anything life throws your way, and come out stronger, calmer, and sometimes even happier than you were before.
The simplest way of getting started?
Proactive Daily Reminders (for Calmness and Healthy Coping)
It’s all about keeping the right thoughts at the top of your mind every day, so they’re readily available on those inevitable days when you need them most. For Marc and me, that means sitting down quietly with ourselves every morning and reflecting on precisely what we needed to remember. We use quotes like the ones below to do just that (several of which are excerpts from our books).
Some people call them affirmations, or mantras, or prayers, or convictions, but in any case these daily reminders keep us on track by keeping calm, peaceful, productive thoughts and perspectives at the top of our minds, even when life gets utterly chaotic. And over the years we’ve ultimately learned that peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard realities to deal with — peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still remain calm in your mind and centered in your heart.
Challenge yourself to choose one of these quotes every morning (or evening), and then sit for two minutes while repeating it silently in your mind. See how doing so gradually changes the way you think through life’s twists, turns, and crossroads:
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Before you go, please share this post with others who you think will benefit from it, and also share your thoughts with us in the comments section below. Which quote above resonated the most today? Or perhaps share an additional quote or personal saying that has helped you cope more effectively through life’s twists, turns, and crossroads.
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Ed Curington says
Thank you for the uplifting quotes. I have really enjoyed and appreciate them. I will say that they have really helped me find focus in this moment. THANK YOU.
Julia says
I like the one where I need to water my own grass instead of looking how green everyone else’s grass is. Thank you for very thought provoking and encouraging ideas like these. They help me a lot.
Grace says
Hi, I love the quote on watering my grass too. It makes a whole lot of sense.
Christopher Fenaroli says
Thanks. It’s easy to forget how far I’ve come, especially if I compare. And I honestly just had a dream about starting my days with more positive intentions and actions. Then, I read this.
Hezrone says
Thenks for the quotes, I’m looking forward to choose one help me to cope up this life. God bless you for the quotes you have give Us
S says
Thank you for sharing these quotes today. I will share them. And will re-read them. I am many times too hard on myself. More presence and acceptance in needed.
Rick says
Magglio Ordonez, outfielder for the White Sox and the Tigers, once said; “When I try to do too much, I don’t do too much, So I try not to do too much”.
Thanks for the inspiration, your weekly emails are always a highlight!
Charnain says
So many words of wisdom to live by. Thank you for reminding me.
Joyce McKillop says
Those quotes you sent today mean so much to me. I’m in a crisis time period with a big life transition, and need all the support I can get. Thank you for everything you’ve given to my soul.
Kathleen says
M&A, your teachings continue to help me, too, find hope and direction as I navigate some very tough transitions in my life.
This post is actually perfect for me, because I pretty much do exactly as you’ve suggested…I read read part of one of your emails, posts, or a page of your 1,000 Little Things book almost every day before I leave my home in the morning. Doing so keeps so many things in perspective and creates a sense of peace and awareness that somehow encourages me to face tough days more positively and effectively. Thanks for continuing to shine your light in my life over these past couple of years.
Gabe N says
Great post, awesome quotes and affirmations! And now I’ll add one of my absolute favorites from one of Marc’s recent posts earlier this month:
“You become a true master of your life when you learn how to master your focus—where your attention goes. Value what you give your energy to today.”
So incredibly relevant to everything I’m working towards right now. And so is this blog post.
Thank you for another enlightening read and challenge as wee bring a new month, Angel. It helps.
Noah William says
Hi Marc and Angel,
Hope you are well today.
Thanks for the calm quotes above :-).
So many of these quotes resonate with me.
Especially #39 is often in my mind. I believe that anything I feel can be a source of motivation. When I become aware of frustration or disappointment in my heart, I take action and transform it into something positive in my life.
I often tell myself it is not what I achieved
in life, but how far I have come that matters.
Each person needs to make the most of the cards that life gave them. When I simply do my best every day, I feel calm.
Whether I win or lose, the knowingness that I invested the efforts and had the ability to do so, make me feel calm.
I remind myself that nothing in my life should be taken for granted. I feel grateful for everything I can see and touch. I feel calm when I think about my blessings.
Kind regards
Noah
Jerry says
I really enjoy reading the emails I get from you each week. I actually look forward to checking my email to see what you have sent that I can share with my family. And this post with these quotes arriving in my inbox today was perfect timing as always. The first few hit home with me immediately.
Olivia says
Like a couple others have stated above, I have several go-to daily affirmations, dozens of which I have also taken directly from your blog emails and books over the years.
One particular quote from your 1000 Things book that I have had taped to my office whiteboard for a while now, and frequently repeat to myself:
“No matter how chaotic the recent past has been, the immediate future is a clean, fresh, wide open slate. You are not your past habits. You are not your past mistakes. You are not how others have at one time treated you. You are only who you think you are right now in this moment. You are only what you do right now in this moment.”
Nancy says
At 77 years old, I still find your articles very helpful as I navigate through life. Marc and Angel, you have reinforced my positive attitude on many days recently and you’ve helped me ease those negative feelings that creep up on me. Please continue to help us all.
Gray says
Like Nancy says, I am 65 and still needing to hear all this. When you are getting older, and you are an over thinker with tremendous loss, it is hard to focus on goodness that may lie ahead.
Caring for your elderly parents and seeing what is to come, is not always a pretty picture. It is hard to stay positive when this is looming in front of you. The transitions that lay ahead of me are daunting. These quotes were just the thing for me to read today. Thanks. ??
Scott says
37 is what really hits home for me and what I am currently going thru in my head.
Lynda Gregory says
Again THANK YOU for sharing this with everyone I’m in in home hospice care and these really have a special meaning for me Especially the “It is what it is ” way to live That’s how I’m living now Always looking forward to seeing what is next for me I’m ready for your next piece
Francesca says
I want to thank you both for your wise sayings which have helped me over the loss of my husband who was my soulmate, but I find it very hard. You have wise words and sayings but you are together. I have a wonderful family and dear friends but it is so lonely, and I am grateful that you give such positive words and advice but I still feel so alone. Nothing can bring him back but it still hurts, I try to be positive and do the things you say. But at the end of the day one is still alone.
,
Kaitlyn Rose says
M&A, thanks so much for your always helpful words. At 88, I still have much to learn. You are never preachy, just common-sense.
One of my favorite quotes is fr
om Tennyson’s “Ulysses”:
“To rust unburnish’d, not to shine in use. As if to live were life. Life piled on life were all too little.” Another wise person. I’m so grateful the two of you have chosen to share your wisdom.
gabriel.ch says
Thank you!
Rika Mitchell says
There are so many great quotes that I can resonate with. Much needed thing to read on a Monday to get me going for sure. One of the quotes that helped me most is this one: “Become a pioneer of the future; don’t become a pioneer of the past. This is so true; my past mistakes DO NOT define me in any way so start now with a fresh mind/soul!
Barbara Murray says
I’m new to all of this and I find that all of what I am reading so far is good or rather excellent, sound advice and tools with which to navigate all that life can dish out to you. THAN YOU so much!!!!
Did you ever read the one about putting a penny in a jar when you have really accomplished something. That’s how you build a life. One penny at a time.
Ragha says
These are such beautiful reminders and uplifting quotes.
Every quote is reminder of our journey and motivating for the further journey.
Thank you so much for all the beautiful lines!
Edelquin says
Thanks for sharing these excellent quotes.
Felicia says
I have been receiving your mails for so many years now and I can never get tired of reading them. These quotes are so concise and direct answers to many questions and confusions in my mind. I have very rough life experiences (not my wish but what life has served me) and in it all you still have to struggle to be focused and oh yes I am. These quotes help me the more to authenticate me!
And by the way, I have found myself on many occasions forwarding your mails to friends in order to empower them and calm their nerves on cutting edge issues of their lives.
Thank you so much Marc and Angel. More wisdom for you both in Jesus name, amen.
Lou says
Thank you numbers 35 38 39 and 40 hit me hard especially 35 Life does humble you they all resonate and make beautiful sense as always Thank you for sharing it’s inspiring to read first thing in the morning
Maumita Saha says
… and the fragrance never ends. Life is an amorphous configuration, a scalene triangle where we need to adapt, modify, remodel our outlook to unfasten our solitude and try to appreciate the trivial for our survival as many things remain unexplained.
Grace O says
Thank you for these quotes. Some resonate with me right now. Keep up the good work..
mick jensen says
Life is a journey of discovery and not all of what we discover is going to be great. There will be ups and downs, and how we deal with those will help make or break us.
Feeling more pleasure than pain is what we need to achieve every day in our lives. Stay strong physically and mentally and we will be happier and healthier.