When I was a high school freshman, a 260-pound freshman girl showed up for track and field tryouts right alongside me. Her name was Sara, and she was only there because her doctor said her health depended on it. But once she scanned the crowd of students who were on the field, she turned around and began walking away. Coach O’Leary saw her, jogged over, and turned her back around.
“I’m not thin enough for this sport!” Sara declared. “And I’ll never be! It’s impossible for me to lose enough weight. I’ve tried.”
Coach O’Leary nodded, and promised Sara that her body type wasn’t suited for her current weight. “It’s suited for 220 pounds,” he said.
Sara looked confused. “Most people tell me I need to lose 130 pounds,” she replied. “But you think I only need to lose 40?”
Coach O’Leary nodded again.
Sara started off as a shot put competitor, but spent every single afternoon running and training with the rest of the track team. She was very competitive, and by the end of our freshman year she was down to 219 pounds. She also won 2nd place in the countywide shot put tournament that year. Three years later, during our senior year, she won 3rd place in the 10K run. Her competitive weight at the time was 132 pounds.
There was a time when Sara was convinced that it was impossible to lose weight because, in her past experience, it had never worked out the way she had hoped. She had completely lost faith in herself. But, with consistency—with a daily ritual of trying again and again—she restored her faith and achieved the “impossible.” And when Sara showed up to my 37th birthday (pool) party and BBQ recently, I smiled when I overheard another guest she just met compliment her on her bathing suit and physique.
Of course, Sara still works really hard—she tries again—every single day to maintain what she has achieved.
And, so do I…
I Lose Faith Sometimes Too
Some people get this idea about me, because I’m a New York Times bestselling author who has spent the past decade writing and teaching people how to create more success and happiness in their lives, that I don’t ever fall short and fail miserably in these areas. But of course, I’m human, so that’s not true at all. I fall short and fail at things much more than you might imagine, and certainly far more than I’d often like to admit. And, it feels just as horrible for me as it does for you or anyone else—I absolutely lose faith in myself sometimes.
Deep down, of course, I know these negative reactions aren’t helpful. So I own up to what happened, learn a lesson or two, and then get back up and try again. The final part is the most important part—the trying again…
- I fail at eating healthy and exercising sometimes, but I try again.
- I fail at loving myself sometimes, but I don’t give up on myself either, and so I try again.
- I fail at being a great dad sometimes, especially when I get distracted with stressful business endeavors, but I keep trying, and oftentimes I invoke a fresh smile on my son’s face.
- I even failed at writing the article you’re reading now. I made an initial attempt and scrapped it because it didn’t feel right. But I started again, and now I’m done.
When I try again and again, I often succeed, and feel much better about myself, in the long run.
If there’s only one thing you take away from this article, let it be that trying again—giving yourself another chance every day—is always worth it. Because…
What You Do Again & Again Defines You
Many of the most meaningful results you will ever achieve in your life—the milestones, the relationships, the love, the lessons—come from the little things you do repeatedly, every single day.
Regardless of your unique talents, knowledge, and life circumstances, or how you personally define success and happiness, you don’t suddenly become successful and happy. You become successful and happy over time based on your willingness to try again and again—to create little daily rituals that amass little bits of progress, through thick and thin.
So, what do your little daily rituals look like?
You really have to sort this out, and get consistent with what’s right for you on a daily basis! Because failure occurs in the same way. All your little daily failures (those that you don’t learn and grow from) come together and cause you to fail big. Think in terms of running a business…
- You keep failing to check the books.
- You keep failing to make the calls.
- You keep failing to listen to your customers.
- You keep failing to innovate.
- You keep failing to do the little things that need to be done.
Then one day you wake up and your whole business has failed. It was all the little things you did or didn’t do on a daily basis—your rituals—not just one inexplicable, catastrophic event.
Now, think about how this relates to your life: your life is your “business!”
Remind yourself that the vast majority of the results in your life—positive and negative alike—are the product of many small decisions made over time. The little things you do today, and tomorrow, and the next day, matter!
Too often people overestimate the significance of one big defining moment and underestimate the value of making good decisions and small steps of progress on a daily basis. Don’t be one of them!
Obvious but Not Easy to Sustain
The concept of taking it one day at a time, one step at a time, might seem ridiculously obvious, but at some point we all get caught up in the moment and find ourselves yearning for instant gratification. We want what we want, and we want it now! And this yearning often tricks us into taking on too much too soon. Angel and I have seen this transpire hundreds of times over the years: a coaching client or course student wants to achieve a big goal (or three) all at once, and can’t choose just one or two daily rituals to focus on, so nothing worthwhile ever gets done, and gradually they lose more and more faith in themselves. Let this common mistake—this quick-fix mentality—be your wake-up call today.
You really can’t lift a thousand pounds all at once, yet you can easily lift one pound a thousand times. Small, repeated, incremental efforts will get you there. It doesn’t happen in an instant, but it does happen a lot faster than not getting there at all.
Do your best to consciously shift your focus away from the big goals—the big ideals—you want to achieve in your life and toward the little daily rituals that support them. Consider the following…
- If you’re a competitive athlete, your goal is to win sports competitions. Your ritual is the time you dedicate each day to training your body (and mind).
- If you’re a university student, your goal is to learn and earn a degree. Your ritual is your daily study habits.
- If you’re a parent, your goal is to be a great role model. Your ritual is the time and energy you commit to setting a good example each day.
- If you’re a human being, your goal is to live a happy, meaningful life. Your ritual is the small, positive steps forward you take every day.
Now consider this small excerpt from our New York Times bestselling book: “If you stopped focusing on one of your big goals for a while and instead focused exclusively on your corresponding daily ritual, would you still make progress? For example, if you were trying to lose weight and you stopped thinking about your goal to lose twenty pounds, and instead placed all of your focus on eating healthy and exercising each day, would you still lose weight? Yes, without a doubt! Gradually you would get closer to your goal—your target weight—without even thinking about it again.”
And if you mess up occasionally?
You own up to it, you forgive yourself, and you try again.
One day at a time, one step at a time, you get to…
Restore Faith in Yourself
Restoring your faith in yourself is arguably the most significant hidden benefit of consistently practicing a daily ritual—of trying again and again and again. In fact, what I lacked before I learned to implement these kinds of daily rituals was the faith that I was actually capable of achieving the positive results I desired in my life. I had tried so many quick fixes in the past that ended in failure, and had grown so discouraged in myself, that I began subconsciously choosing procrastination over future attempts to fulfill the little promises I made to myself—to learn, to grow, and to make progress in various ways.
In essence, I lost faith in both my ability and myself. It’s kind of like another person constantly lying to you—eventually you stop trusting them. The same holds true with the little promises you make to yourself that always end in disappointment. Eventually, you stop trusting yourself.
And the solution in most cases is the same too: you have to restore your faith and trust gradually, with small promises, small steps (your daily rituals), and small victories. Again, this process takes time, but it happens if you stick to it. And it’s undoubtedly one of the most important, life-changing things you can do for yourself.
(Note: Angel and I build and customize tiny, life-changing daily rituals with our students in the “Goals & Growth” module of the Getting Back to Happy Course.)
Now, it’s your turn…
Don’t wish away any more time waiting for better times ahead. Just appreciate where you are and try again. If you faithfully take small steps day after day, one day you’ll look back with gratitude for how far you’ve come.
And, if you’re up to it right now, I’d love to know:
- In what way will you “try again” today? What small step forward can you take today, that can be built upon tomorrow?
Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Cara says
I was 50 when I finally understood the compounding power of daily effort. Now I’m trying to help my 23-year-old figure it out, but it’s been a tough process. She always quits if she doesn’t get the results she wants quick enough, or if the going gets too tough along the way. I’ve been leveraging your book, blog and emails to assist her. And she’s learning slowly, but we still have a long way to go. I did recently get her a recording of your 2018 conference and she devoured it, which I am thankful for.
So, thank you both again for being a source of light for me and my daughter.
Patrick says
M&A, as you know I found your work when I lost faith in myself earlier this year, and the daily rituals you set me up with have made a significant different over the past 8 months. I’m looking forward to our next coaching call, and I’m also hoping to attend your Think Better Live Better seminar next year too.
One day at a time, I’m restoring the faith I once had in myself. Thank you.
KC says
You guys focus me on the right stuff and I’m truly grateful! Whenever my life gets a little off-center I tend to read your emails and go back through a section or two of your online course that I completed last year. And more so often than not your teachings set me right back on track. Also, I couldn’t agree more with this post. Focusing on daily rituals is definitely the key! Today, I’m going to crack my journal back open, and I’m going to build upon it tomorrow. 🙂
Jerome Lunar says
thank you for this article. these thoughts are helping me begin again after a serious curve ball in my life.
Rebecca says
I love this ENCOURAGING article! I’ve experienced every loss imaginable over the past ten years but over the past ten months I’ve been rebuilding day by day. Being disciplined to at least accomplish one thing each day has resulted in incremental moves toward bigger things, more independence and better choices moving forward. This, in turn, has restored my confidence in myself and trust in others. Being in a pit of despair and hopelessness is a horrible feeling and affects how you see everything and everyone around you. I never want to go back there. Your wonderfully honest words and inspiring stories are a godsend. Thank you, Marc and Angel
Kwools says
It’s so true what you said how you see things in despair. That’s where I am
Karen
Kiarra Lynn says
Beautiful! It is so true, the little things build up to either triumphs or failures. Everyday, I do small rituals because it is the only way I can beat procrastination. I have used these small rituals to publish books, finish my paintings, sell my art, crete new customers, etc. It is a challenge, but it works! I tell myself, “If you do this small task every single day, this is what you can manifest!” This is what keeps me going 🙂
Kitty says
At 76 years old, I’m able to look back and see that the little daily rituals that I’ve practiced (not always religiously!) for the past 20 years have contributed to my current happiness and health. Before I even get out of bed, I say “Thank you” out loud, take 5 deep breaths, do 5 pelvic tilts, 5 minutes of isometric stretches, and as soon as I get up I make my bed. After my bathroom ablutions, I drink a glass of water and then make my Holy Basil (tulsi) tea with raw honey, lemon, turmeric, pepper, ginger, and mint leaves. I eat primarily organic foods, meditate, journal, read positive and uplifting passages online and in books (yours included), use essential oils, crystals, do chair tai chi and yoga, and have vases of fresh flowers in every room. I have no TV or smartphone. I haven’t had a drink or a cigarette for years. I no longer have to take any prescription drugs, have been “cured” of Type 2 diabetes, have avoided joint surgery by doing tai chi and yoga, and have dropped 40 pounds effortlessly. Every moment is spent mindfully, taking enrichment classes (drumming, ukulele, memoir-writing), going to local theaters, concerts, music festivals, salt-water fishing, volunteering, writing old-fashioned letters, and exchanging back rubs with my partner. It works for me!
Ann C says
Oh Kitty, how I wish we lived close enough to do some of these things together. I’m going to save your post as motivation. I turn 70 next week. I’m very happy and quite healthy other than being over weight. But I’m sedentary! I sit and read all day long. Thank you for your motivation. I’ll take it one day at a time but I need to start tomorrow morning.
Tracey says
Hi, I look forward to your emails. I’m a 47 yr old Psychology student and I am trying to give myself a better life. And your emails direct me in a positive direction that shows me how to accomplish the things I want in life. I especially loved the part in your email when you said “The concept of taking it one day at a time, one step at a time, might seem ridiculously obvious, but at some point we all get caught up in the moment and find ourselves yearning for instant gratification. We want what we want, and we want it now! And this yearning often tricks us into taking on too much too soon.” I want my degree NOW so that I can move out of state NOW, but I know that’s not he right way to do things. I have to take steps EVERYDAY and put a plan in place to make my goals and dreams happen. and I am doing that EVERYDAY. Thanks so much for you LOGICAL words, You let us all know that we are HUMAN and mostly all we want is to be HAPPY but happiness is NOT a destination you get to go to and STAY there…Happiness is life long JOURNEY that never ends.
Thanks
Tracey R
Grace says
Tracey, I love what you said at the end “…that we are HUMAN and mostly all we want is to be HAPPY but happiness is NOT a destination you get to go to and STAY there…Happiness is life long JOURNEY that never ends.” I will always remind myself of this.
Shirley says
I have lost confidence in myself after losing a job I loved and wasn’t expecting to lose:(
Feeling scared to try again in case of rejection or that I wasn’t as good at job that I thought I was!
These thoughts help though. Thanks.
Cathy Ross says
Have you thought that possibly, losing your job had nothing to do with your performance at all? I was in the same situation once. I was great at my job and even did additional work no one else did. After losing my job, I went crazy trying to figure out what I had done wrong. It finally dawned on me that it had nothing to do with my performance or skills. I had some health problems and a number of surgeries which cost the company a lot of money. Don’t be afraid to try again. One job loss does not make you a failure; it makes you human. Best of luck,Cathy
Anne Johnson says
I have had a bout with sciatica that has lasted for 7 months. It has made it painful to walk so I limped the short distances that I forced myself to walk. Through research on the Internet, I found 3 exercises that were supposed to relax and heal the sciatica if one did them faithfully several times a day. Well, I did them in a hit or miss fashion and stayed the same. 2 weeks ago, I committed to doing them a minimum of twice a day. I focused on the exercises and set up a place to do them. Yesterday I realized that I was walking without a limp and very little pain. It was the regularity or habit of exercising. Now, I’m wondering what else could be accomplished in my life. Your article made me really think. Thank you.
See Cheese says
Hi Anne,
I’m curious about these 3 exercises as I am dealing with Sciatic pain myself. If it is okay could you please share them?
I agree with you, regularly exercising helps a lot with the pain and as usual, Marc and Angel are right on point.
T. Ann Berger says
Wonderful article! As a high school cross country and track coach this is the exact culture I strive to cultivate with my athletes. Our school is very small (307 students) and does not have a facility. However, I have athletes that range from a nationally racked distance runner to athletes that are working towards their personal goals of being able to compete on a team while getting healthier.
This is also a great reminder to my entrepreneur self to remember that it is a marathon, not a sprint to success. Thank you for that reminder. I needed it today as I feel overwhelmed as I balance my day job, the business I am launching to help pay for college (twins in their freshman year), and coaching.
Sheila says
I needed to read this today. It’s my 64th birthday and although I believe I can do almost anything, the world view of aging is not always kind. I stopped trying to reach goals based on what others think. Today I am redefining my goals and beginning again. Thank you.
Jacqueline says
small routines have helped me so much, big glass of water every morning means i am hydrated before my day begins, take vitamins same time no extra effort, clothes out night before for the day ahead, little things that become routine are a life saver especially when your overwhelmed and tired no matter what age you are, then changes that are small and and achievable lessen the strain, getting off extra weight no matter how it comes whether that be physical,spiritual and emotional, the Lord tell us to drop those heavy weights we carry because they will drag us down, good rest and being still enable us to think clearly and access situation, there is too much interference in peoples lives today, we are bombarded with advice today, thats not always correct or helpful, constant distraction that demands far too much from us, that often we have very little left to make right decisions and take care of what really matters to us or others, that kind of saddens me more than anything,
think when i was told to unplug devices that was the best advice for me, i cannot cope with too much information because i over think and so turn them off and do something that will really benefit me, sometimes the answers are literally starring us in the face.
thank you for all the advice you give, its out of love and genuine care and well beings for others, that why you stand out
love Jacqueline
Anne says
Thank you so much for this! I’m a little old lady and due to some very bad choices a few years ago, I’m now much worse off financially than I was before I retired. My goal is to be living in a nice senior co-op by the time I’m 80, but in order to do that I have to keep working from home, online, in my profession.
I’ve worked all my life and am getting so old and tired, and my goal has seemed more unattainable every day. But after reading this, I did some arithmetic and discovered that all I need is to earn a very reasonable amount per week, working about 3 days a week.
That is very doable. It’s much easier to think of doing 3 small jobs this week than to think of slaving away until I’m 80. I’ve just set up a daily reminder on my calendar that I can turn off when I’ve reached my goal for the week.
Thank you for reminding me of the way to eat an elephant – one bite at a time!
Sonny says
I’ve been a grateful follower and disseminator of your messages for quite some time but have never posted. I figured it was time I say THANKS for your willingness to continually and generously share the raw truth of the stutter steps of progress. I have been stuck in a rut for some time due to career transition, major relationship breakup and traumatic brain injury from a totaled car accident. I got so used to laying in bed and watching Netflix etc. that it became a pattern that became comforting. When I was younger I had no fear and believed if I worked hard with my many God-given talents and did the right thing, I would be successful. Unfortunately, for me life wasn’t like how it was in school (e.g. if you ace the test you get an A). In real life – due to the unfairness of gender discrimination, pay, politics, jealousy, corrupt work people and places, I’ve become pretty demoralized realizing that unlike my complete success in school for working hard and earning the resulting rewards, in the real work world, I can do everything right, work hard and produce great results but that doesn’t mean I’ll get the “A” in rewards. I don’t want to get into the negative because that won’t help, I know that all I can do is to choose to “try again and again” and control what I can control – my own faith, effort, and choice to self-love and attitude. After your “try again” post and being asked the question, even though you have lost faith, “in what way will you try again today” – I struggled but finally focused on one small positive thing I could do, and it resulted in a prospective job interview, and opportunities for new relationships/group involvement. For how globally defeated I felt (and falsely believed was true), it’s amazing how just focusing on one tiny thing and taking one small action can quickly become so much more. Thank you for changing my experience of my life today.
Donna H Farrell says
To Quit Smoking! Its been real hard. I will try again… I’m making slight progress. And I will restore the Faith I once had in myself too. Thank You for the reminder!
Sunshine says
Wow! I am so glad I came across this article right at this moment. I’m attempting to dig myself out of a financial hole and build the habits and practices that allow me to eventually get my money house in order and enjoy the fruits of my labor. Until then, however, I’m going to have to focus on my finances, ONE DOLLAR, ONE DAY at a time. I’ve subscribed and look forward to reading more, soon!
Sammy Dammy says
This sentence is a game changer “Many of the most meaningful results you will ever achieve in your life—the milestones, the relationships, the love, the lessons—come from the little things you do repeatedly, every single day.”
Thank you for this…
Judy says
I read your blog every day. I find it one of the very few really inspirational blogs & informational blogs around. There is so much junk online. The internet can be one of the most depressing & disheartening things-really should be avoided! I also noticed that just about all the comments are from women. There must be men also who read/gain from this information but maybe just don’t comment. Just sayin’. I need this boost & will continue to read as I need to accomplish many things & I intend to do so!