“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
— Mae West
Twenty years ago, I was lucky enough to witness the humble, elegant, peaceful passing of my 89-year-old grandpa. As I sat quietly in his hospice room alongside my grandma and other family members, his nurse smiled softly and said, “I can see he lived well. People his age often pass just the way they lived.”
And as I drove home that evening, a couple questions kept cycling through my mind…
“Am I living well?”
“What do I want to be able to smile about on the inside when I’m on my deathbed?”
These questions are tough, especially the second one. At the time, I desperately struggled to envision myself on my deathbed — just thinking about it stressed me out. So I simply avoided the question and the soul searching it demanded of me. I distracted myself for a few more years until I found myself back in a hospice room with my 90-year-old grandma (who was the most amazing human being I’ve ever met, by the way).
On the final day of her life, I sat with my grandma for the entire day, in silence, in laughter, in tears, and in awe of a woman who was still smiling and sharing stories despite incredible weakness and pain. Her mind was amazingly strong even just a few short hours before her death. So I gave her my undivided attention — I soaked up her wisdom one last time.
And I was all ears until she asked me a version of that question I had avoided a few years earlier. “Do you know why I’m smiling right now?” she asked me.
“Because you lived well,” I said.
She smiled even wider, and then she spent the next hour speaking softly and passionately about her life and the reasons for her present happiness. It was without a doubt one of the most enlightening and unforgettable hours of my life. Immediately afterward, she took a nap — one of her final naps — and I wrote a journal entry about everything she spoke of.
Although I’ve shared many of her insights and quotes with blog subscribers and course students in the past, today would have been my grandmother’s 101st birthday, so I’d like to honor her once again. And to do so, I’m going to share an expanded version of the notes from that specific journal entry I wrote in her hospice room over two decades ago. It’s her wisdom with my twist. I’ve done my best to convey what she told me in five inspiring points — the five reasons my grandma smiled genuinely on her deathbed:
1. My grandma never talked herself out of doing her thing.
One of my grandma’s favorite quotes was by Walt Disney: “Around here, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious — and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”
It inspired my grandma for decades, and it still inspires me every day to write and create — to move on to my next piece of work, even when I catch myself judging my last piece of work as “not good enough.”
For example, it’s been nearly 17 years now that I’ve been publishing new articles every week on Marc & Angel Hack Life. Sometimes the ideas and words come easier than others, and there have been plenty of times when I’ve felt like my work was sub-par.
“I thought this was a great article. Why aren’t people reading and sharing it?” Or I’ll feel like I fumbled through an article only to watch it receive 10,000+ shares on social media. Regardless of which outcome I’m dealing with, my grandma’s wisdom always reminds me of one key point: As human beings, we are often terrible judges of our own work. We are just too self-critical to see the truth most of the time.
And not only that, it’s not our job to judge our own work. It’s not our job to compare it to everyone else’s work, or to how we thought others would perceive it. There’s no use in doing that.
Instead, it’s our job to create. Our job is to share what we have right now in this moment. Our job is to come as we are and give it our best shot, every single day. That’s how my grandma lived her life. She was a true artist in that way.
Realize that there are people in nearly every career field who make each day a work of art simply by the way they have mastered their craft. Yes, almost everyone is an artist in some way. And every artist will have the tendency to judge their own work. The important thing is to not let your self-judgment talk you out of doing your thing and sharing your creative and unique gifts with the world.
Just like Walt said, the key is to “keep moving forward.”
2. My grandma vividly remembered persevering through life’s many challenges.
Sadly, most people give up on their life stories far too early. They come out of school or college wanting to change the world, wanting to build an enterprise, wanting to make lots of money, wanting to start a family and live happily ever after. But they get into the middle of it all and discover it’s way harder than they anticipated. They encounter many setbacks, and they can’t see anything over the distant horizon anymore. So they wonder if their efforts are moving them forward. None of the trees behind them are getting smaller and none of the ones ahead are getting larger, at least not fast enough. So they take it out on their family and friends, or themselves, and they go aimlessly looking for an easier path that doesn’t fulfill them.
Don’t be one of these people.
My grandmother had a Winston Churchill quote hanging in her home office that said, “Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”
And she strongly believed that good things don’t come easy. “True strength consists of what you do on the third, fourth and fifth tries,” she told me. Take this to heart!
Never give up on your journey. Never stop trying. Never sell out or sell yourself short. Life is tough, but you are tougher. Your journey isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s supposed to be worth it. To never struggle is to never grow. It doesn’t matter what’s happened or what you’ve done; what matters is what you choose to do from here. Accept the circumstances, learn from them, and take another step forward.
3. My grandma spent much of her life focused on the present, appreciating the little things.
“Remember, you don’t know what the future will bring. So your best bet for living is to make the best and most positive use of the present,” my grandma said.
The universe is always talking to us — sending us little messages, causing coincidences and serendipitous events, reminding us to stop, to look around, and to believe in something special, something more.
But this special something isn’t somewhere else. It’s right where you are.
Sometimes you have to stop searching, and just BE. You aren’t missing anything anywhere else. You’re only missing the goodness in front of you.
Let me assure you, you could run around trying to do everything, and travel around the world, and always stay connected, and work and party all night long without sleep, but you could never do it all. You will always be missing something, and thus it will always seem like something amazing might be happening elsewhere. Focusing on this is obviously futile.
Hustle, work hard, and seek adventure, but do it with your eyes wide open and focused on your present step.
You have everything right now. The best in life isn’t somewhere else — it’s right where you are at this moment. Notice it, and make it memorable.
4. My grandma had the peace of mind that comes with letting go.
This point is a perfect successor to the previous one. Letting go isn’t about having the ability to forget the past, it’s about having the wisdom to embrace the present.
Truth be told, the more you talk about it, debate it, rethink it, rehash it, cross-analyze it, get paranoid about it, track it, respond to it, contend with it, complain about it, immortalize it, cry over it, kick it, insult it, gossip about it, pray over it, put it down or dissect its motives… it continues to fester and rot in your mind.
It’s time to accept that it’s over! It’s dead! It’s gone. It’s done. It’s time to bury it because it’s stinking up your life, and no one wants to be near your rotted corpse of bad memories, or your decaying attitude. Be the funeral director of your past life and bury that thing once and for all!
“Every difficult life situation can be an excuse for hopelessness or an opportunity for growth, depending on what you choose to do with it right now,” my grandma told me. “We have to let go of the ideas, outcomes, and expectations that aren’t serving us.”
Take pause when you must. Realize that holding on is being brave, but letting go and moving forward is often what makes us stronger and happier in the end. Give yourself this gift so you can grow and smile again, and again. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Happiness” and “Adversity” chapters of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
5. My grandma was well read and incredibly generous with her knowledge.
My grandma’s personal heroes were educated visionaries and dreamers — those beautiful people among us who invest in themselves and then use what they’ve learned to make the world a better place than when they found it, whether in tiny ways or enormous ones. Some succeed, some fail, most have mixed results, but it’s the effort itself that’s heroic, as she saw it. Win or lose, my grandma admired those who intelligently fight for the greater good. And I couldn’t agree more with her sentiment.
Don’t stop learning. Don’t stop investing in yourself. Study. Read. Devour books. Engage with people, including those who think differently. Ask questions. Listen closely. And don’t just grow in knowledge. Be a person who gives back. Use what you’re learning to make a difference.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “The purpose of life is not to simply be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”
Afterthoughts
I want to leave you with a paraphrased version of a poem by Bessie Anderson Stanley that my grandma used to have hanging on the side of her refrigerator when I was growing up. I think it perfectly embodies the overall message of this post, and the overall reason my grandma was smiling:
“She has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much;
Who has enjoyed the trust of good women, the respect of good men, and the love of little children;
Who has filled her niche and accomplished her task;
Who has never lacked appreciation of life’s beauty or failed to express it;
Who has left the world better than she found it,
Whether an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul;
Who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best she had;
Whose life was an inspiration;
Whose memory a benediction.”
Now, it’s your turn…
Angel and I would love to hear from YOU. Your feedback is important to us.
Please leave us a comment below and let us know:
Which point mentioned above resonates with you the most today?
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Denise says
Happy birthday to your grandma. 🙂
As for me, I want to smile about making a difference. I think the characteristics of being kind, honest, compassionate and loving create an environment of happiness – an environment I hope to continue to create for myself in the years ahead.
AND THANK YOU. Your articles are inspiring, invigorating and up-lifting. The path to happiness is within oneself. Love is the mightiest power in the world, and you’re spreading it through your blog, book and emails. Thank you.
Luis says
A great read. Cheers to your grandma, Marc.
I’ve heard it said a time or two that at the end of your life you will most regret the things that you did not do. I believe this to be true. I’m 60 now, and I do have regrets that I’m working on mending.
Are we courageous enough to live the life we were born to live?
That’s a question I now ask myself. And down the road, I want to be able to say yes, honestly.
Alex Leow says
Thank you Marc and Angel. These are priceless reminders. You have no idea how much impact your work has made a difference to my life and those I try to guide. I have bought your books and received your weekly dose of wisdom in my email inbox. Rest assured your work is changing lives, at least mine. I depend on your routine emails to navigate this crazy world and continue walking the journey of life with meaning and sound advice. Thank you and ever appreciative and grateful I found both of you. 🙂
Linda Farr says
Boy, do I identify with your grandma! I am almost 58 yrs. old, but grew up with all ages and stages of life. I gained or heard and caught much wisdom, but was unable to apply it or so I thought until now, right in this time of my life. What sharing and passing on can achieve amazes me.
It results in a benefit to all oftentimes. And, thankfully, though knocked around a bit, I am still standing strong benefitting from others as well as now knowing that others are benefiting from me. That is an absolutely beautiful realization at this juncture in my life.
Thank you so much for recapturing her words and encapsulating them so well and further expressing this experience in such clarity for others reading and continuing like myself.
Again, many thanks.
Linda
Melissa Boswell says
Love this Linda. I too am at the most satisfying part of my life, as I get older (I’m 57) and I feel such purpose in mentoring people through the challenges that I have gone through. Your words really resonate with me! ?
Sarah Corekin says
This was such an outstanding and inspirational read. I sure wish I could cement every point in my mind and live life practicing those concepts routinely. That was very powerful read for me as I have unfortunately been constant worrier in most of my years and I know I need to turn that around.
Thomas says
I’m 48 and my thoughts on reading this is simple. Slow down enjoy the present. I’ve been running in circles since I was 16. I’m currently unable to walk due to back problems but it’s ok. I watch the birds outside my window and my 2 year old granddaughter comes and sits with me. Life doesn’t get much better than this!!
Lauren Baccetti-Eck says
WOW! “Words to live by.” Reading this brings thoughts of calm, strength and positivity.
Louise Corrans says
Lauren I can identify with your comments
Thank you Marc and Angel!
Can’t wait for the mornimg to read it all again and start this meaningful journey.
Helen M Rachel says
Ty Marc and Angel, as always for continuing to inspire this grandma with your knowledge cheers to your grandmother for a life well lived.
Mrs Catherine Sludds says
Thank you for sharing your Grandma’s wisdom on life. She is an inspiration to us all and lives on through you.
Trizzle says
Happy Birthday grandma. Marc thank you for sharing. I lost my grandma this past December. She had a beautiful soul like your grandma. They are both up there in heaven with God laughing and smiling. Thank you for spreading love and kindness. Your articles have helped me on my journey to experience and be grateful for the everyday miracles in my life.
Kind regards
Trizzle
Barbara Regenspan says
What resonates with me the most now, turning 71 this month, is your grandmother’s memory of perseverance combined with an enthusiastic delight in what might have been conventionally interpreted as past failures. I think the transformative capacity I have developed most recently is to recall with some delight the decisions and events that brought me to where I am now, even when those decisions and events were viewed as failures or disappointments at the time. As somebody who thought I could change the world towards greater social equity and democracy, it’s only now that I can recognize that the changes I helped make that matter were the ones I achieved through appreciating the good qualities and love of the people around me who were sharing parts of my path.
John Jurkiewicz says
My mother had the same appreciation for life even though she struggled most of her life with severe anxiety and depression. She excelled in ceramics, painting and sewing. She could look at a picture of something and recreate in one art form or another. She lived with Alzheimer’s for 10+ years and told me that when she was ready to die she would stop eating and go to bed. She did. I talked to her the morning before she died. My sister held the phone to her ear and I told her I was okay and she could go be with dad. She passed the next day. Despite everything she endured one thing she always told us kids when we encountered adversity was “What are you going to do? Sit in the corner and cry about it?”
I miss ya mom
Kayla says
Your grandmother sounds like a dream!! Thank you so much for sharing her wisdom and insight. They are priceless and timeless reminders to focus on what is truly important in this life and not to get distracted/discouraged along the way. I am so grateful to have come across this insight this morning. Thank you!!
Nancy says
Absolutely great article! Loved it! I was blessed enough to have a mom like your grandmother! Full of life and always believed that the past was the past and that you embrace the current moment and make new memories! Thanks for all of what you share. I love the content amd wish all the success in the world! Happy Heavenly Birthday to your grandmother!
Juliana Adams says
I have followed you and Marc for 5 years and your clarity and detailed exploration of topics that often are platitudes written about by many other speakers and authors.
I would like to state as others have stated that I wonder if you know how far reaching your words are shared. It is HUGE! The gift of your insights is more than how it helps me, it is in how many others appreciate your perspective. Thank you.
Jan says
What a great article distilling down the wisdom from a life lived well. And your grandmother continues to live and inspire others through you.
I too struggle with envisioning myself at the end of life but have been working on living a much more intentional life, instead of caught in the swirl of societal expectations. It does make for a much happier life.
But the laugh out loud moment for me in the article was “it’s stinking up your life, and no one wants to be near your rotted corpse of bad memories, or your decaying attitude”! What a funny, excellent, pointed reminder to not be that person wallowing in the past. Loved it.
Melissa Boswell says
Marc! I wish I could buy you and ice cream cone right now and we could sit down and toast to your grandma!
I felt the richness and depth of all of who she was, as I read this beautiful article. She had some incredible pearls of wisdom, didn’t she.
I think what affects me the most (I could feel myself cheering inside) was when I got to point #5…the need to keep learning from heroic and wise people. That has pulled me through many a dark time. I truly loved all the quotes you used in this writing. I shall copy them in my journal. Heck I should paint them on my wall. By the way, I have a framed portrait of Ralph Waldo Emerson above my fireplace. That’s how much I admire him. Thanks for your beautiful work. I am deeply moved. Thank you.
Debra says
Hello, I’m going to be 70 in April, I have always been sensitive and an over thinker. . . .I frequently get hurt by people’s actions so I read your articles and I always feel better. They inspirer me to think differently and get a grip on my emotions. My mom passed 4 years ago she was a wonderful grandma and mom from the greatest generation. We learned so much from them.
Thank you
Madolyn says
I love the first one: Never talk yourself out of doing something. I can talk myself out of anything, now I see that is a problem and I’m going to work on that, with enthusiasm!
Patricia O'Toole says
Dear Marc,
Thank you. I am a grandmother of two beautiful children.I am in the process of putting together memory boxes for them. I wanted to leave them something more thana few things in a box but the words, the thoughts and the wisdom I wanted to share was not forth coming until I read this article. With your permission your grandmother’s gift to you will be passed on to my grandchildren. My hope is they will cherish this gift as you have. Once again thank you for sharing such a powerful gift.
Lara says
All of her points are ones that I will put into action. I have lost a little bit of my way/my thing. I am aware of the benefit of letting go though the imagery of the rotting and decaying past is really hitting home as I have let go of the people who were not good for me though I not the pain they caused. I love Walt and “keep moving forward” and Meet the Robinsons is one of my favorite Disney films. I am trying some new things and revamping a few old ones. I hope that I can start smiling more now and keep it there when it is time to move on.
Tom says
Thank you for sharing. I will be saving this so can go back and reference it. I am soon to turn 65 and feel like I have been a failure as a father, husband, occupation and at life in general. Last May I spent a week in a behavioral clinic for threatening my own life. I am still in therapy however still struggle getting along with my 2 adult Daughters and husbands. This post has made me realize I am not a failure and I need to kiss the past good and start over and live for today and not yesterday. It made me realize also that a few bad days a year does not destroy a lifetime of good. Hence my main reason for saving in a file, I have trouble letting things and keep bringing the bad past up and the next time I feel the need. Next time I will hopefully take a deep breath and reread this post.
Thanks
Tom
Katie says
My dad shared this with me today. I’m a 20 year old music student, so young and yet running into so many problems. It’s been so rough recently and after reading this, I’ve been able to take something from all five of these. I think the biggest, however, is that as a student, we’ve created a culture where everyone always seems to want more and that we can never be satisfied with ourselves; that we always need something special somewhere else. But the real mistake I’ve been making is not living in the present. I have the special right where I am. I really needed this right now, for my week right before spring break. To allow myself to fail and learn, to reach my goals, and to be satisfied with myself and all I’ve done. Thank you for the beautiful words.
Katie
Reno Pascucci says
There is a saying “when the student is ready the teacher will appear.”
Where you are now Katie, your father use to be. Sage advice from your father.-Reno
An says
Thank you for sharing this post- my nan died at 101 on 28/12/22 so the age yours would have been is the same so it resonated deeply! Nan’s are very special people – so lucky to have shared their wisdom and years with us. And how amazing your nan’s wisdom still shining on even now on your page xx
Charlene Taylor says
Very enlightening. A great person. To learn from. Thank you for sharing.
Dynamons says
Awesome Post !! Thank you Marc and Angel. These are priceless reminders. You have no idea how much impact your work has made a difference to my life and those I try to guide. I have bought your books and received your weekly dose of wisdom in my email inbox. Rest assured your work is changing lives, at least mine. I depend on your routine emails to navigate this crazy world and continue walking the journey of life with meaning and sound advice. Thank you and ever appreciative and grateful I found both of you. 🙂
Jennifer says
Your grandma was a true gem! Number 1 and 2 resonated most with me today. I’m a creative who’s starting on a new career path and my journey has proven to be so rewarding and overwhelming all at the same time. Your posts (especially this one) is what fuels the engine to keep on keepin’ on. Thank you!