When I was a high school freshman, a 260-pound freshman girl showed up for track and field tryouts right alongside me. Her name was Sara, and she was only there because her doctor said her health depended on it. But once she scanned the crowd of students who were on the field, she turned around and began walking away. Coach O’Leary saw her, jogged over, and turned her back around.
“I’m not thin enough for this sport!” Sara declared. “And I’ll never be! It’s impossible for me to lose enough weight. I’ve tried.”
Coach O’Leary nodded, and promised Sara that her body type wasn’t suited for her current weight. “It’s suited for 220 pounds,” he said.
Sara looked confused. “Most people tell me I need to lose 130 pounds,” she replied. “But you think I only need to lose 40?”
Coach O’Leary nodded again.
Sara started off as a shot put competitor, but spent every single afternoon running and training with the rest of the track team. She was very competitive, and by the end of our freshman year she was down to 219 pounds. She also won 2nd place in the countywide shot put tournament that year. Three years later, during our senior year, she won 3rd place in the 10K county run. Her competitive weight at the time was 132 pounds.
There was a time when Sara was convinced that it was impossible to lose weight because, in her past experience, it had never worked out the way she had hoped. She had failed a few times and eventually lost faith in herself. But with consistency — with the right daily choices and willingness to try again — she restored her faith and achieved the “impossible.” And when Sara showed up to my 40th birthday pool party and BBQ last year, I smiled when I overheard another guest that she had just met compliment her on her bathing suit and physique.
Of course, Sara still works really hard — she chooses wisely — every single day to maintain what she has achieved.
And, so do I…
I fail and lose faith sometimes too. We all do.
Some people get this idea about me, because I’m a New York Times bestselling author and coach who has spent the past 15 years writing and teaching people how to create more success and happiness in their lives, that I don’t ever fall short and fail miserably in these areas. But of course I do — I’m human. I fall short and fail at things far more than anyone could imagine, and certainly far more than I’d often like to admit. And it feels just as horrible for me as it does for you or anyone else — I absolutely lose faith in myself sometimes.
Deep down of course, I know these negative reactions aren’t helpful. So I own up to what happened, learn a lesson or two, and then I get back up to try again. And the final part is the most important part — the trying again…
- I fail at eating healthy and exercising sometimes, but I try again.
- I fail at loving myself sometimes, but I don’t give up on myself either, and so I try again.
- I fail at being a great mom and wife sometimes, especially when I get distracted with stressful business endeavors, but I keep trying, and oftentimes I invoke a fresh smile on my son’s or husband’s face.
- I even failed at writing the article you’re reading now. I made an initial attempt yesterday and scrapped it because it didn’t feel right. But I started again, and now I’m done.
Bottom line: When we try again and again, we often succeed and feel much better about ourselves in the long run.
So if there’s only one thing you take away from this essay, let it be that trying again — choosing to give yourself another chance every day — is always worth it. Because that’s honestly the foundation of the following three daily choices, which Marc and I directly attribute to our own success (and to the success of the 1,000+ incredible coaching clients we’ve worked with over the past 15 years)…
1. Choosing to be consistent with the right daily habits.
Many of the most meaningful results you will ever achieve in your life — the milestones, the relationships, the love, the lessons — come from the little things you do repeatedly, every single day.
Regardless of your unique talents, knowledge, life circumstances, or how you personally define success, you don’t suddenly become successful. You become successful over time based on your willingness to try again and again — to create little daily habits that amass gradual progress, through thick and thin.
So what do your little daily habits look like?
You really have to sort this out and get consistent with what’s right for you on a daily basis. Because failure occurs in the same way — it’s gradual. All your little daily failures (those that you don’t learn and grow from) come together and cause you to fail big. Think in terms of running a business:
- You keep failing to check the books.
- You keep failing to make the calls.
- You keep failing to listen to your customers.
- You keep failing to innovate.
- You keep failing to do the little things that need to be done.
Then one day you wake up and your whole business has failed. It was all the little things you did or didn’t do on a daily basis — your habits — not just one inexplicable, catastrophic event.
Now, think about how this relates to your life: your life is your “business!”
Too often people overestimate the significance of one big defining moment and underestimate the value of making good choices and small steps of progress on a daily basis. Don’t be one of them!
Keep reminding yourself that the vast majority of the results in your life — positive and negative alike — are the product of many small decisions made over time. The little things you do today, and tomorrow, and the next day, truly matter!
2. Choosing not to obsess over a goal (or rush the journey).
The concept of taking it one day at a time, one step at a time, might seem ridiculously obvious, but at some point we all get caught up in the moment and find ourselves yearning for instant gratification. We want what we want, and we want it now! And this yearning often tricks us into taking on too much too soon. Marc and I have seen this transpire hundreds of times over the years: a coaching client or course student wants to achieve a big goal (or three) all at once, and can’t choose just one or two daily habits to focus on, so nothing worthwhile ever gets done, and gradually they lose more and more faith in themselves. Let this common mistake — this quick-fix mentality — be your wake-up call today.
You really can’t lift a thousand pounds all at once, yet you can easily lift one pound a thousand times. Small, repeated, incremental efforts will get you there. It doesn’t happen in an instant, but it does happen a lot faster than not getting there at all.
Do your best to consciously shift your daily focus away from the big goals you want to achieve in your life, and redirect your focus toward the little daily habits that actually support those goals. Consider the following:
- If you’re a competitive athlete, your goal is to win sports competitions. Your habit is the time you dedicate each day to training your body (and mind).
- If you’re a university student, your goal is to learn and earn a degree. Your habit is your daily study routine.
- If you’re a parent or guardian, your goal is to be a great role model. Your habit is the time and energy you commit to setting a good example each day.
- If you’re a human being, your goal is to live a meaningful life. Your habits are the small, positive steps forward you take every day.
Now consider what would happen if you stopped focusing on one of your big goals for a while and instead focused exclusively on your corresponding daily habit. Would you still make progress? For example, if you were trying to lose weight and you stopped thinking about your goal to lose twenty pounds, and instead placed all of your focus on eating healthy and exercising every day, would you still lose weight? Yes, without a doubt! Gradually you would get closer to your goal — your target weight — without even thinking about it again.
And if you mess up occasionally?
You own up to it, you forgive yourself, and you try again.
One day at a time, one step at a time.
3. Choosing to restore and maintain faith in oneself, day by day.
Restoring and maintaining your faith in yourself is arguably the most significant hidden benefit of consistently practicing a daily habit — of trying again and again to make progress. In fact, what I lacked before I learned to implement these kinds of daily habits was the faith that I was actually capable of achieving the positive results I desired in my life. I had tried so many quick fixes in the past that ended in failure, and had grown so discouraged in myself, that I began subconsciously choosing procrastination over future attempts to fulfill the little promises I made to myself.
In essence, I lost faith in both my ability and myself. It’s kind of like another person constantly lying to you — eventually you stop trusting them. The same holds true with the little promises you make to yourself that always end in disappointment. Eventually, you stop trusting yourself.
And the solution in most cases is the same too: you have to restore your faith and trust gradually, with small promises, small steps (your daily habits), and small victories. Again, this process takes time, but it happens if you stick to it. And it’s undoubtedly one of the most life-changing things you can do for yourself.
(Note: Marc and I build and customize tiny, life-changing daily habits with our students in the “Goals & Growth” module of the Getting Back to Happy Course, and we also establish a foundational habit of consistency through daily journaling in our newest publication through Penguin Random House, “The Good Morning Journal: Powerful Prompts & Reflections to Start Every Day”.)
Now, it’s your turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to try again with the right daily habits. Because, once more, if you diligently take small positive steps day after day, one day you’ll look back with gratitude for how far you’ve come, and you’ll look forward with renewed faith in yourself and the next step.
But before you go, please leave Marc and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Cara says
I was nearly 50 when I finally understood the compounding power of daily effort. Now I’m trying to help my 23-year-old figure it out, but it’s been a tough process. She always quits if she doesn’t get the results she wants quick enough, or if the going gets too tough along the way. I’ve been leveraging your book, blog and emails to assist her. And she’s learning slowly, but we still have a long way to go. I did recently get her a recording of your 2018 conference and she devoured it, which I am thankful for.
So, thank you both again for being a source of light for me and my daughter.
Glenda says
This email/essay has jumped in my inbox at the right moment today. This was the jump start I needed. I know how consistent work can bring you your goals I’ve been attending school for 10 years and am this close to my degree But in other areas, mainly my health,/weight, I let that fall to the wayside and consistently make unhealthy choices. Well this was my eye opener to start today. Baby steps to move towards health and ease of movement not just for today but for the golden years ahead. Thanks for this
Pat says
M&A, as you know I found your work when I lost faith in myself earlier this year, and the daily habits you set me up with have made a significant different over the past 8 months. I’m looking forward to our next coaching call, and I’m also hoping to attend your next Think Better Live Better seminar next year too.
One day at a time, I’m absolutely restoring the faith I once had in myself. Thank you.
Dorothy says
What hit home for me is that “you can not carry one thousand pounds at once but you can carry one pound a thousand times” As human beings we hardly think that way. we want quick fixes. Thanks so much for the important lessins.
Kitty says
At 76 years old, I’m able to look back and see that the little habits and rituals that I’ve practiced (not always religiously!) for the past 20 years have contributed to my current happiness and health. Before I even get out of bed, I say “Thank you” out loud, take 5 deep breaths, do 5 pelvic tilts, 5 minutes of isometric stretches, and as soon as I get up I make my bed. After my bathroom ablutions, I drink a glass of water and then make my Holy Basil (tulsi) tea with raw honey, lemon, turmeric, pepper, ginger, and mint leaves. I eat primarily organic foods, meditate, journal, read positive and uplifting passages online and in books (yours included), use essential oils, crystals, do chair tai chi and yoga, and have vases of fresh flowers in every room. I have no TV or smartphone. I haven’t had a drink or a cigarette for years. I no longer have to take any prescription drugs, have been “cured” of Type 2 diabetes, have avoided joint surgery by doing tai chi and yoga, and have dropped 40 pounds effortlessly. Every moment is spent mindfully, taking enrichment classes (drumming, ukulele, memoir-writing), going to local theaters, concerts, music festivals, salt-water fishing, volunteering, writing old-fashioned letters, and exchanging back rubs with my partner. It works for me!
KC says
You guys focus me on the right stuff and I’m truly grateful! Whenever my life gets a little off-center I tend to read your emails and go back through a section or two of your online course that I completed last year. And more so often than not your teachings set me right back on track. Also, I couldn’t agree more with this post. Focusing on daily habits and routines is definitely the key! Today, I’m going to crack my journal back open, and I’m going to build upon it tomorrow. And I’m also ordering your Good Morning Journal too for some some daily reflection.
Sonny says
I’ve been a grateful follower and disseminator of your messages for quite some time but have never posted. I figured it was time I say THANKS for your willingness to continually and generously share the raw truth of the stutter steps of progress. I have been stuck in a rut for some time due to career transition, major relationship breakup and traumatic brain injury from a totaled car accident. I got so used to laying in bed and watching Netflix etc. that it became a pattern that became comforting. When I was younger I had no fear and believed if I worked hard with my many God-given talents and did the right thing, I would be successful. Unfortunately, for me life wasn’t like how it was in school (e.g. if you ace the test you get an A). In real life – due to the unfairness of gender discrimination, pay, politics, jealousy, corrupt work people and places, I’ve become pretty demoralized realizing that unlike my complete success in school for working hard and earning the resulting rewards, in the real work world, I can do everything right, work hard and produce great results but that doesn’t mean I’ll get the “A” in rewards. I don’t want to get into the negative because that won’t help, I know that all I can do is to choose to “try again and again” and control what I can control – my own faith, effort, and choice to self-love and attitude. After your “try again” post and being asked the question, even though you have lost faith, “in what way will you try again today” – I struggled but finally focused on one small positive thing I could do, and it resulted in a prospective job interview, and opportunities for new relationships/group involvement. For how globally defeated I felt (and falsely believed was true), it’s amazing how just focusing on one tiny thing and taking one small action can quickly become so much more. Thank you for changing my experience of my life today.
Julia Hamilton says
Thanks for a new spin on the old adage of try try and try again! It’s encouraging to see and hear real world examples of how gradually, overtime with sustained effort, little changes do add up to big ones. I’m a recent subscriber to your newsletter and I’m grateful to have you in my inbox.
Di says
Thank you. I am so impressed with your open and soul searching newsletters. These have resonated so strongly over the past few years when circumstances have been particularly challenging for me, yet have still, along with my own practices and rituals, found yours a strongly authentic and inspiring voice. Thank you both, I’m so pleased I found you.
Joseph Kirchner says
Excellent article!
Nick Saban, the great head football coach at the University of Alabama, is famous for coaching his players to do every small thing just right. He calls it “the process.” The theory is that if you take care of every little detail to the best of your ability, this very act will produce great results in the long run. Every detail! Every little action. It’s hard to argue with Saban, who has produced many national championships employing this method.
Do every little thing to the best of your ability. And do this every single day.
Watch what happens!
Cindy says
Your inspirational essays with real life stories have helped me through some of the most difficult times in my life. I so appreciate you both and I believe your words and take them to heart. God bless you!
QueenVee says
Thank you so so much for this essay, I have screenshoted it so that I can keep motivating myself, I am almost two months Alcohol Free after I relapsed at 8 months 2 weeks. It wasn’t easy to get back on the sobriety wagon because I felt like I have bed failing myself for so so long. Currently I’m at a state of taking it one day at the time and I have given myself a permission to Reset and I am currently learning to give myself love. Thank you for always posting essays that inspire my self discovery journey.
Nancy Alt says
Thanks again for another great article, that is very timely, too! I found that I was getting overwhelmed with having a lot to do and accomplish and just found myself floundering. A friend suggested the goal setting, and tracking and you have further reiterated and broken this down in this article in a very simplistic way! Love reading your articles and just started today, so I’m going to employ your 3 principles to the journey! Looking forward to more sage advice. Thanks again.
Roxey says
Dear Marc and Angel,
Thank you for the love that you are and the gift your words of wisdom are to the world.
So glad I found you!
Nancy says
Fear of failure, change, and the unknown robs us all of reaching our potential and enjoying life..
Laurel says
I rarely get the time to open up your email to read them (sorry :)) for some reason this morning after having had a fasting blood test, I decided to take myself to a coffee shop for a much needed coffee and toast. I find myself reading your article and I guess someone was guiding me to read it. Your article totally resonated with me as I often feel guilty for either not eating healthier or do that thing I needed to start my online business or not making it to the gym. After reading your article I got to start focusing on the daily habits to get me to my goals. Instead of focusing on the launch date for my business I have to readjust. Thank you sooo much for the reminder! Thoroughly enjoyed your wise words.
DHRUVA VAVIYA says
HEY GUYS!
I REALLY LACK WORDS TO THANK YOU GUYS….THIS ARTICLE HAS BEEN AN EYE OPENER FOR ME…IT WAS TOTALLY APT TO INCIDENTS HAPPENING IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.
Nimfa says
This is quite stimulating.
The principles outlined are very simple and if applied with sincerity of purpose, I strongly believe it can move mountain.
I am going to throw my heart over the bar through these methodologies.
Onshella Vernon says
Your essays have great value to me. In addition to my daily Bible study, they are extremely cathartic to me. I appreciate the forethought and insight you have in human nature. I am always seeking more relevance for my existence and you are helping me to become more present in this journey that we call life.
Svetlana Yarembetska says
Thank you for this article.
It was timely and helpful.
I needed to hear this truth again.
Very incouraging! Thanks for helping me to see it from another perspective. I am facing faliures every day and have the hard time to get up and keep going. But I choose to follow your advice because I believe it’s the right answer.
Thanks again.
Lou says
Thanks again for the positive input and wisdom I love it
Danny says
I really enjoyed reading this article today. It reminded me of how far I’ve come and of how much I’ve achieved.
Amit boruah says
You guys are the ones who changed my life… I’ve following you and reading your articles from 9+ years.
What I am today is in part because of you guys. I just want to thank you today.