“Do not ruin today with mourning tomorrow.”
— Catherynne M. Valente
Ever feel a little overwhelmed? Or really overwhelmed?
This quick read is for YOU…
Once upon a time there was a man who had been lost in the desert for three whole days without water. Just as he was about to collapse, he saw what appeared to be a lake a few hundred yards in front of him. “Could it be? Or is it just a mirage?” he thought to himself.
With the last bit of strength he could muster, he staggered toward the lake and quickly learned that his prayers had been answered: it was no mirage — it was indeed a large spring-fed lake full of fresh water — more fresh water than he could ever drink in his lifetime. Yet while he was practically dying of thirst, he couldn’t bring himself to drink the water. He simply stood by the water’s edge and stared down at it.
There was a passerby riding on a camel from a nearby desert town who was watching the man’s bizarre behavior. She got off her camel, walked up to the thirsty man and asked, “Why don’t you have a drink, sir?”
He looked up at the woman with an exhausted, distraught expression on his face and tears welling up in his eyes. “I think I’m dying of thirst,” he said, “But there is way too much water here in this lake to drink. No matter what I do, I can’t possibly finish it all.”
The passerby smiled softly, bent down, scooped some water up with her hands, lifted it to the man’s mouth and said, “Sir, your opportunity right now, and as you move forward throughout the rest of your life, is to understand that you don’t have to drink the whole lake to quench your thirst. You can simply take one sip — just one small sip… and then another if you choose. Focus only on the mouthful in front of you, and most of your anxiety, fear, and overwhelm about the rest will gradually fade.”
. . .
If that story resonates at all right now, it may be time for a few wake-up calls:
1. In life, we can’t take more than one sip at a time.
Challenge yourself today to focus solely on the sip (task, step, etc.) you’re actually taking. Honestly, that’s all life is — small, positive actions that you take moment by moment. Then one day when you look back it all adds up to something worthwhile — something that’s often far different, and better, than what you had imagined when you started.
And if you’re having trouble sorting out where to start, remember that writing things down helps. Everything usually seems far more overwhelming in our heads. So get out of your head by writing everything down in tiny tasks (that can be tackled gradually). The smaller the better too. Writing the list can even be one of the tasks (see, you already checked the first thing off). Then you can do the next tiny thing and check it off, and the next. Doing so builds a gradual sense of achievement and a degree of control over your world, which reduces the overwhelm, or at least enables you to cope as you move forward… one “sip” at a time.
2. All of us constantly do things that don’t need to be done.
Our lives get incredibly complicated, not overnight, but gradually. And the complications creep up on us…
Today I order a few things on Amazon, tomorrow someone gives me a birthday present, then I get excited and I enroll in a free giveaway at church and I win, so then I decide I need a new six-foot cabinet to store my growing pile of stuff. One item at a time, the clutter builds up in my space, because I keep adding new things without purging the old.
And the cycle continues in all walks of life too…
Today I say yes to a Facebook party invitation, tomorrow I say yes when a neighbor asks me to help him move some furniture, then I get asked to a quick lunch meeting, then I decide to volunteer at my son’s youth group. One yes at a time, and soon my life is so busy and complicated, and I don’t know where I went wrong.
And because I’m feeling stressed, I distract myself…
I read a couple articles on Google News, then I flip over to social media, then my email, and then I check my phone and watch a cute video of my niece that my sister texted… and soon another day is gone, and I didn’t get anything done, and my life gets sucked away one little “sip” at a time, and I feel overwhelmed with what’s left undone.
How do we protect against this vicious cycle?
We have to take a step back on a regular basis and reevaluate what we’re actually doing and why.
Instead of thinking, “Oh my gosh there’s too much to do!”… let’s ask, “Should I actually be doing all of this?”
The bottom line is that people never get more done by blindly working more hours on everything that comes up. Instead they get more done when they follow careful plans that measure and track key priorities and milestones. So if you want to be more successful and less stressed, don’t ask how to make something quicker and more efficient until you’ve first asked, “Do I need to do this at all?” Simply being able to do something well does not make it the right thing to do. And if you think about it, it’s actually kind of ironic that we complain we have so little time, and then we prioritize like time is infinite. So do your best to focus on what’s truly important, and not much else. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Success chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
3. It’s necessary to say “NO” to some really good things in life.
We all have opportunities and obligations, but a healthy and productive routine can only be found in the long run by properly managing your yeses. And yes, sometimes you have to say “no” to really good opportunities and obligations. You can’t always be agreeable — that’s how people take advantage of you. And that’s how you end up taking advantage of yourself too. You have to set clear boundaries!
You might have to say no to certain favors, work projects, community associations, church activities, volunteer groups… coaching your kid’s sports teams, or some other seemingly worthwhile activity. I know what you’re thinking: it seems unfair to say no when these are very worthwhile things to do — it pains you to say no! But you must, because the alternative is that you’re going to do a half-baked, poor job at each one, be stressed out, feel like you’re stuck in an endless cycle of busyness, and eventually you’ll reach a breaking point.
Truth be told, the main thing that keeps so many of us stuck in a debilitating cycle of overwhelm is the fantasy in our minds that we can be everything to everyone, everywhere at once, and a hero on all fronts. But again, that’s not reality. The reality is you’re not Superman or Wonder Woman — you’re human and you have limits. So you have to let go of that idea of doing everything, pleasing everyone, and being everywhere.
In the end, you’re either going to do a few things well, or everything poorly. That’s the truth.
Now, it’s YOUR turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to embrace the difference between being committed to the right things and being overcommitted to everything. It’s your turn to leave space on your calendar, to keep your life ordered and your schedule under-booked, and to create a foundation with a soft place to land, a wide margin of error, and room to think and breathe.
But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which point above resonated the most? How has overwhelm affected you?
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Amanda says
Great read today, M&A. Great story, and I totally agree that when we fill all our time with activities (which may or may not be meaningful) we are just spinning our wheels and taking up time that could be used more intentionally. This has been one of my biggest issues, and it’s something your email newsletters and course lessons have helped me with over the past 6 months. And I’m really feeling the progress in my day to day now. So…thank you.
Carol Blue says
I thank you for this essay. It resonates with me. I tend to have so many ideas and paths to take that I be come stagnate and can’t move. I will take suggestions and write and take one step at a time.
Vickey says
I’ve always felt that I could do it all but as age is gaining momentum I KNOW I can’t do it all. I like the analogy of a sip at a time and saying NO is going to have to be a priority for me. I can no longer be superwoman, I guess I will retire my cape!
Teresa Cotton says
What resonates with me the most is taking little moments here and there scrolling past unnecessary media. Before too long, I’ve spent countless hours doing absolutely nothing but scroll. Thankful for the reminder of prioritizing what’s important and necessary.
Kim says
Thank you. Writing down steps!
Hilary says
My plate is waaay too full, and it is indeed time to take a few things off of it today. I’m starting by turning in my resignation at a local volunteer group I’ve been working with for over five years. I love being able to give back, but it’s time to give a little back to myself too — at least for awhile. Thanks for this much needed kick in the shorts. Your emails and posts always move me in the right direction. Also, still enjoying watching my videos from your conference this past year — excellent!
Vineet says
I have struggled and continue to struggle with feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes when things are rather fine, I keep on thinking about things that I am supposed to do, or things I did not do as I should have. Thoughts just keep on going in a loop.
I have begun practicing meditation which has been a life saver.
Now I am able to catch my thoughts when they begin to go deep down the dark abyss of negativity and self loathing.
As always, your post is like a ray of sunshine for so many people out there. Thanks for your sincere efforts.
C says
I really like how Marc and angel always put their tried and tested collective experience out there to learn from. case in point- I had 6 goals to get done today(2 carried over from yesterday) and here it is the next day day and I am reading that I need to focus on less things if I want to really do anything exceptionally.. I am on #2, no way am I going to make it through all 6. yesterday I accomplished 4 of my six goals, everyday I have been setting my self up for failure. thanks for reminding me that I am human after all.
Dina Canedo says
Thank you for your emails. Several times a week I wake up looking forward to reading your emails, it truly makes my day, it makes me happy and encourages me, just to know that I’m not alone in this, that I’m not the only one. Thank you Marc and Angel, may God bless you.
Vicky Williams says
Taking a sip at a time reminds me I can’t do everything at the same time…
Better to utilise time in more efficient ways. Getting one thing mastered before doing everything all at once and ending up frustrated. Your essays are always a delight to read. I must learn to say no instead of yes and allow people to ruin my boundary. Thank you both.
Joel says
Great essay and concepts here today. It’s somewhat of a luxury trap. We agree to new obligations, begin new projects and direct our behaviour because we feel our lives will be bettered in an imaginary future payoff. But we rarely consider that the extra work spawns even greater responsibilities, locking us into our new level of living.
Fareetha says
Your articles always connect to me and my situation. I need to get away from people pleasing and do things that please me instead.
I need to breakdown my goals for a Better Me into specific small to do tasks and appreciate myself for every task done so I can keep going steadily to achieve the big goal at the end.
Stan says
I had a family who would never accept NO from me. I was always willing to help, but sometimes it became overwhelming. At those times, if I said NO, then they laid guilt on me, bullied me, manipulated me or whatever means it took to get me to bend to their will. I spent so much time doing things for them I didn’t have time to take care of my own things. Then I was put down for letting my stuff get run down. There was no winning. I do not say this in a mean way, but after my family members passed away, my life improved greatly. Ironically, I was left out of the will, and told that I never lifted a finger to help. I’ll never understand that statement. A life like that really drains a person in every way. These days, I live a very calm life. I help friends out, but they accept when I need to tell them NO, and my mind, health, possessions and relationships are great. Life has never been this good. I wish I had run across your website long ago to help me manage when life was difficult, but I am glad I have it now!
Therealme says
I can totally relate I am currently facing the same dilemma except my family is still alive. Sorry for your loss by the way. But for me i help because i genuinely like to and i dont expect anything in return no regrets as they say.sorry you never got to prove your worth to them that you need to let go of as long as you never gave up trying. I am so different from them but i understand too they didnt get to see the world as much as i did. In fact i think they will never understand but i will take that as a challenge. You’re lucky to have constant friends as for me i dont really know if i can trust any of them. Im left in the dark all the time. I realized now i should not apologize to them. You can only rely on yourself dont worry about the inheritance make a mark for yourself thats the best gift u can give to yourself. I could be wrong but i feel like youre hurting. Its ok not to be okay sometimes even superheroes have their weak moments. Just keep it real wish u well… ps the good thing about friends unlike family is that we can choose who we want to be friends with this time lets choose wisely 🙂
Wal says
Hello, I don’t speak English, but I can translate and respond to your excellent materials through google translate.
Thank you very, very much because you always bring something with which I identify and renew my strength.
All these contributions are generous of you. Luckily one of your books is in Spanish and I have it in front of me, which I always read and reread.
Thank you, thank you, thank you again and I hope that the Universe gives you everything you long for…
From Uruguay/South America
Anna says
So grateful for the sharing of others here.
Alexandra says
What a fantastic post! I am a great fan and read your posts religiously as they are always insightful and helpful. My personal health is not that great, but that never stops others from asking me to help or do favors—I still believe in doing good—and then step on my back on their way that I have helped them climb the proverbial ladder. I not only never receive any thanks, but worse, no one can even take 5 minutes to ask me about how I am feeling. I am so tired of expending what little energy I have and then to feel used. Today’s post about saying “No” was a real wake up call for me. Instead of feeling used and desperately sorry for myself, I am going to try to limit my saying yes to those who truly appreciate and care about me. Blessings to you both, and your Son always!
Robert William Walker says
Just what I needed on my birthday today!!!
Jennifer Park says
I loved this reading, my favorite part:
let go of that idea of doing everything, pleasing everyone, and being everywhere.
That sums it up for me. I stay overwhelmed and BUSY for busyness sake!
DR. DINESH SHAH says
The whole life is spent doing unnecessary things most of the times thinking that you can’t say no to certain people or organisation. Or, you are afraid that people will not be present when really you will need them. It is kind of a selfish motive too. The solution is to define a close circle which always is to be attended beyond which is a second circle which can be deferred.
Wonderful thoughts as always from you, nicely pinpointed.
Pat says
I read this as I was contemplating a situation that i feel terrible about. I worked for many years in situation where I could not change outcomes. I gave 125% almost every day. After 10 years I was exhausted, had nothing left to give, including to myself. It’s been years now and I just found out that there was a terrible outcome to the situation that I had worked to solve for years. This morning my guilt is terrible. This article is helping me think through what would have happened if I had stayed, since I truly had nothing left. You’ve helping me a little today; thank you so much I will look forward to making my list and see if there’s other things that help as well.
Rika Mitchell says
Thank you for this much needed read. “Overwhelm” was exactly what I felt when I was brushing my teeth this morning. Going forward, I will make a list of things to do daily to tackle only the important things I need to do every day. It’s not that I am a “yes” woman to others; I am a “yes” woman to myself because I invite all kinds of attractive things into my life and then all of a sudden I’m surrounded by a bunch of internet articles, books, advises, free classes/webinars etc. and I feel obligated to immerse myself in them. But reality is that I can only do one thing at a time. Education and learning is important but this, too, should be limited.
Jewels says
Saying no and prioritizing whats truly important. You do get so overwhelmed, especially when people guilt you into getting that yes. How do you say no to something when everything is equally important (financial issues especially)? Its hard but I’m learning.
Amy Terese says
This post was for ME today. Earlier, I was lying in bed feeling overwhelmed (much like the thirsty man in your story) by all that awaited me once I got up! I am in the midst of re-decorating/ updating my home, a self-initiated project that utterly delighted me at the onset. But instead of completing one room at a time, EVERY room is now in a state of incompleteness and near chaos. At this point, I don’t even know where to begin each day. As I lay there this morning, I prayed for peace of mind, direction, motivation and the strength to get all that I can do today, DONE…but without frustration, time pressure or overwhelm. I later came across your article and was reassured that God had indeed heard and was answering my prayer! Thank you so much! God bless and much love to you both!
Lisa says
I have followed your emails for years now, starting with how to divorce a toxic spouse, sell my business and my home and leave my life of 30 years behind to start over. That was 8 years ago and now today I am struggling with stress from being too busy, traveling too much and helping out too often and it’s causing actual health problems. It’s obvious that your emails and advice are always spot on and appropriate for the time and place that I’m living in!
Thank you for this very valuable message!
Maryanne G says
I have been at that breaking point and wonder why I never saw or read anything similar to your essays!! I guess I was too busy!! I am now learning at my ripe age to focus on small steps and set my priorities. Thank you. I appreciate your calm and nugget-size bits of advice!
Olivia L. Ventura says
Hi, this article came at the right time. I just finished my TV Mass. Prior to that, I was feeling so low, asked myself if it was a bad sign because I had a freak accident which gave me a fracture on my left ankle. Given that I am o.l.d., this will take longer to heal. I do not read everything I get in my inbox but I sure am glad that I did today. Thank you, it lifted up my spirits absolutely!
Gabe says
This is what exactly I was meditating on this morning. As a young man with lots of interest and energy, I often have many things on my plate.
As such, I usually get sick. However, as I was pondering on all those stuff this Morning, getting overwhelmed is inevitable with having many things to handle at a stretch.
So then, I should rather focus on what matters at hand instead of being encumbered with many tasks.
Thanks so much for this lovely piece.
It so much resonates with me.
Mary says
We(my 6 siblings and I) were unintentionally ‘taught’ to procrastinate. This has been one of the overwhelming speed bumps in my life.
After receiving these emails as to how to improve,I’ve been incorporating these revelations.
My life has improved so much, I had no idea how my unconscious mind was sabotaging my life.
I am working on not living in the past, how to realize that I control my future.
I feel empowered, freed from the choking past that has sabotigised my future.
Thank you for your wisdom- it has changed my life over the past several months.
Kim says
Thank you for such a timely reminder. I had to cancel a weekend away recently because I got myself into such an overwhelming state. I kept going over everything I had to do prior, during and after the weekend and I was so churned up in the tummy. I then had an attack of the guilts for letting everyone down. I am going to keep this article, among others of yours as a must read article regularly.
Patrik says
This is exactly what I needed to heat or read. I say so many yeses ending up feeling busy and stressed in the process. One sip at a time. Recently I finally said a “No” to a seemingly viable hustle opportunity, but I am glad I did because my financial situation would not be much better and it demanded quite a lot of free/ family time. Take care
Amberflora says
Right on time. Thank for your valuable messages. I always look forward to read more and learning.