“In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”
— Abraham Lincoln
As you age you will learn to value your time, genuine relationships, meaningful work, and peace of mind, much more. Little else will matter.
Deep down you know that already, right?
Yet today, just like the majority of us, you are distracted by so many others things. You give your time to lots of meaningless time-wasters. You take your important relationships for granted. You get to work skeptically with inner resistance. And you let everyday stress get the best of you…
Why?
Because you’re human, and human beings are imperfect creatures. We get overwhelmed and caught up in our own heads, and sometimes we don’t know our lives to be any better than the few things that aren’t going our way. We scrutinize and dramatize the insignificant, and then we sit back scratching our heads in bewilderment of how blah life feels. And as we continue to dwell on these things, we try to distract ourselves to numb the tension we feel. But by doing so, we also continue to distract ourselves from what matters most in life.
So today, let’s discuss three super-common daily habits Angel and I have seen distracting hundreds of our course students and conference attendees over the past 15 years — some default patterns far too many of us engage in on a daily basis, draining us of our true potential…
1. Treating every day as though it’s “just another day.”
A good life always begins now, when you stop waiting for a better one. Yet so many people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness. Don’t be one of them. Don’t wait until your life is almost over to realize how good it has been, or just how much potential you’ve had waiting for you every single day.
Over the years, Angel and I have personally learned to pay more attention to the beauty and practicality of living a simpler and more intentional life. A life uncluttered by most of the meaningless drama, distraction, and busyness people fill their lives with, leaving us with space for what’s truly meaningful. A life that isn’t constant rushing, worrying and stress, but instead contemplation, creation, and connection with the people, projects, and work that matters most to us. By redefining our priorities, and building healthy habits to back them up, we’ve literally been able to change our lives.
If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed and stressed out a lot lately, I highly recommend you rethink how you’re spending your time, and replace the meaningless with the meaningful.
Start by being honest about the distraction and busyness in your life…
- How often do you engage in the exchange of valueless gossip?
- How often are you thinking about other things when someone is talking to you?
- Do you check social media apps on your phone when you’re working, or when you’re spending time with loved ones?
- Do you send text messages while driving?
The biggest cost of filling your life with needless distraction and busyness (assuming you don’t crash from the texting and driving), is a gradual long-term decline of your effectiveness and happiness. When you get in the habit of persistently dividing your attention, you’re partially engaged in every activity, but rarely focused on any one. And this dizzying lack of focus eventually trips you up and brings you down.
The solution? More presence and focus on what matters most — getting rid of the excess. The efficiency and effectiveness of your life relies heavily on the elimination of non-essentials, so you can focus more on your true priorities. And while plenty of full-length books have been written on this topic, let me give you the very basics of what Angel and I have been practicing:
- Identify what’s most important to you, and eliminate as much as you possibly can of everything else. In other words, be ruthless about putting first things first. Say “no” to unnecessary commitments that do not support your priorities.
- When you start an important activity, turn to it with your full attention and set a conscious intention to be fully present with the act — to do nothing but this one activity for a set time. You might think, “Just write” or “Just run” or “Just be here with this amazing child of mine.”
- When you notice your mind drifting and thinking about something else, or if something happens and your attention momentarily gets pulled elsewhere… just notice. Then take a deep breath and return to being fully present with the activity.
- Do your best to empty your mind of any preconceived notions about the activity — like judging the moment against some ideal — and just be curious about how the activity is truly unfolding right now. Allow yourself to be moved and surprised by it.
- Treat each moment with reverence, as if you are one with what’s happening.
- See the brilliance of the activity you’re focused on — the brilliance of the present moment — that underlies everything else happening in your life.
The bottom line here is that too often our minds are set on getting somewhere else or doing something else. Too often another beautiful day comes to an end with hundreds of unnoticed moments behind us — we didn’t notice them because they were insignificant to us, and because we were too distracted. And over time our entire lives become a massive pile of unnoticed and insignificant moments on our way to more important things. Then the important things get rushed through too… to get to the next one, and the next, until our time is up and we’re left questioning where it all went.
But it doesn’t have to be that way anymore. This moment is the beginning of the rest of your life, and you can make the best of it! The underlying key is to realize that you are not on your way somewhere else. Right now is not just a stepping-stone to another place — it is the ultimate destination, and you have arrived!
2. Waiting and hoping to “find” something to be passionate about.
Passion is powerful. Your inner passion will likely become a key source of your greatest achievements and your finest moments. The fevering excitement of love. The joy of getting in flow. The clarity of a purpose. The ecstasy of letting go and being one with the present moment. In a nutshell, this is what passion gradually does for you. Without it there is less potential in all walks of life.
Truth be told, if your life is going to mean anything to you down the road, you have to actively and passionately engage in it. You have to deeply invest yourself in activities that move you. But the key thing to realize is that almost any activity can move you if you let it. You don’t need some massive, life-engulfing passion to suddenly appear in your life. Because real passion comes from within, and the source of passion in your life may be as simple as having a job to do — a job that feeds your family, for example — and feeling really good about doing it right.
Of course, many of us are still hopelessly trying to “find our passion” — something we believe will ultimately lead us closer to happiness, success, or the life situation we ultimately want. And I say “hopelessly” primarily because, again, passion can’t really be found. When we say we’re trying to find our passion, it implies that our passion is somehow hiding behind a tree or under a rock somewhere. But that’s far from the truth. And if you’re waiting to somehow “find your passion” somewhere outside yourself, so you finally have a reason to put your whole heart and soul into your life and the things you’re working on, you’ll likely be waiting around for an eternity.
On the other hand, if you’re tired of waiting, and you’d rather live more passionately starting today, and experience more joy and meaning in your life in the long run, it’s time to proactively inject passion into the very next thing you work on. Think about it:
- When was the last time you sat down to work on something, with zero distractions and 100% focus?
- When was the last time you exercised, and literally put every bit of effort you could muster into it?
- When was the last time you truly tried — TRULY tried — to do your very best with what’s in front of you?
Like most of us, you’re likely putting a half-hearted effort into most of the things you do on a daily basis. Because you’re still waiting. You’re still waiting to “find” something to be passionate about — some magical reason to step into the life you want to create for yourself. But what you need to do is the exact opposite!
When I was a kid my grandmother used to tell me, “Stop waiting for better opportunities. The one you have in front of you is the best opportunity.” She also said, “We spend too much time making it perfect in our heads before we ever even do it. Stop waiting for perfection and just do your best with what you have today, and then improve upon it tomorrow.”
Believe it or not, recent psychological research indirectly reinforces my grandmother’s sentiments. For many years, psychologists believed our minds could directly affect our physical state of being, but never the other way around. Nowadays however, it is widely documented that our bodies — for example, our momentary facial expressions and body posture — can directly affect our mental state of being too. So while it’s true that we change from the inside out, we also change from the outside in. And you can make this reality work for you.
If you want more passion in your life right now, act accordingly right now.
Put your whole heart and soul into something…
Not into tomorrow’s opportunities, but the opportunity right in front of you.
Not into tomorrow’s tasks, but today’s tasks.
Not into tomorrow’s run, but today’s run.
Not into tomorrow’s conversations, but today’s conversations.
I’m absolutely certain you have plenty in your life right now that’s worth your time, energy, and passionate focus. You have people and circumstances in your life that need you as much as you need them. You have a massive reservoir of passionate potential within you, just waiting. So stop waiting! Put your heart and soul into the small things you’ve got right in front of you. Do so, and your long-lost passion will show up to greet you. And almost everything you do will start to feel more meaningful and memorable.
So my challenge to you is this: Live your life not as a bystander. Live in this world, on this day, and every day going forward as an active, passionate participant! (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Passion chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
3. Being too close and controlling every step of the way.
Henry Wadsworth once said, “For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is to let it rain.” There’s a lot of wisdom in that line, and it’s mostly about acceptance…
Acceptance is letting go and allowing certain things to be the way they truly are. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about improving the reality of your life; it’s just realizing that the only thing you really have control over is yourself and your thoughts about everything else. This simple understanding is the foundation, and only with this foundation can there be peace of mind and growth in the long run.
But how? How do you let go and change your inner state to one of acceptance?
There are many methods, but let’s start with some distance and breathing…
Everything seems simpler from a distance. Sometimes you simply need to distance yourself to see things more clearly. You are more than whatever is troubling you. A very real part of you exists beyond your worries, beyond your doubts, independent from the troubles and frustrations of the present moment. Step back and observe this reality.
Be present. Watch yourself as you think, as you take action, as you experience emotions. Your body may experience pain, and yet that pain is not you. Your mind may encounter troubles, and yet you are not those troubles.
Think of the most difficult challenge you face right now. Imagine that it’s not you, but a close friend who is facing this challenge. What advice would you give her? If you could step back and, instead of being the subject, look at your situation as an objective observer, would you look at it any differently? Think of the advice you would give your friend if she were in your shoes. Are you following your own best advice right now?
Don’t allow your current troubles to cloud your thinking. Take a few steps back and give yourself the benefit of this distance, and then give yourself some great advice.
Perhaps this advice is to simply breathe…
As you read these words, you are breathing. Stop for a moment and notice this breath.
You can control this breath, and make it faster or slower, or make it behave as you like. Or you can simply let yourself inhale and exhale naturally. There is peace in just letting your lungs breathe, without having to control the situation or do anything about it.
Now imagine letting other parts of your body breathe — like your tense shoulders. Just let them be, without having to tense them or control them. Just let them breathe.
Now look around the room you’re in, and notice the objects around you. Pick one, and let it breathe.
There are likely people in the room with you too, or in the same house or building, or in nearby houses or buildings. Visualize them in your mind, and let them breathe.
When you let everything and everyone breathe, you just let them be, exactly as they are. You don’t need to control them, worry about them, or change them. You just let them breathe, in peace, and you accept them as they are.
Practice this. Make it a daily habit. And see how doing so gradually changes your life.
An Exercise and Reminders for Keeping Your Habits on Track
If you feel like you’ve mishandled one or more of the points above — or if you’ve just been lacking in the success and joy departments lately — this is for YOU…
Choose any area in your life that you want to improve, and then:
- Write down the specific details about your current circumstances. (What’s bothering you? Where are you stuck? What do you want to change?)
- Write down your answer to this question: What are the daily habits that have contributed to your current circumstances? (Be honest with yourself. What are you doing regularly that actually contributes to the situation you’re in?)
- Write down a few specific details about the “better circumstances” you’d like to create for yourself. (What would make you happy? What’s the goal? What does an improved situation look like for you?)
- Write down your answer to this question: What are the daily habits that will get you from where you are to where you want to be? (Think about it. What small, daily steps will help you gradually move forward from point A to point B?)
And as you’re working on actually implementing the necessary life changes, remind yourself: Your goal (#3 in the exercise above) is a good general guidepost. But your goal won’t make changes happen, your daily habits will. Too often we obsess ourselves with a goal — an end result — but we’re mostly unfocused when it comes to the habits — the recurring steps — that ultimately make that goal a possibility. In other words, too often we overestimate the significance of one big defining moment and underestimate the value of making a little bit of progress every single day…
So consider this: If you completely ignored one of your goals for the next few weeks and instead focused solely on the daily habits that reinforce this goal, would you still get positive results? For example, if you were trying to lose weight and you ignored your goal to lose 10 pounds, and instead focused only on eating healthy and exercising each day, would you still get results? YES you would! Gradually you would get closer and closer to your goal without even thinking about it. So use this knowledge to your advantage starting today!
Now, it’s your turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to not fall back into your old habits and patterns of living simply because they’re more comfortable and easier to access. It’s your turn to remember that you’re leaving certain habits and routines behind for a reason: to improve your life — because you can’t move forward if you keep going back. And, it’s undoubtedly your turn to reclaim your full potential and make every day count going forward!
But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which one of the points above resonated the most today?
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Geo says
I couldn’t agree more with point of letting things breathe and letting go a little. In my 60 years of living, I can honestly say that letting go a little and allowing things to be the way they are has really opened up many doors for me. By not centering my attention on the uncontrollable aspects of my life, I’ve been able to improve in many areas that I was once blind to.
And although much of this article is incredibly important, I think your points about the importance of presence and nurturing and appreciation for the unpredictability of each day is what resonated most with me today. Because, again, if and when I embrace the present without conditions, I am my happiest, most at peace, and most productive self.
To quote your “1,000 Little Things” book, which my wife and I both reference each evening:
“No regrets and no anticipation, just this moment fresh and as is. Make your presence count. Focus on what matters & let go of what does not.”
Scott MacFadden says
This was great! I liked it so much I forwarded it to several of my friends. Thank you.
Vimla says
Very helpful article . Indeed it’s the small things we do that actually become the bigger part of us. I shall continue to be passionate and grateful every day I have and always count my blessings. Thank you so much.
Rita Jones says
I truly enjoyed this thought provoking article. Thank you for sharing
Paula says
Wow, this helps a lot! I’ve been trying to move house for ages but never put anything in place. These suggestions pave the way for actually taking these small steps instead of the end goal overwhelming me.
Thank you so much!
Irene says
Another well-crafted article I needed to read! Thanks, M&A!
This read cuts to the very core of my ongoing propensity to delay, delay, delay, and thus procrastinate on many of the important things I need to work on. I’m aware now that I have this tendency to believe I need to hold off for something better (time, place, etc.), instead of simply making the best of what I have now. Your teachings an others have guided me through this predicament over the past few months, however. And over these past few months I’ve successfully added a couple new, positive habits into my routine that help counterbalance my tendencies. I am seeing bits of progress already…slow but steady. One day at a time right?
Thanks again for this one, and for everything you two share.
Sonia says
WOW, this article is me in a nutshell. How inspiring this was to me. reading this made so much sense. Definitely love reading this and put into practice. Thank you.
John says
Thanks, great article. It took me over 60 years to realize that the only thing that really matters is “now”. I think we’re all hard wired to different degrees to focus on the past and the future. Once I retired I was able to focus on the present and over time trained myself to spend less time contemplating things that are out of my control. Actually one of the biggest improvements to my quality of life was reducing my time on social media to less than 10 minutes a day. It truly sucks you in and bleeds the life out of you if you let it.
Vee says
Your emails are always worth reading!
Sometimes they give me a quick dose of inspiration, and sometimes they lead me to an in-depth blog post that completely changes my perspective about how I’ve been recently living. Today I received one of the latter, and for that I’m truly thankful.
I really needed to hear #1 today. I am often distracted when I should be present and focused. And the interesting thing about this is that the older I’ve grown, the more I’ve realized that my attentiveness makes a difference in everything I do. So basically, you just helped see a double standard between my thinking and my recent actions. Thank you for the awareness kick!
Teresa says
Dear Marc and Angel,
I have been following you all for quite some time now. I really took some time this morning to really be present and take in your article. What I appreciate in every article is your honesty and authenticity about your own personal lives and experiences with the people around you.
I read all the comments and each one of them I can relate to on some level. What you have learned and share with us is truly a gift.
We don’t just “get there” one day and that is it. I know we all need help and guidance throughout our lives. As life is often so unpredictable. May we always be learning and sharing and growing and living our best lives passionately. Presence is everything.
Thank you for reminding us of that and thank you for what a beautiful gift you all bring to this world.
christine says
Hi,
So many times your emails have come to me in times of desperate need and this is no exception. I often struggle with my thoughts, ruminating over hurtful events and things people have said to me. I do the best I can to move forward and live and feel better. I have to remind myself that others have their journey too and that all the wishes, wants and frustrations are unable to change what’s happened.
Thank you for your constant inspiration and precious words of wisdom.
cheers,
Christine
Larry Sitz says
Marc and Angel, you continue to refine your understanding of the essence and at the same time honing your presentation. Stay the course, you are changing a widening swath of us.
Thank you
Jerry says
Your point about the “last time you sat down to do something with zero distractions.” I can’t remember probably before cell phones and internet. That’s a little wake-up call for me today, to do better.
Debbie Downes says
I love this article. I’m inspired to stay present and mindful and enjoy precious moments without distractions or judgement. I smiled as I read this and I’m grateful for your wisdom. Thank you
Mia says
Great articles! Thank you so much!
I read all comments. I save every email and read them often. I’m nurse and going often through a lot of stress so your emails and positive messages helped a lot!
Dante Eversley says
Just wanted to thank you both for YET another insightful, powerful and introspective piece. There is so much to unpack and act upon with this that I must revisit it and actively put pieces of it to work. I am grateful for your writing and work.
Noel says
I am from Philippines. I like what you’ve written very much. Very true and inspiring.
Bev says
I love all your writings but this one in particular spoke to me. Living in the present has had a huge positive impact on every area of my life. Thank you for sharing your wonderful insights and have an incredible weekend!
Gloria says
This is exactly what I needed to see this morning to reset and focus on being present in the present and take small steps to those big goals.
Thank you so very much!
Donna Lewis says
SUCH A GREAT ARTICLE! You know I love your work but I spent 20 minutes on this article and made 6 index cards of notes and reminders to place around my office and house. Intentionality is paramount and yet sometimes elusive. Loved your comments on contemplation, creation and connection, treating each moment with reverence and being passionately present in each moment and task Great advice as always. XO
Danika says
I like the idea of letting everything breathe
wendy kuhns says
This article was just what I needed today. Recently, everything I do is with 50% effort, not 100%. I am scattered and basically doing only what is necessary and without heart & soul. It’s been a miserable existence.
Today, I just happened to decide to stop, sit down and immerse myself in your article. I finally felt the motivation I’ve needed receetnly. I took the time to breathe.
I am grateful for your always educational works and words of encouragement and inspiration.
My life is on the brink of wonderful changes and I thank you kindly for sharing your wisdoms.
Lin says
Hello, Thanks so much for this article and all of the things you send us. Its all so inspiring and I get a lot from it. I remember my grandmother telling me when I helped her in her corner store when I was little. She always told me the same, She said take your time at what you are doing and do it well. She also always gave me a bit of praise and that helped me do it a bit better because she was one of the most important persons in my life and she taught me so much. I will never forget her even though she is gone now for forty years. Of all the people who have passed on she stands out in my memory the most and I think of her so often. I guess your stories make me think of those things, Thank you
Gerri Garrick says
Thanks. Awesome essay. Getting real about the habits keeping us from our goals, is such an awesome reminder. A new day starts today!
Esaba says
I just want to say ‘Thank you very much’
Sandi says
Thank you so much. this was very encouraging to me this will really help me working with children that have issues outside of our daycare with their families. it’s very sad but with this taking time to just breathe and be in the moment at peace, filling my heart with presence and joy the time I spend with them during the day is so precious. you both have helped me today.
Juju says
I got a lot of wisdom from considering what I’d advise a friend to do with the same problems. You might try reading a Proverb once a day for 31 days. This could coincide with the day of a month with 31 days.
Joyce says
This is worth reading! Thank you so much I learned valuable lessons and made me extra mindful on what habits should I be incorporating in my life. 🙂
Anthony says
I was moved by the point to breathe and let things and people around me to breathe. I let go and felt more peaceful. I also resonated with doing 1 small thing at a time. Thank you.
Robert Sparks says
I really resonated with focusing on the step to getting to the goals. Thank you
Zain says
This essay is just amazing! I was scrolling my news feed randomly and I saw this article and clicked on it. And it felt like I was reading a great self help book but in a really less amount of time which is great.
Bee says
The first point really struck me. “A good life always begins now, when you stop waiting for a better one.”
I’m 52 and have so many regrets. I’m saddened and amazed by how a week goes by so quickly these days, and it’s another week lost. Another week I didn’t take action on something I’ve been procrastinating. Another week I let slip away without living it to its fullest. I needed this reminder so much that I don’t have to wait for someday – that day is today.
Stephanie says
This article was spot on. I needed this one desperately. I intend to put all 3 steps into daily action. Bravo
Nenette says
Thanks for the beautiful insights because I have been struggling to make my life effective and efficient. Your article is like a wake up call for me, to re-direct my goals to have better output. I am in my mid life and I want to put things in place.
Kunmi Magnus-Davies says
Thanks for taking your time to produce and share such enlightening and useful information.
Best Regards
Jonathan says
Thank you, Marc and Angel, for taking the time to care about and reach others so we may be able to improve our lives in ways that matter most. Much of this essay really comes down to things all of us already know but don’t put into practice often enough – staying present, living mindfully in everything we do, and worrying about only what we can control while letting go of anything we cannot control. Yet even though we know this (and knew it before you emphasizes it) it needs to be said, to help us achieve that state of mind far more often than we do, and that’s what your essay provides. As such, I, as you recommended, TODAY, will start making an even more concerted effort to live in that way, particularly following your recommendation to seize current opportunities rather than waiting for the “big moment” that may never arrive. For that motivation, I thank you, and I look forward to start reading what’s in your newsletters, for which I just signed up right after reading your essay and before I left these comments.
pedro fernandez says
First and foremost I want to thank you both for putting this together and bringing awareness to us all … To let us know life can be lived in a way , that if we change our mind set we will lived easier … As for after reading this article I realized that I actually do exactly what you wrote and apply it daily myself … I have to say by breaking down my days in segments and enjoying each one for what it is … This way has made me live with such a flow , that if any situation occurs… I handle it and move if like whatever because like you said…. We must put mind to what really matters and leave what doesn’t behind … So to answer your question about which point is most valuable to me . I have to say all of them , learning how to put them all together.. If you think about isn’t impossible but just doing them will be so rewarding to ourselves … Living life with a peace of mind is grand and what we all search daily … Remember to find peace around you , must first find it with in you … Thank you both for putting this together and may you continue to shed light to all who read your articles …
KV says
Wow, I can personally relate to this article on such a deep level, it’s like it was reinforcing communications that my heart, mind, and soul have already been having for so many years. All the points in my opinion are extremely important to living a better, happier life. They are all much easier said than done and that we should all for example try to follow our own advise to others, but these are the things (the topics in the article) that everyone should consistently be trying to improve on our whole lives to be better, happier versions of ourselves. While at the same time realizing that nothing and no one will ever truly reach perfection even after lifetimes of improving. This is because we never stop learning about ourselves on our journey through life and because the idea of perfection is so different in everyone’s unique mind so it’s different for everyone. A sincere thank you to the authors of this powerful, extremely insightful article.
Dr Rajan Thapa says
Very useful article. I am doing the same thing in my life since 12 years ago, and I feel very proud to be successful due to my good daily habits.
Julie says
Thank you for this article! It was right on time!
Kathy says
I am happy to say that a few months ago when I took my first 2 week vacation ever that I realized #1. I also realized, after reading this that I am not as present as I could be. Thanks for wonderful food for thought!
Diana Holmes says
I can’t believe I actually came across this article today! Just the last couple of days I have been wondering why I can give really great advice to help others but for some reason I can’t seem to do what is best for myself. Your essay definitely brought some things to light for me. Thanks for your thoughtful insight on an excellent and important subject.
Patrick says
Thank you Marc&Angel for this article. It’s just what I needed to read at this moment. Slowing down and savoring every moment is what stands out for me. I’ve been trying to practice for a while now and I really appreciate the value of taking in every moment because that’s what life is made of. Also giving my attention to a single important thing is deep. Today’s life is so hectic and I find myself starting one thing before I’m done with the current one. This leaves me frazzled and beat. We weren’t made to work like this. But focus brings out the joy of the present.
Danielle Leggett says
Thank you for taking the time to write this. I enjoyed it a great deal. There are definitely some things I need to change. The phone being the biggest problem