“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
— Mae West
Twenty years ago, I was lucky enough to witness the humble, elegant, peaceful passing of my 89-year-old grandfather. As I sat quietly in his hospice room alongside my grandmother and other family members, his nurse smiled softly and said, “I can see he lived well. People his age often pass just the way they lived.”
And as I drove home that evening a couple questions kept cycling through my mind…
“Am I living well?”
“What do I want to be able to smile about on the inside when I’m on my deathbed?”
These questions are tough, especially the second one. At the time, I desperately struggled to envision myself on my deathbed — just thinking about it stressed me out. So I simply avoided the question and the soul searching it demanded of me. I distracted myself for a few more years until I found myself back in a hospice room with my 90-year-old grandmother (who was the most amazing human being I’ve ever met, by the way).
On the final day of her life, I sat with my grandmother for the entire day, in silence, in laughter, in tears, and in awe of a woman who was still smiling and sharing stories despite incredible weakness and pain. Her mind was amazingly strong even just a few short hours before her death. So I gave her my undivided attention — I soaked up her wisdom one last time.
And I was all ears until she asked me a version of that question I had avoided a few years earlier. “Do you know why I’m smiling right now?” she asked me.
“Because you lived well,” I said.
She smiled even wider, and then she spent the next hour speaking softly and passionately about her life and the reasons for her present happiness. It was without a doubt one of the most enlightening and unforgettable hours of my life. Immediately afterward, she took a nap — one of her final naps — and I wrote a journal entry about everything she spoke of.
Although I’ve shared many of her insights and quotes with blog subscribers and coaching clients in the past, today is the 10-year anniversary of my grandmother’s passing, so I’d like to honor her once more. To do so, I’m going to share an expanded version of the notes from that specific journal entry I wrote in her hospice room just over a decade ago. It’s her wisdom with my twist. I’ve done my best to convey what she told me in five inspiring points — the five reasons my grandmother smiled genuinely on her deathbed:
1. My grandmother never talked herself out of doing her thing.
One of my grandmother’s favorite quotes was by Walt Disney: “Around here, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious — and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”
It inspired my grandmother for decades, and it still inspires me every day to write and create — to move on to my next piece of work, even when I catch myself judging my last piece of work as “not good enough.”
For example, it’s been nearly 17 years now that I’ve been publishing new articles every week on Marc & Angel Hack Life. Sometimes the ideas and words come easier than others, and there have been plenty of times when I’ve felt like my work was sub-par.
“I thought this was a great article. Why aren’t people reading and sharing it?” Or I’ll feel like I fumbled through an article only to watch it receive thousands of shares on social media. Regardless of which outcome I’m dealing with, my grandmother’s wisdom always reminds me of one key point: As human beings, we are often terrible judges of our own work. We are just too self-critical to see the truth most of the time.
And not only that, it’s not our job to judge our own work. It’s not our job to compare it to everyone else’s work, or to how we thought others would perceive it. There’s no use in doing that.
Instead, it’s our job to create. Our job is to share what we have right now in this moment. Our job is to come as we are and give it our best shot, every single day. That’s how my grandmother lived her life. She was a true artist in that way.
Realize that there are people in nearly every career field who make each day a work of art simply by the way they have mastered their craft. Yes, almost everyone is an artist in some way. And every artist will have the tendency to judge their own work. The important thing is to not let your self-judgment talk you out of doing your thing and sharing your creative and unique gifts with the world.
Just like Walt said, the key is to “keep moving forward.”
2. My grandmother vividly remembered persevering through life’s many challenges.
Sadly, most people give up on their life stories far too early. They come out of school or college wanting to change the world, wanting to build an enterprise, wanting to make lots of money, wanting to start a family and live happily ever after. But they get into the middle of it all and discover it’s way harder than they anticipated. They encounter many setbacks, and they can’t see anything over the distant horizon anymore. So they wonder if their efforts are moving them forward. None of the trees behind them are getting smaller and none of the ones ahead are getting larger, at least not fast enough. So they take it out on their family and friends, or themselves, and they go aimlessly looking for an easier path that doesn’t fulfill them.
Don’t be one of these people.
My grandmother had a Winston Churchill quote hanging in her home office that said, “Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”
And she strongly believed that good things don’t come easy. “True strength consists of what you do on the third, fourth and fifth tries,” she told me. Take this to heart!
Never give up on your journey. Never stop trying. Never sell out or sell yourself short. Life is tough, but you are tougher. Your journey isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s supposed to be worth it. To never struggle is to never grow. It doesn’t matter what’s happened or what you’ve done; what matters is what you choose to do from here. Accept the circumstances, learn from them, and take another step forward.
3. My grandmother spent much of her life focused on the present, appreciating the little things.
“Remember, you don’t know what the future will bring. So your best bet for living is to make the best and most positive use of the present,” my grandmother said.
The universe is always talking to us — sending us little messages, causing coincidences and serendipitous events, reminding us to stop, to look around, and to believe in something special, something more.
But this special something isn’t somewhere else. It’s right where you are.
Sometimes you have to stop searching, and just BE. You aren’t missing anything anywhere else. You’re only missing the goodness in front of you.
Let me assure you, you could run around trying to do everything, and travel around the world, and always stay connected, and work and party all night long without sleep, but you could never do it all. You will always be missing something, and thus it will always seem like something amazing might be happening elsewhere. Focusing on this is obviously futile.
Hustle, work hard, and seek adventure, but do it with your eyes wide open and focused on your present step.
You have everything right now. The best in life isn’t somewhere else — it’s right where you are at this moment. Notice it, and make it memorable.
4. My grandmother had the peace of mind that comes with letting go.
This point is a perfect successor to the previous one. Letting go isn’t about having the ability to forget the past, it’s about having the wisdom to embrace the present.
Truth be told, the more you talk about it, debate it, rethink it, rehash it, cross-analyze it, get paranoid about it, track it, respond to it, contend with it, complain about it, immortalize it, cry over it, kick it, insult it, gossip about it, pray over it, put it down or dissect its motives… it continues to fester and rot in your mind.
It’s time to accept that it’s over! It’s dead! It’s gone. It’s done. It’s time to bury it because it’s stinking up your life, and no one wants to be near your rotted corpse of bad memories, or your decaying attitude. Be the funeral director of your past life and bury that thing once and for all!
“Every difficult life situation can be an excuse for hopelessness or an opportunity for growth, depending on what you choose to do with it right now,” my grandmother told me. “We have to let go of the ideas, outcomes, and expectations that aren’t serving us.”
Take pause when you must. Realize that holding on is being brave, but letting go and moving forward is often what makes us stronger and happier in the end. Give yourself this gift so you can grow and smile again, and again. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Happiness and Adversity chapters of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
5. My grandmother was well read and incredibly generous with her knowledge.
My grandmother’s personal heroes were educated visionaries and dreamers — those beautiful people among us who invest in themselves and then use what they’ve learned to make the world a better place than when they found it, whether in tiny ways or enormous ones. Some succeed, some fail, most have mixed results, but it’s the effort itself that’s heroic, as she saw it. Win or lose, my grandmother admired those who intelligently fight for the greater good. And I couldn’t agree more with her sentiment.
Don’t stop learning. Don’t stop investing in yourself. Study. Read. Devour books. Engage with people, including those who think differently. Ask questions. Listen closely. And don’t just grow in knowledge. Be a person who gives back. Use what you’re learning to make a difference.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “The purpose of life is not to simply be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”
Closing Thoughts: A Benediction
I want to leave you with a paraphrased version of a poem by Bessie Anderson Stanley that my grandmother used to have hanging on the side of her refrigerator when I was growing up. I think it perfectly embodies the overall message of this post, and the overall reason my grandmother was smiling:
“She has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much;
Who has enjoyed the trust of good women, the respect of good men, and the love of little children;
Who has filled her niche and accomplished her task;
Who has never lacked appreciation of life’s beauty or failed to express it;
Who has left the world better than she found it,
Whether an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul;
Who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best she had;
Whose life was an inspiration;
Whose memory a benediction.”
Now, it’s your turn…
Angel and I would love to hear from YOU. Your feedback is important to us.
Please leave us a comment below and let us know:
Which point mentioned above resonates with you the most today?
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Denise says
Love and prayers to your grandma.
As for me, I want to smile about making a difference. I think the characteristics of being kind, honest, compassionate and loving create an environment of happiness – an environment I hope to continue to create for myself in the years ahead.
AND THANK YOU. Your articles are inspiring, invigorating and up-lifting. The path to happiness is within oneself. Love is the mightiest power in the world, and you’re spreading it through your blog, book and emails. I’m grateful.
Rachael maria says
I definitely agree. The article really inspired me.
I had a wonderful mother and she never held a grudge . She made it with a smile going throigh so many difficult times. And best of all she loved soo much. She gave without expecting anything back.
She lost her beloved husband at young age. I too my adorable father.
He was the most humble and he never stop learning but sadly he left the world too young.
My mother who never worked when my pappa was alive but just got on with finding different jobs to look after us.
She taught us to forgive and never disrespect but smile. And never give up and give love back to others as well as yourself.
Luis says
A great read! Cheers to your grandma, Marc.
I’ve heard it said a time or two that at the end of your life you will most regret the things that you did not do. I believe this to be true. I’m 67 now, and I do have regrets that I’m working on mending.
Are we courageous enough to live the life we were born to live?
That’s a question I now ask myself. And down the road, I want to be able to say yes, honestly.
Claudette S. says
Your wisdom is always so real and inspiring and courage giving. You are truly inspirational and i wish you life’s best treasures. You are certainly ours. Thank you.
Alex Leow says
Thank you yet again Marc and Angel. These are priceless reminders. You have no idea how much impact your work has made a difference to my life and those I try to guide. I have bought your books and received your weekly dose of wisdom in my email inbox. Rest assured your work is changing lives, at least mine. I depend on your routine emails to navigate this crazy world and continue walking the journey of life with meaning and sound advice. Thank you and ever appreciative and grateful I found both of you. And it’s wonderful to know you had a woman like your grandmother who guided you.
Linda Farr says
Boy, do I identify with your grandmother! I am almost 58 yrs. old, but grew up with all ages and stages of life. I gained or heard and caught much wisdom, but was unable to apply it or so I thought until now, right in this time of my life. What sharing and passing on can achieve amazes me.
It results in a benefit to all oftentimes. And, thankfully, though knocked around a bit, I am still standing strong benefitting from others as well as now knowing that others are benefiting from me. That is an absolutely beautiful realization at this juncture in my life.
Thank you so much for recapturing her words and encapsulating them so well and further expressing this experience in such clarity for others reading and continuing like myself.
Again, many thanks.
Linda
Thomas says
I’m 48 and my thoughts on reading this is simple. Slow down enjoy the present. I’ve been running in circles since I was 16. I’m currently unable to walk due to major back problems but it’s ok. I watch the birds outside my window and my 2 year old granddaughter comes and sits with me. Life doesn’t get much better than this!!
Lin says
How nice you can enjoy the moment, Thats what its all about. Many people are always running around looking for something while there is so much beauty right beside them.
Mrs Catherine Sludds says
Thank you for sharing your Grandmother’s wisdom on life. She is an inspiration to us all and lives on through you.
Barbara Regenspan says
What resonates with me the most now, turning 71 this month, is your grandmother’s memory of perseverance combined with an enthusiastic delight in what might have been conventionally interpreted as past failures. I think the transformative capacity I have developed most recently is to recall with some delight the decisions and events that brought me to where I am now, even when those decisions and events were viewed as failures or disappointments at the time. As somebody who thought I could change the world towards greater social equity and democracy, it’s only now that I can recognize that the changes I helped make that matter were the ones I achieved through appreciating the good qualities and love of the people around me who were sharing parts of my path.
Patricia O'Toole says
Dear Marc,
Thank you. I am a grandmother of two beautiful children.I am in the process of putting together memory boxes for them. I wanted to leave them something more than a few things in a box but the words, the thoughts and the wisdom I wanted to share was not forth coming until I read this article. With your permission your grandmother’s gift to you will be passed on to my grandchildren. My hope is they will cherish this gift as you have. Once again thank you for sharing such a powerful gift.
Melissa Boswell says
Marc! I wish I could buy you and ice cream cone right now and we could sit down and toast to your grandma!
I felt the richness and depth of all of who she was, as I read this beautiful article. She had some incredible pearls of wisdom, didn’t she.
I think what affects me the most (I could feel myself cheering inside) was when I got to point #5…the need to keep learning from heroic and wise people. That has pulled me through many a dark time. I truly loved all the quotes you used in this writing. I shall copy them in my journal. Heck I should paint them on my wall. By the way, I have a framed portrait of Ralph Waldo Emerson above my fireplace. That’s how much I admire him. Thanks for your beautiful work. I am deeply moved. Thank you.
Katie says
My dad shared this with me today. I’m a 20 year old music student, so young and yet running into so many problems. It’s been so rough recently and after reading this, I’ve been able to take something from all five of these. I think the biggest, however, is that as a student, we’ve created a culture where everyone always seems to want more and that we can never be satisfied with ourselves; that we always need something special somewhere else. But the real mistake I’ve been making is not living in the present. I have the special right where I am. I really needed this right now, for my week right before spring break. To allow myself to fail and learn, to reach my goals, and to be satisfied with myself and all I’ve done. Thank you for the beautiful words.
Katie
An says
Thank you for sharing this post- my nan died at 101 about a year ago, so the age yours would have been is very close. Thus, this resonated deeply! Nan’s are very special people – so lucky to have shared their wisdom and years with us. And how amazing your nan’s wisdom still shining on even now on your page xx
Jennifer says
Your grandma was a true gem! Number 1 and 2 resonated most with me today. I’m a creative who’s starting on a new career path and my journey has proven to be so rewarding and overwhelming all at the same time. Your posts (especially this one) is what fuels the engine to keep on keepin’ on. Thank you!
Gail says
Point 4. I have been working on living in the present. My counselor advised that life is like driving a car–you need to glance ahead to ensure you stay on the road and avoid obstacles, you glance in the rear view mirror to ensure it’s safe but you must stay in the present to ensure you continue on the road.
Thank you for the description of keeping your past in the present. I sat with a vision of the rotting garbage and it hit home.
Thank you for this article which made a real impact. I also appreciate your references to your journal entries.
Dorian Valles says
Wow! With this article you’ve hit the ultimate grand slam! So many words of wisdom about how to view life and how to live it. Your grandma was one wise woman and I often wonder how certain people have that special insight and others wallow in unhappiness and misery. If only more of humanity could experience the thoughts and feelings your grandma had think of what our world could become, what joy and happiness we could all share. With that being said I’m going to go out and learn, create and BE!
Martha says
I was so encouraged by this article! Your grandmother was such a wise and beautiful woman. Through you I’m now benefiting from someone I never met!
At 63 years of age, I’m taking a drastic turn in my life. I had the choice of feeling sorry for myself and being the victim or moving forward with intention and expectation of the second half of my life being my best!
Moving forward with creative intention has now become my number one focus in life.
Thank you for sharing this treasure article. I have gleaned much to keep as encouragement and clarity of life!
Jeanne Marie Fusco says
“She has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much
This!!
Mercy Edward says
Truly inspiring, thank you for this wonderful piece.
Michelle says
Thank you for sharing. It’s exactly what I needed today.
Scott Gerhardt says
I would have loved to have known your grandmother. You are very fortunate, as I am sure you are aware. I loved what you wrote about her. My grandfather was not well-educated and did not express himself very eloquently but always smiled, never complained and always made me feel special. I’m 77 and he’s been gone for almost 50 years and I still cherish his memory.
Martha says
Thank you very much for sharing what you observed from your grandmother wisdom. I am touched by all of them. I am 64 years i will try my best level to smile on the last day.
I want to let go what i have no control. AMEN
Francine Pilloff says
Your topic is my present reality. I am living with Stage 4 breast cancer. Over the years, I have consciously worked to have special, easy experiences, including conversations, with my children and grandchildren so that that we would be able to build a strong relationship. We agreed to disagree and to speak our truths. I can only hope my actions and words support and strengthen our family, as they continue their journey, and for others we have met on our path. In the future, I hope they will call upon and find it valuable what they have learned from me. One never knows what another will remember!!My prayer and hopes are that I have helped those I have touched through who I am, as a human being, and how I have lived my life. On my “death-bed,” (terrible wording) I will be smiling inside and feel grateful for the wonderful life, with my husband of 58 years I have lived, with lots and lots of challenges and, will smile and tell myself, “you done good, girl!”
I will also tell my family, ” All you need to do is talk to me, if needed and ask “what would Mom/ Grandma say?” Or, they may just want to chat!!!
Sorry if I rambled, but this is a question I think about often these days.
Joanne Bartek says
I needed to read this today it gave me reassurances and point #5 nailed it for me. I’ve been following you two for years and although I haven’t taken the time to read every email, the universe has a way of pushing me to read the ones that help me and on this day it has. I shared it with my daughter who is 27 and taking on a new a wonderful challenge, and I know this article will help her to think positive.
Much Love n Respect
Lou says
What a great read. Your grandmother was old school where there was hard work, wisdom, character and integrity. She was so right when she said good things don’t come easy.
Deborah says
Thank you for this memory of your grandmother. I have recently lost my mother who was 97. I was her sole caregiver for the last 8 years although I have 3 siblings who were unavailable to help. Mom was blind and still lived in her own home and lived out of town. I traveled by bus and ferry to deliver home made meals, groceries, medications… everything. Sometimes couldn’t stay long enough as I had to return home to work etc. Often I had to take her to appointments with my husband’s help. Tiring exhausting, wonderful, sad, happy, so many moments cherished and done without thought of myself. Selfless. Recently I find anger in myself that I was sometimes not as patient as I could have been with mom. It was rare but it bothers me. And I asked her on her last day for her forgiveness for that. She said she loved me and there was nothing to forgive. She knew, and knew the sacrifices I had made. Now I need to live in the present and forgive myself. As it no longer serves me. Thank you for the help in realization.
James Ongati says
All the points resonate very well with me. However number one and two is most inspirational; Not talking oneself into despair and sticking with it regardless of challenges. It gives me strength to plow on as Churchill’s quote ‘stumbling from failure without loosing the enthusiasm ‘. What a gem! Keep it up for us Marc n Angel!
Dynamons says
Awesome Post !! Thank you Marc and Angel. These are priceless reminders. You have no idea how much impact your work has made a difference to my life and those I try to guide. I have bought your books and received your weekly dose of wisdom in my email inbox. Rest assured your work is changing lives, at least mine. I depend on your routine emails to navigate this crazy world and continue walking the journey of life with meaning and sound advice. Thank you and ever appreciative and grateful I found both of you. 🙂
Henly Dopo says
With greater energy, I have competed reading this article. All five points are equally important, I fund new motivation to live a purposeful life.
My key takings in this reading are:
– Always focusing my energy in the present, what’s before me, and
– Always letting go what had already happed.
This is a good reminder and a motivation.