Oftentimes you don’t even realize you’re blocking your own present blessings by holding on to everything so tightly.
Closing the door, completing the chapter, turning the page, etc. It doesn’t matter what you title it; what matters is that you find the strength to leave behind those former parts of your life that are over, and those lavish ideals in your mind that simply aren’t meant to be.
Throughout the past decade, as Angel and I have gradually worked with hundreds of our course students, coaching clients, and live event attendees, we’ve come to understand that the root cause of most human stress is our stubborn propensity to hold on to things long after it’s time to let go. In a nutshell, we hold on tight to the hope that things will go exactly as we imagine, and then we complicate our lives to no end when they don’t.
So let’s take a look at some super-common things we often and regretfully hold on to until the bitter end…
1. The way things “should be.”
Try to use frustration and inconvenience to motivate you rather than annoy you. You are in control of the way you look at life. Instead of getting angry, find the lesson. In place of envy, feel admiration. In place of worry, take action. In place of doubt, have faith. Remember that your response is always more powerful than your present circumstance. A small part of your life is decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances, while the vast majority of your life is decided by your responses. Where you ultimately end up is heavily dependent on how you play the hands you’ve been dealt.
2. The way things used to be.
You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or even a week ago. You’re always learning and growing, and life is always evolving. Even though you can’t control everything that happens, again, you can control your attitude about what happens. And in doing so, you will gradually master change rather than allowing it to master you. So be humble today. Be teachable. The world is bigger than your view of the world. There’s always room for a fresh idea or a next step. But first you must accept the fact that things may never go back to how they used to be, and that this ending is really a new beginning.
3. Old mistakes and errors in judgment.
Forgive yourself for the bad decisions you’ve made in the past, for the times you lacked understanding, for the choices that accidentally hurt others and yourself. Forgive yourself, for being young and reckless. These are all vital lessons. And what matters most right now is your willingness to grow from them.
4. That recurring desire to change the unchangeable.
Be selective with your energy today. If you can fix a problem, fix it. If you can’t, then accept it and change your thoughts about it. Whatever you do, don’t attempt to invest more energy than you have, tripping over something behind you or something that only exists inside your head. Truth be told, some of the most powerful moments in life happen when you find the courage to let go of what can’t be changed. Because when you are no longer able to change a situation, you are challenged to change yourself — to grow beyond the unchangeable. And that changes everything.
5. The fantasy of a perfect path (or time to begin).
Too often we waste our time waiting for a path to appear, but it never does. Because we forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting. And we forget that there’s absolutely nothing about our present circumstances that prevents us from making progress again, one tiny step at a time.
6. The need for constant comfort and ease.
Everything gets a bit hard and uncomfortable when it’s time for a change. That’s just a part of the growth process. Things will get better, step by step. And keep in mind that your effort is never wasted, even when it leads to disappointing results. For it always makes you stronger, more educated, and more experienced. So when the going gets tough, be patient and keep going. Just because you are struggling does not mean you are failing. Every great success requires some kind of worthy struggle to get there.
7. Relationships that always make you feel less like yourself.
Let others take you as you are, or not at all. Speak your truth even if your voice shakes. By being yourself, you put something beautiful into the world that was not there before. And remember that in the long run it’s wiser to lose someone over being who you are, than it is to keep them by being someone you’re not. Because it’s easier to fill an empty space in your life where someone else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space inside yourself where YOU used to be. (Note: Angel and I discuss strategies for living true to these words in the Relationships chapters of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
8. Those finished chapters you’re purposely leaving open.
You’re going to mingle with a lot of people in your lifetime. You’re going to have first kisses you feel all the way down to your toes and think “Oh my gosh, I love him,” but really…you loved the kiss. You’re going to meet a friend you think you will know forever, but then something will change and you two will go your separate ways. You’re going to explore different parts of your life with different people who aren’t in it for the long haul, and that isn’t a bad thing. Life is a series of stories, and the way our stories intersect is remarkable. Sometimes people are in our lives for the whole story. Sometimes they are just a short chapter or two. It takes a wise person to know when that chapter is over, and then to turn the page. Be wise!
An Exercise to Practice Letting Go…
In all the aforementioned points above the mind holds on tight to something — an ideal — that isn’t real. And after awhile the inevitable happens — unnecessary stress, anxiety, unhappiness, self-righteousness, self-hate, and unhealthy emotions ensue.
So how can we stop holding on so tight?
There are many ways, but right now let’s begin by letting everything breathe…
As you read these words, you are breathing. Stop for a moment and notice this breath. You can control this breath, and make it faster or slower, or make it behave as you like. Or you can simply let yourself inhale and exhale naturally. There is peace in just letting your lungs breathe, without having to control the situation or do anything about it. Now imagine letting other parts of your body breathe, like your tense shoulders. Just let them be, without having to tense them or control them.
Now look around the room you’re in and notice the objects around you. Pick one, and let it breathe. There are likely people in the room with you too, or in the same house or building, or in nearby houses or buildings. Visualize them in your mind, and let them breathe.
When you let everything and everyone breathe, you just let them be, exactly as they are. You don’t need to control them, worry about them, or change them. You just let them breathe, in peace, and you accept them as they are… so you can be on your way. This is the foundation of what letting go is all about. It can be a life-changing practice.
Now it’s your turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to let go and let things breathe, so you can open yourself up to the next real and present chapter of your life. But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which one of the points above resonated the most today?
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Sam says
Truly inspirational Marc (and Angel). It’s always a pleasure to read your essays and emails, you have such an insight on life and an impressive way with words. I’ve been holding on to too much lately and need to let a few things breathe.
Many thanks
Sam
Lena says
Letting go as I read this! I am being challenged BIG TIME this week, and this blog post reminded me that it’s time to let go of the perfection. Life is not perfect and neither am I…or anyone else.
Thanks for posting!
J.J. says
I need to start taking more time to simply be and breathe. To honor the divinity within. To remember that we are all interconnected. We are ONE. We are LOVE. And I need to start treating others the way you would like to be treated, every day, no matter my mood. Without all the attachments and expectationns.
Excellent reminders. As usual, you have reset me on the right path. And I know it’s just in time. My thoughts about this post, and my path forward, remind me of a quote from your 1000 little things book that I read last week and wrote down:
“Remember today, for it is the beginning. Today marks the start of a brave new future.”
N says
Oh Marc & Angel, just how awesome you guys are!!
This is such a wonderful post, something I am trying to do right now. Recently I have been so busy that I have forgotten to simply let go and let some things breathe. Gratitude.
Nancy says
I need to let go…to take time to love my husband and not take him for granted in his 70th year. I need to take time and let loose and have more fun.
Ruth H says
You have such insight! It’s truly a gift, and we’re all truly blessed that you’re sharing your gift. Almost every single article and email comes at the right time just when I need it. This one was especially helpful in giving me perspective. Thank you!
Jose says
Someday I hope to not need so many reminders of these relatively simple truths. But until then, I continue to appreciate you for providing them. They are all very important reminders to the need to live in the present and let go of the things we cannot control in the world. And I especially appreciated the inclusion of the letting go exercise at the end.
Annell Livingston says
Your words are true!
Any Muench says
Wow, Angel and Marc, this came at the most perfect time for me! My husband passed away 6 months ago and I’m all alone in miami with 2 children far away. I’ve followed you for years since my daughter in law connected me with you . I’m printing this. Love you & Marc forever!
Any Muench
Mary says
I especially like the idea of having to leave the step behind, to move on. It reminds me of a sidewalk made out of blocks. Can’t move on without moving each foot to the next step.
Onward, upward
You make it so simple
Thank you
SUNNY MILLS says
You give us a wonderful gift by reminding us of things that we might already know, but need to keep top of mind! Thank you!
Monika says
At 82 I am downsizing and moving back into my small house. I am in the midst of remodeling it. My partner does not really want to move he likes the big house we are in. 82 years of stuff, his stuff, a lot of my aunts stuff, as she came to live with us, some of my parents stuff, etc. It is a lot and not easy, but I am determined. Glad to have read this today as it will help me. Thank you!
William Vaughn says
I seem to be in the same situation after 52 years of marriage we just dont seem to want the same thing anymore, I just have a feeling of guilt, that keeps me from moving on although I think we both would be happier in the time we have left
Ellie says
Your essay today arrives September 23rd, Fall Equinox, questions “What will I, can I, leave going forward?”.
Breathing, helps to be honest with myself.
Thank you.
Ellie
Frances says
Thank You for your kind and amazing words which have always given
me more hope and joy and insight into “how to be” each and every word
is a blessing from you, the bits and pieces of our lives and how we deal
with them… “light bulb by light bulb, paperclip by paperclip,
we survive” with gratitude from Frances
Onshella Vernon says
I have been reading your essays for about a month and I can’t begin to choose what has resonated with me because every article has been on point for me. Thank you for helping me to understand this journey that I am on.
Dorothy says
Number 7 really is very helpful for me as I have lived most of my life trying to please others in order to maintain relationships. I find your articles very informative and useful. Today I am breathing and letting go.
Dania says
I need to practice letting go in general be it people, places, and or things. I hold on to tightly. Thank you for inspiration.
Adrienne Cummings says
#2 The way things used to be…
My husband was ill for 5 years due to military service. The last two in a military hospice at a VA. I lost him during Covid and they would only let me see him for an hour. I was very angry. Our daughters married and moved to a nearby state just before he passed. I was alone in a 4 BR house with my 15yr old corgi. So I sold our home and moved near my girls. Had to let go of my dog for her sake. My mom passed a year later. It’s been VERY HARD to let go but I had zero control except selling the house. Now my life is filling up with grandbabies. 🙂 I’ve been getting your newsletter for years. You are a wonderful blessing and this newsletter has helped me see clearer. Thank you so much! Adrienne
James says
Thank.You for the words of wisdom! I’m going through my own ending/beginning and this helped me tremendously!!
Heather Newman says
Thank You!
Wendy says
Thank you Marc and Angel, this article was sent at the perfect time. I have to let go and this is my sign.
Rita Dunham says
This is a very thought provoking and inspirational article that breathes life into the challenges of life, instead of being drained by them.
Mary Ann says
Thank you so much for all your posts. It all sounds so simple but very difficult to put into practice. The two of you always have excellent advice.
Jo says
“…it’s easier to fill an empty space in your life where someone else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space inside yourself where YOU used to be.” I needed to hear this today.
Susan says
It’s amazing how your articles speak to my heart. And this one was very timely and has spoken loud n clear.
Am still on my journey to letting go and I strongly believe that I’ll get there soon. Thank you for caring and restoring hope to struggling hearts such as mine.Be blest.
Arun Dongrey says
M & A
There is peace in just letting your lungs breathe, without having to control the situation or do anything about it.
How right you are…
Lou says
I Have a hard time of letting go — the one about a friend you have known for years and then we both go our separate ways. That has happened more than once. Tried to figure it out, but no answer. So once again, another great article Thank you again and again
Tammy l treichel says
Ahhh, yes. Let go. I’m a Christian and I find that “all I need is Jesus” and in Him i have all I need, but there sure is a lot of crap in this world I sure do like… and hold on to “JUST IN CASE”!!! I know, it’s like I don’t trust God to provide for me. I’m going to try to put more faith in God and let go of worry and a lot of crap iny basement and closets! You guys rock! That part about letting things breathe made me think that some stuff breathes better being used! God bless you!
Gregory Decle says
You have pointed out all the things that used to control me. Starting today I am going to let everyone and everything breathe around me. I am turning over a new leaf in this book called life. Thank you for your wisdom.
Cain D Czopek says
I need this! The breathing part was very helpful! Thank you so much!
Cain
Graham says
Thanks Marc and Angel, timely advice for me as usual
I find that I have too many hobbies and disciplines to follow each day
I need to stop and Breathe and then prioritise. Thank you for the reminder about the important things in life
Cheers, G
Diane says
I have been following your site for years and have learned from your insightful words. It calms me and helps me to realize that I can’t have perfect control over my life. The stress of life can eat you alive. This has been a most overwhelming year with my husbands dementia and having to make a move to another city discarding most of my past possessions. Many times your words put things in perspective. Thank you.
Henly Dopo says
“Letting things Go”. I feel more energized, relived and more motivated when I accept the fact that shits just happen and letting them (guiltiness & frustrations) go.
I am more interested in the No:8 point. “Leaving finished chapters Open”. I know know myself really well. When Comparing my present life the past, I am happy that I have changed a lot. No longer practicing the negative habits to handle pressures. I am always on the lookout on doing good things. But I just realized that still keeping company with few old friends keeps tempting me. Reading this now and reminded me well. I will now complete this chapter by completely cutting off unnecessary ties with them.
My life is mine alone and I am happing for the change I decided to see off my self.
Thank you for sharing this missing knowledge. I appreciate it much.
Scott Siwicki says
Dear Angel and Marc,
Very truthful read today.
It is very difficult to let go, to move on and foreward.
But I have learned; it certainly does help.
Whether a relationship; or even a life event, that does not go our way.
Many thanks for this post today.
Regards,
Scott
Dei says
It’s amazing how messages come at the right time. I’m just now reading this as I’m going through a situation with my 55 y/o husband of 35 years that has apparently NOT given up his 20-something year old “mistress”. I feel so much anger and actually, rage, since we had separated for about a year and a half and he assured me he wanted to remain together. Only to fly to a fake business conference in Orlando when he really went to Miami to be with her for about 6 days then he returns like nothing happened. Truly sickening and disgusting; both of them. I know folks say don’t blame the female but in this case she knows about me and has continued to have whatever it is they have. What gets me even more is she supposed to be some respected attorney working for Miami-Dade public defender. Both of them are just narcissistic sociopaths. I’m working passed it….I completely and totally letting go….I will truly work this into my healing ritual.